[ballistic gelatin]

How many people have seen this site?
http://matthewbracken.web.aplus.net/index.htm

Have you read the chapter excerpts?

This is very interesting reading. I'm not so sure that any publisher will have the guts to print it though.

[ballistic gelatin]

oops, wrong forum. was aiming for General Discussion.

[2dogs]

Yes, but can we trust these reviewers?;)



January 23, 2003 - Recommended writers: Matthew Bracken - If the sample chapters are any indication, the upcoming "Enemies Foreign And Domestic" will be an incredible book, a combination of the best aspects of "Unintended Consequences"(which was an important but weakly written book), R.A. Heinlein's "Free Men" and much original thought. - Oleg Volk, "Volkstudio", Nashville, Tennessee, USA

[Blackhawk]

Nope.

It's a site that's selling a book.

This is the right forum for your thread, IMO.

[gun-fucious]

Travis McGee has wandered thru here on occassion (http://www.thehighroad.org/search.php?s=&action=showresults&searchid=94344)

i adapted some of my art for the Cover illustration

[ballistic gelatin]

I just read chapter 22 at lunch "The Whitehouse Reaction". WOW!

[bfason]

How many people have seen this site?
http://matthewbracken.web.aplus.net/index.htm


I just looked at his site and saw that it carries a bogus quote attributed to Thomas Jefferson that concerns guns and tyranny. Somehow it really bugs me when pro-gun writers republish these statements about guns and falsely attribute them to TJ, Washington, Hitler, Reno, or Brady. Boston T. Party did this in his otherwise excellent book, The Gun Bible.

http://www.guncite.com/gc2ndbog.html

[Oleg Volk]

Samples of later chapters indicate that the book stays pretty good -- and readable both by us, gunnies and by non-gunnies who would come for the plot and stay for the message...hopefully. The book is far more realistic than either "UC" or "Triple Ought"

Having read just how publishers rip off authors, I am glad that Bracken is doing his own printing and distribution.

[ballistic gelatin]

Any idea on when a printed copy might be available?
I think it's so "realistic" that it kinda scares me.
It is affecting my thought process regarding the RKBA and Federal legislation.

[Travis McGee]

BFASON: Thanks for pointing out that I may have fallen for a bogus TJ quote. I'll do a little research and pull it down if you are correct, as seems to be the case. This is not a big problem, since I have about 100 other RKBA quotes I can substitute.

[Travis McGee]

ballistic gelatin: I have finished 49 out of 55 (= or-) chapters in the smooth version, and I have been completing about 2 chapters a week. So I will be ready to print it in about a month, I hope!

BTW, there are some typos left behind on the website version that I have fixed on my own Word files.

Matt Bracken

[Travis McGee]

Gun-Fucious: your cover art is probably the best part of the book! Thanks!

[Travis McGee]

Oleg Volk: I have been cutting way down on my internet time, trying to get more chapters finished faster, or I would be spending more time on TFL. Thanks for flagging me!

Matt

[Oleg Volk]

Yeah, I haven't been much on TFL lately, either :neener:

[Travis McGee]

Did I type TFL? Whoops! THR.

[ballistic gelatin]

Thanks for the info guys.
gun-fucious, can we get a peak at a sample cover?

[Travis McGee]

Ballistic Gelatin: just click the link that bfason posted to go to the website, it has the book cover there.

BFason: I dripped the incorrect part of the TJ quote, and replaced it with the Ben Franklin quote about liberty and security.

[TheLastBoyScout]

This is a great story, but if you're actually gonna try to sell real paper books, you might want to make the excerpts less involved. I feel like I'm reading a novel when I m going through them on your site. Thanks for posting it

[ballistic gelatin]

Rattler with the AR?
Neat. It has that "gun subculture" look.

[labgrade]

Read the excerpts a few weeks back & forgot to remember to get in line for the book. I'm hooked & impressed.

Will be a recommended read to several.

That cover-work reminds me of some stuff done by another ....

[Travis McGee]

TheLastBoyScout: I did post a lot of the book, about half of it. If it's good, I hope that folks who plow through the first half will want to read the rest to find out what happens. I'll admit, it's different than what most new authors do.

[TheLastBoyScout]

OK, now that I know you're never gonna post the second half, it makes alot of sense. Be sure to post a message here letting us know when its ready to go.

[Travis McGee]

TheLastBoyScout: I just finished putting chapter 50 into the smooth, about 5 more to go, maybe 3 weeks?

[Moondancer]

Any word on when this may be available? After reading through the excerpts, I'm ready for the whole thing!

[Oleg Volk]

Finished reading the review chapters, now reading the final version which incorporates numerous suggestions from the test audience. The result is a captivating, realistic book which hold my attention and also works on an emotional level. Matt Bracken did a great job from start to finish, in my opinion.

[ballistic gelatin]

emotional level indeed

[Travis McGee]

Ballistic Gellatin:
It's been a long time since I've been to THR, but I've been putting all of my available time into finishing the novel. It's taken MUCH longer than I thought it would, and I feel rotten about not having it done months ago, as I thought it would be.

Right now I'm doing the final chapter by chapter read-through, doing a little bit of style and continuity editing, etc. In a few more days I should be done, and then it will be put into a huge PDF file and sent to the printer. Then a few weeks after that, there should be actual physical books!!!!

The entire novel is 56 chapters, and I can honestly say the second half is better and more exciting than the first half which is posted on the Enemies Foreign and Domestic website.

Matt Bracken
San Diego

[ballistic gelatin]

I am very excited about getting my hands on a few copies.

[Travis McGee]

Ballistic Gellatin:

I'll keep everybody informed when it's ready!

Matt

[Malone LaVeigh]

The story is a page turner; if I suspend reality a little it makes a great read. I think it will resonate very well with a very small audience that already agrees. Unfortunately, it doesn't reach out to those sitting on the fence. You all already know my opinion on the stifling "political correctness" of a lot of thought in the pro-RKBA crowd. This book just reinforces the stereotypes. The only people who care about freedom are suburban ex-military conservatives.

I don't see this book reaching a very big audience or making us any friends.

[ballistic gelatin]

I don't see this book reaching a very big audience or making us any friends.I agree. I don't think I would loan it to any liberal public policy makers, but I still look forward to it.

[Travis McGee]

Malone LaVeigh:

Where did you find that you needed to suspend disbelief? Did you find the ballistics and crowd reaction of the stadium massacre implausible?

Once it was considered implausible that anyone would fly large passenger jets into skyscrapers, causing them to collapse. Box cutters were leveraged into 3,000 deaths.

90 bullets flying into a packed stadium upper deck would also lead to many, many times 90 deaths, IMO.

I didn't write Enemies soley as an RKBA tome. It's also a specific warning about the danger of crowds in confined places, when a panic stampede can easily be engineered. A rifle is merely one "trigger" for such a stampede. But that's just Chapter 1 of the book.

It's also a warning about the danger presented in the aftermath of 9-11 of special law enforcement units getting out of control. With so many specops troops returning from the war against terrorists in Afghanistan and Iraq and joining American SWAT teams at all levels, its inevitable that their specops mindset will come over to civilian law enforcement with them.

Post 9-11 there are many "experimental" and "developmental" counter-terrorist law enforcement units with suddenly large budgets and not much oversight. That's a fact.

If they are given a "domestic terrorism" mission, in today's climate, it would be all too easy for a bad actor to steer a small law enforcement special unit down a very dark and dangerous path, as Malvone does in Enemies. Malvone merely combines all of the worst traits in one character, but all of the levers he pulls (using drop guns with "militia" connections to frame enemies, TIA predictive programs used to target "likely" right wing terrorists etc) are all very real.

And a "domestic terrorism" mission would be very easy to contrive, the way Malvne does with a stadium massacre blamed falsely on a "right wing militia" type (dead) patsey.

Regards,
Matt Bracken

[Gordon Fink]

Mr. Bracken, something else you may want to consider is removing the anti-Muslim paranoia. At least internalize it to the characters, rather than keeping it also part of the omniscient narrative (i.e., author’s point of view). Characters’ prejudices, while perhaps making them less sympathetic, are not as off-putting as the author’s.

Structurally, you should build a connection to Brad more quickly, in order to engage the reader. Perhaps he could witness the stadium massacre in person. In your current version, I think the opening sequence is too impersonal.

Given the detail you’ve lavished on motorcycles and guns (especially cartridge makes, models, and specifications), many of the other “props” seem very drab by comparison. Either tone down these details or punch the others up a little. Otherwise, the disconnect will remain somewhat glaring.

Now for a radical suggestion. Throw in a “right-wing” or “militia” conspiracy on top of the rogue BATFE group. An extremist “militia” group could instigate some of the events to lend momentum to the gun-control movement and mobilize the rogue BATFE agents, thus ultimately triggering the “revolution” that the would-be militia has been waiting for. Such a subplot would bring an element of unpredictability to your story. Just a thought, anyway …

Overall, I have to say that you still need to do some polishing. Some parts of your writing appear amateurish, which is fine, I suppose, if you’re just going the route of a vanity publisher. But if you have higher aspirations, then you still have some work to do.

However, you’ve actually written something significant for the rest of us to criticize, which is an achievement in itself. :D

~G. Fink

[Malone LaVeigh]

Matt:

No, your expertise in ballistics and all things militaria is far beyond anything I'll achieve in this lifetime. And I think the crowd reaction is perfectly reasonable. I also don't find unrealistic the idea that elements of the law enforcement bureaucracy would sieze on such an event or even concoct one to aggrandize their power a la "Malone". What I find a little unbelievable is that the repressive efforts of the state would be focused on firearms and the right wing. Or that RKBA could serve as the focus of the kind of organized resistance that I assume follows.

I'm not asking for your book to be any different. It is the product of how you see things, and the POV that (mostly) liberal politicians and bureaucrats use every opportunity to infringe on second amendment rights is manifestly true. And needs to be resisted. But that is just one form of repression, and in my opinion, not necessarily the worst. The book I would write if I had your talent would recognize three things:

1) Repression against conservative whites may be a new thing, but is an old story among other racial groups and people working for civil rights, labor rights, peace, social justice, etc.

2) There is a long and storied resistance to that repression in this country from rabble rousers like Tom Paine through the abolitionist movement, women's suffrage, civil rights, the labor movement, etc (and actually going back as far as the Middle Ages if you want to take it that far.)

3) In the final analysis, if there is any hope of stopping the headlong rush to totaliarianism, it is the kind of organizing skills developed by generations of progressive movements that are going to head it off, not a few rugged individuals holding out in their bunkers. Guns, though highly symbolic of our freedom, and something to be fought for with great vigor, are not going to win this one.

That's just my opinion, based on close to a half-century of observation and studying history. I truly look forward to hearing yours in the form of your book.

[Travis McGee]

Gordon Fink:
Thanks for your observations and your constructive criticism. It's a bit late to add a major subplot which significantly alters the thrust of the book, so no point in going there. Suffice to say that a point of the book which is made in later chapters is that there are no "real" militias, only buffoons penetrated 6 ways from Sunday by the feds. That's why Malvone has to create a "virtual militia" from a gun club as a bogeyman for his team.

Islam bashing: it's a point made in the book that our govt. prefers to take freedom away from all of us, rather than focusing on those from whom real terrorism springs, worldwide. Mea Culpa. That's how I see it. Now your point about removing it from the omniscient makes sense. You may have noticed that some characters say stupid or incorrect things, such as in referring to Jimmy Shifflett's "gulf war syndrome" as established fact. That's an example of the character saying what he thinks is true, even if it may not be. I will look closely at the Islamic references in the omniscient.

Brad "connecting" too late. "???" Chapter 2 is too late to connect? The stadium massacre is the "9-11" looming in the background of the novel. Like 9-11, for 99.9% of America, it is a television event, and that is how I write it. The stadium massacre happens out of the area (near Washington for maximum political impact) but the alleged perp is from the local Norfolk area, that is the connection. I don't think Brad needs to be in the stadium sitting next to a sniper victim to "connect" to the stadium massacre. Shifflett the alleged stadium sniper lives almost next door to Brad and his past life is intertwined with the main characters from Chapter 2 on. That's plenty of connection. But then, I am only an amateur writer, what do I know?

Props (other than guns and cycles) that are drab and uncolored. Can you give me examples? That is an area I can still flesh out before it is printed.

Amateurish writing: can you give me some specific examples? I would love to get your opinion on areas that appear amateurish to you. I am assuming from your use of that word that you are yourself a professional writer or copy editor etc. That being the case, I would really value your input. I'm a pretty bright guy, and I can always improve.

Vanity publishing: a new era has dawned. I am not going, hat in hand, shucking and jiving, to throw my m????cript over the transom of the 5th Ave houses, to join the slush pile of 300 received daily, to perhaps be read in 3 months by a temp, who will read two pages and say, "gun book? ICKK!" and drop it like a contagion.

And if somehow I get through the slush pile, and I become one of the anointed, I am not willing to take a $5,000 advance and 8% royalties etc. to see my novel printed in 2005, and then shoved onto the back shelves of book stores for 90 days, with no promotion and publicity from the publisher. That works fine for Momma Sea Turtle, who is happy to see one of 300 babies return from the sea as a living success story, but the odds don't work for me.

Nope, I am controlling the initial process. "Vanity" publishing? If you want to call it that. I seem to recall an author who could not get a little book called "The Hunt For Red October" published, who ended up getting an itty bitty military history press to run off a few copies. But that was in the bad old days, and even so, I think he did okay without the initial blessing of the Sages of 5th Avenue.

I'd really like to see some examples of my amateurish writing, so that I can repair the problems if possible. Perhaps you can point me to some of your own published works as a learning tool. You may email me at steelcutter48@yahoo.com if you wish to help me with my amateurish writing. Or if you wish, you can post some of my amateurish mistakes right here. I'd really like to know what a professional writer thinks, specifically, before the book goes to press.
Sincerely,
Matt Bracken

[Travis McGee]

Malone LaVeigh:
I agree very much with your broader worries about encroaching tyranny. I chose the specific theme of an attack on the RKBA for several reasons. One is pure marketing. Shooters concerned with second amendment issues will be a receptive initial market (I hope) and if the novel then stands on its own, word of mouth will (I hope) take it to a broader conservative audience.

Another reason is that a focus on one area (an attack on the RKBA) allows me to discuss other areas in the course of the novel (attacks on privacy, militarization of the police etc) without making the book a 2,000 page monster.

This is also why I chose to begin the novel with a shattering event almost on par with 9-11. This shock to the American system causes events to fast-forward; it causes a decade of our slow march to tyranny to occur in only three weeks. In this way I can touch on many of the areas which concern both of us in a novel that is fast-paced and does not need Volume Two and Three to tell.

Matt Bracken

[larry_minn]

If you do have any trouble getting it published maybe you could burn CDs and sell them? Your cost would be next to nothing if you watch sales. (My wife has 200 some CD-Rs that she gets for next to nothing after rebates) I think she has used 3.

BTW when I am in large stadium I always scope the place out. Where would be my choices for sniper stand and where the best cover from shots from across the stadium/behind/to sides. I have done this for years and continued even at a armed Forces concert.
Know your exits AND always have a flashlight incase power is cut.

[Travis McGee]

I'm printing my own initially. The CD idea is interesting, but of course copy protecting it would be tough.

My aim is to sell enough printed copies so that the numbers on Amazon will indicate serious interest in the book.

This will I hope in turn give me a stronger bargaining position when going the conventional publishing route than begging for the standard rookie ripoff contract which first time authors usually receive.

In a stadium or arena environment, it would not be the sniper who would present the danger, the odds of one individual being struck would be so low. The danger is that mob in full panic flight mode. There are certain strategies in a stadium which would almost certainly ensure survival, such as laying under the seats while the crushing herd piles up at the bottom of the section.

Matt

[ballistic gelatin]

I feel like a kid at Christmas...I almost can't wait!
This book will make a great Christmas gift for those who share the concerns outlined in the book.

[Travis McGee]

Ballistic Gellatin: Hopefully it will be available in print on Amazon before Christmas! Like this summer.

Matt

[Legionnaire]

Man! I'm going on vacation in two weeks ... sure wish I could take a copy along for the ride! Soon as I get home this afternoon, my order is going in the mail.

Good luck with the self-publishing venture. I've been hoping that the internet would shake up the traditional publishing process. As an academic, I get pretty ticked at how publishers rely on us to write our own and review our peers' work, then capture most of the monetary value-added at the publication stage. The journals I write for now want me to sign over the copyright before they will agree to have the article reviewed! I've enjoyed watching the internet create opportunities for budding musicians and new, small "labels." Glad to see you doing the same with a book. Best of luck to you!

[Travis McGee]

Legionaire:
Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from in going the self-publishing route. With the internet and very efficient medium sized printing houses, the exact same quality can be produced today that the big houses can churn out, so there is no reason to be a slave to 5th Ave just to put your work into print.

My hope is that "Enemies" is the first of many major novels to bypass the NY "annointing process." They would hate this book anyway for purely politica reasons, so why crawl to them on my knees begging them to look at it? And for microscopic royalties, should they select my book?

Forget them. They are monopoly buggy whip manufacturers, and I am going to drive a Model T past them into this new century. With the internet, gun stores and gun shows, I think I will sell lots of books on a parallel track separate from the chain book stores.

If the book does well on that track, I will then be in a position to ultimately negotiate a conventional publisheing contract from a position of strength. I'm not interested in their standard rookie ripoff book contract deals.

Matt Bracken

[Gordon Fink]

Well, Mr. Bracken, my criticism was intended to be constructive … from one amateur to another. You seemed to recognize that at the beginning of your post, but then …

Anyway, I’m no more than an amateur writer myself. I respect you for the fact that you have a finished or nearly finished work, which is more than I can claim. If I have the time, I’ll try to cite some specific examples of where I think you can improve, but if you can’t see that possibility, then what’s the point?

In the publishing world, a “vanity press” is an outfit that will print your work for you. You pay them. They don’t pay you. I didn’t make up the term.

Now for some specifics. Your first chapter seemed a little bit too impersonal, as I said before. That’s why I suggested building up Brad as your chief protagonist earlier. (Get him into the first chapter.) It is an axiom in modern fiction that the author must engage the reader on the first page, if not within the first few sentences. I almost stopped reading after the first scene, though subsequent chapters are more engaging.

I understand the anti-Muslim sentiments that have gathered strength since September 11th. As I suggested, they are fine for the characters to express, though I disagree with them in part and thus find the characters less sympathetic. What really disjoins me from the story, though, is realizing that I’m reading the author’s personal prejudices through the narrative. Personally, I think an author should maintain the appearance of an almost godlike neutrality in a work of fiction, but maybe that’s just me.

The devil is in the details. I learn exactly what kind of bullet Jimmy Shifflett was killed with, but I don’t know what kind of helicopter the SWAT sniper was riding. Is either detail really important? My point is that lavish detail on one thing but not another can be jarring, especially when this happens frequently. When used sparingly, though, it can also enhance drama. (See the detonation scene in Clancy’s Sum of All Fears.) I guess you just have to find the right balance.

I wouldn’t sell myself short on having this published, if I were you. It can certainly be a political thriller, rather than just a gun owner’s “masturbatory fantasy,” as I believe someone described Unintended Consequences. After the first couple chapters, Enemies does become fairly engaging, at least as much as some best sellers. So I think you can take it to a higher level, one where the novel is more widely appealing and one where you get royalties (and advances on your next book). :D

That’s partly why I suggested another subplot. There is simply no realistic reason for the pro-control forces in America to initiate a war against gun owners. It is so much easier to let us die out through the complacency and apathy that allow them incremental victory. Someone who wants revolution would have to engineer it.

~G. Fink

[Travis McGee]

Only the first 1/3 of the novel is posted on the website. It becomes clear over the course of the work that it is not simply "pro gun control forces" who are behind these false-flag operations. The crisis is created by one man (Malvone) who has the insight to understand how to exploit the RKBA fault line running through our society (one of several such fault lines).

He also understands the former military specops mentality prevalent in today's SWAT teams, and exploits that as well by gathering ATF hard cases who are up on various disciplinary charges etc into one "Special Training Unit" for the stated purpose of developing new counter terrorist tactics and methods. He knows these guys are all the "just get results types who don't ask questions like "why."

The stadium massacre Malvone engineers is just his way of exploding a charge along that brittle RKBA fault line.

I thank you for refocusing me on the first chapter. I have gone back and forth on calling it a Prologue or Chapter One. It's really the "background event" which sets off all of the following action. I may go back to calling it the Prologue or Opening Day (of the football season, and the crisis which follows.

And I'll drop the sniper bullet detail out of the first chapter. It's too much specific detail too soon.

Sorry for getting huffy above, I really did enjoy your very thought provoking constructive criticism. I gain more from that than a chorus of "amens" in improving the quality and sale-ability.

Thanks,
Matt Bracken

[Gordon Fink]

No problem! I know it can be hard to hear critical words about your “baby.” :D

Here is another thought on the first chapter. I forgot about this earlier, but one common and effective technique to get past a “boring” start is to actually pick up the story somewhat later on with an exciting or engaging scene. This captures the readers’ attention. Then you do a flashback to the real beginning of the story. (For example, I can easily see Brad or Ranya thinking How did we get to this point? in any of several scenes in the excerpts you’ve already posted.)

Good luck for now! :)

~G. Fink

[Travis McGee]

Gordon Fink:

Man, I hear you about receiving comments on "your baby's looks!"

I agree the flashback technique can work well, but I'm too far along now for the structural changes that would require in this book.

What I did was split chapter one into two parts, a short "Prologue: Opening Day" with the events at the stadium, and then Chapter 1 starting "200 miles south, Brad Fallon" etc.

This makes the separation clear, that the opening scenes at the stadium are the dramatic backdrop for the events to follow.

Matt

[ballistic gelatin]

It's July 10th.
Any more news on availability date?

[veloce851]

I started reading this a few weeks ago and fell in love with it. Actually I fell in love with Ranya ;) but the rest of the story has intrigued me.

I would like to know more about the autographed copies.

Keep up the great work. I'll be monitoring its sales on Amazon as well.

[ballistic gelatin]

I wonder if Ranya looks anything like this?

http://www.socalrpm.com/SoCal_Web/Models/Kneedraggers/kd1.jpg or maybe http://www.socalrpm.com/SoCal_Web/Models/Kneedraggers/Kneedraggers1/Kneedraggers2/kd5.jpg