Osoma Bin Laden was promised 72 Virgins


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The Real Hawkeye
August 25, 2005, 09:29 AM
Osama Bin Laden was finally tracked down in a cave in Pakistan. He preferred a "martyrs" death, so as the force approached him, he pulled a cord attempting to blow them all to kingdom come, but it didn't work. As he reached for the secondary cord on his explosive pack, he was shot full of holes, and fell dead to the ground. Next thing he sees is a beautiful mansion in the backdrop of green hills and trees. The door to the mansion opens, and he sees a line of figures walking toward the exit from inside. "Here comes the reward I was promised," he thought to himself. But out from the mansion comes James Madison, who approaches him and knees him hard to the groin, causing him to crumble in nauseous agony. George Mason then approaches him and gives him a solid right cross in the jaw, causing him to fall to one knee. As George Washington approaches, Osama manages to stand up again only to be struck in the face with the butt of the former US President's rifle, causing him to reel back, and fall. As he attempts to right himself once more, Patrick Henry smacks him in the head solidly with the blunt side of his sward, knocking him to the ground again. Thomas Jefferson follows up with a whack to his head using his cane's solid brass head piece. This was followed by sixty-seven additional founding fathers who similarly abused him until he was a bloody pulp, each time reciting one of Osama's offenses to the United States. Afterwards, Osama sees our Divine Creator approaching and protests to him, "Allah! I have died for the cause or Islam. You promised me a great reward in heaven, and so far I have had nothing but horrible abuse, pain and humiliation." The voice of God then said, "Were you not greeted, just exactly as I had promised, by 72 Virginians?"

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GunGoBoom
August 25, 2005, 09:32 AM
:D :p

The Viking
August 25, 2005, 11:45 AM
:evil: :evil: :evil:
I like it. :D :D :D

dev_null
August 25, 2005, 12:28 PM
Boy, if I had a dollar for everytime that's been posted... ;)

Lennyjoe
August 25, 2005, 02:24 PM
I would rather see Satan himself drag his soul down to the depths of hell where he belongs.

Stevie-Ray
August 25, 2005, 06:08 PM
Yeah, but AFTER the Virginian thing. :D

enfield303
August 25, 2005, 06:15 PM
I too, am diggin the whole Viriginian thing. I heard it done by Robin Williams.

I wonder what The Virginians will do when they get to meet some of todays politicos. That also should be quite amusing.

SMLE
August 26, 2005, 01:26 AM
Chesty Puller was from Virginia. He'd give ole Osama a good whuppin' . :D

yorec
August 26, 2005, 03:00 AM
Osama would do very well to accept a buncha Virginians' attention with a grin... The rest o' the US might not be quite as nice in thier butt stompin'.

1 old 0311
August 26, 2005, 07:48 AM
72 Virgins?????????? I thought it was a 72 year old virgin :p :p

Kevin

armoredman
August 26, 2005, 10:24 AM
Actually, I did hear a school of thought that is beginning to believe the original text of the Quoran states 72 olives....seriously...though I do like the Virginians!

Eskimo Jim
August 26, 2005, 10:43 AM
Good news is that OBL and his ilk will get their 72 virgins. The bad news is that they are all very, VERY hungry alligators and crocodiles.!!!!!!! :evil: :evil:

-Jim

rwc
August 26, 2005, 07:44 PM
Apparently there is actually a debate in Islam whether the proper reading is virgins or figs.
---
FIG. Arabic at-Tin The title of the xcvth Surah of the Qur'an, so called because Muhammad makes the Almighty swear by that fruit in the first verse. Al-Baizawi says that God swears by the figs because of their great use. They are most excellent because they can be eaten at once, having no stones, they are easy of digestion, and help to carry off the phlegm, the gravel in the kidneys or bladder, and remove obstructions of the liver, and also cure piles and gout. (Tafsiru 'l-Baizawi, in loco)

larry starling
August 26, 2005, 07:45 PM
:D :eek:

Stevie-Ray
August 27, 2005, 12:29 AM
Man, I gotta eat more figs.

The Viking
August 27, 2005, 04:11 AM
72 figs is a little cheap for someone presumably almighty isn't it? :confused:
:D :evil:

fistful
August 27, 2005, 05:32 AM
If I understand correctly, the following verses are traditionally understood to refer to the huri (virgins) awaiting the believer in paradise. They don't seem to be very figgy. I am guessing the rest of the details about them are in the Hadith.

[55.56] In them shall be those who restrained their eyes; before them neither man nor jinni shall have touched them.
[55.70] In them are goodly things, beautiful ones.
[55.71] Which then of the bounties of your Lord will you deny?
[55.72] Pure ones confined to the pavilions.
[55.73] Which then of the bounties of your Lord will you deny?
[55.74] Man has not touched them before them nor jinni.
[55.75] Which then of the bounties of your Lord will you deny?
[55.76] Reclining on green cushions and beautiful carpets.

[56.36] Then We have made them virgins,
[56.37] Loving, equals in age,
[56.38] For the sake of the companions of the right hand.

PCGS65
August 27, 2005, 10:37 AM
Great story! At the end god should also say I'm sorry you were let down, here's 72 of the USA's forefathers that are virgins! and start the process all over again! lol

Skunkabilly
August 29, 2005, 06:43 PM
What about Ernest Langdon? :evil:

Justin
August 30, 2005, 01:13 AM
Closed on account of OT.

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