Breaking news in Fallujah!


November 17, 2004, 04:25 PM

Breaking news!

In a shocking exclusive, it has been learned that a US Marine may have allegedly spit on the last piece of unmolested sidewalk in Fallujah. Although the details are still murky and rapidly developing, it appears that an AP News crew, as well as several insurgent witnesses, (whom I can now identify as “Muhammad,” “Mohammad,” and “Mohammed),” were on hand to capture this latest disgusting display of American imperialism and insensitivity.

Mohammed commented, “I was in such shock at this infidel crusader that I almost dropped my RPG.”

It is largely believed that this video does actually capture, in graphic detail, the actual spittle leaving the soldier’s mouth and impacting on the ground. ABC/CBS/NBC have already cleared their news schedules for the day and are anxiously awaiting the footage, almost certainly to be aired first by AL Jazeera. It has also been learned that the NY and LA Times, as well as the Washington Post, have cleared their front pages for the week to devote to a fuller accounting of the incident for the American people.

“We have an obligation to our readers,” explained one person at the Times, who refused to be named.

In a related development, CBS news appears to be ready to send Dan Rather and his geriatric, “60 Minutes” SWAT team to Fallujah in an attempt to gather actual genetic evidence that may in fact, link the act to Dick Cheney and, ultimately, Haliburton. Rather would only volunteer: “that if an old mule farted in the wind, it’d end up with a pocket full of frogs.”

Overall reaction to the alleged events has, so far, been mixed. As usual, the White House was unavailable for comment. The United States Marine Corps has made all assurances that it is looking into the matter with great interest, and that such actions, by US military personnel, would be “entirely unacceptable and punished accordingly.”

UN Secretary General, Kofi Anan, breaking short his vacation on the French Riviera with his son Kojo, remarked that “such corruption would be disappointing and very troubling. But I’m inclined to wait for the facts. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for my champagne bath.”

However, several humanitarian groups have not waited to express their outrage.

“This kind of brutal disregard for the dignity of the Iraqi people is indicative of the arrogance of US occupations everywhere, and only invites more freedom fighters to stand up and do only what comes natural against the imposition of freedom,” said one, well-known actor and human rights activist.

Another well-placed source at the Democratic National Committee actually went so far as to suggest that perhaps that Marine should “be spit on himself.”

However, in a surprising statement, former Democratic Presidential Candidate, John F. Kerry, urged calm among his fellow Democrats. Recalling his service both in Vietnam and upon his return, Kerry emphasized the importance of his fellow Democrats supporting the troops, while spitting on them.

Also, in other news this week: another humanitarian worker was murdered by Islamic Supremacists, a few more were kidnapped here…a few more beheaded there…a few more million Muslims still subsist in oppression…and a documentary, (“Buried in the Sand”), which unmasked the Iraq described by Michael Moore as an “Islamic paradise,” was pulled off the shelves by squeamish retailers and Americans who can’t handle the truth.

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November 17, 2004, 05:46 PM
Could be parody or maybe not. Can't tell from the story. :evil:

November 17, 2004, 06:51 PM

November 17, 2004, 07:51 PM
I think there is something on CNN right now about this. :D

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