[dfariswheel]

Violence Policy Center Claims .50 Caliber Rifles Can Shoot Down Satellites

The Violence Policy Center (VPC) released another new report calling for strict regulation on the .50 caliber rifle. The VPC's new report, "Hotter Than a Heat-Seeker, More Devastating Than a Death Ray", claims that .50 caliber rifles can shoot down U2 spy planes, damage military satellites, and may have played a role in the recent unexplained crash of the space shuttle Columbia.

"These are extremist weapons of nigh-inexplicable power," explained the VPC senior analyst Tom Diaz. "We've fabricated - er - found evidence that this extremist super-weapon, which is shockingly under-regulated, may have fallen into extremist terrorist hands and played a role in the tragic Cold War downing of U2 pilot Gary Powers. These extremist rifles can swat aircraft from the sky just like hunting birds, and pose a great risk for our unprotected International Space Station."

"Look, I'm really quite at a loss for how to deal with these ridiculous claims," began exasperated Fifty Caliber Rifle Association spokesman Johann Brett. "You cannot shoot down a large airplane, let alone a satellite, with any caliber rifle. In World War II, fighters equipped with many heavy machine guns and cannons put hundreds of rounds of incendiary ammunition into slow-flying bombers and they often still survived. No one has ever been killed by a criminal with a .50 caliber rifle. They cost thousands of dollars and weigh more than two bowling balls, but in the end they're just rifles, not super-weapons. And anyway you don't hunt birds with a rifle, you need a shotgun."

Diaz dismissed Brett's response as biased gun lobby propaganda. "These gun industry extremists have long hidden the truth about the extremist weapon's power," he insisted. "For example, there are indications that the asteroid belt was produced by a stray .50 caliber round from a gun extremist's rifle impacting on what was previously a perfectly bucolic and peaceful world. And we suspect that the planet Alderaan, Princess Leia's homeworld, disintegrated under the extremist wrath of an extremist's extreme .50 caliber bullet."

For his part, Brett described the VPC's claims as "lunacy". "The asteroid belt was not caused by the .50 caliber rifle," he insisted. "It took a moon-sized Death Star to destroy Alderaan, and anyway that was a movie, not real life."

"I can't understand why the press considers this constant stream of fantastic,concocted reports credible and prints them," Brett fired back. "The VPC is an anti-gun organization with a million-dollar annual budget from the Joyce Foundation, no actual academic researchers, and a tiny staff of propagandists. Why do you print this insanity?"

"Extremist extremist extremist extremist gun lobby extremist," countered Diaz. "Anyway, the New York Times prints anything we write, so it'll get printed." Diaz noted that the VPC has sponsored new bills to ban the .50 caliber rifle in numerous states. "This threat to public safety cannot go unchecked," Diaz asserted. "The .50 caliber rifle must be banned to reduce crime, or fight terrorism, or, you know, whatever."

Legislative battles involving the .50 caliber rifle are expected to continue throughout the next coming years.

from the Simon Jester project - bringing levity to the insanity!

[12.7x99mm]

OMG!

[Kevlarman]

Were these people born stupid?
:banghead:

[Redlg155]

Either someone has been reading "The Onion" lately or drinking Hoppes #9 really is harmful. :D

Good Shooting
Red

[iamkris]

Guys

PARODY ALERT!

dfarris -- very funny. Nice job...if you don't already, take a look at www.imao.us for a great parody wirter...I wish I lived in his world.

[Jedi_7.62]

Someone was sleeping in 6th grade science class.

I can't believe I'm responding to this stupidity!

The gene pool needs a little chlorine!

[foghornl]

You probably could take down satellites with a .50.......provided you were shooting said .50 from the Space Shuttle cargo bay in geo-synch orbit.


IDIOTAS ! ! ! !

[RustyHammer]

:banghead:

[Steve Smith]

I like it! ;)

[BenW]

Thanks a lot -- my keyboard is now splattered full of chocolate milk!!!:D

[Art Eatman]

Works the other direction, too. It wasn't Oswald who shot JFK. It was a cosmonaut in a Russian space capsule, using a .50BMG! They developed a saboted 6.5mm bullet!

Same for MLK! The CIA, using a saboted .30 bullet, set up a .50BMG at two miles!

Nobody's safe! Nobody!

:rolleyes:

Art

[kidcoltoutlaw]

so the 50bmg can shoot down things that you can't even see.now thats a good one.so maybe they should sell for about 10,000,000 and not 5 to 12 grand for a good one.

[Elmer Snerd]

I heard that NASA attached a .50 caliber rifle to Hubble and used it to shoot down an alien armada 672 light years away. Extreme .50 caliber extreme sniper bullets are FTL if you extremely hot load 'em, yanno.

Look on the bright side. If "they" manage to get .50 cal rifles banned, then the manufacturers can start making these (http://communities.prodigy.net/sportsrec/gz-lahti.html).

[COHIBA]

space shuttle shot down by a .50?
what kind lead do you need for something moving at 24000 MPH?
3 maybe 4 hours?

[Freedom in theSkies]

I heard that the last shuttle mission ended in disaster because they were bringing back a .50BMG derivitive which was attached to a Selective Intradiction Satellite operated by an offshoot of the DOD. It was something to do with a double feed that could not be cleared in space and with the heat of re-entry the rounds still lodged in the breech mechanism may have gone off. They carry these things under the wings in an insulated device kind of like a huge coffee thermos. Looks like a rocket pod on a fighter...

Apparently these Satellites can launch a 1000gr. tungsten cored , gas bleed steerable projectile that will re-enter the atmosphere at the correct Azmuth/Vector and is accurate to .25 meters from approx. 145 miles in space.
Magazine capacity is a reported 20 rds, so when all rounds are expended, a crew has to change the magazine manually. When the mag change is complete, they redesignate it for use on classified missions/targets as required.

Jeez, maybe they better ban all the .50s...;):

[geekWithA.45]

If you fire a .50 BMG Directly into the SUN,

you will destabilize the star, causing it to simultaneously explode into a super dooper turbo nova, and also collapse into a galaxy munching class black hole!

It's only though sheer luck it hasn't happened already!

[Elmer Snerd]

Holy Crap, you're right! :what: :what:
Ordinarily the Sun's immense heat would vaporize the bullet, but what if someone shot the Sun at night?

Ban .50 rifles and night vision devices before terrorists use them to destroy the Solar System! :what:

[illuminatus99]

wow, now I really want a .50 :D

[Jedi_7.62]

There was no alien landing at roswell. We shot'em down. And they thought Mars would be far enough away from the gun nuts to be safe. HA!!

[larryw]

Elmer, you owe me a new keyboard, because I just blew Coke all over this one! :D

[Dannyboy]

Ordinarily the Sun's immense heat would vaporize the bullet, but what if someone shot the Sun at night?

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

[Skunkabilly]

The Universe was created by a .50BMG :D

[Autolite]

I know that calibre of round is capable, but where would you find a rifle scope big enough ???

[Elmer Snerd]

I know that calibre of round is capable, but where would you find a rifle scope big enough ???

They used their emergency duct tape and plastic sheeting to attach the Hubble Telescope to it.

[Freedom in theSkies]

I know that calibre of round is capable, but where would you find a rifle scope big enough ???

What do you think the Hubble is for...?

It also has a little cousin that is used on the Selective Intradiction Satellite called the "Double- Bubble Anti Trouble Satscope" (D-BATS for short).
It is also reported to have really big target turrets and a "LAZERGRAPHIC" reticle.:p

[50 Shooter]

Here's two of the deadliest .50's known to man but keep it a secret.:neener:

http://www.birdman.org/products/Nuke50.htm

http://www.birdman.org/products/jaded.htm

[misANTHrope]

Ordinarily the Sun's immense heat would vaporize the bullet, but what if someone shot the Sun at night?


That...that has to be one of the funniest things I've read in years. I laughed so loud I think I woke up my neighbors.

[Okiecruffler]

I was waiting for the Earth shattering KABOOM!!!!

[Coronach]

I'm not sure which was funnier, the fake article, or the posters who completely missed the joke. ;) ;) ;)

Ah...humor. :D

Mike

[Marshall]

OK, fess up! Who's been shooting the moon with their 50BMG's? All them damn craters, now I know! AH, that's what they were doing on the moon, putting up targets! And now they use satellites to shoot the moon too? I bet they have little joys sticks, pistols with cords connected and everything! I wanna play!:D

[Elmer Snerd]

"Atomic testing" was just the cover story for .50 caliber rifle testing.

[redneck2]

what powder they use.

I wanna get some. I could stay in Indiana and still elk hunt in Colorado. Could someone loan me that Hubble thingy for a while during season???

Hope it's got a range finder reticle

[PAshooter]

This Tom Diaz fella almost had me convinced, but he didn't say "it's for the children." I'll agree with pretty much anything if it will save only one child...

:evil:

[Watchman]

OK, fess up! Who's been shooting the moon with their 50BMG's?

OK...OK....I'll admit it.

I tried it twice.

I couldnt tell with the first shot if I hit it or not , so I got smart and used an amour piercing incendiary tracer.

I figured that since the moon is basically made of rock, the APIT might come in handy and since its so far away the incendiary part of it might be a good "spot" when it hit and of course the tracer part would allow me to watch the trajectory and path of it.

Unfortunatley, the tracer burn wasnt long enough. I figured it lasted close to 200 or so miles before it burned out. Ive got to figure out away to make it last longer.

On the other hand, the Sheriff Dept. drove around my house for maybe two hours after I shot looking for anything unusual.

Seems like somebody reported an ICBM being shot off and got scared. They thought the war with Iraq had started and escalated.

I think Ill wait a bit before I launch another round at the moon. Im still figuring out how to make the trace longer.:scrutiny:

[Mal H]

Scoff if you like, call it a parody if you must, but, not 10 minutes ago I caught a press conference on CNN with SecDef Rumsfeld on this very issue. He announced several initiatives that are directly related to the .50.

1) The DoD contract with GE has been cancelled, all miniguns will be replaced with a single .50 BMG and that includes the Navy's Phalanx system

2) All Patriot Missile batteries will soon be replaced by a USMC trained sharpshooter armed with a single shot .50. (He implied that Israel is planning to do the same with the Patriots they have purchased, but will use one of their own sharpshooters.)

3) All "Star Wars" research and associated contracts have been cancelled. All future research on ICBM defense will be geared toward the use of a .50 calibre system. He was vague on details since that project would be ultra sensitive top secret.

4) Lastly, he announced a change in weapons issued to all Army field personel - The Ma Deuce will henceforth be the standard weapon issued. Every soldier will carry one with them into battle. A shoulder sling is being devised to assist with the somewhat bulky but extremely effective weapon.

[clem]

And is there a link to this VPC article? I for one would like to respond to their stupid lies.

[Mal H]

Uh, clem, read the very last sentence in dfariswheel's post. If he had added a ;) , would it have helped?

[Archie]

the shuttle crash was due to the influence of the Democratic Party.










The LEFT WING failed again.
:neener:

[clem]

Mal H,

There should be a rule that if it is a joke, then the poster needs to write in larger letters, ha!
That's so us older people who try to get away with NOT wearing their reading glasses, won't step on the XRANK! Ha!

[Flying V]

My contact in BuShips informs me that the RMN is rearming all its superdreadnoughts with .50 BMGs.

[Zundfolge]

dfariswheel, did you write this or is this posted elsewhere on the net?

I'd love a link to the original (I'm betting there's other fun stuff where that came from)

[goon]

Why bother sending all of those guys to Iraq?
We could just sit right here and lob in .50BMG rounds on them. :D

[Elmer Snerd]

My contact in BuShips informs me that the RMN is rearming all its superdreadnoughts with .50 BMGs.
I've heard of this as well. It is the basis of a new attack form called the "impeller wedgie".
(Honor Harrington (http://www.warriorgoddess.org/weberfaq.html) science fiction series inside joke)

Why bother sending all of those guys to Iraq? We could just sit right here and lob in .50BMG rounds on them.
An excellent point. Since the .50 rifle is so powerful, let's just use a bunch of them instead of those sissy nukes.

[Kahr carrier]

Someones smoking CRACK.:neener:

[Griff]

Now if we could just get the whiners to laugh at themselves, too...naah.

[mephisto]

I could shoot a u-2 out of the sky with a .50 cal. it would have to be flying over me at 100 ft going 100 mph..... I would get it.:D

[rick_reno]

When I had one I'd often shoot at the moon. I stopped - got nervous if I shot the moon down (where else would it go?) the tides would get screwed up.

[RustyHammer]

:banghead: