Darwin Awards/Humor


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cap811
August 24, 2005, 08:38 AM
:D --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the
honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor
home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted
to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

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mondocomputerman
August 24, 2005, 10:05 AM
I like #4! :)

Tory
August 24, 2005, 01:48 PM
You're quoting awards from 1995 and 1996. :rolleyes: Get current!

Go here: http://www.darwinawards.com/

JD8
August 24, 2005, 01:52 PM
I thought Darwin awards were given when someone actually died from stupidity.

ZeroX
August 24, 2005, 02:41 PM
I thought Darwin awards were given when someone actually died from stupidity.

All but the first are honorable mentions. Stupid things that don't result in death. You can also win if you somehow make yourself incapable of producing children (if some guy shot his rod and tackle, for example).

Crosshair
August 25, 2005, 12:28 AM
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

I'm torn on this one. Did he give her a chance to move her car? If he did and she didn't, I would have a hard time feeling sorry for her. Though I would have probably just slashed her tires and/or buried the car again in snow. (There are just some things that you DON'T do in snow country. This is one of them.)

armedandsafe
August 25, 2005, 12:03 PM
...buried the car again in snow.

You sneaky, evil b*&%&^##^rd, you. I knew there was something I liked about you. :evil:

Pops

Ky Larry
August 25, 2005, 06:56 PM
JD8, ZeroX is correct. To receive a Darwin Award, you must remove your genes from the global pool in very stupid way. Death is not necessiary. I recall a man in Arkansas who, along with his pal, were returning home after dark. They had been fishing and drinking beer all day. The fuse for the headlights blew and they didn't have a spare. One of the mental heavyweights had a .22 lr round in his pocket and found it would fit in the fuse holder. The fuse panel was located under the dash and between the drivers legs. About 20 miles on down the road the makeshift "fuse" overheated and blew up, making the driver a Darwin Award winner. :uhoh:

P.S. Crosshair, I remember a similar situation a few years ago. A fellow shoveled out a parking space in front of his house. When he returned home, a neighbor had parked their vehicle in his newly cleared space. He got out his garden hose and sprayed the car with water. Pretty soon, it had about 6 inches of ice frozen all over it. Hope the nieghbor liked the parking place. He was probably parked there until the spring thaw. :evil:

The_Antibubba
August 25, 2005, 08:33 PM
I'm not sure the genius in #4 didn't have a head injury before being hit by the train. :eek:

realmswalker
August 25, 2005, 09:28 PM
Number 4 shouldnt even be in the Darwin awards, This guy pulled off something very creative. I feel bad for those people, but man Im still laughing.

brerrabbit
August 25, 2005, 09:41 PM
check snopes for more details. Mostly urban legend snopes.com link (http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin05.asp)

Tory
August 26, 2005, 09:16 AM
"To receive a Darwin Award, you must remove your genes from the global pool in very stupid way. Death is not necessiary [sic]."

So I thought also. After all, non-reproduction IS the object of the exercise. However, the actual Darwin Awards website expressly states that death is required for eligibility. :uhoh:

"I recall a man in Arkansas who, along with his pal, were returning home after dark. They had been fishing and drinking beer all day. The fuse for the headlights blew and they didn't have a spare. One of the mental heavyweights had a .22 lr round in his pocket and found it would fit in the fuse holder. The fuse panel was located under the dash and between the drivers legs. About 20 miles on down the road the makeshift "fuse" overheated and blew up, making the driver a Darwin Award winner."

No you don't. You recall reading that dreck, a confirmed "urban legend." Absent a chamber to contain and direct the pressure, the bullet, being far heavier than the case, would barely move. The case would split, vent the gases and all you'd have is a bit of brass knocking around. :rolleyes:

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