Squirrels On Crack?!?!


Fred Fuller
October 9, 2005, 06:36 PM
OK- so what gun would you use to fend off an attacking crack squirrel?


Squirrels on crack
Oct 7 2005
South London Press

NATURE lovers fear that squirrels could become hooked on crack cocaine plundered from addicts' hidden stashes.

The furry animals are thought to be behind a new drugs turf war in Brixton - stealing rocks of crack hidden in front gardens.

Tough police action to rid the town centre of dealers and addicts has seen crackheads abandon their usual drug stash hideouts.

But the blitz has displaced some dealing into nearby residential streets.

Drug addicts are known to be hiding small stashes of crack rocks in people's front lawns late at night.

Squirrels have been spotted in the same front gardens, seemingly hunting out the buried narcotics.

The discovery has led some residents to speculate that the squirrels are already in the grips of addiction. One resident, who asked for his name to be withheld, told the South London Press.

"I was chatting with my neighbour who told me that crack users and dealers sometimes use my front garden to hide bits of their stash.

"An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds.

"It looked like it knew what it was looking for.

"It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot but it kept on desperately digging.

"It was almost as if it was trying to find hidden crack rocks."

Crack squirrels are a recognised phenomena in the US.

They are known to live in parks frequented by addicts in New York and Washington DC.

The squirrels have attacked park visitors in their frenzied search for their next fix.

An RSPCA spokesman said he was unaware of the squirrels taking crack in Brixton.
-or not??

South London squirrels after different kind of stash

Patrick Barkham
Saturday October 8, 2005
The Guardian

If they are not launching themselves at you in drug-fuelled desperation, their bloodshot eyes are searching for their next fix, pink paws scrabbling in the ground. Sometimes they seize upon a rock of crack hidden in front gardens, and scarper to feed their addiction.

Squirrels in south London could have become addicted to crack cocaine, say residents of Brixton, who suggest the rodents have dug up drugs buried by dealers or nibbled residues of crack on pipes and vials discarded by addicts.

According to internet legend, crack squirrels have terrorised residents in New York and Washington. But is the Brixton crack squirrel real or an urban myth? The Guardian began its search for the freebasing fiend near the local cinema. "They used to hang out in the little park in front of the Ritzy, twitching ... dancing to music only they could hear and generally creating a malevolent ambience," Londoner Rik Abel wrote in his blog. Ritzy regulars were less sure. "I've never seen one," said a staff member. "But there might be crack foxes around too."

On Brixton Hill, Bim is not surprised by the spectre of the Brixton crack squirrel. "I've only been released from prison today but I've heard about the squirrels. They are scoffing all the crack, more stoned than me. Have you ever seen cats with hash? Cats always go for hash."

There is no sign of a squirrel half-crazed on Class As along Coldharbour Lane or Rush Common - but, finally, a possible sighting. "I've just seen one jump down from an old sunflower by the Seventh Day Adventist church," said Reg Throssell. "I locked eyes with it and it stared back at me really confidently. It was scavenging and it looked scrawny."

But Brixton crack squirrels need not worry about the police yet. "I've no knowledge of that at all," said a Scotland Yard spokesman, firmly.

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October 9, 2005, 06:38 PM
Don't let them get too close, I suggest something shooting the .50 BMG at least.

October 9, 2005, 06:49 PM
the Squirrels of Brixton ??

sorry VERY bad joke,
but i got about halfway through that post before "The guns of brixton" started playing through my head.....

October 9, 2005, 06:55 PM
A 9-iron. Or my #3 Driver.

October 9, 2005, 07:01 PM
#9 in my Mossberg 500

October 9, 2005, 07:02 PM
That's only because I can't seem to find stores with hand grenades where I live.

October 9, 2005, 07:06 PM
I think a tennis racket would work.


October 9, 2005, 07:13 PM
Whichever one of these I managed to grab first

October 9, 2005, 07:13 PM
Cold Steel Bad Axe. Too up close and personal? Then +1 on the .50, it saves on that whole cleaning the game thing.

Taurus 66
October 9, 2005, 07:58 PM
The article's not true. Crack rocks must be smoked, not eaten, and squirrels can't smoke crack.


However, if a chipmunk can smoke cigarettes, I guess anything's possible. ;)

October 9, 2005, 08:06 PM
Crack is basicly a rock of cocaine unpowderd. If you eat it, it will get you high esspecialy if you chew it first. Watch a rodent eating a nut...what's the first thing he does? Knaws the living daylights out of it.

But that's besides the point lol

Normally I'd say .22 long

but these are no ordinary squirrles

no sir, these are crack squirles

so I vote for 120mm main gun from an M1A1 Abram's

Taurus 66
October 9, 2005, 08:14 PM
Crack is basicly a rock of cocaine unpowderd. If you eat it, it will get you high esspecialy if you chew it first. Watch a rodent eating a nut...what's the first thing he does? Knaws the living daylights out of it.

If you eat crack, it will mess up your insides, and it could kill you. That's why police don't like buyers swallowing the stuff in plastic baggies - for fear that if the bag breaks open anywhere while inside their digestive tract, there will be a medical emergency.

October 9, 2005, 08:37 PM
and the same would be said for coke. That drug is a very fine line between high and overdose.

Standing Wolf
October 9, 2005, 08:56 PM
It'd take a crack shot to stop one of those killer squirrels!

October 9, 2005, 10:51 PM
my ruger 10/22 with several of the 50 round mags, with redot site

Pietro Beretta
October 9, 2005, 10:56 PM
A squril on crack.... just a .22lrMagnum

Now a squirl on Phencyclidine (PCP) I would have to use a .600 Nitro Express hand cannon!

October 9, 2005, 10:58 PM
Crack squirrels are a recognized phenomenon in the US?? I guess that explains what all those squirrels were doing milling around uptown in latex skirts and tanktops yesterday :uhoh:

I just checked and it's definitely not April 1st today so I'm obviously missing something here :confused:

October 9, 2005, 11:06 PM
I've heard of drug mules and gophers, but crack squirrels? If neighborhood dogs found it would they become rock hounds?

October 9, 2005, 11:53 PM
Please... Even if a squirrel would eat a rock (very doubtful), it would surely be a lethal overdose for a 2 pound squirrel. :(

Red Dragon
October 10, 2005, 01:05 AM
story looks like total BS

1st thing that leads me to believe it is this quote:

It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot but it kept on desperately digging

Have you ever seen a squirrel's eyes. note the picture attached to Highvelocity's post. The whites of their eyes aren't even visible so how could this guy tell that its eyes were bloodshot.

2nd thing is:

if a squirrel got a hold of crack rocks and ate them he would be dead within an hour. Given the heartrate of a squirrel as well as the relative size compared to the crack rock, it would be equivalent to a human injesting a crack rock the size of a golf ball. Lethal.

story is bogus

October 10, 2005, 09:10 AM
Start putting claymores in the garden overlooking little tinfoil packets as bait. Get all the little buggers at once.

Camp David
October 10, 2005, 09:15 AM
I don't mind the drunk squirrels in Virginia too much: :rolleyes:
http://img417.imageshack.us/img417/5770/aaasquirrelbud4um.th.jpg (http://img417.imageshack.us/my.php?image=aaasquirrelbud4um.jpg)

But the ones arming cannon in West Virginia scare me to death: :)
http://img417.imageshack.us/img417/37/aaahowitzer29sl.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

October 10, 2005, 09:58 AM
I'd tackle 'em the same way my Samoan Bros in Hawaii tackle wild boar - with my Bowie knife! Grrrrr....

October 10, 2005, 10:06 AM

You shal feel the wrath of Foamy.

//Funny flash cartoons
///Make sure no little kids are in the room

October 10, 2005, 10:13 AM
Foamy is god :evil:

October 10, 2005, 10:26 AM
Foamy is god :evil:

Fear my squirrely wrath!

October 10, 2005, 11:24 AM
I guess this explains why PILZ-E is the way he is.

October 10, 2005, 12:51 PM
Foamy is the best.

At the risk of politicizing this thread, it really makes a statement about the WoD. Have the authorities really been reduced to menacing us with the hobgoblin of crack-eating squirrels?

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