Stalker problem


PDA






8Balls
June 23, 2005, 11:23 AM
Background:
My sister had a short relationship with a kid who has russian parents. That was more than a year ago. She broke up with him, and we havent heard from him since. His mother(?!) didnt. She keeps sending flowers, candy, christmascards, keeps calling, just doesnt get the hint. I joined the army last summer and going to reserve in a few weeks.

Today:
I came home for well-earned vacation (first in seven weeks) and saw a silver vehicle parked in our backyard behind bushes. My mother (in constant condition white) did not see it. I spotted it and sneaked through the bushes and approached the vehicle from seven a clock. Pulled the drivers door open and asked who she is and what shes doing here. It was that kids mother. She was pretty scared because of my sudden appearence and spilled her coffee and dropped her donuts. Coffee and f*cking donuts. A stakeout. In my backyard. She sped away as fast as she could after saying she was "just resting". My mother just told me this has happened before! Luckily my sister is not here right now. Any advises?

If you enjoyed reading about "Stalker problem" here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!
boofus
June 23, 2005, 11:31 AM
Call the cops.

fish2xs
June 23, 2005, 11:36 AM
restraining order. ask the cops to show up in a commissar uniform.

that should keep her away. :evil:

sturmruger
June 23, 2005, 11:39 AM
WOW the potential mother inlaw is the stalker!! That is really wierd. I have never heard of that.

1911 guy
June 23, 2005, 11:42 AM
I'm going to second what Boofus said. Get the cops involved NOW. If this broad is nuts enough to do her son's stalking for him, who knows where this will wind up. How do we know she wasn't waiting to try to grab your sister?

redneck2
June 23, 2005, 11:43 AM
She could have just as easily had a 9mm as a doughnut. I don't know what your laws are there. If she was parked on my property behind my house (she'd have to cut across my property to get there), I would have a 12 ga 870 involved

When a situation involves stalkers, rational thought processes are out the door. These people don't grasp reality. There was a girl at college that was a "tease" and had a guy in an apartment a few doors down going ape over her. She thought it was real cute until she woke up in the middle of the night and he was sitting on a chair in her bedroom staring at her. Turns out he'd done this several times but she never woke up before. Since he was the starting fullback on the football team, big problems were one emotion away. IIRC, he ended up in an institution last time I heard.

Nick_90
June 23, 2005, 11:43 AM
Exactly, call the cops. They probably won't do anything first of all, but should anything worse happen you would have a documentary trace of misconduct in order to take legal action. Moreover, should anything really bad happen, you'll be able to subpoena the cops and get them to testify that your sister was being stalked.
Good luck and let's hope it will amount to nothing!

WT
June 23, 2005, 11:49 AM
Call the cops and file a report. Take the report down to the courthouse and apply for a temporary restraining order.

Stalking has a tendency to get worse.

Nathanael_Greene
June 23, 2005, 12:03 PM
It's long past time to alert the cops. If nothing else, it establishes a formal history of the woman's stalking, which may be useful as evidence in a trial.

mete
June 23, 2005, 12:34 PM
Call the cops. If he keeps calling - your sister must hang up immediately when she recognizes his voice ,she must not say a word, and contact the phone company so they can put a recorder on her phone.These things should have been done months ago !!!

Specialized
June 23, 2005, 12:38 PM
First, gather as much information on this woman and her family as you can. I would suggest a website like www.knowx.com or www.intelius.com. Then go to the police with your story and what you have learned.

My guess is that you will find some things that the police will be interested in and that the family won't want to share with them. If not, the family will at least figure out that you're serious -- you know more about them than they about you, you have nothing to hide yourself, and you have involved the authorities to investigate any possible wrongdoing. The family will get the message that this behavior is quite likely to bring unwanted consequences, and that they are getting close to the precipice between legal and illegal activity.

What will the police do about this woman, and why on earth would you want to gather information first? Good questions. The answer to the first is: little or nothing at all, because this woman has broken no laws, and the police are very reluctant to go looking into situations like this to make a case. Why do your own investigating first, before going to the police? Because there's a chance that you may uncover something that would point to criminal activity, or motive for this person's actions, that might interest the police. How many times have we seen in the papers that a stalking situation has turned tragic, and that information that would have indicated that the stalker was dangerous was discovered only after the tragedy had occurred? Again, the police are reticent to investigate such occurrences until a crime has been committed -- this includes doing any background screening for things that would indicate danger. It's not their job to do so.

After the above takes place, the thing to do is -- nothing. Absolutely nothing. The person that stalks, unless they are mentally disturbed, as a rule is having trouble letting go of their situation or their desire to see it take a different course than what reality has dictated. Confrontations like the one at this person's car only serve to validate and prolong this "relationship" in the eyes of the stalker. So will going to the police, for that matter. While you do want to make the police aware so there's a documented history in the event a crime is eventually committed, you probably want this "relationship" with the stalker to end, right? The way to end it is to leave it alone. Be vigilant, take preventive steps to make sure you and yours stay safe, but you want it to appear to the stalker that you could care less and that they are not a part of your world. If they're anything but deranged, they'll tire of the game and give it up. If not, they'll break the law, you'll be ready, and the foundation for your case will be well-established.

You might want to start and keep a journal of all the activities and events surrounding this "relationship", so that you have yet another record of the conflict before anything can happen (if it eventually does). I would recommend that you pick up a copy of "The Gift of Fear", by Gavin De Becker, if you get a chance. This topic is covered extensively in it, and he's probably the foremost authority on such cases. Hope this helps -- good luck.

DarkKnight01
June 23, 2005, 12:43 PM
Call the cops. If he keeps calling - your sister must hang up immediately when she recognizes his voice ,she must not say a word, and contact the phone company so they can put a recorder on her phone.These things should have been done months ago !!!

He didnt mention anyone calling... Nothing was known of this til he got home and noticed the car... Do you mean that in the case of a couple parting ways is grounds for a restraining order?..... sheesh if that was the case id of had at least 50 or so against me.....

TarpleyG
June 23, 2005, 12:44 PM
saw a silver vehicle parked in our backyard behind bushes
You must have different "yard" criteria there. Here, most houses you'd be hard pressed to park a car on someone's yard proper and if not, sneaking up and yanking open someone's car door can get you in a world of trouble. But, something I would have probably done too. Call the cops like others have stated. No reason your family should tolerate this. Oh, and hit your Mom with a clue bat.

Greg

8Balls
June 23, 2005, 02:29 PM
"She could have just as easily had a 9mm as a doughnut. I don't know what your laws are there. If she was parked on my property behind my house (she'd have to cut across my property to get there), I would have a 12 ga 870 involved"

Local law: shooting someone who is in trespassing = big no-no.

Yep, one more incident like this and were calling cops.

MechAg94
June 23, 2005, 03:01 PM
I grew up in a house where the nearest neighbor was at least 100 yards away. The yard was 2 acres. Of course, this is Texas, just make sure you confront them at night. :) No need to threaten them, but being armed is always better.

Trespassing is a crime. If that is what they were doing, you should be able to file a police report and maybe get police to check it out I would hope.

Standing Wolf
June 23, 2005, 03:19 PM
...one more incident like this and were calling cops.

Do your sister a favor and call them now.

atk
June 23, 2005, 03:38 PM
Yep, one more incident like this and were calling cops.

My mother just told me this has happened before!

Sounds to me like you've already had "one more incident like this". Please get the police involved!

VTKFJoe
June 23, 2005, 03:53 PM
First vacation in seven weeks - wow, you really did need a break! :evil:

Hawkmoon
June 23, 2005, 04:34 PM
TO DO TODAY:

1. Call police

2. Call attorney, file restraining order

3. Get sis (a) pepper spray, (b) digi cam

4. Sign sis up for self-defense and safety awareness classes

8Balls
June 23, 2005, 04:53 PM
"4. Sign sis up for self-defense and safety awareness classes"

Taekwondo + krav maga + short fuse isnt enough?
Our stalker is +50 year old female and guns are not as common here as in usa. Anyway now calling my sister to get more info (address, full name, known vehicles, hobbies, etc etc...)

Old NFO
June 23, 2005, 05:09 PM
One other piece of the puzzle- Russian...She may be "hoping" for a marriage to a Finnish citizen to be able to stay as an in-law. This is not uncommon and a way to beat what I understand is a 5-7 year immigration wait. I would be VERY careful of whom else might show up with her (the "large" cousins with only 1 eyebrow...) next time.

Hawkmoon
June 23, 2005, 11:37 PM
Taekwondo + krav maga + short fuse isnt enough?
If your previous posts mentioned the above, I apologize for not seeing it.

However, what I had in mind more than martial arts type stuff is basic street awareness type stuff. You mentioned, for example, that your mother seemed unaware that the woman's car was parked in a position to observe your house.

That cannot be allowed to continue. Awareness of one's surroundings may be the key to survival. Maybe the woman is a harmless fruitcake ... but maybe she's just a fruitcake (strike out the "harmless").

If you enjoyed reading about "Stalker problem" here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!