Any July 4th horror stories?


July 5, 2005, 06:50 AM
Any idiots in your part of the world who used July 4th as an excuse for mayhem, dumb stuff, and general stupidity?

My contribution, courtesy of the local PD, who are still laughing:

Goon tries to impress mother, siblings and (new) girlfriend by making monster firework for the Fourth. Goon buys about $50 worth of fireworks (assorted), cuts them all open, decants the contents into a 2-liter Coke bottle, and places this carefully on the lawn in front of his house. Scratches head, tries to figure out how to light said bottle without a rolled paper fuse. Has inspiration. Takes fuse from cut-open firework, lights fuse, and drops into open neck of bottle. Resultant blast removes his clothing, gives him flashburns up and down the front of his body, blinds him in one eye, and cauterizes his tongue, which he presumably had between his teeth and lips while trying to think (an activity which won't be necessary for a while now). Also breaks several windows in house and neighborhood. Mother is not impressed, and when police arrive, is seated upon her recumbent son, beating him heavily around the head, questioning his intelligence in somewhat less than the Queen's English. Girlfriend has left, saying she wants a safer boyfriend.


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July 5, 2005, 06:55 AM
Where's a video camera when you need one!?!? C'mon someone HAD to have filmed that.

July 5, 2005, 07:06 AM
It's only funny until you have to take care of them in the ER, while keeping a straight face.

July 5, 2005, 07:45 AM
There I wuz, unpacking my latest acquisition, a Lee Pro 1000, which will do nothing but .38 specials, when the rattle of what would sound to the untrained ear like fully automatic fire penetrated The Bunker.

I hurridly reloaded my 22 _ounce_ beverage, and headed for tactical rear deck, about the time the last of the giant string of fireworks a block or so over finished. It was a nice night, so I stayed out a moment or three, then I watched the news, and went to bed...

July 5, 2005, 08:22 AM
Well, nothing gun related, but here goes.
At approx 0430 I was headed to a friends house to drop him off after a long night of blowing stuff up and playing Halo 2. While coming around a corner I heard a rubbing sound coming from the front right wheel of my vehicle. Then I felt a wobble. While approaching another intersection I jokingly said to him "Cory, I hope this wheel stays on long enough to get home". As if it were on que there was a loud SNAP! and the front right wheel keeps going straight. The problem was that the rest of the vehicle was turning left.
Pow! The rotor hit the ground, and so did the front end of the car. Resulting damage doesnt actually look too bad. Needs a new fender, new rotors, possible a brake line. Other than that it looks ok so far. Have not yet had a chance to study it closely.

After stopping (did not have much of a choice at this point) and doing a safety and damage assesment I called dispatch and they had a unit out quickly. The tire rolled through the intersection and hit a curb. The car came to a stop blocking only 1 lane of traffic on a 4 lane hiway. No injuries and no property damage, so all is well.

The funny thing (other than the excellent timing of my comment) was watching the wheel just bounce along casually through the intersection even as I was trying to bring the vehicle to a safe stop.

Guess this kind of stuff has to happen to someone. I have a sense of humor.Might as well be me.

July 5, 2005, 08:24 AM
I am not going to start telling war stories, but I work as a firefighter. I have seen many an idiot burn down their own house or that of their neighbors exercising their right to set off fireworks.

El Tejon
July 5, 2005, 08:35 AM
Well, I happen to work in the stupidity field. "Hold my beer and watch this, Aunt Mom." :D

Alcohol, gun powder, an seventh grade education and a complete lack of dental hygenie are never pretty. Had several folks around here forget that calling attention to one's self is not the right thing to do when on probation. :D

Several arrested, none hospitalized, fortunately.

July 5, 2005, 08:52 AM
I see that happen a lot.
Some idiot gets into an argument with their significant other or another moron. One decides to make the argument all the more dramatic by calling an ambulance. Turns out that one or both of them have warrants and they, in effect, turned themselves in because they are idiots.
Happens every day.

July 5, 2005, 08:55 AM

Gator attacks man in NC lake

(Wilmington, North Carolina-NBC) July 4, 2005 - In Wilmington, North Carolina's Greenfield Lake there are plenty of gators, hungry gators.

Floyd Masters was spending his holiday weekend along the lake, when he decided to take a dip.

Despite several posted signs warning of alligators in the area, Masters jumped into the water. Moments later, he was attacked by one of the ten-foot reptiles who bit his right arm.

Two men saw the attack and dragged Masters out of the lake. They used a shirt as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Masters was treated for bites to his chest, stomach and hands, as well.

Police and wildlife officials are investigating. Masters' injuries are not considered life threatening.

July 5, 2005, 09:10 AM
It's too early...

Any REALLY good stories wont be over yet... :D

July 5, 2005, 09:13 AM
We had the Korean police show up after firing off some fireworks offpost . :banghead:

I think it had something to do with, 30 drunk Army guys shooting bottlerocket at eack other. :scrutiny:


July 5, 2005, 10:32 AM
You are not alone. I had almost the same exact thing (without the timely comment) happen to me with the second car I owned. All the lug bolts sheered off, thankfully I was slowing down and pulling into the turn lane when it happened. You are right, it is very surreal watching your tire continue on through the intersection. Mine made it through a busy intersection and bounced out into an empty field at the corner. I can't believe none of the cars was hit by my rogue tire as it was rush hour and the road was packed with cars.

On the current 4th safety subject... no injuries/stupidity to report. We had the kids out on the slip and slide all afternoon so the yard was completely soaked before we started with the fireworks. Saw a lot of nice fireworks throughout the neighborhood and heard no fire engines or cop cars the entire time (much better than our old neighborhood). I love being a homeowner in a nice neighborhood.

July 5, 2005, 11:45 AM
Wheel falling off is bad, imagine being on a 4 lane roadway, about to cross another 4 lane that always has heavy traffic, when the light turns red. You hit the brakes and they slap to the floor, and stay there. :what:

There is a lot to be said about the speed the human brain cranks up to in times like that.

Luckily, there was a Moses moment in cross traffic and I shot thru unscathed. About half a block later the rear brake cylinder finally got the car stopped.

It turns out the hydraulic line that goes between the frame clip and the front wheel brake assembly ruptured and sprayed all my brake fluid on the ground. :cuss:

No fireworks accidents, but I tried to become a Roman candle. ( if the brake fluid would have sprayed back onto the exhaust header ) :fire:

July 5, 2005, 11:46 AM
I got a sunburn on my nose. :neener:

Harry Tuttle
July 5, 2005, 12:08 PM
Yesterday, i taught a young lad how to safely ignite a hotdog cooking fire with white gas.
After stacking kindling and sticks and adding a top layer of 2 inch timber,
we spent a couple minutes on proper long distance wooden match flicking.

Once he had that technique mastered, i added a half cup of "boyscout juice", stepped back to the firingline, and gave the fire command.

He delayed the ignition for 5 seconds, so the vapors built up and spilled out of the fire ring



July 5, 2005, 01:08 PM
I'll let you in on a little secret. I use three or four Matchlite briquettes to start camp/cooking fires. They light easy and burn for about five minutes. Long enough to get everything else started. ;)

Turned out to be a rather uneventful 4th here. Rain moved in just before dark and slowed everything down.
No major fires, no ambulances or fire trucks. It was entertaining listening to my sister-in-law going balistic because bottle rockes and other debris from the neighborhood was landing in her pool. :D

July 5, 2005, 01:49 PM
I was enjoying myself until I read George Hill's July 1st blog entry.

then I got all depressed

Friday, July 1st, 2005: I've got mixed feelings about the 4th of July this year. With the Supremes saying that it is okay for a local municipal government to take private property from one guy and sell it to another guy... I'm just not feeling it. If a guy breaks into your home, steals something, sells it to a pawn shop – that's illegal. But if the City takes your whole freaking house and pawns it off – well that's just fine. ***? That is so blatantly unconstitutional that it inst even funny. The open door for gross abuse of this, for revenge, favoritism, for kickbacks... I just can not see how this decision was reached with a straight face. Guys, this 4th will be a Memorial. Independence day... it used to be. It used to be.

My faith in the system is broken as it stands now. But I do believe in this country, and I do believe in the organization and processes that make the system work. The only problem is that evil people have been for generations eating away at our freedoms and liberty. The system is right – but the people in the system are wrong. Very wrong. The USA was founded on the principles of INDIVIDUAL LIBERTY. Freedom in the purist form. If you think otherwise, screw you... because you are ignorant of the details of history and where the Founding Fathers were coming from. I wont be calibrating the 4th this year. I'll be mourning it.

Then I read Kim du Toit's response to George's lament and got even more depressed.


July 5, 2005, 01:52 PM
Wheel falling off is bad, imagine being on a 4 lane roadway, about to cross another 4 lane that always has heavy traffic, when the light turns red. You hit the brakes and they slap to the floor, and stay there.

Been there. Done that. In my case even though I popped the emergency brake I still thought I was gonna go into the intersection. I wound up shoving the tranny into "Park" to stop the car. Yeah, bad on the transmission, but getting nailed by a semi would have been worse.

As for fireworks, I worked in the ER too long to buy or shoot any cheap fireworks. I just watch the town displays and the occasional neighbor who's trying to blow themselves up.

Gun related: Any reports of idiots shooting in the air in your areas this year? I haven't heard of any around here.

lee n. field
July 5, 2005, 02:04 PM
Nothing real horrible or interesting, except my son modified my lighter so it has a six inch flame, the better to light our (technically illegal in this People's State) fireworks. Must be something he learned in Boy Scouts.

July 5, 2005, 02:26 PM
That guy referred to by P'man in opening post - had obviously never heard of cannon fuze!!! Heck, a few inches of that and he'd be in good shape, except for the maternal beating, and a P'd off neighborhood!!!!

Darwin is probably counting up his successes from this weekend and I think it is early yet for the main reports to come in! Some folks somewhere local had a good shoot (by sound of it) - even some full auto - hopefully no gun oriented mishaps from that.

As they say - watch this space. ;) :)

July 5, 2005, 02:45 PM
My 4'th horror story was from last year... driving down the road, not feeling right, and realizing that I just drove the last mile and a half unconscious.

Drove right to the emergency room where they determined I was puttering around with a BP of 225/110. Stress reaction, long story behind it too :)

I'm frellin' lucky I didn't stroke out that day...

Harry Tuttle
July 5, 2005, 03:07 PM
Matchlite briquettes

Matchlite briquettes do not go "Foooooooooom!" as if that olde wurm Smaug smote the barbie from Mount Doom.

I like using waxen starter stix for campfires, but they take 3 minutes to achive what the white gas did in 3 seconds.

Young lads are tempted by the powers of Boyscout Juice.
Its important to teach them how to safely harness the conflageration so they don't end up like Preacherman's citizen.

Heck, Pyro 101 has a whole chapter on fuse trailing gunpowder piles
that the "Goon" obviously missed.


July 5, 2005, 03:22 PM
I had a horror story for a little while, but it had a happy ending.

I was shooting my Armalite AR-15 with HoloSight with my Dad yesterday. We were celebrating the 4th by shooting our US issue firearms. I was trying to make some adjustments to the scope and make sure it was zeroed in adequately.

Anyway, the gun was acting real eratic after the first set of groups. It failed to feed a couple times, failed to eject, and the bolt failed to close a few times. I didn't know what was going on. Finally, it failed to feed once. I looked down at it and there was some little piece of brass wedged along side the cartridge preventing it from dropping into the barrel and holding the bolt open. We made the mistake of pulling back on the bolt and the little piece fell out. Not knowing what it was, we started looking for it and looking at the fired brass. We found at 3 cases with the primer section missing. We figured that one of those got caught up in the bolt and was giving us most of the problems. We pulled out the bolt to double check and found nothing. The movement of the bolt appeared okay. We were out in the woods and couldn't find the small primer pieces.

I fired some more and started to get ejection problems almost immediately. My Dad suggested looking to make sure there was nothing jamed in the ejector. There didn't appear to be anything there. We ended up field stripping it again. This time, I pulled that pin out of the bolt and pulled the bolt apart. On the back of the lug piece I found a little piece of brass maybe a couple milimeters long and thin. It was inside the bolt and likely fouled up the action. I figured it was pinched off one of those primer pieces that got bent up around the bolt.

We wiped everything down, put it back together, and everything operated just perfectly. I shot off a 40 round mag of Wolf ammo before we left without any problems whatsoever. My Holosight was nice and accurate. I was ecstatic that it was not the rifle but the cheap ammo I was trying to shoot up. :)

Lesson: I was trying to burn up some old brass ammo I had. I think it was some no-name ammo I bought at a gun show that comes in clear plastic bags. I think the lesson is to Not use cheap ammo. It is just not worth it. Stick to factory or ammo that YOU trust. If memory serves, this is the same ammo from a year or so ago where one cartridge came apart on me as I tried to eject the unfired cartridge. The bullet stayed in the barrel and it dumped powder all in the inside of the rifle. A pain to clean out. I have bought this ammo before just to use for breakin or to shoot up. I don't think I was waste money on it again.

July 5, 2005, 03:27 PM
In our little community of Hurst, TX last night you'd have thought a tanker of Budweiser had flipped over because there were thousands of people in the streets.
Perched upon our folding chairs along with hundreds of other tailgaiters in the parking lot of Cavender's Boot City/Dollar General, we watched some folks zoom around on mini bikes and ate ice cream from Braums while we waited for the fireworks.
The fireworks were pretty good. The best part though was when the grand finale ended. A woman near us of substantial proportion yelled out, GIT R DONE! :D

Then we spent 30 minutes trying to get out of the parking lot.

July 5, 2005, 03:27 PM
Not exactly 4th of July related but there was a lot of "red" and "white" (no blue). Took a look at my daughters tonsils. :eek: Hmmmm. Probably time to go see the doctor. Initial tests came back negative for both strep and mono. What's left? She was a real trooper when they took the blood. Those needles are big when your arm is only 10 years old.

July 5, 2005, 03:28 PM
I safely ignited dozens of fireworks yesterday, until the very last one...

I was trying to light the fuse on the last "artillery shell" with my punk, but it wouldn't start. So, I pulled out my lighter and hunkered over to light it that way. Yes, I kept clear of the tube, I'm not that stupid, but I cupped my off hand around the lighter and fuse to block the wind...

Dang! Those big fuses burn hot! Instant 2nd degree burns on the first two fingers of my left hand when that sucker lit. :banghead:

July 5, 2005, 03:40 PM
From last year also. During the start of our annual fireworks display my wife's (artificial) hip dislocated. To her horror, her foot turned completely backward and I had to hold her up in a standing position until the ambulance arrived while listening to her scream. To make a long story short it went like this: Closed reduction, (putting joint back together) 2 day hospital stay, ungodly brace and exercise for 3 months, along with the possibility of another joint replacement. (larger ball)

Needless to say, our fireworks were put off for a few weeks last year.

This year, thank God, they went off without a hitch.

Mr. James
July 5, 2005, 04:29 PM
Luckily, there was a Moses moment in cross traffic and I shot thru unscathed.



'zact same thing happened to me. Last piece of the night and "verdampft!!!" :cuss: I treated it with fermented malt product p.o.

July 5, 2005, 05:07 PM
...was trying to light the fuse on the last "artillery shell" with my punk...

That why on windy days don't use a punk ... I don't smoke, but a cigarette works better when its windy.

July 5, 2005, 05:20 PM
one of my friends last year let his girl friend set up a few fire works, she put in a mortar round up side down. Needless to say my friend got the surprise of his life when in went out near his legs.

July 5, 2005, 05:22 PM
while street racing (in my young, stupid days)....Definitely an "OH, S**T" moment, especially when you're in the passenger seat...Luckily my buddy had the presence of mind to NOT hit the brakes...coasted down and bounced it against the curb to stop....

P.S. Sweetest ride we ever built...'66 Corvette w/ 427, 13:1 compression,WILD cam, dual 4 barrel Holleys, 4" side pipes (no mufflers), 2 mpg(Sunoco 260, highway AND city)...That thing was scary even when all 4 wheels were on it...

Anyway, to get back on gun topics, taught 2 beginners to shoot on the fourth, see other thread :D

July 5, 2005, 05:43 PM
Great fireworks at the Mall in DC, but the traffic would have caused even Art's Grammaw to use some bad words... Took 1 1/2 hours to get out of the Pentagon parking lot and another hour to go three miles on the BACK streets! One friend just emailed me, said he got home at 1:15 after a 6 mile drive :what: Some folks tried to take Metro and apparently waited over 2 hours just to get on the Metro :D

July 5, 2005, 09:10 PM
Oddly enough, I'm glad I wasn't the only person reflecting on the State of the Union while watching the fireworks. And they definately paled because of it...

July 5, 2005, 09:41 PM
Here's one from Dayton. This was actually reported rather casually on the news today. First there's the idiot that discharges a weapon to 'celebrate' the 4th and shoots an innocent bystander, then there's the reporter telling us about the 'bullets' coming out of that shotgun.

July 5, 2005, 10:39 PM
I heard on the news tonight that my department responded on 162 fires from July 1 - July 4.
Right now (1930 HRs, July 5) they are wrapping up a three alarm fire that burnt down the gym at a elementary school (big building). At one time they had four ladder pipes in operation on this fire.
It was reported that it started by some kids playing with fireworks.

July 5, 2005, 11:02 PM
I was enjoying myself until I read George Hill's July 1st blog entry.

yeah, that is a bit depressing. I see where he is coming from though.

July 5, 2005, 11:10 PM

Our local city decided that this Fourth they were going to forego the traditional fireworks display.

So, my little town jumps up and announces that they're going to have a Boom-a-Rama. For $5 per car, anyone who wishes can drive out to the city lake, where the grass has been cut, volunteer fire department and Rescue squad are present in force and - quite coincidentally - the city has set up food and soft drink stands for only about 400% above the going rate.

If you don't think real hard about it, this sounds like a right proper idea. Give everyone a safe place to worship the gods of Big Noises and Fire, with public safety personnel less than a scream away, and the town makes a decent chunk of change.

What actually happened was one of the most concentrated collections of pure distilled dumbass that I've been privileged to see in my four decades on this green earth.

So. Here is the LawDog Clan. And we are planning on making sure that on the morning of July 5, there won't be a single evil spirit within about 300 miles of this town. We spent a lot of money on fireworks. And some of them may, or may not, have been supplemented by those of us with a working knowledge of pyro-chemistry.

Night falls, and we load up into three extended cab pickups and an SUV -- when I say Clan, I mean everybody -- and we drive out to the lake.

And it is a pretty drive. From the highway there are these huge, beautiful bursts of red and green and gold and every other colour available to modern chemistry sparkling in the air over the lake. Gorgeous.

Then, we actually got out to the lake.

Picture, in your minds eye, an area roughly the size of two high school football fields sans sidelines or endzones, placed side-by-side.

Now, take every redneck in a town of 6000 with pyromaniacal tendencies, and put them in this area. Add a generous dose of the inhabitants of the nearby city of 100,000, who are determined to make up for their city's lack of a firework display with one of their own.

Now, add everyone in the entire bloody county who feels slighted by the lack of an official fireworks display anywhere, and has decided to make do "Out at Bugscuffle Lake."

You literally couldn't go six feet without walking across an artillery tube.

Looked cool as hell from the parking area.

The ladies, being the only of the Clan who seemed to be actually, you know, thinking that night, promptly holed up inside the SUV with the children and locked the doors.

Us menfolk, all veterans and no strangers to bigger goat-ropings than this, promptly spat some chaw, hitched up our belts, picked up our two crates of go-bangs and trundled into the fray.

I should, at this point, describe the crates. Somewhere, Aidan had found two crates about six feet long, maybe two feet or so across and about the same deep. Had rope handles on either end. On hindsight, they might have borne a striking resemblance to cheap coffins, but nobody thought to point that out to me at the time.



July 6, 2005, 12:05 AM
Anyhoo, off we trundle through the field, carrying our two ... crates ... of fireworks, mentally rubbing our paws and giggling.

The first problem came when we literally couldn't find a place to set up. Everytime we'd think we found a decent spot, someone else would plonk down an artillery tube less than ten feet away and begin launching explosive stuff willy-and-nilly.

Finally we got located. We unshipped our mortar tubes, and began wiring a sequence pattern for the first barrage, when Aidan yelled, "Fire!"

Chortling indulgently, Chris patted him on the shoulder and bellowed above the sounds of thousands of pyrotechnics going off, "Patience!"

"Patience, my ass," bellowed Aidan, pointing, "Fire!"

Yeppers. Waist-high wall of flame roaring our way, gamely pursued by two aging pumper trucks.

I'm told that the sight of seven very large white guys, carrying two vaguely coffin-shaped crates whilst hauling ass across a field followed by a grass-fire, followed in turn by two pumper trucks, had the ladies in stitches for the rest of the evening.

No comment.

Anyhoo, once the flames were beaten into submission by the VFD, we set back up, loaded our first pattern and launched it successully into the sky.

Many ooh's and ahh's followed, and we began a hearty round of congratulatory hand-shaking, in the middle of which Conor began to frantically slap the lids back onto our crates.

We were somewhat puzzled by this, until someone pointed out a fairly large-ish artillery tube about 15 feet away. Laying on it's side. With a sparking length of cannon fuze disappearing into it's depths.

Which we could see, because it was pointed right at us.

Brothers dove left. Kin sprinted right, and Conor just dropped flat in-between the two crates as the tube launched and the big red ball impacted about six feet short of our cases of low-grade explosive, arced over the top, bounced again about 20 feet further on and detonated in a beautiful burst of red and blue fireballs in the middle of a group of people who seemed to have been setting up about six strings of Black Cats.

At least, I hope that's what they were doing, 'cause that's what happened.

From the mighty cheer that went up, I can surmise that this feat met with approval from a great many people. I can also surmise that more than a few of them had been steadily violating the "No Booze" rule and were probably pissed as newts.

Anyhoo, someone, whom I don't know, but apparently unrelated to the survivors of the artillery shell/Black Cat incident, decided that this required a stern response, right smartly.

Counter-battery fire came in the form of two artillery shells and a smoke bomb zeroing in on the culprits.

Passing over our crates in the bloody process, I might add.

This, of course, necessitated answering fire missions of several minutes duration, culminating in an artillery shell bouncing gracefully from roof-to-roof of several innocent vehicles merely watching the display, before detonating spectacularly above a hapless Plymouth Neon and bringing the attention of Johnny Law.

With the appearance of the local PD and the SO and DPS, the combatants were dispersed nicely, allowing my family to emerge from our various possitions of cover, and begin to -- once again -- set up our display.

By God, we got off two full sets of launches, and I was just getting into the proper spirit of things, when I get punched between the shoulder blades with a flaming pick-axe. Next thing I know, I'm face down in the dirt, can't breath, mouth full of dry grass, and the distinct smell of flaming cotton fabric wafting gently in the non-existant breeze.

Trust me, I know what a burning cotton shirt smells like. Don't ask.

I can also see, from my somewhat skewed perspective, what looks like a high-school-maybe-college-age girl with a mildly perplexed look on her face as she tugs on the sleeve of a slightly older man standing next to her.

He turns, and in the rockets red glare and the gentle illumination of bombs bursting in air, I can lip-read her say to the guy, who has been setting up another four-foot tall, sub-orbital, ballistic missile: "Baby, I think the rocket fell over."


Next thing I know, my relatives are dumping the contents of one crate into the other crate, picking my gently smouldering carcass up, dumping it into the emptied crate, picking up both crates and --once again -- taking off at a dead run across the field.

Now, remember the description of the crate from the last post? Now. Imagine you are the distaff members of the Clan. Your male relatives - minus one - come running past the SUV you have wisely holed up in. They are carrying - still one relative short - a large crate matching the description given above, with limbs, and bits and parts hanging over the side because I don't bloody well fit, thankyouverymuch, heave the crate and aforementioned bits into the back of a pick-up and drive off at a high rate of speed.


They caught up when Mat stopped the pick-up at the closest cattle tank, and they heaved me and my crate into the water, to make sure that no bits were still warmer than they should have been. Kind of put the kibosh to the rest of the night.


And we've still got fireworks left over. :(


July 6, 2005, 12:09 AM
Ian, you take the prize for the best 4th of July tale I've ever read! :D

July 6, 2005, 12:26 AM
Since nobody else will, I have to ask: LawDog, HOW do you know what burning cotton smells like?!?!

Mr. Loud Guns
July 6, 2005, 12:43 AM
I don't know if this is a horror story or not but it did wake up just about everyone in our nieghborhood. :neener: My dad's friend managed to get a half stick of dynamite to set off. :what: We set is off in our backyard leaving a large crater THAT I HAD to fix. :banghead: It only took me a few minutes so I guess this was worth it. :evil:

July 6, 2005, 12:52 AM

Bonus 4th of July LawDog File


That helped bring me out of my funk a bit. :)

July 6, 2005, 01:12 AM
we had 5 deaths... does that count for much?
2 motorcycles collided head-on = 3 (out of 4) dead.
go-kart runs into a 4-door sedan = 2 (out of 4) dead.

other than that, pretty uneventful.

July 6, 2005, 03:32 AM
Now, take every redneck in a town of 6000 with pyromaniacal tendencies, and put them in this area. Yeah, don't have to imagine that. Denton County set up theirs about 1/2 mile up the hill from the old homestead outside Justin. We decided to stick around the house and play with a couple of sparklers. The bunch of deputies and DPS fellas milling around the front yard directing traffic joined us for a bit. I tried to challenge them all to a shooting contest, but they said they couldn't while on duty. I think I had the whole Sheriff's department promise they'd call me the next week to have a go... never heard back. Wussies.

This year, the local urchins were shooting off bottle rockets outside. Year before last, I had to yell at them about shooting them off under a tree and using actual bottles. Glass ones. Budweiser, IIRC. I could just see the EMTs picking glass out of their little fingers. *Somebody* (dunno who would do this...) made them a custom launch tube and carefully instructed them on its use. This anonymous fellow must be pretty sharp, because they can ignite the fuse when it's already in the tube. One detonated prematurely, and didn't cause so much as a scorched finger. Try that with a beer bottle!

July 6, 2005, 05:37 AM
Did you guys hear the one about these crazy settlers who decided to start their own country.

buncha weirdos! :neener:

July 6, 2005, 08:24 AM
Yaa-aayyyyyy! Lawdog found "Whimsical" again! :D

Tom Servo
July 6, 2005, 08:33 AM
Alcohol, gun powder, an seventh grade education and a complete lack of dental hygenie are never pretty.
Tejon, you're describing most of my neighbors!

It's a known fact on my block, that on any given holiday, I'm generally the only sober person for a 1/4 mile radius. When (not IF) somebody has to go to the hospital for something, guess who gets a knock on the door?

I've stopped answering my doorbell. Year before last, it was my neighbor's friend (BTW, they're all in their late 40s). They were taking turns holding strings of lit black-cats to see who could hold on the longest. The most inebriated of the bunch held on quite long, and got 3rd degree burns on his hand. They wanted me to take him to the hospital, and my response was, "it's 2:00 in the morning. Call an ambulance." Their response was, "we don't want the cops coming and finding Dale's stash."

Three words: not my problem :banghead:

July 12, 2005, 12:57 PM
Well I've updated my fancy schmancy LawDog Files PDF ... sutable for printing (and framing if you've got nothing better to do with your time :p ).

Anyway ... enjoy.

July 13, 2005, 02:47 AM
some three teenage idiots (reportedly) started a bush fire in the national park right behind my parents' house. (see news about Yorba Linda, CA bush fire of July 5) It disturbed me to see the charred hills not a quarter mile from the house. I managed to avoid fear or panic only because I noticed the proximity after the fire was out.


July 13, 2005, 07:22 PM
No these are not me, nor anyone I am related to or even know.

Notice the bottle containing fermented liquids in the pictures. Definite Darwin wannabe

I'll accept nominations for the title of this photo series.

July 13, 2005, 07:35 PM
The stupidity of some'd think Darwin would've weeded out all the room-temp IQ members of the human race by now, but they keep building a better idiot.

Looks like an "Ass Blaster" or "Pinching One Off" to me. :p

July 13, 2005, 11:47 PM
Actually, I was thinking "that really burns my a**"...

Sorry... someone used the saying earlier today, and it DOES fit...

July 14, 2005, 12:06 AM
Haha, and I thought I could be stupid sometimes. All I did was attempt to buy a round of drinks for the crew of the Iwo Jima. Well, not all of them, just the ones in the bar.

July 19, 2005, 06:34 AM
Here's a GREAT letter-to-the-editor:

The rocket’s red glare and other misadventures of an average guy

Every Fourth of July, my wife and I buy a bunch of cheap fireworks and launch them in our front yard (we live out in the sticks). Last year, we were nearly cut to ribbons by some little whirly things that ignored their designated flight paths, so this year we skipped the small stuff and bought some really big rockets. We figured they’d be safer.

They would have been, too, if I’d remembered to use a PVC tube to launch them. For some reason, this slipped my mind, and I just laid out wet newspapers and stuck the first rocket through the papers and into the lawn. This was a big rocket, too. It had a wooden shaft like a firing strip. Anyway, I lit this monster and then sat on the porch next to my wife, saying “This oughta be good.” Well, I was right about that. The rocket ignited, but to our horror it didn’t leave the ground. It just stuck there in the dirt, flaming gloriously and charring a big round hole through my carefully laid-out wet newspapers. In the six seconds or so before it blew up, I had time to realize: A. We were trapped on our little porch; B. We were only 10 feet from the rocket; C. I had no idea what this rocket was going to do.

Finally, the propellant burned out. In the brief silence before the explosion, I thought about using my wife as a human shield, but sadly, there just wasn’t time.

The thing exploded like an incoming mortar round; now I know how Tom Hanks felt while filming “Saving Private Ryan.” Turns out this particular rocket was a huge green starburst with an additional shower of flaming gold crackly things. Also a bunch of reports, which went off in our faces.

Being a guy, as soon as it was over and I realized I wasn’t dead, I wanted to do it again. I even said, “Honey, if you’ll go get the camcorder, I’ll put on some coveralls and safety glasses and....”

Fortunately (in this and many other areas), my wife is much smarter than I am.



July 19, 2005, 09:56 AM
4th of July is a very special day - my son's birthday. July 4th, 2000, at 9:11AM....seriously.

July 19, 2005, 01:56 PM
I thought about using my wife as a human shield, but sadly, there just wasn?t time. sportcat - that is one funny piece :D

January 22, 2007, 08:48 PM
Just wanted to say I'm really tickled that y'all got a kick out of my fireworks story (which is true). Very cool that Sportcat thought enough of it to reprint it here. You guys made my day - thanks!

Dan Roscher

January 22, 2007, 11:01 PM
7/4/* Fireworks horrors are not limited to amateurs. Two I've seen:

Portsmouth, NH: at the city fireworks show, saw one launch low across a large pond and detonate right in a crowd. Ambulance needed.

Helen, GA: nice opening sequence to town fireworks show. Then loooooong delay. Then noticed the forest was on fire. Left town quickly.

January 22, 2007, 11:21 PM
Not a one. Mind you, up here, it's just another day. New Year's Eve, on the other hand, is different. Firing a golf ball diameter BP cannon off a balcony with support from firecrackers was fun. Just the BP, of course.
I've been told by people who lived there, one of whom was a cop, about how the local natives in Moosenee, Ontario(up on James Bay) like to shoot their rifles into the air at midnight. A certain amount of strong liquids were involved.

January 23, 2007, 12:18 AM
We had a pregnent woman in the town hit by a stray bullet shot into the air a couple of years ago. Several houses damaged, a few people ranging from old people to children wounded. Other than that not too bad.

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