Weirdo at Work....

[Mastrogiacomo]

How should I handle this. Due to a misunderstanding, I got into an unpleasant verbal exchange with a guy at work. He got a bad evaluation and since then (about a year) rolls his eyes when he comes in the door, nods his head in disapproval - stupid stuff like that. The guy's gay and it's so obvious so maybe this is hissy way of acting out, but frankly, he should save it for his boyfriend not take it out on me each day. It's subtle but I get the hard ice stares and today he got into another verbal exchange with me that was unpleasant so I mentioned it to my supervisor. I had a talk with his only a couple of days ago where I was told he's basically a jerk and ignore him as he treats everyone that bad. My question - he stares for several minutes waiting for me to look up this morning and the guy pisses me off and intimidates. This is someone I worry about and don't want him looking at me or speaking to me. How should I handle his behavior if the jerk tries to start something again Monday? My supervisor said he'd mention it to someone but this guy's boss won't be in until Tuesday. Your thoughts?

[dasmi]

Ignore the little child.

[Colt]

Schedule a meeting with HR and your immediate supervisor. Voice your concerns.

If you wait, you run the risk of the irritatant finding out about your complaint, and going to HR himself.

Needless to say, in this PC-climate, you don't want to be on the receiving end of a gay individual's HR complaint. Many in the HR field are being constantly bombarded with pro-gay propoganda in their different industry publications, and have probably been brainwashed into thinking gays are a protected group, to be afforded special consideration.

[WT]

Obviously you are in a hostile work environment and management refuses to address the situation. A trip to your labor attorney may be in order.

[rick_reno]

Schedule a meeting with HR and your immediate supervisor. Voice your concerns.

If you wait, you run the risk of the irritatant finding out about your complaint, and going to HR himself.

Needless to say, in this PC-climate, you don't want to be on the receiving end of a gay individual's HR complaint. Many in the HR field are being constantly bombarded with pro-gay propoganda in their different industry publications, and have probably been brainwashed into thinking gays are a protected group, to be afforded special consideration.

Suggest to HR that you don't find working in a threatening environment a good idea, and that if it continues you'll have no recourse but to seek legal help. Unless they're brain dead they'll see the $ signs and deal with this problem.

The place I worked at for the last 11 years had a culture that encourageed "constructive confrontation", while this was generally a good thing it sometimes led to problems. I had a fellow send me an email once where he threatened to kill me if I continued to hassle him over his project. I pondered this message for awhile, wondering if this fell under the umbrella of "constructive confrontation" - and decided it didn't. I took the email to HR and told them if they didn't deal with it, I and my attorney would. They flushed the guy immediately and I got a parking spot close to the building (we had NO assigned parking spots at this place) where security could keep an eye on me when I left every day. They took the parking spot away after a few months, somehow they'd decided I was safe. Last I heard this charming fellow now works at HP.

[BryanP]

Or, and this is just a thought, you could ignore him until his supervisor returns on Tuesday.

[Mastrogiacomo]

I think getting an attorny would be going over board. The guy's a jerk. I did mention it to my supervisor but I'm wondering about sending his supervisor an e-mail just to let him know we had the unpleasant run in. Again, we spoke only two days ago where his boss assured me the guy's a jerk and to ignore him but he's behavior is scary. I don't know if he hates women but it's unwarranted to go out his way to be this unpleasant. My boss said not to expect any changes but I feel if he can't be polite, he should look at the wall when he comes in and not speak to me. I might just hold my ground and wait until his supervisor comes in and just mention it.

[Punkermonkey]

Go to HR, ask for the workers compensation claim forms to open a case for hostile work environment. Take a few days off! :D Go out on stress leave. File a claim. That should take care of the problem.

[spacemanspiff]

fully expect the jerk to file a complaint on you, full of lies and half truths.

beat him to the punch. file your own complaint, with your truths and honesty. not only is this the right course for you, but its also good for your employer. believe me, your boss would rather pay to support your complaint rather than pay to defend you from his complaint.

BTDT, bought a tshirt.

[mattw]

If something like that happened to me at wal-mart (my place of employment :p ) i would kick the guy's ass. But i'm not sure if the wal-mart fix would apply to your situation, i guess the corporate world turns people into wusses.

[Mastrogiacomo]

This guy is already a wuss. Why else would a grown man act like such a bitch to a woman that doesn't even speak to him? Seeing how he behaves around the office makes me wonder what his boyfriend is like.

[XavierBreath]

he stares for several minutes waiting for me to look up this morning and the guy pisses me off and intimidates. File a complaint because someone is staring and she is intimidated?
Come on folks, get real. Rather than looking like a whining paranoid on paper, stay professional.


Put Ex-Lax in his coffee. :neener:

[M-Rex]

Obviously you are in a hostile work environment and management refuses to address the situation. A trip to your labor attorney may be in order.

Document. Document. Document.

After a while, you may have to tell your HR department that if they don't do anything about it, you will have no other choice but to seek legal assistance. My suspicion is, that suddenly the problem will be rectified.

[Mastrogiacomo]

Bear in mind if no one else sees this behavior but me, as he directs it towards me, I haven't much leg to stand on. He's the senior employee so he'll be believed over me.

[spacemanspiff]

Come on folks, get real. Rather than looking like a whining paranoid on paper, stay professional
sadly, this is the 'professional' course of action.

your state probably has a department set up to handle such complaints. typically that department will try to have the employer take the reins and do something. doesnt mean you are intending to sue, but its a legitimate course of action if your supervisor doesnt believe you.

seniority in any position doesnt necessarily equate with believability. besides, didnt you say that both your supervisor and his both admitted hes a jerk that treats everyone bad?

probably the only reason they havent fired him is because he is gay, and they dont want to risk being sued for 'wrongful termination'. they should be jumping on the fact that a woman has a problem working with this guy or simply being around hiim because of the hostile environment he creates. that would absolve them of any chance of getting hit with wrongful termination on the grounds of his sexual orientation.

[neoncowboy]

A trip to your labor attorney may be in order.

Oh fer cryin' out loud!

Is this really the state of teh American workplace these days?

[spacemanspiff]

yes, yes it is! unfortunately you cant just give a well deserved smack upside the head of the offending person and call it good anymore.

[Biker]

Tell him that if he doesn't give it a rest, you're gonna start a rumor that he's hetro!:evil:
Biker

[M-Rex]

Bear in mind if no one else sees this behavior but me, as he directs it towards me, I haven't much leg to stand on. He's the senior employee so he'll be believed over me.

Not necessarily. If you go to your HR department, or even your union, with a list of offenses, and incidents, much weight will be given to your side. They will consider that if the incidents bothered you enough that you took the time to sit and write them down, then there must be merit to your claims, and they should be looked into.

The paper trail needs to be started. If 'it' isn't written down, 'it' never happened.

[EddieCoyle]

Put Ex-Lax in his coffee. :neener:

Use Visine. It only takes a couple of drops and works quicker.


Seriously, go to HR and file a complaint. If he were to do it first, you'll almost certainly fare worse no matter what you do after that.

[XLMiguel]

+1 on the '(s)he who files first wins . . .',

While I agree that it is a childish situation, it is how things have gone in teh corportae world, and just like in an armed confrontation, the 'authorities' tend to believe the person who calls 9-1-1 fisrt to be the the agrieved party. Good luck -

[Jubei]

Be nice to the doofus. Smile and wave, do nice things for him. If nothing else it'll confound the fool. At best, it'll let him know that he can't get to you/frighten you.

And then have a male friend call his boyfriend and tell him that he's having an affair with the guy.:D

Jubei

[Byron Quick]

Is this behavior constant? If so, enlist some co-workers to watch while they appear to be performing other tasks. Write out the event and get the witnesses to sign it. Even one witnessed event will support your assertion that there have been others.

[grampster]

Go directly to HR and file a harrasment complaint. Forget about your bosses, they bend over backwards trying to give the illusion that they are in control of their departements. The want no problems on their record.
Go directly to HR, right away and don't look back.

[Sawdust]

yes, yes it is! unfortunately you cant just give a well deserved smack upside the head of the offending person and call it good anymore.


I prefer two to the chest and one to the head, myself.

But that's just me.

Sawdust

[Smurfslayer]

Those were the sage words of my grandfather many moons ago as he tried to instill upon me the value of patience. I have found that he did not lie...

+1 Mike in VA. I've had this come up more than once before. It's amazing how childish so called "professionals" in the computer field can be. In my first 4 years of IT work, I was a first hand witness to 3 stalking events, a robbery, an attempted robbery "by mob" in the office, by coworkers, 2 incidents of battery and I was present but not a witness to 2 armed attacks.

You're right that this is petty and to speculate about what might be going on in the twerp's mind. The sad fact is, we just don't know who is going to snap, and when. I don't think it's worth the chance myself.

I've had simpletons to deal with for the last 15 years now, I've dealt with some of them serreptitiously, some in outright confrontation, some with guile, and some by using the rules against them. Some have worked really well, some have worked ok, some didn't work. My suggestions:

1: "witness up". You've no doubt heard the phrase 'lawyer up' on TV, well, you should "witness up". Meaning you don't go anywhere near Mr. Twerp without a witness. I mean all the time, even going to the bathroom. The witness helps mollify the "bully effect". This 'witness' needs to be a 'trusted' source, a friend if possible.

2: Keep a written log on each and every dealing with Mr. Twerp including dates, times, what was said. Make it retroactive.

3: Mention this to your super. Remind them that professional conduct is a requirement. Make sure you do your part. Always be professional.

4: DO NOT spike his coffee, food, drink or anything else. That's called poisoning. What if he happens to have an allergic reaction?
Think first, before acting.

5: Don't make a "petty" complaint. It can't be "he doesn't like me!", there has to be a pattern of abuse, a warning to cease and desist, and a continuation of the unwanted behavior. That's a reason that you want a witness around.

Document, document, document. All the while doing your job, being polite, respectful and professional. Sooner or later... more likely sooner, Mr. Twerp will screw up in front of your witness.

when you boil it down to the the least common denominator this twit is nothing more than a passive aggressive bully. There is only one solution to a bully and that is to stand up for yourself. You should only do this after the pattern of abusive behavior has been established, documented, witnessed, countered with a legitimate request to cease and desist. If this has happened, and your witness is with you, you are going to have to stand up to him sooner or later. The longer you wait, the more conditioned he will become to your "acceptance" of his abusive behavior, and the more emboldened he will become. When I say "stand up to him" I don't mean attack him in any way, I mean to simply stand up, and tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate his unprofessional, rude, condescending behavior. Since you've documented, and had witnessed all of the events up to this, it will be pretty difficult for any reputable company to ignore Mr. Twerp's misbehavior any longer.

Also, remember email is forever - to hell with the electrons, keep anything he sends you no matter how harmless. You never know when you'll be able to use one of his emails (if that's a factor) against him. I've been successful bringing up email evidence at least 5 times in my career, once in a racial discrimination claim.

If you find this to be distracting, worrisome, of causing headaches, etc. then take some fresh perspective. Make it a goal to get this S.O.B. A personal one. Yeah, I know, it's vengeful. I can live with that.

Seriously, tell yourself every morning to be polite, professional, courteous, confident and most of all - prepared.

HTH

[strambo]

I'd make a honest attempt at talking with him first and letting him know what is offending you and why. "I feel intimidated when you ___, _____, ____and___ . (list 'o complaints.) I would appreciate it if you wouldn't do those things anymore. Thanks for your time." -something like that.

Do it with a witness around. Now he knows clearly that he is offending you and how and so does the witness. If he continues (He likely will) time to go to HR. Since you talked to him about it first it will go along way to your credibility and the fact that you did what you could and are not over-reacting. Good luck.

[CAnnoneer]

This guy only behaves like that because he thinks he can get away with it. Like all bullies, he actually is an insecure cowardly POS.

If I were you, first I'd talk to him and try to pull out what his problem is. It may be something that can be fixed easily. If his problem is general malaise, I'd confront him and let him know to cut the crap or face the consequences.

If he does, go to his boss, then to the HR. The upside of PC-society is that you can do a lot of damage by perfectly legal means, keep your hands clean, and still retain the victim status. Use the system in self-defense, even if you despise its workings.

[Mastrogiacomo]

Thanks for the replies. I want to make this look like I'm being a team player as much as possible. We have one woman who's working with the Union rep over a management issue and I don't want to stir up that same bad taste in their mouth. I have mentioned the incident to my boss - and I spoke with his a couple of days ago stating that he made me quite nervous - so they've both aware of it now. My boss said that he'd mention it to someone so I think I'll probably sit tight and let him take it from there. I'm going to start documenting eveything from now on and try to get my co-worker to take notice and see what happens - and I'm going to look him in the eye when he attempts to stare me down like the bully he is and not give him the satisification he's intimidating.

[spacemanspiff]

ask him if he's flirting with you.

[DarkKnight01]

I really dont like to cause problems in the workplace, but if his supervisor knows hes a jerk and he treats everyone that way.... and he still has a job... there isnt much you can do... chances may be that the bosses like him for his work quality or something and if you raise too much of a stink about it, it could mean your job... I personally have never been in your situation... but I have dealt with cocky little big mouths... I give them a few subtle warnings... and if that doesnt work ill ask if they would like to step outside and figure it out... that normally takes care of it... yes I know not very mature... but it puts them in their place.... I would return the looks right back at him.... but well ive been told I look like a convict so normally I dont get such looks... folks tell me I look like im in a bad mood all the time or something... but im really a pretty easy going and really laid back guy... must just be the way I carry myself... but anyhow try HR and see what happens... just be careful... if that dont work... give my method a try... worked for me more than once :)

[XLMiguel]

Magic words: "Hostile environment."

Despite some well meaning advice to try and make peace with the dweeb and/or wait and further document (by all means document what you have if you haven't already), you need to move NOW. Give his supervisor a chance to ring in next week, but if you don't have satisfactory resolution by the end of next week (11/11), pull the trigger. She who hesitates is lost. You have enough to run with, unless you have no faith in your supervisor (or his) to behave in a stand-up manner.

Good luck.

[mr.trooper]

If he keeps it up, he will eventualy get canned.

Our local Pizza parlor had a gay guy working their he was fired because he often refused to come into work he said "He couldn't handle the Drama". :rolleyes:

[Rezin]

File a sexual harassment suit against him, for his constant flirting with you, lol.


Use Visine. It only takes a couple of drops and works quicker.

I hear the "new" Visene no longer has that effect.... :(

[paternoster2012]

this wouldnt happen to be rezin form CF would it?


File a sexual harassment suit against him, for his constant flirting with you, lol.




I hear the "new" Visene no longer has that effect.... :(

[M-Rex]

Thanks for the replies. I want to make this look like I'm being a team player as much as possible. We have one woman who's working with the Union rep over a management issue and I don't want to stir up that same bad taste in their mouth. I have mentioned the incident to my boss - and I spoke with his a couple of days ago stating that he made me quite nervous - so they've both aware of it now. My boss said that he'd mention it to someone so I think I'll probably sit tight and let him take it from there. I'm going to start documenting eveything from now on and try to get my co-worker to take notice and see what happens - and I'm going to look him in the eye when he attempts to stare me down like the bully he is and not give him the satisification he's intimidating.

You've taken the proper first steps. Continue to document document document. If there is no change in this person's behavior within a week's time, I strongly suggest you take it to the next level because your boss, and his boss will not have taken care of the problem. They are placing liability on the company by not dealing with the problem directly. You are working in a 'hostile working environment' and your boss is acting with 'deliberate indifference' if he doesn't handle the problem.

If you react directly to this idiot, in any way...he wins.

[sigma 40ve]

Ditto on what smurfslayer said. That is the way to go. However let me relay a story.

My wife and I both work for a VERY large corp, that takes PC to the max. There is a bi-polar, native american at work who makes off the wall degrading comments to those he happens not to like. He spouts off bible verses, calls people slothful and theives because he thinks they do not work to suit him. He openly glares/stares at people, and built a fort of cardboard boxes around his work area. This is what he said to a guy that just said good morning to him, not to speak to him, he didn't ever like him, and if he was on fire in a ditch he wouldn't ask the other guy to piss on him to put out the fire. He has openly confronted people before too.

Finally some of us, about 8 people total, had enough and went to HR and complained. All they done was interview everyone that complained and the nutjob, then told him to behave and act better. For 13 years people have had problems with this nut and top management/HR won't do anything because he is a native american. Workers are afraid of him as well as management, both sides have openly said this.

He did leave our dept for awhile and is now back. I told my wife that if he starts again we will go and ask for workers comp papers and take off for stress/hostile work environment. And get an attorney.

Sorry to Hi Jack your thread , but there are nut jobs everywwhere.

[Waitone]

Alert HR via written communication using the terms "harassment" and "hostile work environment." Take copious notes of events and record any witnesses. HR will act because the failure to do so is profoundly expensive.

Being a team player is one thing. Putting up with crap out of a fellow employee for personal reasons is unacceptable. Do not put up with it. Sexual orientation is irrelevant. What is relevant is "harassment" and "hostile work environment."

[standles]

Since what he is doing to irritate you is at best open to interpretation and easily dismissed as "I am not doing anything different than before. he is just feeling guilty and assuming things now".

Better way is sing his praises build him up as the best employee you have and get him transferred or promotoed out of your hair. At least that is the way it seems to work in the Air Force. :D


Case in point.. We had a secretary that was suggested to us. Here commander said she was the best he had ever had but since the slot was a temp slot they couldn't hire her full time. She handled all thier TDY and office procedures for 35 folks (our office is 12). Long story short she was hired (over my cautions of the afore mentioned ploys) and the games began. She had the coffe club pot moved out of her office because the smell of coffee was distasteful to her. After it was moved she then joined the club and makes coffee in the mornings as well as driks it. She also imposed "NO fish/seafood" heating in the microwave.
There are other examples but suffiice it to say that she is wierd and our supervisor has no backbone to deal with it. He is scared to death of her.

[antarti]

Document. Document. Document.

M-Rex hit it on the head. Keep an email/paper trail. Keep it HANDY and backed-up.

A simple email once in a while (not every day, or even every week) voicing concern for your safety to a supervisor. This establishes a timeline and shows that you aren't just getting into a personality-related snit or peeing contest, it's about your perceived safety in the workplace.

The minute you get wind of the jerk going to HR, take all those emails (and the responses) over and sit down with them.

If the first you hear of it is a "corrective action" aimed at you, do the same.

Pardon the pun, but if you're not perceived as being serious or "Taking the High Road" on this one, you're gonna lose. Keep all contact curt and professional.

It's amazing how childish so called "professionals" in the computer field can be.

You're not kidding. I once walked in the wrong door and found an entire department playing (what they called) "chocolate chipmunk" in the server room... mind blowing. I won't elaborate for those who "don't know"... for obvious reasons.

[Smurfslayer]

Finally some of us, about 8 people total, had enough and went to HR and complained


Remember, the HR staff ( I want to state up front, I have yet to meet an HR employee I liked ) works for the company too; moreover, they have to balance what the company has invested in the target of an HR inquiry vs. the alleged offense and how well the alleged offense can be substantiated. Think of them like traffic cops: They're never around when you need them, and there is always some reason why they "can't" do what you ask. :rolleyes:

That's why you "witness up" and "document" FIRST, before going to HR. These people, are after all, allegedly human like us :neener: so they're just as busy, lazy, anti social, etc.... as we are.

Just because the alleged offender is a minority, or otherwise protected class, or FOB (friend of boss), doesn't necessarily mean that HR is protecting that person or those persons. The case may not have been made substantially enough, or stories may have been inconsistent. Documenting, and witnessing trump the overcoming corporate inertia and laziness hurdles most of the time. The FOB thing is a really hard one to deal with, I think more difficult than any "protected class" offender problems.

I was once complained about because "I did not say hello to XXXXXX in the hallway" - I am not making this up. XXXXXX was known to have a couple of contentious issues with me and vice versa, but even the boss knew that this was petty, and apologized for mentioning it. As I recall, I was thinking to myself about some computer problem... I found this petty attempt at oneupmanship to be a direct attack on my financial future, so I documented like crazy. I made it my mission to to make sure I knew every aspect of my job and XXXXXX's job better than he did. When the time came, I called out his lazines and incompetence with dates, times, tasks assigned, mine completed, his not, my being compelled to complete work he was assigned, and the work he had completed was sloppily done.

It only got me a temporary reprieve, but it did buy me enough time to find another job. If you give the HR staff a way to weasel out of taking any sort of action against the offender, you can bet money they will use it.

[yomama]

Maybe he's in love with you and this is the way he shows it.:barf: Really though , you should document everything. It would really help your case should you ever need to go to HR or should it ever become a legal matter.

[Mastrogiacomo]

I spoke to his supervisor this morning briefly. I didn't want to make a big deal of it and told my supervisor for let it go for now and I'd keep him posted if he does that again. I'm starting to keep track of these things and will mark down any time a situation like that comes up. He made it a point to look in the other direction today. Couldn't care less, just happy I don't have to speak with him. His super may have spoken to him so it's calm for the moment.

[Phyphor]

I prefer two to the chest and one to the head, myself.

But that's just me.

Sawdust


Um, where do you work again? Just so I can stay far, far, FAR away.... :what:


:neener:

[antarti]

Smurfslayer +1

[Janitor]

Better way is sing his praises build him up as the best employee you have and get him transferred or promotoed out of your hair.
Exactly how we got that one (rather odd) Captain at one of my Forestry assignments. :)

** Removed everything I just posted as redundant, and too late in the game. **

Sounds to me like the guys supervisor has probably spoken with him. Strained silence may be the best you can hope for. It can work if you guys don't have to deal with being on the same team for something. Then, he'll have to get over it.

[JamisJockey]

1) Document everything
2) File in writing if your company has any policy for doing so
3) contact a labor attorney. At least have one's card in your wallet, ready to go.
4) If you're a union shop, get your union involved.

[tegemu]

Ms. Mastro, One thing is patently obvious from the amount of good advice and support you have received here. WE CARE. please continue to keep us posted. Slainte

[Mastrogiacomo]

He's out for the rest of this week, thankfully. I heard his supervisor is out for two weeks on medical so I'll keep my notepad handy in case he starts up upon his return. Hopefully, he was spoken to and will look at his feet if he's incapable of being professional. I can't believe people can act like this at his age. It's like he's a loser character from "Will and Grace." :barf:

Thanks for all the replies and advice.

[pete f]

I am glad that things are calm for the moment, But I have had some experience with this as some jerk was bothering my wife. My wifes company, a large and PC company, did nothing until the mention of seeking legal assistance to resolve what she considered to be a hostile work environment.

In Massachusetts, I can understand that your fear of antagonizing a gay man in a state that continues to reelect Barney Frank to the Congress. There needs to be a fully documented timeline. Starting from your initial confrontation and what it was that you believe started it and what has happened since.

Even the most PC company has no desire to enter into a legal guagmire of a gay male vs straight female lawsuit. NO ONE will win but the lawyers and they know it. However the fact that they are aware no one will win means that they will make the problem go away. and you bringing the documentation will be the more likely to remain in place.

[walking arsenal]

I say coat his car in silly string and then wait in the parking lot for him after work with a wiffle bat.

[DontBurnMyFlag]

This is the single most important piece of advice ever! Ok not really.

I go to college, I deal with crap like that all the time. If I ever get in a politcal argument and the other person loses his cool I smile real big and say "ok man seeya later take care have a good day" And every time I see him giving me dirty looks, I just smile huge and wave calling his name. Not only is it embarrasing for him, but it makes him look like an idiot. Its all about composure. Just ignore them or kill them sweetly.

[BryanP]

Use Visine. It only takes a couple of drops and works quicker.

I know you were joking, but this is a DANGEROUS urban legend. Visine (and other eye drops) has had this story associated with it for years. It is not true. What it *can* do is make someone dangerously ill and is potentially fatal. Read about it here:

http://www.snopes.com/toxins/visine.asp





.

[Kodiaz]

maybe what this individual is doing is giving you unwanted sexual advances because he is the senior employee?? homosexual harassment hell sounds like a settltment to me