Online Fiction--summer of war


June 29, 2005, 01:15 PM
Hello all,

I'm trying to get motivated to plow into my next project. This is the story of a pre-emptive attack on South Korea by the Italians...nah, j/k. The North Koreans are at it again.

Please note--there is A LOT of very rough language. The F word is used as a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, and proper name (all in a single sentence).

Also, this is just the first snippet and I'm sure this will be a long term project. I don't write as fast as Halfast normally does...speaking of, when's the next Lights Out installment?? :cuss:

Regardless, I'm pretty excited about the concept and story vision I have and had to share before I really have anything to share.

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June 29, 2005, 01:39 PM
So far, So good.

June 29, 2005, 03:52 PM

I haven't read the online as of yet, but could the character of the creative expletive usage be a NCO that originally hailed from NYC? :rolleyes: I ask, as after years of scuba diving out of several marinas with many from that area, I'm sure I may have known a few capable of such colorful verbal artistry.

I'll read and comment. Thanks for the effort and please continue.

June 29, 2005, 06:21 PM
Alright, you've been offline long enough today mudpuppy. Keep the installments coming!

Good work ;)

June 30, 2005, 05:18 AM
Quite gripping! Keep on, it is a pleasure to read it...

June 30, 2005, 01:35 PM
Not bad. Keep writing.

June 30, 2005, 02:53 PM
Urgent request - PLEASE clean up the language, which is largely irrelevant to the plot and storyline. That said, keep going...

June 30, 2005, 03:08 PM
Are you going from a soldiers point of view or are you going to be talking about combat tactics etc?

I have read a good bit about Asian warfare techniques, had a few what if debates in the international relations class, etc. I think a good book is Way of the Tiger, by poole I believe.

June 30, 2005, 03:20 PM
I definitely do not want to offend anyone--Mods, please delete if there's any doubt.

I was careful to use no more than the absolute minimum profanity with my previous work (Poison Summer), but I'm including actual backdrops and real experiences from my service time in this project. I'm compelled to include the ugliness (including the brutally insane language used in the experiences).

I definitely debated long and hard if this would be an appropriate venue to share this and again, please delete this if its not appropriate to this forum.

(I have a tremendous respect for this community and the mods--I have no desire to offend anyone.)


June 30, 2005, 03:27 PM
The idea is there will be characters from up and down the ranks, from Private to Major General. The concerns of the private will be food, cold, and looking down the sights at a person as they squeeze the trigger, the apache pilot will overcome his normal cockiness and deal with exhaustion, friendly fire incidents, and the General will be concerned with a strategic delaying actions--and the enemy of any arm, the supply line. I also envision a lot of close encounters, such as the infantry private having his bacon saved by some unknown chopper pilot, while another section tells the perspective of a chopper pilot's mission in CAS for some grunts on the Imjin River...

June 30, 2005, 03:59 PM
I'll read it when I'm not at work. As for language, I picked up a LOT of "f-boombs" when I first started out with the military, so I know that is "how it is" with some units.

However, as a reader, it can be very distracting if the main characters are always doing it (go watch "Deadwood" for a good example of how overuse of profanity can distract from the otherwise good dialogue), plus it can alienate a rather significant portion of your audience.

Perhaps a better technique might be to have the "full effect" early on to establish mood, but trim it out later on (or imply it by saying "He spewed out his usual foul mouthed oaths" rather than actually printing the words).

July 1, 2005, 10:55 AM
How about post it to a web site that contains a click-through warning about the R-rated language? Or offer a choice of clean vs. blue versions.

Personally I think cleaning it up would detract from the boot-camp experience, but we need to abide by THR policies when attaching files.

July 1, 2005, 02:56 PM
Sorry folks, I need to reconsider this one. I don't condone the language in my own story, which makes it a bit difficult proceed. Like I said earlier though, I don't know if I can tell this one without relating the experiences as they happened (in all their ugliness). I'm going spend a week or so in the mountains and hopefully I'll figure out what I want to work on next.

Regardless, thehighroad probably is the right place for this particular story-telling.

I apologize for any offense.

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