What gun for Santa Claus?


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PaladinX13
December 23, 2005, 02:33 PM
It's the night before Christmas and you hear a sound outdoors... oddly, on your roof. Further, you hear the sound of something coming down the chimney... and to make things worse you don't even have a chimney! What do you arm yourself with to repel his home invader? Or do you let him come and go despite not getting your express consent?

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dracphelan
December 23, 2005, 03:04 PM
It's the night before Christmas and you hear a sound outdoors... oddly, on your roof. Further, you hear the sound of something coming down the chimney... and to make things worse you don't even have a chimney! What do you arm yourself with to repel his home invader? Or do you let him come and go despite not getting your express consent?

First, I shoot him with my 1911. Then, I head outside with my Savage 30-06 and get me some backstrap! :evil:

Omni04
December 23, 2005, 03:10 PM
http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=172647&page=3

i think that thread says it all ;)

sm
December 23, 2005, 03:19 PM
...I'm going for the Reindeer. :p

In fact I have already made plans with Spinner in New Zealand. We are not sure which Route FGIRS [Fat guy in red suit] will be using. So our plans are: I use 12 ga slugs to get my half of meat and Spinner uses ...he ain't sure yet. Seems he likes my idea of letting them Reindeer come at you, shoot, so they fall at your feet.

You folks can do all that dragging, grunting and straining ya want. Personally I like simple. :D

"So Steve how far you lead a Reindeer?"
"About a foot more than a Stork".

Sheesh...doesn't anyone pay attention around here? :p

mbs357
December 23, 2005, 03:25 PM
I dunno.
Them guys fly all around the world...constantly chugging their legs.
Gotta be tough meat. =/

sm
December 23, 2005, 04:03 PM
Primarily interested in the back straps.

Figured if I give the antlers to the Great Pumpkin, scare the heck out of folks and the Great Pumpkin won't get shot.

Down on 9th street the House of Ill Repute needs a new red light bulb.

I gots this figured out.
Leave a Southern Boy alone and let me do my thing.

What you do is wear jeans, tennis shoes, wax cotton coat and go outside to smoke. Just a regular old pump gun with slugs. I shoot from low gun anyway, and being so smooth getting gun to face...fast too...never know what hit 'em.

Puff...bang, bang, bang...plop, plop, plop...

I dunno, it'll be raining deer - figured thats why they are called Reindeer.

Not native here in the South. Makes sense to me.

Smoke...where is Smoke, you wanna piece of this action? Won't even have to get the Q-Beam out. These deer come "pre-lit".

Be like "sing along with Mitch" - just follow the bouncing ball....follow the red nose, cover the nose, slap trigger , pull through.

:evil:

tegemu
December 23, 2005, 06:19 PM
I'm a fat guy, whitehair and full beard, blue eyes, wire rimmed glasses, rosy cheeks, have been seen in a red suit at this time of year, and known as Santa. I carry a 1911 - Careful

tube_ee
December 23, 2005, 06:37 PM
Shotgun...

Gotta hit him on the "wing"... Roof sluicing is frowned upon where I hunt.

--Shannon

Sheldon J
December 23, 2005, 10:22 PM
Hay guys don't forget the "Santa Caluse" that could make you could be the next target.:D

thereisnospoon
December 23, 2005, 10:28 PM
That's just soooo wrong on sooooo many levels...

HighVelocity
December 23, 2005, 10:32 PM
Forget about Santa, what about the onslaught of Zombie Elves that's coming? :evil:

grimjaw
December 23, 2005, 10:40 PM
As humorous as this thread is, why don't we take a different route?

What would Santa Claus carry?

jmm

bfox
December 23, 2005, 10:48 PM
You said what would Santa carry .
Wasn't there a post on here about ugly guns ?
There was a real ugly red and green 1911 if I remember right .
Maybe that was Santa's

Merry Christmas , Bill

therealsteamer
December 23, 2005, 10:55 PM
COOKIE CANNON!!!!!! and milk grenades................

2k5Adam
December 23, 2005, 11:18 PM
Santa would carry:
1. a Springfield 1911A1 Mil-Spec loaded with Speer Golds and Trijicon night sights on his hip,
2. an HK USP compact 40 concealed IWB,
3. and have a snub nose S&W 38spl arould his ankle,
4. and a Rem. 870 pistol grip stashed under his "dash."
*Not to mention the Benchmade boot knife, tucked in beside his nice, warm wool socks.*

When flying through DC, NYC, or San Fran's "rough" areas, he has his sleigh outfitted with:
1. two Colt M4-A3's
2. and two AK-47's *full auto* manned by the elves,
3. and his trusty MP5 if things get ugly.

Ammo cans line the floorboard, all filled with quality rounds. Hollow points for the pistolas and some incindiery rounds for the AK-47's (just for fun!). :D :neener:

Mot45acp
December 23, 2005, 11:51 PM
There is a song by Wierd Al Yankovic called Christmas At Ground Zero
If somebody with better cpu skills than I could post a link or somethin,it would go well with this thread.
Anything with the line "But if someones comin down your chimney, you better load your gun and shoot to kill." needs to be heard by all here
thanks

2k5Adam
December 23, 2005, 11:54 PM
It's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
While the air raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny

Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud

[siren]

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new
Mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday

[siren]

:D

22-rimfire
December 23, 2005, 11:54 PM
I'm hoping for snow so I can find tracks. Shouldn't be too hard to spot the sleigh and reindeer tracks on rooftops. Santa probably has a bullet proof sleigh, kind of like the pope mobile. Probably has 20mm cannons on the sleigh. Doesn't need to carry.

Mot45acp
December 23, 2005, 11:57 PM
Thanks 2K5Adam it was just what I was looking for

Mizzle187
December 24, 2005, 12:02 AM
First, I shoot him with my 1911. Then, I head outside with my Savage 30-06 and get me some backstrap! :evil:
:D :D :D Mmmmmm!!! Reindeer backstrap! Santa would look like Rudolph with my P99's M6's laser on his nose! ;)

cz75bdneos22
December 24, 2005, 12:03 AM
i've got the glock G20 with ameriglo night ghoust ring sights...i've got the surefire ready set to stunn...and two full mags of 15 rounds of 10mm loads...i'm reeeady!!!:p

cz75bdneos22
December 24, 2005, 12:06 AM
As humorous as this thread is, why don't we take a different route?

What would Santa Claus carry?

jmm


S&W .500 revolver...:eek:

f4t9r
December 24, 2005, 12:09 AM
Santa would carry a SIG P220
and AR15

outofbattery
December 24, 2005, 12:14 AM
I've always worked off the assumption that Santa is a government agent.Wears a uniform,knows if you're naughty or nice and determines if you're worthy of a gift once a year...Only makes sense to me.It didn't take much more specious reasoning to figure out who he works for based upon what sorts of presents he usually leaves for me so I decided to put out a plate that's a little better than just milk and cookies.Yeah,I know-I couldn't swing any good hooch after coughing up for the SIG and Cohiba to bribe him with but I heard he's a guzzler anyway.


http://www.thehighroad.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=32964&stc=1&d=1135397578

geekWithA.45
December 24, 2005, 12:19 AM
Everyone knows that Santa is a Sith Lord.

http://www.nebulousdesigns.com/portfolio/3d/lightsaber_gold_blade.jpg

kihnspiracy
December 24, 2005, 12:22 AM
I think I would break out my new semi automatic chocolate chip cookie shooter. If that didn't slow the fat guy down, I would use my backup double barrelled whole milk slugged shotgun. In the face of that superior firepower Old St. Nick would leave his bag of goodies and skedaddle up the chimney screaming like an elf.:D

CGofMP
December 24, 2005, 12:32 AM
2k5Adam I see your Christmas At Ground Zero and raise you " The night santa went crazy"

Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered in ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must've snapped in his brain

Well the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
Then he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with and old German Luger
And he slashed down Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
Then he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen
Then he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the FBI
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circling 'round in the sky
Now the bullets keep flying the body count's rising
And everybody’s dying to know -oh Santa, why?
My, my, my, my - you used to be such a jolly guy.

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a Federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years.

(Alternate verse used in concert)
Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead
A guy from the SWAT team blew a hole through his head
Yes, little friend, that's his brains on the floor
Guess you won't have the fat guy to kick around anymore

Now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus she's on the phone every night
With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights
(They talk about)

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must've snapped in his brain
Something finally must've snapped in his brain
Tell ya something finally must've snapped in his brain.




Gotta love wierd al yaykovick vich vik vic I dunno :p

Malone LaVeigh
December 24, 2005, 06:10 AM
Given that Santa is moving at a high enough velocity to visit every house in the world in one evening, I don't think it matters what you gun for him with.

marshall3
December 24, 2005, 06:29 AM
I found this on the internet somewhere...

`Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding,
As I sat at the work bench, quite busy reloading.
The empties from autumn were polished so clear
For primers and powder, and bullets from Speer

And Hornady's soft-points, and Nosler's Partitions
(MY bench ain't no place for brand name omissions!)
All sat in their boxes, right next to the press
With dies from Pacific, and RCBS

When all of a sudden there came such a jolt,
I grabbed for my Mossberg, and whipped out my Colt.
As I spilled Hodgdon's powder all over the shelf
I scrambled for cover, just to pro-tect myself

From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and snorting
Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from Clinton's cavorting!
I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto
With 230-hardball, I'd knock 'em all blotto

Were these rogue federal agents, sent by Schumer and Reno?
Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad need of Beano?
My question was answered with a knock, and some sneezing,
"It's Santa, you moron, lemme in there, I'm freezing!"

I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door wide,
To find St. Nick a'shivvering, Rudolph by his side
He eyeballed my Springfield, with a nod of approval
"You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal."

"But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you
Or persecute, prosecute or even disarm you"
Instead, said dear Santa, he needed to borrow
My .357, 'till day after tomorrow

"It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration.
"I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association"
He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating
"I've had this since me and the missus were dating!"

"And you see, Dave ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous
"Since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to serve us
"So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents a'stackin'
"I want to assure you, I'm legally packin'

"And my gift for you this year, should give you a hoot
"I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the boot!
"Now, Rudy and I must be on our way"
He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his sleigh

With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his pocket
He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a rocket
With a pair of speedloaders, and ammo to spare
I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear

As he faded from view, I could still hear him calling
"From D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling
"To bad guys in L.A., Detroit and Atlanta
"I'm licensed to carry. Don't be messin' with Santa!"

Marshall at www.mouseguns.com

Barbara
December 24, 2005, 09:17 AM
Some of you guys are so going on the naughty list.

The other night I heard someone on the mostly unused front porch about 8:00 pm and grabbed a gun only to discovered it had been the UPS man delivering an gift. Doh!

HSMITH
December 24, 2005, 09:27 AM
You guys better be careful, I have solid word (from my just turned 6yo son) that Santa is packing heat. Seems as though Santa is packing a full custom bull barrel yada yada STI limited class gun with a red (Christmas) grip just like the one that finally came in for me. Now if Santa is long loading 180 JHPs and making major, stuffing his supertuned mags with 20 pops each, and working on his draws and transitions things could go badly for anyone not asleep completely when he comes. Your only hope is going to be that it is too dark for his fiber optic front sight to light, and that might slow him down if he hasn't had time to really get to know the index on his new blaster. On a belt like his my son and I reasoned that he can get at least 10 mags easily, so he will be able to hang in the fight long term.

I say put out a couple of cookies (for show) and a double Dewars on the rocks, distract him from the expensive stuff, and let him be. According to my son, we should just go to the grocery store and buy some beef seeing as how it will be much less dangerous than taking IPSC Santa on for some deer meat......

My son is a wise man for his age, I think we will take his tack on this problem and wait until he is old enough to work on a way to give Santa a real run for his money.

If I can track him and find out he has been to see SM and Smoke before getting here I might give him a run, he should be down to a couple mags by the time he gets out of those two situations......

Rembrandt
December 24, 2005, 09:53 AM
You guys are terrible, Santa is the best promoter of the shooting sports amoung kids.....has a factory full of Red Ryder BB guns.

Since some of you seem bent on attacking the Jolly old elf as an intruder, I suggest he carry the following....

What would Santa Claus carry?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v405/Rembrandt51/RedEagle.jpg

Cosmoline
December 24, 2005, 10:03 AM
Santa is an old elf from the northland. Very old-fashioned. I'd expect him to carry a Swedish Nagant or something similar to put down wounded reindeer or whatever they hit on the roads. He'd also have a wicked sharp puukko in his jolly little elf belt, I suspect.

Slinger
December 24, 2005, 10:16 AM
My trusty Fo-ho-ho-horty-five!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!:p

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