Free Firearms Advice


March 21, 2003, 11:56 AM
Any Type. Any Make. Any Model.

*Technical* *Ethical* *Political*

No Subject Too Inane or Obscure

I know it's hard to believe, but before you scoff, check out my credentials:
I have limited experience, but a vivid fantasy life.
What I lack in education and training, I make up for by being stubborn and narrow-minded.
I swear to things I only suspect.
Anything I don't know, I'll make up.
All opinions are substantiated by rumor, dream sequences, and superstition.
Now, who can beat that?

Okay! Everyone get in line. Take a number.

Who's first?

Fine print disclaimer: This is strictly tongue in cheek. I charge for my advice.

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March 21, 2003, 11:59 AM
If it costs nothing, chances are good that it's worth what ya paid for it!:uhoh:

March 21, 2003, 12:05 PM
Let me guess...

You gained all of your experience from working the sporting goods counter at Wal-Mart...:scrutiny:

March 21, 2003, 12:07 PM
Don't listen to dungon!

This is because I am a genius who has been everyplace and done everything ever known to mankind. I have held every job, and I have lived in every city on the planet. I have time traveled. I have space traveled. I have even been a woman.

In short, I know everything there is to know, and I've known it first. Spread the word!!!!

If you want to know anything, just ask me.:D :D

March 21, 2003, 12:08 PM
:D :D :D

Dongun, I hate to tell you this, but you've got a lot of competition. This is the web, after all.

Oh, and which is better: 9mm or .45?


We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce The Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. -- Robert Wilensky

March 21, 2003, 12:45 PM
no, seeker-two! not from *working* the sporting goods counter at wal-mart, but from *hanging around* the sporting goods counter at wal-mart. hehe

okay, my question is:

what derringer is recommended for defending against a zombie polar bear? i won't have room for more than the derringer (not even extra ammo!) after i strap on my "bat-bear repellant" (only useful on live bears), my "bat-shark repellant" (useful for BOTH live and dead sharks), my gps, my radio, backup radio, backup gps, my 30 day ration supply, my hydration system, my emergency flares, my backup flares, and my chapstick.

March 21, 2003, 12:50 PM
oh, and ehenz, were you a woman when you space traveled? if so, while a woman, did you prefer to have selections of pistols in designer colors? if so, did you openly wish this, or did you keep it secret?
was it difficult color coordinating your holster/belt/boots with your space suit?
and does the female anatomy greatly change the center of gravity while in space? for example, we assume that if a man takes a handgun of equal caliber/make/model in each hand, holds them out to his sides at the exact same level, and fires them simultaneously, the centrifugal forces should leave him in the same position he started. but if a woman does that, and her center of gravity is in a different location because of the lack of symmetry in the female figure, what direction would the spin be started by her firing the handguns in the same fashion the man did?

March 21, 2003, 12:52 PM
You need to add:

"Coming soon to a Gun Shop near You!"

Elmer Snerd
March 21, 2003, 01:29 PM
If ya ain't a SEEL (, yer FOS anyway.


March 21, 2003, 01:30 PM
I think I know you. Do you live in central Ohio?

March 21, 2003, 01:44 PM
I think I know you. Do you live in central Ohio?

Even though i have been everywhere :D , I live in Cleveland, never lived mid-state.

March 21, 2003, 03:01 PM
I'm sorry I didn't provide complete information. I left out my two most endearing characteristics:

I love the sound of my own voice.
I am the hero of all my stories.

Pax - Concerning the 9mm vs. .45 question, I need a bit more information. Would that be a European 9mm or an African 9mm.*

*obscure reference to Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Jim March
March 21, 2003, 03:04 PM
I'm in California. How do I get one a' them thar "CCW" thingies?

March 21, 2003, 03:09 PM
ooo ooo! i can handle mr marchs query!

MOVE! NOW! before california succumbs to the forces of nature and sinks into the ocean taking its lizard scum with it.
see you all in arizona bay!

March 21, 2003, 03:24 PM
Now Jim, you of all people know how to get a CCW 'thingee'

Instead of becoming a sheeple liberal politician and bribing the officials and then getting a permit...Just become a politician and "security will be provided at the taxpayers expense"

Wouldn't want the MMM and Brady Brats to think YOU actually have evil in your heart by carrying a gun.

oops, always geting my 'tacky pills' and sinus decogestant confused...


March 21, 2003, 03:27 PM
You left off one critical pc of info on your pricing:

-"If customer helps, add $25.00 per remark".

Standing Wolf
March 21, 2003, 03:56 PM
You sound suspiciously like a Democratic (sic) party congress critter.

March 21, 2003, 04:05 PM
:scrutiny: ....and now the betting pool is open on how much longer the THR mods will let this thread stay unlocked...:scrutiny:

March 21, 2003, 04:34 PM
You have all the makings of a gun magazine publisher/writer. I am designing a $60 plastic pistol with an aluminum barrel with 1.5 land rifling, .60 cal, 700 grain bullet rate of twist 1in74 ". How much do you charge for a 1. great review, 2. good review, 3. acceptable review? I don't really have to send the gun for review do I? I want to get a committment on sales before I really make it.:D

March 21, 2003, 05:33 PM
I'll bet most of the Glock critics get their "facts" from you!

March 21, 2003, 08:47 PM
People usually start a thread with a question.
You are starting a thread asking for questions.
Maybe if you look at other threads you will find questions in which you can answer.

We are all looking forward to your useless, misinformed, uneducated replies. Other than a waste of bandwidth and a complete waste of time, you are a great service to us all.

Kahr carrier
March 21, 2003, 08:52 PM
:confused: :scrutiny:

The Mayor
March 21, 2003, 09:02 PM
Its a fact in my line of work, wether you're right or wrong, if you answer a question with confidence and sufficient volume, they will believe.

March 21, 2003, 09:06 PM
If I read it on the internet, it must be true, right? :neener: :scrutiny: :neener:

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