Squash Murder or Self Defense?


October 5, 2004, 02:49 PM
From Free Repuplic


Police for now are not sure whether to classify the 62 year-old Khabarovsk resident's actions as self-defense or murder

Sixty-two year old Viktor Shakalov had gone to walk the dog and left he door to his apartment unlocked. When he returned, he saw that someone was rummaging through his apartment. Catching this thief in the act, the retiree was downright angry. The thief, however, decided that the best defense was an attack, and jumped the apartment owner. In reply, the retiree applied a beating with a sack which was laying nearby, containing a summer squash. And overdid it: he stopped only after the thief ceased moving. Just in case, Shakalov tied up the man who lay motionless on the floor, and only afterwards did he call for an ambulance and the police. The thief died sometime before the arrival of the doctors.

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October 5, 2004, 03:43 PM
If the facts are accurate I don't see how this could be murder. Manslaughter at most, and even that seems unlikely.


October 5, 2004, 04:11 PM
I guess you could say the BG got squashed!

...and that we must ban all assault veggies...after all it's for the chillin.

October 5, 2004, 04:16 PM
Wow...soft noggin vs hard gourd.

October 5, 2004, 04:20 PM
He killed a man with a bag of squash?

That must be some heavy stuff! :what:

October 5, 2004, 04:21 PM
Squash Vegetable Abuse Now!

October 5, 2004, 04:28 PM
Does anyone know if this squash had a bayonet lug or regular cap mag?

October 5, 2004, 04:31 PM
I'm pretty sure the squash had a flash suppresser and folding stock, but NOT the pistol grip or bayo lug.

Buck Snort
October 5, 2004, 04:43 PM
Now the nuts of this world are killing people with squash! What's next, cucumbers? BAN ALL VEGETABLES!!

October 5, 2004, 04:48 PM
Obviously, it was a squash with "da switch"! :D


October 5, 2004, 05:16 PM
We don't have to ban all veggies....just tax them a dollar a round...er a dollar a plant...er a dollar a seed.

BATFE will have to become BATFE&V...they will need bigger wind breakers to fit all the letters.

Have to be at least 21 to buy beer or veggies.

October 5, 2004, 05:28 PM
This wouldn't happen in Texas ....

There, it would be a sack of skworsh.

October 5, 2004, 06:03 PM
I knew there was a reason I hate squash.

October 5, 2004, 06:05 PM
Murder? Nope. Manslaughter? Nope. Community Service Award? YES!!

Carlos Cabeza
October 5, 2004, 06:08 PM
TP, that's funny ! SKWORSH ! :D

Bonus points for whoever can describe what a summer squash looks like.

Standing Wolf
October 5, 2004, 06:39 PM
No sympathy for burglars.

October 5, 2004, 06:56 PM
one of my co-workers wonders if the squash has more than 10 seeds; which would also make it an assault veggy.

October 5, 2004, 10:10 PM
Obviously left the BG in a vegetative state... :neener:

October 5, 2004, 10:30 PM
gives "beaten to a pulp" a whole new meaning...

October 6, 2004, 01:22 AM
ROFLMAO -ok i didn't make it to the end of the thread -

ban of all assault vegtables...


killin me...


October 6, 2004, 02:20 AM
His lawyer could tell police "He went out of his gourd!" :evil:

October 6, 2004, 10:05 PM
I say the guy made all of the right moves except leaving his apartment unlocked and bringing a squash to a fist fight.

Nathaniel Firethorn
October 7, 2004, 05:38 AM
I guess you could say the BG got squashed!Yup. Shakalov gourd him like a bull. A real melondrama of the vinest kind.

- pdmoderator

October 7, 2004, 09:53 AM
Love all the Puns.
Y'all are funnier than the law should allow

October 7, 2004, 12:11 PM
It sounds to me like this guy need to get a carry permit for that squash.

October 8, 2004, 01:33 AM
He should be arrested for:
1. Carrying a deadly skworsh without:
a. a permit
b. deadly intent.
2. Attempting to cause deadly harm to a person who was just interested in stealing a few items.
3. Utilizing an assualt skworsh.
4. Attempting to squash a gentle man that intended no harm with an assualt skworsh.
5. Disturbing the peace.
6. Carrying a deadly weapon with intent to kill.
7. Not running away or "turning the other cheek".
He should be:
8. Be forced to admit that life isn't worth a skworsh or a few items.
7. Be executed for harming another person.
9. Learn to not let down his gourd.
10. Know that assualt skworshes are explicitly banned from law.

LOL the jokes were good guys:cool:

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