Attack of the Russian Squirrels


December 1, 2005, 02:39 PM
[The squirrels] are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.
A pine cone shortage may have led the squirrels to seek other food sources, although scientists are sceptical.

Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog' (

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December 1, 2005, 03:04 PM
"The little beasts are agitated because they have nothing to eat," he said.

Well I would be too....:p

December 1, 2005, 03:57 PM
How about it? I know I get cranky when I'm hungry and I'll eat anything in sight.

December 1, 2005, 03:58 PM

December 1, 2005, 04:13 PM

Declaration Day
December 1, 2005, 06:23 PM
I regularly hunt squirrels on my land in northern Michigan. If I imported some of these Russian carnivorous assault squirrels, it could be much more interesting.

December 1, 2005, 06:34 PM
The Russians have struck the first blow! Onward Reds and Greys! Too long have we suffered the barking of these canines and the bullets of their masters!

Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report.
Passers-by were reportedly too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute.

December 1, 2005, 06:44 PM
Ok, I'll be the first to say 12ga Streetsweeper. :D

December 1, 2005, 06:51 PM
I'm thinkin' that this is a perfect use for the BB Minigun.



December 1, 2005, 07:05 PM
From ArmedBear in another thread......

Why in the world would you keep 10 loaded magazines for a Mark II?

World's worst rat infestation?


December 1, 2005, 08:16 PM
First African Killer Bees and now Ruski Carniverous Squirrels!:what:

December 1, 2005, 08:29 PM
A good single shot, bolt action .22 rifle while hoards of hungry tree rats descend towards you teaches calm under pressure, concentration, focus.

Sheldon J
December 1, 2005, 09:00 PM
and that is all they are good for:cuss:

December 1, 2005, 10:01 PM
You're the first against the wall, Sheldon!

December 1, 2005, 10:08 PM
You're the first against the wall, Sheldon!

Why?? Is he a lawyer?:D

December 1, 2005, 10:11 PM

for grins

December 1, 2005, 10:24 PM
Where can I get a bunch of these Black Squirrels? Please. :evil:

I think these would make perfect gifts to some very special folks.

PETA, Save the Acorn, Tree Huggers-R-Us and similar groups whom do not like hunters , fisherman - any sportsman.

Would not want to forget some other special folks, those whom would trade MY Liberties for Freedoms.

<< Breaking News>>

It seems Team BS has struck again, This time the distinguished Sen. from Mass passed away from injuries suffered when his bulbous nose was bitten off...

Sen from NY was attacked , the note left by BS members " we did not bite that woman"

Feinstein ran into a local gun store seeking refuge and a firearm last words as she turned into a pile of goo "Totally Idiotic - a person cannot run in here and by a gun when they NEED one for protection...

One minute the Whole PETA Group was in the second floor conferenceroom I'd just brought up more tufu...just gone a few minutes ...
I opened the door to bring in the nuts and berries and ...all that was left was plastic shoes and ...


Black Squirrel , Gotta say - I do like that acronym.

Thinking outside the box is good.

December 1, 2005, 11:35 PM
And so it begins. They fooled us for centuries into believing they were harmless entrees until now... now... They've conspired to overthrow the human race, I tell ya! I've warned you for years that the squirrels were evil and up to no good, but none of you would listen! They've hoarded our nuts for years! They were probably synthesizing a poison to introduce into our water supplies while using the fibers of the nuts to create armor thougher than kevlar!

I warned my girlfriend that I saw them conspiring with the chipmonks in the woods while I was out hunting. I thought nothing of it at the time as every time I looked at them, they suddenly began to mock fight, assuming their guise as rivals for nature's bounty. A RUSE I TELL YA!

Some day, we'll be at their control and ... wait. Someone's at the door... My pills? No, I don't need my pills so I stopped... wait ... what are you doing... Dang, you need to shave... those are the hairiest ... oh no... THEY'RE HERE! HELP! THEY'RE....


December 1, 2005, 11:53 PM
And here we were worrying about those dirty apes taking over. :rolleyes:

December 2, 2005, 12:08 AM
I, for one, would like to be the first to welcome our new tree rat overlords.


December 2, 2005, 12:15 AM
I got a lot of .22. Bring it on

December 2, 2005, 12:16 AM
A wise move, there are MILLIONS of ground and tree squirrels in this state, and as far as I know I'm the only person who actually hunts them. I figure my name is near the top of the list. Gotta find my CZ 452!

December 2, 2005, 12:19 AM
Michael Moore caused a stink today being a dinner guest of TBS...

Hollywood Stars received invitations to be dinner guests of TBS...

Still gotta be way to get these critters over here - we got plenty nuts that fell too far from the tree...

December 2, 2005, 12:21 AM
Let's just hope that Rocky isn't able to persuade Bullwinkle and the boys to join the battle!:uhoh:

December 2, 2005, 12:22 AM

They always seemed kinda scrawny. Do you eat them?

4v50 Gary
December 2, 2005, 12:56 AM
Killed and disembowled by gentle woodland creatures. :eek: Wocky Squiwell haz gawn mad! :uhoh: When their hordes get large enough, they'll satiate their craving for flesh by hunting two legged critters - us!:scrutiny:

December 2, 2005, 01:19 AM

They always seemed kinda scrawny. Do you eat them?

The younger females cook up OK. The older ones I mostly take for their exceptionally tough hides. Dogs love the meat in any case.

December 2, 2005, 01:58 AM
I'm rooting for the squiwels.

I can protect myself against their vicious attack with my (soon to arrive) 452 & (if all else fails) the 870.

After the kill, the carcass makes excellent stew. Just add salt, garlic, onion, potato, corn & some greens (in that order).

Older ones just need longer simmering.


December 2, 2005, 02:56 AM
I have long preached about this subtrefuge of the tall tree warriors. There have long been rumors of these particular brushy tails and their gang warfare. Now maybe other than myself will help with the battle. Grab your favorite long range tree rat killer and be prepared to go to war. My favorite is a 32 cal black powder CVA with a 3 - 9 Nikon Buck Master Scope. Always collect their bodies for the count, invite friends for the party afterwards. Someone will need to bring the cooking oil, flour, chili powder and large skillet. It would also be advisable to have someone else bring the bisquits, gravy and frying potatoes. All of this is needed for the victory banquet after the killing and body counting. Let's review:
(1) kill all the little buggers you can (but only as allowed by law)
(2) gather, count, skin, and cut up the bushy tails
(3) cook squirrels, fry potatoes, bake bisquits, make gravy
(4) invite close friends
(5) IT'S A PARTY!!

Best of luck
The Squirrel_Hunter

Mad Chemist
December 2, 2005, 03:14 AM
May not be work safe:

But funny nonetheless

December 2, 2005, 05:02 AM
Huh. My beagle has been telling me that squirrels were evil for some time now, but I never imagined it would come to this...

El Tejon
December 2, 2005, 08:05 AM
More evidence of the "animal conspiracy"?:D

December 2, 2005, 08:18 AM
too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels
Were they actually black squirrels or were they red ninja squirrels? It's not the kind of thing I'd normally expect the media to be able to recognize.

1911 guy
December 2, 2005, 09:03 AM
I may have to take the AR out of the rack next time I go hunting tree rats. My Marlin only holds 15 .22LR's. I don't want to get overrun!

December 2, 2005, 10:39 AM
Duplicate threads merged.

December 2, 2005, 10:50 AM
I understand the food shortage drove them to attack...but the switch from acorns to dogs seems to be a tremendous evolutionary leap.

It's nuts -- if you stop to think about it.


December 2, 2005, 11:14 AM
No surprise really. A squirrel is nothing but a souped up rat with a tail. Having been bit twice by rats in Vietnam have no doubt that they will eat whatever they can.

erik the bold
December 2, 2005, 11:26 AM
More evidence of the "animal conspiracy"?:D

ROTFLMAO! Tim Bedore (

He's an anti, but this still cracks me up :D

.wav file of the text ( (dial-up beware...8mb file)


December 2, 2005, 01:57 PM
ROTFLMAO! Tim Bedore ( Here's an interesting line from that essay: "We can no longer sit back and wait for them to attack us. It's time we adopt a new doctrine regarding these other animals. We have to wipe out any and all species who are a lined against us, wherever they are. We can not rest until every big head carp, great white shark, mountain lion, moose and squirrel and any other species that associates with them are defeated."


This all sounds like one of those cheesy, B-grade sci-fi flicks of the late 50's & early 60's.

Hitchcock's Birds come to mind. Attack of the giant spiders, ants, etc.

Maybe Speilberg & Stephen King will get ahold of this squirrel thing.

<opening scene of a movie> Harry & Bob are walking quietly through the <choose your state> woods near dawn, 12 ga & .22LR on the ready, looking for tree rats.

Suddenly, from behind a bush, a 12' grey scampers out and devours Harry.

Harry, from the mouth of the rat, as his head slides down the esophagus: "Aaaaaayyyyyyyeeeeeeeee!!!!"



December 2, 2005, 02:05 PM
OMG that was f***ing hilarious:

And straight to the topic:cuss:

December 2, 2005, 02:19 PM
Little rats make for a fine crock-pot meal. Toss in about 3 rodents, 4 potatoes, 3 tomatoes, and a bag of frozen veggies. That's good eatin.

Browns Fan
December 2, 2005, 04:46 PM
Sounds like Russia is being invaded by mutant ninja zombie squirrels! Make sure you shoot'em in the head! :D

December 2, 2005, 04:56 PM
Best gun for killer squirrels? A circus cannon and a few buses full of PETA members for ammo.

Matt G
December 2, 2005, 06:01 PM
Fall. 1990. East Mall and South Mall, on University of Texas campus in Austin TX. If you were eating something while walking across campus, you would have at least one or two of the fuzzy-tailed rats loping along, just inches from your pants cuffs, hoping to pounce on any bits of crumbs that you dropped. I remember thinking, "And to think that if I brought my Browning Buckmark [locked in the rifle range armory] and popped a few while walking across campus, they'd claim I was in the wrong!?!" :)

December 2, 2005, 08:53 PM
Just one of the many reason I stock thousands of rounds of Wolf ammunition...commie ammo for commie squirrels!! :neener:

December 2, 2005, 09:27 PM
"Phase 3 of my plan, I fantasized about my co-workers being eaten by squirrels"

December 3, 2005, 03:03 AM

They always seemed kinda scrawny. Do you eat them?

You oughta come to my neck of the woods. These things get to be the size of cats, man... these things are huge. And, yes. I got a Southern Fried recipe that rocks for the tree rat overlord-wannabes.


December 3, 2005, 02:26 PM
Well, if no one else is going to say it:

All Squirrels Must Die! (


December 3, 2005, 04:34 PM
What? You guys act surprised at this news... Squirrels are carnivorous to a fault - remember how ya spot 'em congragated around cousin Larry's flattened corpse on the road? Got news for ya - they ain't there to mourn his passing. :p

December 3, 2005, 06:15 PM
My Bittany got bit by a squirrel once. It latched onto her upper lip after being blown out of a tree with a 12 gauge. I think more damage was done by the way it beat her her about the head as she tried to shake it loose. Very comical.

We have black squirrels where I live. Haven't thought of them as furry pirhana but even if they were I won't worry until they turn nocturnal. Great idea for a horror movie :D

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