Stop the assault journalists


May 20, 2005, 09:45 AM
Time to Control Dangerous Assault Journalists

By Alan Gottlieb

Seventeen confirmed dead and hundreds injured. This was not the work of some
stereotypical lunatic with a gun, but the handiwork of a careless reporter
who must have graduated from the Dan Rather School of investigative

Now that Newsweek has lived up to the high standard of prevarication
established by Jayson Blair at the New York Times and by Janet Cooke at
Newsweek's parent company, the Washington Post, maybe it's time to establish
the kind of ground rules for reporters that the anti-gun press has advocated
for American gun owners, who never lied, or caused harm to anybody.

Why isn't Sarah Brady screaming for a clampdown on "assault journalism?" Why
can't we demand some "common sense" controls on out-of-control reporters who
go off half-cocked faster than a broken musket?

Where's Chuck Schumer? He's good at dancing in the blood of gunshot victims
to push his gun control agenda. Why isn't he just as eager to capitalize on
the mayhem of riots that resulted from Newsweek's bogus story about the
Guantanamo Bay flush that never happened? Schumer's never been one to hide
from media exposure. This is the first time he's missed the opportunity to
trample his way to the television camera.

With tongue-in-cheek, let's apply the same logic to exercising the First
Amendment that the mainstream press has accepted as reasonable when applied
to those exercising the Second Amendment. It might be shocking to members of
the press just how eagerly American firearms owners would seriously embrace
this concept of karma.

Henceforth, the First Amendment will be interpreted to apply only to
state-owned newspapers. When the First Amendment was written, nobody
envisioned computers, high speed presses, and the internet or television and
radio news. There is no individual right to become a reporter, especially a
freelance journalist. Only reporters employed by state-owned print media
outlets have a legitimate reason to own laptops or personal home computers.

Journalists should be registered and required to pass a course in safe news
writing before they can own, or have access to, a keyboard. They should need
a special permit to carry a notebook and pen, and a mandatory background
check before carrying a concealed tape recorder or hidden camera.

Newsmen should be limited to stories containing no more than ten paragraphs.
All small one- or two-paragraph news shorts, like the one in Newsweek that
caused all the trouble, should be banned because they are so easily hidden
within larger news columns.

America must stop importing foreign news, because it might be dangerous if
it fell into the wrong hands. If news is not clearly sports-related, the
average American should not be allowed to read it or listen to it.

All personal computers, laptops and word processors must be registered
because of their ability to rapid-fire words into print and onto the
internet indiscriminately. Journalists who currently own computers will be
able to keep them, but they won't be able to sell them to other reporters
unless the buyers go through federally-licensed computer retailers, and pass
a background check to make sure they haven't libeled anyone or ever filed an
erroneous story.

"Civilian journalists" don't need laptops or personal computers. Manual
typewriters are acceptable because of their slower rate of word production.
Before a journalist can possess a typewriter he or she purchases, they must
submit to a mandatory background check that can take up to three days.

If a reporter carelessly writes a story that falls into the wrong hands and
causes the death of another person, that reporter should face criminal

Reporters may not carry notebooks, tape recorders, typewriters or laptops
aboard commercial aircraft. All such devices must be transported in checked

All news must be delayed from broadcast or print for a period of three days,
allowing time for reporters and editors to "cool off."

Journalists would come unhinged if such measures were ever seriously
considered, much less enacted. But this is exactly the kind of legal mine
field through which gun owners must now tread; a regulatory nightmare the
press has endorsed.

Newsweek's carelessness has killed more people than any law-abiding gun
owner, outside of battlefield service in the armed forces.

What's good for gun owners should also be good for the press. Considering
recent events, to argue otherwise is monumental hypocrisy.

Alan Gottlieb is founder of the Second Amendment Foundation (
and chairman of the Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms

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May 20, 2005, 09:50 AM
Seventeen confirmed dead and hundreds injured. What is this referring to. [/under rock]

This is hilarious. I'm emailing it to everyone I know, including my buddies up at Belo (Dallas Morning News, TXCN, and Channel 8.)

May 20, 2005, 09:57 AM
Newsweek said an anonymous government informant witnessed US Military flushing a whole Koran down the toilet at Gitmo. So muslims in Pakistan and Afghanistan rioted and killed each other.

Turns out the story was unsubstantiated and Newsweek retracted it and said 'Sorry, too bad people died but it's not our fault.'

Hehe, some of those restrictions on assault journalism look alot like what we proposed in one of THR threads.

May 20, 2005, 10:35 AM
I just emailed the column and the link to the Editorial Page Editor of the Sacramento Bee with the suggestion that he run it in the paper.

I will now commence to not hold my breath.

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