(MD) Saddam could use NRA on his side


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Drizzt
December 26, 2002, 02:35 PM
Copyright 2002 The Baltimore Sun Company
All Rights Reserved
The Baltimore Sun


December 22, 2002 Sunday FINAL Edition

SECTION: PERSPECTIVE, Pg. 3F

LENGTH: 770 words

HEADLINE: Saddam could use NRA on his side;
Iraq: Might a membership fee guarantee peace through a well-armed, well-heeled friend within Fortress America?

BYLINE: Dan Fesperman

SOURCE: SUN STAFF

BODY:
Relax, Saddam Hussein.

Better call home the troops, President Bush.

Peace in Iraq is at hand, and here's the solution: Saddam Hussein must join the National Rifle Association.

Once he's a card-carrying member, no one in the Bush administration will dare disarm him, and anyone who tries will be deemed a terrorist threat by Attorney General John Ashcroft, who will lock up the offender for an indefinite period on vague charges after a showy news conference. There are a few extra conditions, of course. One is that Hussein must agree to plaster NRA bumper stickers on his entire fleet of armored personal security vehicles. Available options include some of the NRA's greatest hits, with slight variations:

"If Weapons of Mass Destruction Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Weapons of Mass Destruction"

"Nukes Don't Kill, People Do"

"Protected by Smith & Wesson & Enriched Uranium"

"I'll Give Up My Ballistic Missile When They Pry It From My Cold Dead Hands"

(However, Iraqi citizens who display the sticker, "Charlton Heston Is My President," will be shot on sight.)

Under the prevailing NRA philosophy that no amount of weapons is too many, Hussein's membership will also entitle him to resume full production of tanks, but only if they are henceforth classified as "Light Trucks" under U.S. DOT specifications applicable to SUVs. The resulting loss in fuel economy will deplete Iraq's oil surplus, thus rendering moot any question about continued sanctions against Iraqi oil exports.

The usual anti-gun liberals will doubtless carp and complain. Let them.

And if the press starts whining, Hussein can follow the media advice offered on the NRA Web site: "Remember, don't limit yourself to only letters of complaint. Many radio talk shows are sympathetic to the rights of law-abiding gun owners. A friendly letter of thanks simply needs to mention that you found the show lively, entertaining, and informative. Mention that you listen often and hope that they will continue broadcasting similar programs."

Saddam Hussein, meet Rush Limbaugh, your new comrade in arms.

One potential complication is the U.N. weapons inspection regime. Having gone to such trouble to send in the inspectors , it will never do to simply recall them. So, the NRA will fortify Hussein with the same arguments that have long been effective against gun control in the United States. The following hypothetical scenario offers several examples:

Hans Blix: "Mr. President-for-Life, we've discovered a hydrogen bomb in the mud room of Palace No. 4.

Saddam: "Well, of course. I'm a collector. And it's a vintage model, totally obsolete since Nagasaki."

Blix: "But what about these warheads with poison gas, and all the bioweapons? Surely no one collects them."

Hussein: "You can't regulate my choice of ammunition. You're just like those people who wanted to outlaw 'cop killer' bullets."

Blix: "We've also found a storehouse of intercontinental ballistic missiles, each with a range of a thousand miles."

Hussein: "Have you ever tried to hunt the wild desert fox of the Negev from a living room in Baghdad? My shotgun doesn't have the range, and I use my pistol exclusively for executing Cabinet members. It's missiles or nothing when it comes to hunting."

Blix: "But if you miss the fox, you could hit Tel Aviv."

Hussein: "And this is my fault? I've applied to Sharon for both a visa and a hunting license, and he has given me neither. Iraqi hunting regulations allow me to shoot at any game within range, so I have to be ready to fire at all times. Why do you think I'm wearing this stupid camouflage uniform."

And so on.

If Hussein still meets resistance he can seek help from the ultimate arbiter on all things locked and loaded, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne R. LaPierre, who seems to share Hussein's loathing of bullying American enforcement tactics. Hussein should skim the six-page NRA fund-raising letter LaPierre wrote in 1995, when he railed that gun control "gives jack-booted government thugs more power to ... break in our doors, seize our guns, destroy our property, and even injure or kill us."

At the time, even a few NRA members thought the language was a bit extreme. One of them, George Herbert Walker Bush, resigned in protest. Presumably he favored "regime change."

Yet, LaPierre remains in power. So does Hussein. And with NRA logic on their side, who in the current Bush administration could possibly want to lay a hand on either of them?

Dan Fesperman is a reporter for The Sun on leave to write his second book. His first, a novel, Lie in the Dark, was published in 1999.
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What color is the sky in this fellow's world?

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Oleg Volk
December 26, 2002, 04:55 PM
Lie in the Dark

An autobiography?

modifiedbrowning
December 27, 2002, 05:04 AM
Funny how he mentions UN inspectors. Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't the UN inspectors back in Iraq because of the US' pressure to have them there?

m.i.sanders
December 27, 2002, 09:04 AM
So in this person's view of the world, I'm a anti-American terrorist because I belong to the NRA and support the BoR. :rolleyes: I suppose I'm a raciast as well since I'm from the South.

Master Blaster
December 27, 2002, 09:22 AM
This is the typical love to hear themselves talk POOR SPORTSMANSHIP that you get from your beltway liberals.

These liberals have the maturity level of a 5th grader when they lose or dont get their way. They resort to outragous insults and name calling.

They dont understand enough about the constitution or the bill of rights to know that they owe their freedom to publish their nauseating diatribes to the right to keep and bear arms.

These folks are dangerous because they dont understand the responsibility they have as the free press. Free speach and freedom of the press are not without their responsibilities. The pen is a mighty instrument that can do great good if used responsibly.

The real but burner here is that this ignoramous does not realize that he is denigrating the NRA's members constitutional rights by trivializing and demonizing their exercise.

I am surprised that I have not yet read an editorial suggesting that Saadam would make a better president than George W.

In the end the writer is just pissed because the man who would have led us into the liberal garden of paradise, and eternal peace with all our Muslum brothers, Saint Al Gore the prostrate, lost.

Maybe next week:D

ahenry
December 27, 2002, 09:34 AM
The fact that this guy equates Saddam Hussein with NRA members is pretty stinkin’ offensive. There is that seemingly impossible to grasp point that we do not want to get rid of Saddam because of his weapons, but because he has demonstrated a clear desire to use the weapons he has to hurt America*. That this gentleman is unable to grasp that point is surpassed in repugnance only by his view that NRA members (many of whom risk their lives in defense of his life and liberty) are akin to a tyrant and murderer.




*Since there are more than a few threads debating this point feel free to disagree with my assessment of Saddam. For the purposes of this conversation, suffice it to say that the people making the decisions, right or wrong, believe Saddam has demonstrated this desire.

cuchulainn
December 28, 2002, 09:49 AM
This article got picked up in a Middle Eastern paper today, the online edition of the Dubai Gulf News

See: http://www.gulf-news.com/Articles/news.asp?ArticleID=72259

PATH
December 29, 2002, 01:51 AM
Remember that liberals get confused and angry when confronted by truth and facts!

rifleman
December 29, 2002, 02:02 AM
I want to get a "Not Armed" sign (like those security ones) and plop it in this guys front yard. Let's see how long he qrites articles like this.

labgrade
December 29, 2002, 02:16 AM
The penman of this thoughtdump is an idiot.

How I wish the NRA was as "fanatic" as suggested.

... as if.

chaim
December 29, 2002, 03:08 AM
My first foray into "Legal and Political", ahh, TFL lives on here.:cool:

Seriously, I read that "editorial" (more like an online rant, I'm surprised that even The Sun would have published it). My reaction to it (hey, where's the barf "smilie"). Well, I guess this will do :mad:

Khornet
December 30, 2002, 08:47 AM
who say that Republicans perfected the 'politics of personal destruction'.

Boats
December 30, 2002, 09:42 AM
We advocate disarming murderers don't we? Where is the story?

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