"President Urged to Regulate Blunt Objects"


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cuchulainn
June 28, 2005, 01:30 PM
from http://www.24-7pressrelease.com/view_press_release.php?rID=6600

President Urged to Regulate Blunt Objects
"Blunt Objects" require proof of training at Farm and Field

Blunt objects are responsible for a high percentage of injuries from violent crimes. Regulating them could prove as useful as banning guns and knives.

/24-7PressRelease/ - ATLANDA, GA, June 28, 2005 -- President George Bush should regulate blunt objects that could cause severe injuries or even death, according to a leading outdoors auction website.

"There has long been pressure on politicians to ban guns of all sorts, and already we see new pressures to ban kitchen knives," says Farm and Field Auctions President Chad Brown. He is referring to the report by doctors from West Middlesex University Hospital in Great Britain, who blame half of all stabbings on kitchen knives. The doctors are calling for a ban of long, pointy kitchen knives.

Farm and Field Auctions maintains that the United States cannot stand idly by, while Great Britain takes the lead in injury prevention. "We have to get ahead of the curve," Brown declares "Great Britain has already banned most guns, and now it might ban knives, too. We can claim our rightful lead in personal safety by regulating all blunt objects before they do."

The US Department of Justice reports that 26% of violent crimes involve a weapon. Blunt objects, such as rocks, clubs, blackjacks, bats, and metal pipes, accounted for more injuries from violent crimes than knives and other pointed objects, and almost as many incidents of armed violence. Meanwhile, the New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault reports that 35% of assault are committed with clubs and other blunt objects.

Asked why he does not want all blunt objects banned, Brown said that would be just plain silly. "Britain's murder rate has been steadily rising since most guns were banned in 1996," he said. "Could you imagine the how crowded our hospitals would be if we banned blunt objects altogether?"

Farm and Field Auctions says that regulating rocks, clubs, blackjacks, bats, and metal pipes could more significantly cut down in injuries from violent crime than by banning them.

"We have taken the first step," says Brown. "We do not allow anyone to bid on rocks, metal pipes, clubs or bats, not even rolling pins or frying pans, unless they can produce a certificate of proper training. Now it is up to the government to take action."

About Farm And Field Auctions
Farm and Field Auctions lists outdoors items for sale by owner, focusing on farmers, fishers and hunters. They feature a section specifically for hunting supplies and equipment.

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Lennyjoe
June 28, 2005, 01:35 PM
"We have taken the first step," says Brown. "We do not allow anyone to bid on rocks, metal pipes, clubs or bats, not even rolling pins or frying pans, unless they can produce a certificate of proper training. Now it is up to the government to take action
Bahahahhaha! Thats funny.

Dont pick up a rock in your yard if you aint trained. :what:

Pawcatch
June 28, 2005, 02:07 PM
OK,It seems that they're trying to be funny,but this sort of thing doesn't help our cause.Being that hardly anything is actually on their auction
www.farmandfieldauctions.com

grimjaw
June 28, 2005, 03:26 PM
The end of civilization is nigh.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've seen this month. The homeless guy leading another homeless guy by a rope downtown a few weeks ago made more sense.

I'm going to need a stiff drink to forget I ever saw this.

jmm

Cesiumsponge
June 28, 2005, 03:29 PM
Please tell me that was a satire piece.

Please tell me that was a satire piece.

El Tejon
June 28, 2005, 03:56 PM
Just had an alleged murder here with a piece of cinder block. :uhoh:

Maybe the Brits have stolen a march on us? :D

Pawcatch
June 28, 2005, 04:06 PM
Please tell me that was a satire piece

Yup,it was and a poor one at that.

Henry Bowman
June 28, 2005, 04:08 PM
El T - Do you happen to represent said alleged cinderblocker?

El Tejon
June 28, 2005, 04:17 PM
Henry, no, I just read the papers. :D

GT
June 28, 2005, 04:28 PM
Lighten up Paw.

It's kind of funny and makes a point.

I don't have a "cause" that is going to be damaged by that.


G

PS. What's odd on THR is that one person will post something funny. Six people don't get it and one guy is pissed off that they dared to make fun of something important.
You can't win.

Henry Bowman
June 28, 2005, 04:31 PM
You can't win. The three rules of thermodynamics:

1. You can't win.
2. You can't break even.
3. You can't get out of the game.

El Tejon
June 28, 2005, 04:41 PM
GT, there's no crying in baseball and there's no humor on the Errornet! :D

Standing Wolf
June 28, 2005, 06:39 PM
We can claim our rightful lead in personal safety by regulating all blunt objects before they do.

Not to fear: England relies on Lucas electrics, so it hasn't a chance.

longeyes
June 28, 2005, 08:32 PM
The problem is ALL objects, blunt and sharp. Ban 'em all.

Then insist on universal amputation. Problem solved.

cuchulainn
June 28, 2005, 08:51 PM
Then insist on universal amputation. http://www.legendgames.co.uk/acatalog/black_knight.jpg
Come back you cowards! I'll bite your ***** off!

Cesiumsponge
June 28, 2005, 09:40 PM
PS. What's odd on THR is that one person will post something funny. Six people don't get it and one guy is pissed off that they dared to make fun of something important.

Satire is best enjoyed on the sidelines where they can't see you laughing.

I thought the knife ban article was satire until I saw it was from BBC. Now I'm not sure what's satire and what's a genuine movement.

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