What do you do......


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juggler
September 23, 2005, 09:20 PM
When you find (after 15 years of marriage) that your significant other views you as an extremist because;
• You state that having a weeks worth of food and water (for all in the household) is a minimum requirement. (I’d rather have 3 months worth)
• That you should have a plan to deal with people that want to take what you have.
• That informing the authorities (Call 911) will NOT remedy the situation………..since you live so far out in the boonies that you have one resident state trooper to police the entire area.
• You believe that you and you alone are responsible for your continuing well-being in any given situation.

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

I made the mistake (?) of presenting the hurricane scenarios as a premise for having to support ourselves……..it went down-hill from there.


So, what now? Develop a SHTF procedure without involving the significant other and hope that she will come around when she realizes that life is not what you see on Survivor?
:confused: :confused:

Or (this is what is bothering me) develop a SHTF procedure that provides for the best you can do, deal with the fact that the significant other will not get on-board, and go on.

This really bothers me because it caught me off-guard. I thought I knew this person, and she blind-sided me. I am bummed.

Not to worry………..these things will pass (one way or the other). Just wanted to vent, and there are more kindred spirits here than anywhere else I know.

Commiserate or comment at your leisure………..misery loves company. :neener:

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Gunpacker
September 23, 2005, 09:28 PM
Heck, I would just go ahead with whatever preparations I wanted to and not even involve her. It would be a great "I told you so" if you ever need it. If not, just cycle the food through on a regular basis. A week supply is just well stocked pantry. As for BOB and such, just keep it ready as you feel you will want it. Ready only to add the last touches, GUNS. Women, after all, are expected to think we are extremists. My wife is a Brit, and she kinda looks at me strangely when I get another gun, ammo or good stuff. I don't care, and she loves me anyway.

GI Jane
September 23, 2005, 09:32 PM
That's sad, I am sorry for you. Dh and I had this talk before we got married.
Trying to convince her in a SHTF situation won't be great, I think you should try to ease her into it. Extreamest maybe or maybe not best to be safe than sorry in my eyes.

Don't want to end up like thoses people at teh "SUPER DOOM" my God that was awful, but it could have been alot worse...

Don't fight with her about it as this might just make it worse but do ease the transition into play and do always have a BOP ready and be prepared do kiddnap her if you must... :evil:

MikeIsaj
September 23, 2005, 10:20 PM
This makes me appreciate the woman I married even more. She's the one who insists that the camper remain in the back yard (not storage) packed with the basics and ready to go. It makes last minute get-aways easier and provides instant mobile shelter in a SHTF. We actually have a check list for a prioritized loading of vehicles depending on time available. On 9/11 we were surrounded by the three sites. She called me to discuss bug out options, and pointed out that since she works closer to home, we needed a hitch on her van also.

myrockfight
September 23, 2005, 10:22 PM
I am dating a girl right now that thinks preparation for real world realities is..."weird."

We had a very long multi-day discussion on where she thinks it is reasonable to carry concealed and where it is not. After I stopped laughing at the ridiculousness of her assumptions that SHTF only in particular places, I casually explained what was wrong with her lack of reasoning.

She also doesn't understand the whole stocking up for SHTF scenarios. Which is equally hilarious and ironic because she considers herself to be a big "planner". :rolleyes: A couple of weeks ago I purchased an extra 35 gallons of gas just in case we came across a short term supply problem due to Katrina. At first she thought it was ridiculous. Then gas stations started running out of gas. So the "ridiculousness" of it all was quelled a bit.

I explained to her that she is just going to have to respect my decisions. End of story. It is that or nothing. To that she agreed.

Unfortunately, what is said is not always what is done. Lack of respect trickles into other aspects and subjects. So this one isn't going to last anyway. What can you do? ...I'm just venting a little myself.


I think you just need to do your thing. If she doesn't want to include herself in it, that is ok. You are just looking out for your family. You are informed and understand how and why you need to do something. She doesn't. That is ok too. You don't have to cram it down her throat. Just let her be and hopefully she will let you go on your merry way - looking out for her best interests :)

XLMiguel
September 23, 2005, 10:23 PM
Owie!! :banghead:

You didn't say what part of the East Coast your located in, but here in the mid-Atlantic, we are subject to hurricanes, tornadoes, and blizzards (including freezing rain), all of which can take out power and communications for 3-10 days, even if you aren't close to the 'coast'. You may not have to evacuate, but food, fuel, water, and other necessities can be in rather short supply in rahter short order, and population density really increases the opportunity to encounter and deal with gross stupidity and hostile behaviour very likely.

Those who fail to plan, plan to fail. True dat. Get on with your preps, one of you has to be responsible. Good luck.

rick_reno
September 23, 2005, 10:26 PM
Explain to her that in a bad situation she either be an ally or a meal. Let her make her mind up on which she role she wants to play.

GI Jane
September 23, 2005, 10:27 PM
I myself just got done reading "Patriots" by Jame wesley rawls, it was a good read and the book explaind alot of thinks that could very well happen. It is a book and he wrote it so not everything will work out "JUST PERFECT" but it's a great book that could very well happen. Maybe if you could get her to read it, it might open her mind a little.

Mnemesyne
September 23, 2005, 10:31 PM
You sure you don't live out here in Meigs county :D That's about the extent of our police around here as well...

As far as your SO goes...I'd prepare anyways and if and when SHTF she'll be quite thankful you did plan in advance....Husband and I have been working on setting up my mom since she's more rural then we are.....

Vern Humphrey
September 23, 2005, 10:35 PM
Do what I do -- decide what's best and go ahead with it. Put up smoke detectors. Buy fire extinguishers and put them in the kitchen and other places where a fire is most likely to start. Buy a first aid kit and keep it in a safe place that everyone knows about. Get chains for your cars. Keep a pistol in the night stand and a shotgun in the closet or in a rack over the bed.

Living where we live -- some 5 miles from the nearest paved road -- one good ice storm will convince anyone that you need plenty of non-perishable food, a source of heat not dependent on electricity, and enough other things to live comfortably in complete isolation for a couple of weeks.

After two ice storms in five years, my wife is as enthusiastic as I am about preparedness. :D

Moondoggie
September 23, 2005, 10:52 PM
I'm sooo happy that my beloved and I are extremely like-minded. Attached at the hip would be a good description. It's comforting to know that I'll NEVER have to waste time convincing her to get out of dodge if TSHTF..we'll both just look at each other and simultaneously utter "Outta here!". She's very practical, highly organized, and pulls her own weight. Also a darned good shot with zero compunction about using force in an appropriate situation.

One tack that you can try to justify your stockpile of nonperishible foodstuffs is to explain that it's just like money in the bank, as the price only goes up at the store.

Next time there's an impending crisis in your area, take her to the store to witness the empty shelves and long lines firsthand.

Standing Wolf
September 23, 2005, 10:53 PM
Some people have to learn some lessons the oft-cited "hard way." The adults in the crowd learn from others' mistakes.

Barbara
September 23, 2005, 10:54 PM
If you make it a Big Deal, it becomes a Big Deal. I wouldn't say anything at all unless she asks and then I'd just answer as simply as possible. Don't say you're preparing for doomsday, just tell her you'd feel better with a few days extra whateever on hand.

Stauble
September 23, 2005, 11:02 PM
that your significant other views you as an extremist because;

well my significant other, when i find her, needs to accept the fact that i am an extremist(so they tell me anyways :rolleyes: )
on the other hand i think its plenty reasonable to have food and water that would last you a week or 2maybe
maybe she was just in a bad mood at the time, im sure Rita will bring her to her sences wen we see wat it will do to texas
my house has always been stocked up with a few days worth of canned food since we got hit by Andrew

Sam
September 23, 2005, 11:27 PM
I feel for you.
I would press on in a low key sort of way. If she makes too much of an issue about it, take he back to momma and ask for a refund.
Ugly situation especially after you have 15 years invested in her.

Good luck whatevery you do.

Sam

juggler
September 23, 2005, 11:38 PM
"Explain to her that in a bad situation she either be an ally or a meal. Let her make her mind up on which she role she wants to play."

I used that one already.....explained that if we did not have food for the animals they would BECOME food :evil: That got over like a lead parachute :rolleyes:


'If you make it a Big Deal, it becomes a Big Deal. I wouldn't say anything at all unless she asks and then I'd just answer as simply as possible. Don't say you're preparing for doomsday, just tell her you'd feel better with a few days extra whatever on hand.'

This is the road I am taking (THR?). Just gonna do it and have it there when it is needed.

Basically I needed to vent, because it caught me so much off-guard. It bothers me that we are not on the same wavelength, as far as preparation is concerned, but there are many other things that we have in our relationship (when DID that expression start sounding so PC? :rolleyes: ) that still gives me hope.

Bottom line is similar to what y'all have been advocating, and what I have always believed..........Mike said it best .......'Those who fail to plan, plan to fail. '

I don't plan to fail. :cool:

Sunray
September 23, 2005, 11:44 PM
"...she blind-sided me..."
"Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts." Norm Petersen

Pilgrim
September 24, 2005, 12:31 AM
Explain to her that in a bad situation she either be an ally or a meal. Let her make her mind up on which she role she wants to play.
I used that one already.....explained that if we did not have food for the animals they would BECOME food That got over like a lead parachute
Show her the movie, "A Boy and His Dog." (http://www.netflix.com/Search?v1=A+Boy+and+his+Dog&search_submit.x=0&search_submit.y=0)

Pilgrim

robert garner
September 24, 2005, 12:55 AM
ABAHD,isn't the best , unless ya just wanna scair the bedikins outa her!
But consider this; The Mindset of a warrior/survivalist is far removed from
a mother or homemaker....and you are forcing her to realize that the safe warm comfortable life you provide for her is come cataclysmic weather,
war famine or Martian Invasion ephemeral!
To most here common sense but to her worse than well ANYTHING she CARES to imagine after all if she did think like you You wouldnt have wanted her anyway. Do what you know to be prudent and if it becomes reality fergit the I told ya so

Zundfolge
September 24, 2005, 01:09 AM
So, what now? Develop a SHTF procedure without involving the significant other and hope that she will come around when she realizes that life is not what you see on Survivor?

Yes. That is EXACTLY what you need to do. You agreed to "for better or for worse" didn't you? So you need to live up to that (whether she does or not).

You're the man, so its your job to prepare for these things, and if she's not interested in helping, then you do it on your own without making a fuss about it.


Believe me, when the S is headed for the F, y'all will see it coming and she'll all of the sudden be grateful she's living with some crazy "extremist" ... and if the S never hits the F then she'll probably not have noticed the bug out bags, water cans and extra rifles anyway.



Also it sounds like you hit her kind of all-of-the-sudden with this "survivalist nonsense" ... give her time to digest the idea that the world isn't a clean/safe place. It may take a while, but if you keep harping on it then she'll fight you just for spite.

The Mindset of a warrior/survivalist is far removed from a mother or homemaker
On the surface it would seem that way, but "Always be prepared" and "protect the children" are both warrior/survivalist AND motherly mentalities.

Some would argue that the warrior/survivalist mentality IS THE SAME THING as the mother/homemaker.

1911 guy
September 24, 2005, 01:15 AM
Keep in mind that if and when the excrement impacts the oscillator that she will expect you to know what to do. So, like others have said, make your plans, keep it low key and wait for the appropriate time to produce the plan and supplies with a flourish and a smile. Women say they want us to be more "civilized" but also want us to be able to keep them safe and well fed when times get rather uncivilized. It's a basic difference between men and women. There are exceptions, of course. This board has many women who have the same outlook as you and I and there are men I know who would be right at home at a quilting bee.

rwc
September 24, 2005, 01:46 AM
Barbara's right. Keep it low key. Make your lists. Do a little at a time. Make it imperceptible. I'm stocking up slowly at the grocery and hardware store by just picking up one or two things each time.

hso
September 24, 2005, 04:21 AM
My wife grew up a self-reliant person for the most part. At dinner tonight we were discussing how you decide what to prepare for and I used the same concept for whitewater kayaking in the fall/winter/spring for preparing for a disaster. In kayaking if the sum of the water temp and air temp is 100 or less then reconsider the trip. For disaster preparedness you need to rank the potential for an event and the consequences of the event and add the numbers to get a criteria for how much effort to put into preparations. A probable event (I grew up with power being knocked out for 3 days at a time during winter) that has moderate consequences (we went cold and possibly would have frozen pipes) was well worth preparing for (wood already split stored for use in the heatalator fireplace, hand pump primed all winter long) so that we wouldn't freeze, go thursty, not be able to feed ourselves a hot meal, and the pipes would not rupture. A less probable event, but with more severe consequences might warrant an equal effort put into preparation. An impossible event even with life-threatening results (we can't be flooded here) didn't warrant any effort beyond evaluation. This is nothing more than what we do when we put the seat belt on getting in the car. It's very unlikely that we'll get into an accident, but eating the steering wheel is a catastrophic result. That's the approach that needs to be taken. Ask her to determine what the potential for a problem is and to discuss what she thought was needed to address the consequences of the problem. Remember, like teaching someone to shoot don't start out with a .454 scale problem to work on. Instead try to pick something that she has a ready grasp of. Work your way up from there.

stevelyn
September 24, 2005, 07:04 AM
I'd trade her in on a different model.......one that is capable of critical thought processes.
I'm feel pretty fortunate. My GF grew up in a Yukon River village. Being self-sufficient and stocking up on non-perishables for long term is ingrained in both of us. We hoard supplies as a matter of practice.

Barbara
September 24, 2005, 08:49 AM
I'd be right at home at a quilting bee!

(it's one of the things I want to learn eventually.)

Sewerman
September 24, 2005, 10:56 AM
I feel bad for ya, this really makes me appriciate my good ole Texas girl.

Andrew Rothman
September 24, 2005, 11:47 AM
I don't get it; Katrina was not a hypothetical, it was outright REALITY.

There may be little help for those who look at reality and refuse to acknowledge its existence.

Make your plans. If it ever hits the fan, prepare for the likely response: She'll complain about all the spam and crackers, and the dark.

rbernie
September 24, 2005, 12:01 PM
If you make it a Big Deal, it becomes a Big Deal. I wouldn't say anything at all unless she asks and then I'd just answer as simply as possible. Pretty much sums it up. You can't expect folks who've lived their whiole life with one perception of their world to suddenly have some giant epiphany and turn 180 degrees overnight - at least not until they're in the thick of things (by which time it's usually too late). Just drive on with whatever you think is reasonable and appropriate, but keep it low key.

280PLUS
September 24, 2005, 01:55 PM
PASS!! :p

Here juggler let me help and/or join you... :banghead:

:D

chrisher
September 24, 2005, 02:00 PM
I'm amazed that having stockpiles/stashes, is even open for discussion.
I guess I always thought everyone would assume responsibility for self
and family's maintenance, for the short term , anyway.

I wonder now, if it's because I live in the midwest or because my
grandmother, now 93yrs, has thaught many valuable lessons from the
depression era, or just being a single parent during the rearing of my
kids.
I can tell you that my family, both sides, has always thought in
the framework of,"be prepared to the best of your ability, ad-lib if
in doubt, but you will always take care of yourself and your own."
We don't sit and fret with wringing of hands. JUST THINK!
What are possibilities of potential disasters. O.K. Make the plans
get what you might need.. then...once again, get what you might need!
The main essential gift that we all have, is our brain. Our best chance
of survival will depend on our flexibility to adapt to' Any' situation.

Ya know, we're all in this together,
Ms. Chrisher

Barbara
September 24, 2005, 02:21 PM
I should learn to quilt in case my uber energy efficient housing plans fall through. It gets cold here in the winter! :)

(there are some good threads on energy efficiency on APS right now if anyone is interested. Lots of smart people over there. )

TIMC
September 24, 2005, 04:06 PM
My wife is one to agree on being prepared. We keep ourselves very well stocked on food (her job) weapons and ammunition (my job). We even have a generator to run lights and our well if we have no power. If food begins to run low we have a lot of prime hunting area right outside our back door, deer are used to coming to the feeder 30 yards from the house. I think we would be ok.
The one thing she does not agree on is the number of weapons I have. She thinks too much I think just about right. Oh well you can't have everything.

ctdonath
September 24, 2005, 04:35 PM
Just do what needs to be done.

You vowed to take care of her. Funny nobody ever mentions that the vow includes "even when she's chewing you out for doing so." Cope. Provide. Persevere. She'll be glad you did.

benEzra
September 24, 2005, 05:33 PM
Go to www.ready.gov and www.redcross.org and print out the lists of preparations the government and the Red Cross tell you to take, which are way more than merely having a week's worth of food on hand. If she thinks the Red Cross is "extremist," she's operating under a rather odd definition of the word.

grampster
September 24, 2005, 08:10 PM
Yeah, Barbara, A quilting bee. Does yer quilt have all .45 brass integrated into the kevlard yarn, or do you mix in a little 9mm brass for contrast? :neener: :D

Hkmp5sd
September 24, 2005, 08:13 PM
When you find (after 15 years of marriage) that
Dunno....didn't make it past ten years. Now it isn't a problem. :)

MountainPeak
September 24, 2005, 08:34 PM
I would ignore her, and do what is right, or get rid of her. Whichever seems the least trouble for you.

Blue Line
September 24, 2005, 08:36 PM
The two other women “Katrina and Rita" and the subsequent news reports of the aftermaths should turn on the light. Down here all it takes is a hurricane and all the last minute shoppers take everything from the store! Gas, food, water etc etc. Friday gas was back up to 3 bucks a gallon for regular.

Remember the P's principle? Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Do what you gotta do and you'll be your sweetie's hero when that SHTF day comes.

thereisnospoon
September 24, 2005, 09:10 PM
As the head of the household and I presume the "breadwinner"-it is your responsibility to prepare your household for whatever might befall it. That doesn't mean you are "Lord and Master" it means you are the servant of your family.

That being said, in order to serve your family correctly you must be prepared. Get what you need and take the grief. IF you ever need it she and any others you "supply" will thank you.

You, however, can rest assured that even though you may not be appreciated you are doing the right thing.

juggler
September 24, 2005, 09:31 PM
I brought this up at the shoot this morning, and got many of the same responses. More than one person admitted that they just go ahead and do what is required on their own.

Trading her in is not an option, so I will just consider this as one of her idiosyncrasies and not try to rationalize it or confuse the issue with logic. :cuss:

If I never understand it at least I can file it with the other quirks I will never understand, like why she doesn’t like Sci Fi, doesn’t read for pleasure, and doesn’t see the merit in getting up at 0430 to work out…….weird! :rolleyes:

I just wanted someone to commiserate and provide alternate views, and that’s what I got. I feel much better now…..think I’ll go reload and make a SHTF list.

Thanks, ya’ll

Don Gwinn
September 24, 2005, 10:18 PM
My wife thinks I'm an extremist. It turns out it's not that big a deal as long as you don't mind thinking she's smarter than you are (and if you don't want a woman thinking she's smarter than you are, don't marry her.)

If she were afraid of you or something, that would be a big deal. If she thinks you're kind of silly and overboard about what she views as your hobbies, welcome to married life. Enjoy it.

280PLUS
September 25, 2005, 08:36 AM
If she thinks you're kind of silly and overboard about what she views as your hobbies, welcome to married life. Enjoy it.
+1

Just don't try to have fun by driving her crazy with it. :evil:

Rembrandt
September 25, 2005, 08:59 AM
I've been preparing for a possible Hurricane senario for years, that's the main reason I frequent gun shows to stock up...of course we live in Iowa. Mrs Rembrandt has been doing her part by stocking up at Tupperware parties for food and water containers.

Waitone
September 25, 2005, 09:50 AM
Sounds alot like the "Spouse Doesn't Think a CCH is Necessary Scenario" right up until bad things are about to happen. Unimpressed spouse leans over and asks CCH'd spous, "You got your gun on you?"

Just keep on keeping on in a slow, methodical manner.

The_Antibubba
September 25, 2005, 08:43 PM
I take it wouldn't help if you point out how much the chicks will dig you when you're the only one around with food and shelter? :evil:

Just prepare anyway. Hopefully, she won't be a basket case when the Big One comes.

gottaknow
September 27, 2005, 12:08 PM
The ability to think and act logical is something to be truly grateful for!!! It's a rare trait...
I'd say 70% of the folks out there walk around blindfolded by the apparent security of our social structure. People don't want to be responsibe, so they shunt it all over to the police, the goverment and god knows who else, and create their own, little fantasy-reality bubble where everything is safe and fine and orderly and nothing ever really happens while attacking everyone who reminds them of the actuality of things- that's why guns are labeled dangerous and preparation for SHTF is just for lunatics and extremists.
Probably the most important lesson I have ever learned is that there is absolutly NO POINT trying to understand or reason with illogic... i.e. with illogical behaviour and illogical people.. you just can't! It's impossible, and if you still try to you'll end up...well, go figure :banghead: :cuss: :( .
Nowdays I just give it a quick try just to see if there might be a slight grain of reasoning left that might be appealed to and if not I just shut up and don't let it bother me and do what I know is right.

So I gotta agree with what most people here said and that is stick to your guns and do what you gotta do, but- take this from a female that grew up surrounded by women like your wife- just do it as low-key as possible so she doesn't get more upset about it... oh, and show a big heart - after all, it is LUCKY YOU who's blessed with a logical mindset in this matter ;-)

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