Yo Mama So Tactical


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Skunkabilly
June 29, 2005, 03:02 PM
...yo little sister be MOLLY compatible.
...she don't wear army boots...'cause she like Oakley SI Assault Boots instead.
...she tactical reload rolls of toilet paper when they be 2/3 expended. (she leave a full roll on the toilet seat lid for emergency speed reloads only)

"Yeah we're all the same inside. From 9 to .45" --Martina-Henry McBride

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odysseus
June 29, 2005, 03:06 PM
Hey - on tactical reloads of toilet paper... I have been looking for a good holster system for that.

kal
June 29, 2005, 03:07 PM
LMAO, I've never heard those before.

Jim PHL
June 29, 2005, 05:16 PM
...she wear a kevlar thong.

grimjaw
June 29, 2005, 05:30 PM
. . . her clothing iron has an tac rail, w/light.

. . . her pistol-gripped, black, kevlar broom is sectional.

. . . and so on. Please one up me, these are potentially hilarious.

jmm

Marko Kloos
June 29, 2005, 06:00 PM
...she make mashed potatoes and +peas.

...she don't drop the kids off at school, she do a tactical insertion.

...she don't pick the kids up from school, she do a tactical extraction.

..she carry the baby in a three-point sling.

Aahzz
June 29, 2005, 06:10 PM
- She wears a carbon fiber bra

iamhistory
June 29, 2005, 06:11 PM
.......her reading glasses are shatter proof and amber color for better page aquisition

dolanp
June 29, 2005, 06:13 PM
She gots a $500 red dot right in front of her $5K scope!

The Rabbi
June 29, 2005, 06:19 PM
-Drives a cammo jeep
-Spends nights reconning the living room
-Calls her butt her "personal six"

cslinger
June 29, 2005, 06:19 PM
I still think the funniest one was from way back.

Yo Mamma is so tactical she don't drink no Diet Pepsi, she drinks Heckler and Diet Koch.

Pretty sure that was one of your early ones Skunk, it really stuck with me.

Chris

BryanP
June 29, 2005, 06:45 PM
Yo momma so tactical ...

she uses Gun Scrubber as deodorant.

she drinks Colt 45GAP.

BigSlick
June 29, 2005, 10:02 PM
Yo mama so tactical she be havin' pistol grip ears :)

BigSlick

Hardtarget
June 29, 2005, 10:49 PM
...she does low crawl to the mail box...but not 'till twilight.
Mark.

Mal H
June 29, 2005, 11:19 PM
Yo momma so tactical ...

When she asks, "Does this Ghillie suit make me look fat?", you better answer "Yes!" 'cause that's the look she's going for.

KriegHund
June 29, 2005, 11:23 PM
Isnt it MOLLE? :p

Standing Wolf
June 29, 2005, 11:27 PM
...she splashes on Hoppe's No. 9 with a little C.L.P. for back-up before she goes out.

Hardware
June 30, 2005, 01:14 AM
...she cooks dinner in K pots.

kal
June 30, 2005, 01:49 AM
Yo momma so tactical, she put a M2 50cal, a thermal/night vision imaging device, and some fog lights on her vaccum during Operation Dust-Buster!

:eek:

Zach S
June 30, 2005, 08:59 AM
...CA banned her.

El Tejon
June 30, 2005, 09:18 AM
. . . she be cooking up SUL food.

. . . her "little, black dress" is BDUs.

. . . she armbarred the butcher until she got free pork chops.

. . . she put a vertical foregrip on the broom.

. . . her kitchen knives are from Strider.

Too Many Choices!?
June 30, 2005, 09:19 AM
..She uses a bayonnet INSTEAD of the CAN OPENER...

...On her,"Down" time she is always ,"Field Stripping", her appliances...

...I came over the other day and she was stuck to the wall, in full repel gear, with some "Combat Slippers" on with the ninja spikes on the bottom, while cleaning the ceiling fan...


:D

Travis McGee
June 30, 2005, 09:35 AM
Her vacuum cleaner has quad picatinny rails for accessories.

Third_Rail
June 30, 2005, 09:40 AM
... her brownie pans have Tennifer finish.

... her pot holders are carbon fiber.

... she wields spatulas akimbo in a tactical stance when cooking.

... she holds the remote in "low ready" when not changing channels.


:D

Rupestris
June 30, 2005, 10:07 AM
...Her feminine products are surplus field dressings.

...She puts Fox Labs pepper spray on her Taco Bell.

...She’s got a silencer on her blender.

...Her cook book has a recipe for C4.

...Her purse is made by Oakley and doubles as a Bug-Out-Bag.

...Her hair dryer has a bi-pod and a flash suppressor.

...She serves MRE’s for Christmas dinner.

...Her bra has trauma plates.

...When asked to "Slice the pie" she clears the house with her MP5.

Skunkabilly
June 30, 2005, 10:25 AM
. . . her kitchen knives are from Strider.

I don't cook with mine...ever.... :uhoh:

peacefuljeffrey
June 30, 2005, 11:02 AM
OMG these are FUNNY! ("bra has trauma plates"! :p )


Yo mama so tactical,
she set the company record for stripping and reassembling the food processor. ("Finished, Drill Sergeant!!")


Yo mama so tactical,
she had you and your siblings wear PASGT Kevlar helmets when you rode your bikes around the neighborhood.


Yo mama so tactical,
she clear the table after dinner... with a MP5.


Yo mama so tactical,
when she an' yo daddy play bedroom bondage games, she use Plasticuffs 'stead of rope.


Yo mama so tactical,
she cover her backyard vegetable garden with camo netting.


Yo mama so tactical,
she file her fingernails into handcuff keys.


-Jeffrey

entropy
June 30, 2005, 12:38 PM
Yo mama so tactical,
she cover her backyard vegetable garden with camo netting.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v196/mosinfan/roflyellow.gif



Yo mama so tactical,
she set the company record for stripping and reassembling the food processor. ("Finished, Drill Sergeant!!")

And then the Drill made her hold it out at arm's length 'til everyone was done.
(BDTD, with a 60.) :fire:


Yo mamma so tactical, when she farts she yells, "GAS, GAS, GAS" , but only when she forgets to say "Backblast area clear!?" ;)

mzmtg
June 30, 2005, 01:29 PM
...CA banned her.

Best yet!

roo_ster
June 30, 2005, 02:44 PM
A "spew warning" would have been nice...

I also vote for the "CA banned her" as best so far.

The Rabbi
June 30, 2005, 02:50 PM
+1 on the CA ban.

kal
June 30, 2005, 03:10 PM
Yo momma so tactical, she goes to formal parties dressed like this.
http://www.milcompass.com/ghilliesuit/ghillie.jpg

ghost457
June 30, 2005, 04:46 PM
.....she uses K-bars instead of steak knives

.....she spends more time at the BHI website than JC Penny

.....she trains you to field strip the appliances if she is incapacitated

.....she blew up the house while trying to find the right mixture for TNT

kal
June 30, 2005, 05:44 PM
Yo momma so tactical, when she farts it sounds like "Counter-Terrorists win"!

AK-74me
June 30, 2005, 07:09 PM
She's got a silincer on her salad shooter!

Dr.Rob
June 30, 2005, 07:36 PM
She got a gunrack on her shopping cart... for Uzis.

She got a trauma plate in her Nomex panties.

She got a black belt in sixteen katas and can still kill your a$$ with a shoe.

She got piano wire stashed in her weave.

She scolded me with a kubaton.

She a lipstick applicator look like a 12 gauge round.

I said she had a nice rack and she thought I was talking about her shotgun. Then she figured it out I got the kuboton again. I couldn't even spell Krav Maga before yesterday.

Her compact got a retractable handle so she can check the underside of her ride. I ain't never seen a bullet proof Geo, but she got one.

She use a flash bang to get everybody out of the pool.

She just look at a perp behind her Oakleys and the fool would throw his hands up and say "I did it" on the WAY to the crime. Hell he ain't even got to be strapped yet. Hell he was just thinking about robbing the McDonalds NEXT Thrursday... just fall on the ground blubbering 'don't kill me momma.'

That's how tactical your momma is.

with apologies to Chris Rock.

:D

gotbass
July 1, 2005, 12:44 AM
My personal favorite - "pistol grip ears" :evil:
Carbon fiber rubbers come to mind, hey come on for the rain of course.
She got a full body camo tatoo.

peacefuljeffrey
July 1, 2005, 01:06 AM
I also vote for the "CA banned her" as best so far.

I vote to de-nominate that one, since it doesn't make sense. Everyone knows that CA bans things that are minimally tactical, so the joke doesn't hold up. Being banned under CA law is not evidence of being "so tactical."


I nominate the "Strider kitchen knife" one.


Yo mama so tactical,
She pat down yo baby sitters before she leave.


Yo mama so tactical,
She use 100mph Tape in place of grip flowers in the bathtub.


Yo mama so tactical,
She order her Hyundai Sonata with a RealTree paintjob.


-Jeffrey

Zach S
July 1, 2005, 07:06 AM
I cant take credit for the "CA banned her," its the only one I remember from the last "yo mama so tactical" thread.

Hardware
July 2, 2005, 07:06 AM
...she don't leave the mall, she exfiltrates the operational area.

...she calls gettin' down with yo daddy "going hand to hand with Mr. Johnson".

Gary in Pennsylvania
July 2, 2005, 07:33 AM
...She performs S.P.O.R.T.S on her lighter when it don't light up on the first try!

...She considers a 'dinner roll' a more intense means to get to the supper table!

...She feeds the baby out of a canteen.....And puts iodine tabs in the formula!

BryanP
July 2, 2005, 08:38 AM
She got a black belt in sixteen katas and can still kill your a$$ with a shoe.

Eddie Murphy reference? I was so happy to find Delirious available as a bootleg DVD (there are no legitimate releases - bootleg is the only way to get it).

GunnySkox
July 2, 2005, 08:53 AM
Yo' momma's so tactical...

- She fast-ropes into Food Lion

- She refers to your home decor as "Maginot Line" style

- When "inserting" the kids to the soccer match, synchronized artillery fire masks the "intertion point" (her favorite parking space) with high density smoke.

- You don't ride the bus, you ride the Stryker to school

~Slam_Fire

45R
July 2, 2005, 09:19 AM
She shoots a Canon

Gary in Pennsylvania
July 2, 2005, 09:42 AM
- When she asks for a CZ........She ain't talkin' about a cubic zirconia!

Travis McGee
July 2, 2005, 03:14 PM
+3 on Cali banner her!

Jammer Six
July 2, 2005, 03:59 PM
...she drives an Urban Combat Assault Tactical Ammo & Personel Van (Mini).

peacefuljeffrey
July 2, 2005, 05:54 PM
+3 on Cali banner her!


But it doesn't make sense!

CA has a LOW threshold for things being "tactical"!

So CA banning her is not showing that she is "SO" tactical! :banghead:

-Jeffrey

Too Many Choices!?
July 2, 2005, 07:19 PM
If guys use the bathroom and don't lift the seat (and she'll know, there's a sensor and a counter on the T.P.:uhoh: lol), she make you clean the bathroom with a toothbrush :eek: ...

KriegHund
July 2, 2005, 08:05 PM
waaaambulance @ jeffrey

You momma so tactical she doesnt use a shopping cart at the food store- she uses an alice pack.

grimjaw
July 2, 2005, 08:14 PM
But it doesn't make sense!

Probably not, but it was still funny, which I took to be the point of the thread.

jmm

jlwatts3
July 2, 2005, 08:25 PM
+4 for the cali

No matter what you say Jeffrey.

Nathaniel Firethorn
July 2, 2005, 09:05 PM
...with just what she got in her bathrobe pockets she could clean up Camden and Trenton. Then grab her makeup case and neutralize Newark.

...NEVADA banned her, too! (OK, peacefuljeffrey?)

...she glasbeds the petunias.

...she reads her kids bedtime stories from Paladin Press.

- pd

Gary in Pennsylvania
July 2, 2005, 09:07 PM
she reads her kids bedtime stories from Paladin Press.



:D LOL!

BigSlick
July 2, 2005, 09:36 PM
Yo mama's so tactical, that when she says she's wearin' a belt today it does mean the feminine protection kind... in 7.62x51

Yo mamas's so tactical she got's Murray U, FJ and Chad on the speed dial of her TAC phone

Yo mama's so tactical, she get's to ride with the Mall Ninjas :D

Yo mama's so tactical, Janet Reno calls her to light the grill for a party of 80 of her best friends and family

Yo mama's so tactical even Lon Horiuchi wouldn't shoot her in the back

Yo mama's so tactical she could bitch slap Steven Segal in one of his own movies

entropy
July 2, 2005, 09:56 PM
Yo mama's so tactical she could bitch slap Steven Segal in one of his own movies http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v196/mosinfan/roflyellow.gif

...and there'd be a long line behind her. :D


Yo mama so tactical, she make Linda Hamilton in T2 look all frilly and lace.

Barbara
July 2, 2005, 10:12 PM
Tactical diaper reloads?
5.11 diaper bags.

crazyXgerman
July 3, 2005, 01:18 PM
Yo mama so tactical her shower cap is made out of kevlar

Yo mama so tactical her pillow is filled with buckshot

Gr8Scott
July 11, 2005, 11:14 PM
Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but I gotta make an addition. Hope noone minds...

Yo momma so tactical...

Her tampax come equipped with mag pulls and they drop free. :uhoh: :eek: :barf:

wolf_from_wv
July 11, 2005, 11:33 PM
- hair drier has a bayonet lug with a curling iron attached.

- buys makeup compacts in the sporting goods section during hunting season.

- spike healed shoes are appropriately named.

- paring knife is Cold Steel Recon Tanto.

peacefuljeffrey
July 12, 2005, 01:34 AM
+4 for the cali

No matter what you say Jeffrey.


Fine, as long as we all recognize that it just doesn't make any sense.

It's kind of like a car dealer's ad saying that they give "UP TO AT LEAST $3000 for your trade!!"

"Up to at least"?? : :confused:

-Jeffrey

Gary in Pennsylvania
July 12, 2005, 06:06 AM
- buys makeup compacts in the sporting goods section during hunting season.


Bwaaa haaaa! Funny!

chopinbloc
July 12, 2005, 08:50 AM
...she put in a hogue toilet seat (http://thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=141837&highlight=hogue+toilet+seat)

...the furrows in her garden are one kevlar deep, two kevlars wide and as long as she is tall.

...her moo-moo has cargo pockets.

...she carves notches in her salad shooter.

...people stop her at the grocery store and say "could i please get your autograph, mr. schwarzenegger?"

The Rabbi
July 12, 2005, 10:27 AM
She refers to your little brother as her "back-up kid."

chopinbloc
July 12, 2005, 10:52 AM
...she has a trijicon endorsement contract.

...she appeared in the rguns calendar. :evil:

...she uses blackout drive and nvgs on the way home from church.

...her birthstone is teflon.

...her turkey baster is moly-coated.

...she has a briefcase with a ballistic panel insert and a nef .300 winmag handi-rifle inside.... ooooh, burn!

...her strawberry shortcake recipe reads: 1850 grains sugar...

okay, i know i have too much time on my hands, but i can't help it, this is just too much fun.

Hemicuda
July 12, 2005, 01:21 PM
Her vacuum is crew-served just like her s.a.w.

SDGlock23
July 12, 2005, 07:51 PM
-she only communicates with hand signals

-she reloads her own lipstick

-she puts molycoating on her tampons

Avenger29
July 12, 2005, 09:37 PM
She gave you a G-36 (in 7.62 Nato, of course!) for your 6th birthday...

H&K sends her their latest products for field testing

She trained the local SWAT team...into a team better than Delta :p

She read Che Guevara's "Guerrilla Warfare" to you for bedtime stories when you were little (reading it right now...)

She cooks supper over C4

She knows what really happened to Bin Laden- it involved her

The missing weapons of mass destruction from Iraq showed up in her backyard

She also took the Comanche prototype- it is in the backyard, along with the WMD's. She figured that if it wasn't good enought for the Pentagon, that she would give it a good home. :cool:

People stopped playing loud music in your neighborhood after they learned it attracted mortar fire... :evil:

She taught you to field strip and reassembal all major military fireams before you were 5.

You got thrown out of school for carrying a K-BAR because she tossed it in your lunch bag :what:

Marko Kloos
July 12, 2005, 09:45 PM
Tactical diaper reloads?
5.11 diaper bags.

What's a tactical dad to do? 5.11 doesn't make diaper bags.

Fortunately, these folks (http://www.duds4dads.com) do. I swear by mine. :D

peacefuljeffrey
July 13, 2005, 12:14 AM
I dunno, people. These are gettin' less and less thought-out, more and more silly and preposterous... I think the thread's dyin' a painful death. :uhoh:

-Jeffrey

crt360
July 13, 2005, 12:26 AM
- she house-trained the dog with a tazer

- she fries chicken in Ballistol

2nd Amendment
July 13, 2005, 01:08 AM
Jeff, I love ya man but we gotta do something about your sense of humor there! :)

Yeah, yeah, I can't think of any good tactical-momma comments myself, gimme a break.

chopinbloc
July 13, 2005, 01:17 AM
People stopped playing loud music in your neighborhood after they learned it attracted mortar fire...
gets my vote.

macavada
July 13, 2005, 01:23 AM
She changed the underwires in her bras to +5% extra power wires (to help improve feeding).

Sportcat
July 13, 2005, 10:43 AM
She wears a thong made out of 550 cord.

She has a son nick-named "Skunky."

entropy
July 13, 2005, 11:10 AM
She wears a thong made out of 550 cord. :D

Better yet, a bikini. Freeky Tiki. :cool:

axmurderer
July 13, 2005, 12:01 PM
... she has a laser sight on her fly swatter

... watching American Shooter gets her hot

... SOF magazine calls her to ask advice

grampster
July 13, 2005, 08:30 PM
Yo' Mama so tactical:

She use a reloader to re-supply her soap dish.

She wear night vision goggles to take out trash.

Her jogin' shoes be boony boots.

She drag her leaves in parachute silk.

When Skunky come home late, she say "Drop and gimme 20"

She need CCW to carry her purse.

Her Red Man can in camo.

Omni04
July 13, 2005, 08:46 PM
People stopped playing loud music in your neighborhood after they learned it attracted mortar fire...

hahahaha! see this thread isn't dying! ;)

peacefuljeffrey
July 14, 2005, 01:43 AM
Yo mama so tactical,
her hair dryer gots a New York Trigger.


Yo mama so tactical,
her tampons are TMJ.


Yo mama so tactical,
her sunglasses got glare shields.


Yo mama so tactical,
your baby carriage had run-flat tires on it.


Yo mama so tactical,
when she at the checkout line, she don't ride up on the next shopping cart any further than she can see the wheels of it over the top o' hers.


Yo mama so tactical,
all her kids' clothing had buddy-drag loops on the collars.


Yo mama so tactical,
she pack you MREs for school lunch.


Yo mama so tactical,
when you was a kid, she accurized your spitball shooter fo' ya.



-Jeffrey

CleverName
July 14, 2005, 01:47 AM
Yo mama so tactical...

She uses her 5-alarm Chili to reload OC sprays - and it's stronger than stock.

Zach S
July 14, 2005, 07:42 AM
I dont know why I didnt think of it before, but when I was a little kid I heard someone say "yo Mama wears combat boots," the geek he said it to didnt miss a beat, and replied with "that's cuz she's on the SWAT team!"

I dont know if his Mama was really on swat, but AFAIK he never got picked on again...

entropy
July 14, 2005, 12:00 PM
See peacefuljeffery, it's not so hard. ;) Those are good, not sure about the absorbancy of TMJ though.... :D

NIGHTWATCH
July 14, 2005, 08:33 PM
.....her bedroom slippers have steel toes! :p

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