the lord of the gunshows


October 18, 2004, 06:01 PM
'tis was a cold morning, frozen dew stuck to the windows of every mans noble steel steed. only the manliest of men would dare to be caught outside without a jacket. the oldest amongst them complained every couple of minutes and shivered uncontrollably while cursing the fattest hobbit for not wearing a coat and not even being bothered by the balmy 30 degrees.

thus it was that a fat hobbit, no, make that two fat hobbits, wait, there was also Meat, so make that three fat hobbits, and one old elf set out on a quest to find a gun worth buying on a recent october morning.

one of the fat hobbits couldnt steer his steel steed because he needed a cup of tea, with some hippy concoction, 'soy' mixed into it. the other three cringed in terror that anyone would choose to drink such an artsy fartsy beverage! so the four had to stop and indulge the fancys of the caffiene-addicted, and then another fat hobbit wanted food, so they had to get some very un-kosher pig meat, also known as 'egg mcmuffins'. little did they know those ill-fated mcmuffins would conjure up the foulest smelling demons from the pits of their bowels a few short hours later.

the fellowship of the four reminisced of gunshows gone past, and deals narrowly missed on their way to Palmdor, the home of the fabled gunshow for that weekend.

howling winds, ice fog so think you could cut it with a knife, and paranoid delusional ramblings of the tinfoil-hatted hobbit kept everyone awake. alas, had they all awoken on time, and not stopped for tea and crumpets, they might have been caught up in the 18 steed wreck on the road. their laziness was thus rewarded.

before they knew it, and after berating the driver of the steel steed over and over for driving like an old woman, they arrived at their destination. they walked towards the building, with caution, and only one of them wanted to follow the rules and unchambered the weapon on his hip. who knows what kind of weapons the other three had on them and defiantly refused to disarm themselves. maybe they feared the Nazgul were closeby and needed their peashooters to calm themselves?

not seconds after entering the bustling castle did all four split up and perused table after table of.....................JUNK.

the fattest of the hobbits saw an enfield just like the one he traded a cz52 for, except the hobbits' was in far better shape, and was obtained much more economically. but the fat hobbit wasnt looking for another enfield, he wanted to see if there were maybe a mosin nagant, or dare he whisper it? a springfield 1903 for less than $400... but alas there was nothing of the like. a 1920 danzig mauser was available, but it had a sporterized stock, and a pricetag $100 more than it was worth to the hobbit. and when the hobbit peered at the muzzle, he saw it was clogged with lint/dirt/dust and the gods know what else.

fantastic tales were told at every table! a para p-14 was claimed to have been a custom work by Wild West Guns and worth $3000, but it didnt have any logos on it from WWG because the gunsmith did all the work from his garage. :rolleyes:
the hobbit was smart enough not to ask any prices for the guns at that table.

there was plenty of security at this place though! all over the place were very undiscreet 'secret shoppers', watching the crowd to make sure no one stole. but alas, they should have been more worried about people trying to pressure the wandering souls into buying raffle tickets! ferocious these salesleeches were in their attempts to take the hobbits hard earned money.

so it was that the hobbit left, only one of them actually buying anything, a few boxes of ammo, and some bufflo and caribou sausage. our story ends with the hobbits (and old elf) still having money in their pockets and awaiting the next journey to another gunshow in 3 months.

maybe that time they'll be fortunate enough to find my preeecciousss.
:evil: :evil: :evil:

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October 18, 2004, 06:06 PM
Did you have a painfully long 30 minute goodbye at the end of it all in which one of the hobbits gave looks of questionable sexuality to the other hobbits?

October 18, 2004, 06:07 PM
in a word, yes. but only from the one fat hobbit that is widely known for his 'silence of the lambs' prancing in front of SWMBO.

October 18, 2004, 06:10 PM
I suppose that is to be expected.

El Tejon
October 18, 2004, 11:36 PM
"There's no crying in baseball!" Tom Hanks

"There's no prancing at gunshows!" El Tejon


October 20, 2004, 06:20 PM
Questionable sexuality?

Nay that was a look to the fattest hobbit of why he wasted money buying ammo at that farce...

Let me tell ya boys, ya aint sunk to the depths of gun shows until ya hit an alaska one..:

1.Garage Gunsmiths showing work that I would be ashamed to even own...
2.Bubba'ed Enfields being passed as original...
3.Nothing less than 100% over true value, with one guy tellin me "it's priced that way becasue I dont want to sell it"
4. Spiff keeps asking "is that a good deal" over and over agin, not realizing that nothing was a good deal.
5. Guys without licenses clearly engaged in the biz

But hey better than cleaning the bathroom


October 20, 2004, 07:39 PM
The Hobbitses should also take, instead of swords and rings of power, headspace gauges. I learned the hard way:D

October 20, 2004, 08:52 PM
"Is that the fabled unicorn I see?"

"Nay, tis merely tex_n_ cal with an Enfield bolt embedded within his brow."

March 6, 2005, 08:22 PM
two of the fat hobbitses and the old elf returned in search of treasure.

nary an original enfield or even a yugo mauser were seen on the tables. about the most interesting but beaten up was a fr-8, at least it wasnt being sold for an exorbitant amount: only $120, and the bore was still in good shape.

the garands have come out of the woodwork, also m1a's. almost every m1a was waaaay overpriced, as in $1500+. One guy had one for $1300, with the wood stock, in great condition. pity i'm not in a position to buy it.
seems all those 'loaded brand new' m1as are being dumped on the market in bulk. several 1903's in pretty good condition, overpriced though.

also a surprising amount of 50bmg's floating about.

sadly though, there was no one selling the buffalo and reindeer or caribou sausage. so i only walked away with 3 30 rd colt mags and one 20 rd'er.

the other fat hobbit can tell the rest of the tales of the absurd.

March 6, 2005, 08:37 PM

All Bubbas must die!

How about spying a 4 digit SERIAL NUMBER Swede 94 Carbine dated 1895.....SPOrTERIZED!!!!!!!!!!!! eYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

:barf: :fire:

Mods take note...I am not responsibel for my actions if people start posing threads on how to HACK UP PRISTINE MILTARY RILFES


March 6, 2005, 10:54 PM
Mods take note...I am not responsibel for my actions if people start posing threads on how to HACK UP PRISTINE MILTARY RILFES

Can that go for me too?

At least the Hobbits have gun shows to go to :(

March 7, 2005, 12:18 AM
I'm always amazed at how creative people can be, after they've been cabin-bound for 8 months. :D

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