Gun Quote(s) Of The Day


August 19, 2005, 04:06 PM
"i don't want you messing with big calibers like .38's or .357's" - grampa (ok, .357 is a bit heavy, but he's going to have a heart attack when he finds out i'm getting a GP-100 .357 as my first pistol...and a .30-06 as my first rifle...)

"that pistol makes a cute sound" - my aunt, when i was firing a .22 revo

"Clockwise. CLOCKWISE! do you know which way clockwise is?!?" - grampa, as i was fiddling with his 20g. shotgun trying to get the barrel back into the reciever after a cleaning.(hey, it wouldn't turn...)


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August 19, 2005, 04:50 PM
"Hey! This gun shoots right where it's pointed. Problem is, I'm the one pointing it. :banghead: :D "


August 19, 2005, 04:55 PM

I remember when i went with my parents to pick out my first rifle, i was looking at the mini 14. My mom asked "Why do you need that much power?" I replied, "Cuase its fun, just like people by fast cars and drive em around, you never really need to go over 70 anyways buyt people buy cars that can go 200."

She let my get the gun :)

Then the day after that i recieved a mauser as a gift :cool: hmmm which is more powerful .223 or 8mm :p

August 19, 2005, 04:59 PM
"I'm not sure where my shots went, but someone who can't shoot for beans filled my target full of holes!" -- me

"I'd like to add a vertical string compensator to my order, please." -- me

"That pen is about .38 caliber. Use it to punch holes in your target where they out to be." -- dad

August 19, 2005, 05:17 PM
"9mm is way bigger and more powerfull than .45" My dad

"Jim has a Barretta with bannana clips." My dad


August 19, 2005, 05:33 PM
When my Father was dying He told me that He wanted me to have His gun. I had never seen it so I did not know what type He had. He was concerned that I not get the wrong ammo for it because it took special bullets. I told him not to worry, the caliber designation was marked on the barrel. He said ok but these were special bullets.

What type of bullet is it, I said. He told me it was a 38. I said no problem, Dad, there are lots of 38s and I will find the right one. There are 38 S&W, 38 long, 38 super, 38 special.... THATS IT! he said 38 special!

Dad, do you have any bullets for this gun, I asked. No He said, the lady at the store wanted to sell me 50 and I only needed 6!

That was Dad. When I look at that gun to this day (turns out it was a Colt Agent), it still brings a tear to my eye.

August 19, 2005, 05:51 PM
I was with a non-shooting friend at gun range along with myself and another friend who shoots.

non-shooting friend: "what's that gun for?" *pointing to a friend's Remington 870 as friend was firing it*
me: "its for home defense"
non-shooting friend: what's -that- gun for?" *pointing to my converted, mag-fed assault Saiga-12 shotgun with a mess of shells strewn on the shooting bench and my other friend's loaded SKS*
me with :D : "That? That's for home offense!"

August 19, 2005, 06:01 PM
Hey y'all watch this.......................................ow. Damn.

August 19, 2005, 06:02 PM
"Man I can shoot! Look, I put all the bullets in one hole."

August 19, 2005, 06:04 PM
What does a redneck say right before he dies?

"Hey, guys! Watch this!"

August 19, 2005, 06:12 PM
My responses to those who give me a hard time about owning firearms and supporting the second amendment.

1) Your side; which has no guns, wants to forcefully remove guns from those who do? That's like trying to prod a rattlesnake into being friendly.

2) Because my toys are protected by the Constitution of the United States! Care to justify your drug habit??

August 19, 2005, 06:23 PM
Oh and a couple from the range.

My friend: "9mm is .45 set for stun."

Me: "Is that right? Well why don't you get downrange and let me stun you."

During a "hostage" scenario using IPSC targets:

My Co-Instructor to my Girlfriend: "You're not supposed to hit the no-shoot targets."

Me: "She was just removing the hostage from the equation."

August 19, 2005, 06:25 PM
My Sig

Double Maduro
August 19, 2005, 07:30 PM
Trust me, I do this all the time.


August 19, 2005, 07:36 PM
I remember the first time my dad and I went shooting. :rolleyes:

"Keep your G*D-D*MNED FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER! I swear, we'll pack up and go home this instant! I am NOT joking around here, and neither should you!"

Dad: *sighs heavily* "All right..."


August 19, 2005, 07:45 PM
"...She let my get the gun..." Mom should have smacked you for buying an over priced, inaccurate, piece of junk.
"...recieved a Mauser as a gift..." See? Mom knew you need a rifle that would shoot well.

August 19, 2005, 08:18 PM
My buddy after firing 10 rounds at 50 yards from his Model 1890 Winchester in .22 long:

"Well, whats that look like, about a 4" group?"

Me looking through spotting scope:

"Welllll...more like an 8" group...

But if you take a couple away its a 5" group....

And if you only count the 2 in the ten ring, its a 1/2" group!"

english kanigit
August 19, 2005, 08:19 PM
"You can't argue with a Tazer. Well, you could, but you would just end up screaming and whimpering a lot!" :evil:

Taze ( me baby one more time!! :scrutiny:

Dave McCracken
August 19, 2005, 08:23 PM
Her, gesturing towards my sidearm, "Isn't that dangerous"?....

Me, "H#LL Yes".

Her," I didn't know you had a gun with you"

Me, "That's why they're called concealed weapons"...

Standing Wolf
August 19, 2005, 11:01 PM
Hey! That's really fun!

No, try the other clockwise.

August 19, 2005, 11:21 PM
I'm the only one in this room professional enough.....

Red Dragon
August 20, 2005, 01:57 AM
My Neighbor: "What's that for?" pointing at my SKS

Me: "Shootin' stuff."

My Neighbor: "Why?"

Me: " 'cause just throwing the bullets doesn't seem to work that well :D "

Red Dragon
August 20, 2005, 02:06 AM
My Drill Seargent back in Basic training. He was yelling at a private who wasn't paying attention to where the barrel was pointing

"Private! You damn well better have your life insurance paid up, 'cause if you point that damn weapon at me again, I'm gonna kill ya."

Ahh... there was nothing like the extremely wide range of firearms knowledge of people in basic training. It ranged from a guy who was part of the "President's Hundred" shooting team, who was just trying to get an MOS qualification all the way down to the guy who didn't understand that bullets actually run out and kept thinking his rifle was broken. (he watched too many movies where they had the "infinite capacity" magazines)

August 20, 2005, 02:38 AM
From my father:
Those are the four rules, here are two more......
1) A lawyer with a maimed client is much more dangerous to you than a lawyer with a dead client.
2) Don't ever do anything with a gun because you have seen it done on TV. Here he was talking about not whipping revolvers or double barrel shotguns open and closed, I know because I had to ask for clarification. I remember this vividly, I was six, sitting on his lap, and it was the first time anyone ever talked to me like I was an adult.

cracked butt
August 20, 2005, 02:53 AM
Overheard this one a gunshop last week...

A man was holding a beretta 92 that a salesperson was showing to him. The man said "I don't know if I really want one of these, they train people in techniques to disarm this kind of gun by pressing this button and flipping this lever, and you are left holding nothing but the frame"

1911 guy
August 20, 2005, 08:45 AM
The two most dangerous things in the Navy are a Chief saying "lock and load" and a FNG with a handgun.

August 20, 2005, 10:00 AM
No, the most dangerous guy on ship is the FNG in the galley - he can kill hundreds before being stopped.... :p

August 20, 2005, 01:45 PM
This one was inspired by someone on this forum.

Mom: What do you need that for? (Sar-1)
Me: MNZB's Mom.
Mom: What?
Me: Mutant Ninja Zombie Bears.

and another, traffic stop because I was coming home from the range a little fast. cop sees the .45 in its holster in the back seat.

Officer: Why do you have a gun in the car son?
Me: That's where it lives, Sir.
Officer: Is it loaded?
Me: Of course it is, an unloaded gun is a paperweight.
Officer: (chuckle) Okay, you mind if I hold onto it for a few minutes?

And the last one, while teaching a female to shoot. (Won't make that mistake again. Had to break up with this one over the incident.)

"Keep it pointed down range!!...."
(bullet goes through my car door.)
"OMG you just shot my car!"

August 20, 2005, 02:20 PM
Cesium, that's classic. Dionysis, nice twist. :)

My non-political hunter friend, after hearing me try to explain to him the real reason for the RKBA: "So really guns for for when the government gets too 'uppity'?". Me: "Exactly."

August 20, 2005, 09:30 PM
When trying to persuade my wife that we really, really need a home defense shotgun...

She: "Why do you need it?"
Me: " 'Cause you never know when the wolves will be coming..."


She: "Why do you need it?"
Me: " 'Cause you never know when the bears will be coming..."


She: "Why do you need it?"
Me: " 'Cause you never know when the zombies will be coming..."


She: "Why do you need it?"
Me: " 'Cause you never know when the British will be coming..."

Much, much later...

She: Well, I guess if it'll really make us safer from the bad guys....

August 20, 2005, 09:59 PM
"Don't worry it's not loaded."

August 20, 2005, 10:15 PM
Me: "Here, this is the .357 I told you about"
*hands Blackhawk, after clearing, to 'safe' friend*

Friend: *spins gun on finger*
*opens mouth to speak*

Me: *grab*
"Never, EVER do that! This is the ONLY warning before I NEVER let you touch any gun again!!"
*must... control... b--ch slap reflex...*



Me: "My ad for English class is for my Assault rifle"

Funny classmate: "That seems a very Republican thing to do..."

Me: "If I'd wanted to go Democrat, I'd be advertising Fat Man."

August 20, 2005, 11:41 PM
While out shooting with a friend...
him,"this .22 hits hard! It'll almost shoot through a telephone pole!"
me,"how do you know...have you ever cut one down to see?"
We don't shoot together anymore. :confused:

August 20, 2005, 11:55 PM
My son asks: "Dad, so who's the winner when playing Russian roulette?" :confused:

August 21, 2005, 12:25 AM
Me to a clerk in a Gander Mountain store. "Do you carry 9x18 mm ammo?"
Clerk. "No, but 380's the same thing. Just use them." (This was not some teenage kid either.)

And people talk about Wally World. :what:

August 21, 2005, 12:30 AM
Me : are you sure its unloaded ??

JB : I know my guns unloaded what to take me for a fool? (then proceeds to throw his shotgun case into the trunk of his Imapala SS BOOOM !!!! :eek:

Me: it is now!! :D

the gun had a habit of misfiring (bad firing pin ) and the owner a habit of not clearing the chamber after it misfired . it blew out the quarter panel of his car and would gone into the side of my truck if I had not moved it earlier in the day .

August 21, 2005, 03:22 AM
And the last one, while teaching a female to shoot. (Won't make that mistake again. Had to break up with this one over the incident.) What a shame, xdoctor, I have taught 4 females how to shoot, and they all exercised good muzzle awareness. 3 of em didn't shoot too bad either.

That "Booger hook off the bang switch" quote is one of my favorites.

1911 guy
August 21, 2005, 09:12 AM
That "Booger hook off the bang switch" quote is one of my favorites.


Armoredman, cooks have got it tough. They have enemies on both sides.
A college engineering major and ROTC cadet graduates and reports for his basic and finishing schools prior to comissioning. Part of this is rifle marksmanship, and he's terrible. After repeated cussing and berating by the RO, our man places his finger over the muzzle and pulls the trigger. RO screams "What are you doing?" to which the engineer replies "Everything works fine here, the problem must be on the other end."

I really wish I could remember all the stupid remarks and questions I hear at the local gunshows from the ever-present pimp daddy's and wannabee's.

August 21, 2005, 02:20 PM
"If at first you don't succeed, reload." - me

"Blaming guns for crime is like Rosie O'Donnell blaming her fork because she's fat" - Bumper sticker

August 21, 2005, 06:42 PM
"I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6."

August 21, 2005, 06:59 PM
"Criminals will only cease to ply their trade when they fear their victims more than the police"

Don't remember where I heard that one but it struck a chord.

I just finished as a juror on a two week trial and this was re-enforced. The short story was the guy was a career petty criminal with many pages of arrests. Getting arrested was no big deal for him. I just think about all the insecurity he caused in his victims over the last 27 years after their homes and cars were broken into. :fire:

Commissar Gribb
August 21, 2005, 07:16 PM
Not a gun quote but one of the officers I work for mentioned it.

"Back when I worked in ICBMs, we used to say 'the first one in 30 minutes or the second one is free'"

August 21, 2005, 07:30 PM
"She was just removing the hostage from the equation."

I used that one after a REALLY bad night at the range.... :banghead: :banghead:
I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, much less any bad guys... :cuss:

Rabid Rabbit
August 21, 2005, 09:45 PM
Guy at IPSC match to my wife. "I'm a photographer, have you ever modeled before?
What she was thinking but not said "you do realize I'm armed with a 45 and my husband can take you out at 1,000 yards if he wants to."

August 22, 2005, 12:29 AM
Godfather wrote:
Me: "Here, this is the .357 I told you about"
*hands Blackhawk, after clearing, to 'safe' friend*

Friend: *spins gun on finger*
*opens mouth to speak*

IMO, there's a time to spin a single action sixgun, but that ain't the time. Not when 1) it's not your gun and 2) when it's your first time to handle a gun. I've spun mine, after clearing, and I've spun a couple I was contemplating buying because there's something about how a good sixgun balances. And too, while spinning a sixgun has no value in an actual gunfight, it does build up a shooter's hands to be stronger and better suited to using the peice more accurately. But, as I said, I disagree with that guy spinning one he didn't really have business with.

One of my favorite quotes, and I have several different ones, is Clint Smith saying "somebody may kill me with my own gun, but they'll have to beat me to death with it because it's going to be empty" or words to that effect, as I don't have the actually quote in front of me.

And then there's Matthew Quigley telling Marston "I said I never had much use for one; I never said I didn't know how."

August 22, 2005, 07:44 AM
From a Marine Corps bumper sticker.

"When in doubt empty the magazine."

Tall Man
August 22, 2005, 08:32 AM
Seen on a bumper sticker:

A black silhouette of a Minuteman on a white background. On the right, in all caps: "This country was built by white men with guns."


Henry Bowman
August 22, 2005, 10:19 AM
That "Booger hook off the bang switch" quote is one of my favorites. That's what my 8 year old daughter quotes as "Rule 3." ;)

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