Mall Ninjas


December 25, 2002, 02:32 AM
No new board would be complete without a Mall Ninjas thread!

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December 25, 2002, 03:37 AM
I resemble that remark! :D

December 25, 2002, 03:42 AM
Oh,no! Not mall ninjas.. :D

Somebody please pinch me. I must be dreaming.

December 25, 2002, 05:34 AM
**Smack, ka-pow, bang, smash, slap!** I'll do better!

December 25, 2002, 11:22 AM
The famous Mall Ninjas!:D

December 25, 2002, 11:30 AM
Can someone please explain to me what mall ninjas are?

2nd Amendment
December 25, 2002, 11:53 AM
OK, maybe we need a Mall Ninja section. That way we can all avoid it more easily! :)

December 25, 2002, 11:56 AM
Mall ninja sighting in Carrollton, Georgia on Sunday. This one was hanging out near a strip mall. High Roaders, be on the lookout!

December 25, 2002, 11:58 AM
Here you go !

December 25, 2002, 12:05 PM
mallnin·ja (môl nin·ja) n. pl. mall·ninja or mall·nin·jas
1. A member of a class of highly trained Retail Security agents, who subscribe to the14th-century Japanese art of Ninjustsu, as well as having years of experience in modern urban combat strategy, equipment and tactics. These vigilant agents ceaselessly patrol and defend America's shopping complexes.

You have got to be kidden!!!!

Thats great!


December 25, 2002, 12:50 PM
Fear the Mallninja. hehe

December 25, 2002, 01:07 PM
I almost got to watch them in action the other day. They were all gathered around a suspected shoplifter at the mall just itching to take him down. I think two things stopped them. One, he was a big ol boy. Two, they didn't want to ruin their Smoky The Bear hats.

I was debating on what I would do if the guy got the better hand of the six of them surrounding him. Either help them or just watch. I finally figured I'd buy him a soda if he whupped all six of them. :D

Good Shooting

2nd Amendment
December 25, 2002, 03:55 PM
Get some other mall patrons to gather round and you could have played bookie. Split the proceeds to bail the guy out if he kicked their butts in a sufficiently entertaining way, too.

December 25, 2002, 10:44 PM
Ah yes! Mall Ninjas coming to a multiplex at the mall near you!:D

December 25, 2002, 11:00 PM
I had a mall ninja dream last night - I was the ninja. Shiny wall walking boots, too. Anyhow, I was "The Best of The Best of The Best", so all these creeps would find me to "challenge" me. I was cornered by about six of them, and I end up doing this Equilibrium/Matrix style Gun Kata on them. Yee-ha! :p

December 25, 2002, 11:04 PM
Funniest thing on the net:

If you haven't been here before, prepare yourself.

December 25, 2002, 11:05 PM
Inspired by the mall ninjas, I am going to apply for my mall ninja CCW tomorrow :D

4v50 Gary
December 25, 2002, 11:14 PM
While we can laugh at them as "wannabe warriors" or "wannebe cops", without these stalwart security professionals, our automobiles would be burglarized a lot more while we're at the mall. It's OK to laugh at them, but remember, we all started somewhere when we were kids working through college (I was a cashier, computer operator and I hauled trash).

December 25, 2002, 11:19 PM

there is nothing wrong with working Mall Security. The laughter comes in when people take themselves and the job too seriously.
I would never engage in ad hominem attacks. It is just that sometimes these folks act in a fashion that makes the average joe like myself laugh hsterically!

December 26, 2002, 12:11 AM
I had forgotten about this. just went and reread the original mall ninja thread.
I have not laughed that hard in a LONG time.

December 26, 2002, 12:52 AM
Got to love that part about taking .308 hits to the back, just to give the other MNs time to set up.

Mall Ninja, you da man.

December 26, 2002, 10:07 AM
Schuey2002, thats pretty funny.

December 26, 2002, 03:52 PM
Those guys are friggin' hilarious. :D

December 26, 2002, 03:58 PM
The ancient art of Retail Ninjustsu. Respect!


December 26, 2002, 04:04 PM
"if taking multiple .308 rounds to the back is plan A, then it's time for a plan B"

And I actually worked mall security for a while. Easy job, lousy pay, but some VERY nice scenery (for a single guy, anyway)... ;)

4v50 Gary
December 26, 2002, 05:34 PM
Concur with you Path. We naturally laugh at those who take themselves too seriously and even ourselves. I certainly do and besides, it makes life fun. No wonder no one laughs but me when I tell a joke. :D I was meant to be a fool, not a comedian. Best of all, despite all this, I got pretty far in life despite myself.

December 26, 2002, 08:40 PM
MNs give everyone hope. Know the younger generation is well protected.

December 26, 2002, 08:56 PM
Bush should send the MN's to Afghanistan and Iraq and get this whole 'terrorism' thing over and done with in one fell swoop!

December 26, 2002, 09:14 PM
:D Mall ninjas crack me up!

December 27, 2002, 09:40 AM
Got stopped for speeding in the parking a Mall Ninja on foot. Said I was exceeding the 5mph speed limit. Good thing I was respectful to his authority...he could have killed me with but a thought!


December 27, 2002, 11:39 AM
Ah, it's so nice to read the original thread from Glocktalk again.

Especially the part where he covers his wife with a ceramic plate (in a suitcase) while she assambles the single shot .338! ROTFL

El Tejon
December 27, 2002, 11:58 AM
O.K. now that the Mall Ninjas have arrived, when do we get to the bear threads? What if Mall Ninjas had to battle the zombie, undead bears?:eek:

Big Al
December 27, 2002, 12:30 PM
The kid in the dumpster on that "realultimatepower" site is hilarious. Come to think of it, the whole site is.

December 27, 2002, 05:26 PM
and this has to do with guns, how? :confused:

4v50 Gary
December 27, 2002, 05:48 PM
Send our gallant corps of MallNinjas to Afghanistan? Who'll watch my car in the lot? The homeless dude who's pandhandling (or alternatively breaking into cars for clothing and other sundries to sell)?

No! I let the U.S. Army and Marines loose onto our streets to sweep the sidewalks. They'd walk up to the homeless dudes and demand proof of a disability. No proof and if they've got two arms, two legs, they get dragged aboard the bus and into National Service. Shopping carts go with them too since they'll need it for minesweeping. Homelessness will disappear overnight as word goes out and these guys will scramble for a job.

December 27, 2002, 05:49 PM
Originally posted by Yohan
and this has to do with guns, how? :confused:

Don't you know? Mall Ninjas carry armories capable of dispatching entire armies (small/mid sized nations,) with ease!

December 27, 2002, 05:55 PM
If I ever move to Florida, I'm gonna get one of those golf carts to go to the store in.:cool:

December 27, 2002, 11:52 PM
You just can't make this stuff up!:D

November 23, 2009, 05:10 PM
ok the real ultimate power link is not one you want to click with a mouthful of anything you dont want to spray across the room and/or onto your computer. - youve been warned.

November 23, 2009, 05:55 PM
Oh dang, I thought this was going to be a pic thread for some mall ninja weapons. I've got a soft spot for blasphemized SKS's!

November 23, 2009, 05:56 PM
I think some pics of mall ninjas in action would be a huge improvement over the recent pics going around the 'net of weird people shopping in WalMarts. Some of those are simply disgusting.

November 23, 2009, 06:06 PM
I love the part about grand theft due to stealing cheese samples, which of course required action such as shooting out knees from an upper level.

November 23, 2009, 06:07 PM
Eh "realultimatepower" D-

Mallninjas A+!

November 23, 2009, 06:33 PM
There is a whole forum section dedicated to Gecko45 who some credit as being the origional mall ninja.

Some funny stuff to be found there.

November 23, 2009, 06:58 PM
When i was a teenager the mall's securities were more scared of me than i of them !

They stood there and watched my drunk friend and i take loose change from the Blue Hen Mall's water fountain pool so that we could buy gas for my Z 28 Camero and make it home.They didn't do a thing !

Then,here in Maryland,they watched three of us walk around Golden Ring Mall drinking Heiniken Beers .They didn't do a thing to us either. :rolleyes:

November 23, 2009, 07:07 PM
Just as amazing as the age of the thread is to see how many of these posters are still active. About two.

And sigman, that was me that put the sugar in your gas tank and filled your AT with water. :)

And happy 5000th post to me!! :)

November 23, 2009, 07:54 PM
I could be wrong but I alway thought of Mall Ninjas as those with little real-world firearms experience who spewed forth reams of intellegent sounding (to them) facts on all aspects of shooting, proper gun handling, best gun for everyone, etc. You know like : Chevy is better than (___________).
They read something and it becomes law to them like "No one, absolutely no one should EVER carry in the cross draw position." How about those who's elbows don't work like an 18 year-old's or while driving in a car.

November 23, 2009, 07:57 PM
Holy 7-year-old thread resurrection, Batman!

November 23, 2009, 10:41 PM
Wow! It hs been some time since I have seen this thread!:what:

November 23, 2009, 10:50 PM
*points to the "no thread necromancy" sign hanging on the wall.*

If you enjoyed reading about "Mall Ninjas" here in archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join today for the full version!