Craziness in Nebraska


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Zundfolge
January 18, 2006, 12:08 PM
Was looking over the proposed CCW law in Nebraska (and all the proposed amendments)
http://www.unicam.state.ne.us/scripts/InfoRon.asp?Prefix=LB&BillNumber=454&Suffix=


Came across Amendment 1238 http://www.unicam.state.ne.us/Amendment/AM_1238.pdf which was obviously written by a Nebraska Senator who is consuming an agicultural product other than corn. :eek:

Here it is (had to clean up some funky formatting so I hope I didn't damage anything)

AM1238 AM1238
LB454 LB 454
NPN-04-19 NPN-04-19
AMENDMENTS TO LB 454
(Amendments to Standing Committee amendments, AM0810)

1. Insert the following new sections:

“Sec. 23. To determine the number of pistols a licensee may lawfully carry concealed under the Concealed Handgun Permit Act or section 28-1202 on any given occasion (except if the United States or the State of Nebraska shall be at war), the body weight of the licensee shall be multiplied by ten-times the licensee’s (admitted) age, then divided into the year of the licensee’s birth plus one hundred thirty-seven and one-half, then add the number of inches of the licensee’s height rounded up to the next full inch which shall be subtracted from the number of the current century (2100), if the number of the current century exceeds the other number, otherwise subtract the number of the current century from the other number, then, after multiplying the size of the licensee’s right shoe by three-times the girth of the licensee’s waist after a full meal, measured and certified by a professional tailor, subtract the sum obtained by adding together the digits in the licensee’s social security number (which number shall be made known only to the licensing authority and any employee thereof who shall be guilty of a Class IB felony for any unauthorized disclosure of the number to any other person), then divide the grand total by three-fifths of the number on line 17 of the licensee’s personal income tax return (federal) for the immediately preceding year, but if the licensee is not required by law to file a federal income tax return or if the licensee failed to file a tax return for the immediately preceding year and has not been indicted for failure to file a return, this step should be disregarded and in its stead, the licensee’s home address (no post office box number is acceptable) multiplied by ten if the address contains four or fewer digits but by six and five-tenths if such address contains five or more digits, but in no case shall the number of pistols carried concealed exceed the total number of the licensee’s pockets at the time of being approached, stopped, accosted, interrogated, or otherwise contacted by any sworn law enforcement officer and any other suitable hiding places including, but not limited to: (1) Purses, (2) tote bags, (3) shopping bags of whatever material or variety just so the pistol is not visible, (4) umbrellas, (5) picnic baskets, (6) beverage coolers, (7) boots, (8) bras, (9) bloomers, (10) shorts (jockey or boxer), (11) briefcases, (12) backpacks, (13) hidden holsters or reasonable facsimiles thereof, (14) baggy britches, (15) billowy shirts, (16) bulky sweaters, (17) flouncy skirts, et al., (18) coats of any and every kind and variety, (19) wide sleeves, (20) big hair, (21) hats, (22) helmets, (23) prostheses, (24) canes and walking sticks of any and every variety suitable for the purpose of concealing a firearm, (25) lunch buckets or boxes, and (26) hollowed-out books and the like.
Sec. 24. Section 23 of this act shall be liberally construed to accomplish the purpose of ensuring that licensees may carry concealed the maximum number of pistols for personal protection due to paranoia and stark terror of the licensee toward the licensee’s family, friends, neighbors, strangers, and possible enemy invaders.
Sec. 25. Any person who violates section 23 of this act is guilty of an infraction. In addition to any other punishment imposed by the court, the defendant shall be required to go about unarmed for a number of days equal to six times the sentencing judge’s age divided by the number of the courtroom where the sentence is pronounced, subtracted from two hundred fifty, and multiplied by two, but in no case fewer than one hundred eighty days.
Sec. 26. If the defendant fails to comply fully and completely with the going-about-unarmed requirement of section 25 of this act, the defendant shall be taken into custody and after a hearing shall be transported by the sheriff of the county where the proceedings were had to the facility or location where the Nebraska State Patrol conducts firearms training and there the defendant’s trigger finger shall be shot off by Nebraska State Senator Jeanne M. Combs using a pistol of her choice but which must be approved by the Superintendent of Law Enforcement and Public Safety. Execution of the punishment shall be without the benefit of any type of anesthesia other than flavored malt liquor.
Sec. 27. In case of the death, sickness, absence, cold feet, or inability to act, then State Senator Combs shall, in writing, with the approval of the Superintendent of Law Enforcement and Public Safety, designate and appoint a suitable and competent person to act for her as shooter in any particular case.
Sec. 28. Any offense punishable by the shooting off of the trigger finger must be punished according to the provisions herein made and no other. The trigger finger or any parts, portions, shreds, fragments, bits, pieces, other remnants, or leftovers shall be offered to the defendant for disposal in the manner the defendant deems appropriate, otherwise cremation shall be employed.
Sec. 29. When any person shall be sentenced to have his or her trigger finger shot off, such punishment shall be inflicted in such a manner as to exclude the view of all persons save any clergy person in attendance upon request of the defendant, the Superintendent of Law Enforcement and Public Safety or his or her designee, no more than three additional officers of the Nebraska State Patrol selected and assigned by the superintendent, any medical and other personnel deemed necessary or expedient by the superintendent or his or her designee, and no more than three representatives of the news media except that no television cameras or other photographic devices or recording devices of any kind shall be permitted at the scene of the shoot-off. In addition, the defendant may choose to allow as many as ten tickets to be auctioned to grant witnessing privileges to the ten highest bidders if the proceeds are donated to a nonprofit charity.
Sec. 30. The filing of a notice of appeal shall act as a supersede as and shall stay execution of the sentence until after all appellate proceedings have been completed and the sentence affirmed.
Sec. 31. The cost of all proceedings, transportation, use of the Nebraska State Patrol facility, and any ammunition shall be borne by the defendant unless the sentence is overturned by the court.”.
2. Renumber the remaining sections accordingly.

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1911 guy
January 18, 2006, 12:19 PM
I actually was intrigued enough to read all of it. The first part says you can carry an astronomical number of firearms, as long as they're concealed. Therefore, you cannot be in violation of the law (number carried), so the rest is outlining an outlandish punishment for a crime impossible to commit. In a weird political way, it's kinda funny.

Zundfolge
January 18, 2006, 12:44 PM
Well thank God those Nebraska legislators only get paid $12k/yr because otherwise this would be a bit of a waste of the good people of Nebraska's tax dollars.

Master Blaster
January 18, 2006, 01:10 PM
If the defendant fails to comply fully and completely with the going-about-unarmed requirement of section 25 of this act, the defendant shall be taken into custody and after a hearing shall be transported by the sheriff of the county where the proceedings were had to the facility or location where the Nebraska State Patrol conducts firearms training and there the defendant’s trigger finger shall be shot off by Nebraska State Senator Jeanne M. Combs using a pistol of her choice but which must be approved by the Superintendent of Law Enforcement and Public Safety. Execution of the punishment shall be without the benefit of any type of anesthesia other than flavored malt liquor.


I'm guessing that state senator Jeanne Combs is the leading anti-right to self defense advocate.

C. Rabbit
January 18, 2006, 01:50 PM
It appears that Sen. Combs is pushing for the CCW law:
LINCOLN, Neb. -- State Sen. Jeanne Combs of Milligan won the first round Thursday in her fight to allow Nebraskans to carry concealed weapons.

From: http://www.ketv.com/politics/6031752/detail.html.

That's a humurous amendment.

CR

Justin
January 18, 2006, 02:13 PM
I'm guessing that state senator Jeanne Combs is the leading anti-right to self defense advocate.

No, evidently she's the one who's pushing for Neb. CCW, and not the author of this *ahem* amendment.

Zundfolge
January 18, 2006, 02:53 PM
$10 says the author of this blivit is Ernie Chambers (http://www.unicam.state.ne.us/senators/district11.htm)

pax
January 18, 2006, 03:01 PM
That's hysterical.

In both senses of the word.

pax

engineer151515
January 18, 2006, 03:05 PM
"but in no case shall the number of pistols carried concealed exceed the total number of the licensee’s pockets at the time of being approached"


I see Cargo pants and 5.11 vests in your future.

:)

SIOP
January 18, 2006, 05:22 PM
$10 says the author of this blivit is Ernie Chambers (http://www.unicam.state.ne.us/senators/district11.htm)


You are correct, sir.

Sen Combs is the leading proponent of CCW in Nebraska.

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