My wife, the anti-gunner, asked if I was carrying.


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MikeJ
March 7, 2006, 05:18 PM
My wife doesn't care for guns but understands that I do and never complains about my interest in them. To get to the point, the other morning we needed to go to our storage unit very early in the a.m. (before 6) to meet some workers there. When we got there we had to wait outside and it was still rather dark and desolate, this is in a very rough downtown area. As it was we noticed a few guys, looked to be homeless, walking our way and lo and behold my wife asks, "do you have on you what I think you do", to which I replied, "of course". These guys meant us no harm but she was very glad that I was carrying. I was rather amused to say the least and find it very interesting how people that don't like guns all of a sudden feel very differently about them when they feel threatened.

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Werewolf
March 7, 2006, 05:23 PM
Sorry MikeJ but in my opinion your wife was guilty of the worst kind of hypocrisy.

Call me crass if you will but I'd have told her, "oops, oh crap! I forgot to grab it this morning", and let her sweat the load a bit. Maybe that'd help her get it a little better.

rangermonroe
March 7, 2006, 05:29 PM
When my wife and I were dating, My MIL was quite disapproving of my carrying.

"Where are you taking my daughter that is so unsafe that you need to carry a GUN?"

"Ma'am, you daughter is precious to both of us, and I feel the need to defend her against whatever situation may arise", obviously it didn't come out exactly like that, but you get the idea.

After that, she frisked me on the way out the door to make sure I was carrying.

3rdpig
March 7, 2006, 05:30 PM
All giving her a hard time about it would have gotten him is several weeks of the cold shoulder and an equally hard time next time he wanted a new gun or more ammo. Being supportive is more likely to get the desired results than being a smartass. Don't ask me how I know.

CAPTAIN MIKE
March 7, 2006, 05:32 PM
Well....some guys have their sons carry 'protection' IWB and some in their wallets. Either way, protection is a good thing.

Standing Wolf
March 7, 2006, 06:09 PM
..."do you have on you what I think you do"...


Well, euphemistically speaking, dear...

GHF
March 7, 2006, 06:30 PM
When she does, I have a stock answer -

If it is legal - YES, if not NO.

But if I have to come to where she is, and the place might be dangerous (she had a flat at work late one night, for example), she is all for it.

My problem is that I can not get her to go to the range for familization with my Beretta semi-auto. She had - at one time - a .357 mag revolver, and does not understand the figuring out the differences in a stressful situation is not an intelligent idea.

But then, she has the same response about learning to use software...

gezzer
March 7, 2006, 07:38 PM
Newley Wed's, she had to ask?;)

zahc
March 7, 2006, 07:43 PM
"Where are you taking my daughter that is so unsafe that you need to carry a GUN?"

Out the front door.

Cacique500
March 7, 2006, 07:48 PM
Out the front door.

+1

My significant other is not a big gun fan but we've been to several places which made her nervous (didn't bother me any)...but asked if I was carrying (as if she didn't know).

I think I'm making progress though - she wants a small j-frame for the bedside table for when I travel. :evil:

MikeJ
March 7, 2006, 11:44 PM
Just offered as an amusing anecdote, not to be taken too seriously.

Herself
March 7, 2006, 11:50 PM
Well, take it seriously. Guns aren't a joke.

I learned to shoot and lost a fiance (metaphorically, I actually know where he is and he's like still breathin' an' stuff)! Wanna know the truth? I might have been better off as a knife-carrying blissninny.

No turnin' back now, I look lousy as a pillar of salt.

--Herself

3rdpig
March 8, 2006, 12:25 AM
I learned to shoot and lost a fiance (metaphorically, I actually know where he is and he's like still breathin' an' stuff)! Wanna know the truth? I might have been better off as a knife-carrying blissninny.

Are you serious? Some guy you were engaged to bailed because you decided to learn to use a gun? Good Grief! Does he show any other signs of insanity?

I guess I hang out with the wrong crowd, because where I come from that would be one item (written in bold) on the "keeper" side of the equation.

R.H. Lee
March 8, 2006, 12:29 AM
SWMBO never asks when I'm packing; we never discuss it. I think she trusts me to know when and where to carry.

Zundfolge
March 8, 2006, 12:31 AM
I learned to shoot and lost a fiance (metaphorically, I actually know where he is and he's like still breathin' an' stuff)! Wanna know the truth? I might have been better off as a knife-carrying blissninny.

Nope ... you're better off now.

LOTS of women are antis, so us pro gun guys go bananas when we find a pro-gun woman.

I'm sure you'll easily find a man* you like who will love that you pack and shoot (just read how many threads there are in this forum of men lamenting that their SO is anti).


*no, I'm not implying that you NEED a man to be complete or happy or whatever. The statement only applies if you actually WANT one.

PlayboyPenguin
March 8, 2006, 12:38 AM
Just offered as an amusing anecdote, not to be taken too seriously.
No need to explain. I think most people that read this can understand that not everything has to be a dead-pan serious story or dealt with in a pro-gun pollitically correct manner. This is not an NRA meeting, it is a discussion forum and sometimes talk is just talk. There is nothing wrong with light hearted tongue in cheek stories. It is often better than another "I have been tread upon by the man" or "I am afraid a bear will eat me" thread. :)

Ryder
March 8, 2006, 12:43 AM
I make it a point to let women know if I won't be carrying before we go out. Other than that they can assume the best. Questioning my carry status in public is not something I want.

71Commander
March 8, 2006, 05:24 AM
My wife doesn't ask me that anymore. She got her CCW.:evil:

She was never an anti though.

Janitor
March 8, 2006, 07:04 AM
MikeJ - I think that your resposne was perfect. A light bulb just turned on in her brain all on it's own. Not the time to be an a$$. Especially if she's frightened at the current situation. This was just good fortune for you. The situation you guys were in (dark out - alone - strangers walking in your direction ...) seems to have given her an understanding that she may not have had before.

Has the topic of either guns, or you carrying come up agian since then?


Herself: Zundfolge is absolutely right. You're better of w/o him. Yea - in some ways he may have been the best thing to come along since that white stuff that never spoils in a twinkie. But realize that you found yourself in a place where one of you was going to have to change their feelings, or this would have most likely become a fairly large point of contention between you two going forward. (question: Ever try to change your feelings?)

Like Z said - if you find you actually want a man - find a gunny. There are a lot of us out there and most all of us would LOVE it if our s.o. both shared our interests and was independant enough to prepare herself to deal with lifes ugly little realities on her own if need be.

Hokkmike
March 8, 2006, 07:16 AM
I had two friends who were exiting an NRA spondered fund raiser. Two drunks approached and became too interested in my friends' business. They would not leave them alone when asked to do so. The appearance of a small handgun sent them on their way with all apologies. Who knows what may have happed otherwise?

Your story is a good one. Your wife sounds like 95% of wives I know.

Steelharp
March 8, 2006, 07:27 AM
My wife... ah, I love her... but... it's funny how she snickers every morning when I put on my holster as I get dressed to go...

But if we're out somewhere, and she feels a little uncomfortable about where we are, she always asks, "You DO have your gun, don't you?" One time, I answered, "No, you laughed about it." She looked at me with huge eyes, "MICHAEL!!" "Of course I have it, honey."

Some people...

Herself
March 8, 2006, 07:27 AM
Janitor, Zundfolge, 3rdpig, than you for your kind comments. Yes, it's not like I have just got to get a maaaan; menfolk are way nice but I learned how to lill my own bugs a long time ago.

Here's the thing: He's a gunny, too! I'm concerned that it was off-putting to him that I learned to shoot, that it may have felt to him like I was taking away from his very natural role as the protector. All I wanted was to be his back-up, to share the hobby. But who knows. Perhaps it's totally unrelated. We were together as good as married for 16 years, time enough for most men to get bored.

Still, a point to ponder for me and the other gun-girls: self-sufficiency is a good thing but too much of it might be real bad. Darned if I know how much is too much. I may be too old to learn or too big fake it -- at 5' 10" and fairly fit, I don't play the helpless little thing very convincingly.


Playboy Penguin: The original story is a "light-hearted anecdote" but it is serous stuff, too. In hindsight, sure, no harm and hardly even a threat, everyone can grin. At the time, though, the fear was real and I don't find real fear especially funny. Perhaps it will prove to have been a learning experience, helping to change her attitude.

--Herself

Janitor
March 8, 2006, 07:52 AM
Here's the thing: He's a gunny, too! I'm concerned that it was off-putting to him that I learned to shoot, that it may have felt to him like I was taking away from his very natural role as the protector. All I wanted was to be his back-up, to share the hobby. But who knows. Perhaps it's totally unrelated. We were together as good as married for 16 years, time enough for most men to get bored.

Still, a point to ponder for me and the other gun-girls: self-sufficiency is a good thing but too much of it might be real bad. Darned if I know how much is too much. I may be too old to learn or too big fake it -- at 5' 10" and fairly fit, I don't play the helpless little thing very convincingly.
!!! This is so odd. I have no idea what to say!

Wait. Yes I do.

He was nuts. I'm sorry - but you fell in love with an insane person. Ok. That was a bit flip. He may be perfectly "sane", but certainly - the man has issues with insecurity. Over time, that would probably have been as large a problem as him hating guns would have been. Far, far better for both of you that it was sorted out before you were married.

Trust me ... there are plenty of us who actually like strong, independant women. Lots.

I'd love it if my wife and I shared interests like that, and if maybe she'd allow me to be her backup if needed. Hec - she could even make more $$ than I do. :) I think it would be SO cool if some scumbag approached me and "my woman" with ill intent, and she draws on him halting him in his steps, stuttering while trying to back off.

I would just smile and watch it all unfold. (of course - be prepared to back her up)

Back on the original topic - I really hope this last event at least sparks serious discussion between you two. She clearly is starting to get it. No need to force feed anything, but I'd think it best if she weren't allowed to forget that feeling of fear, and the feeling of some semblance of security when she verified that you were carrying. That all needs to be explored. Obviously, only when she's receptive to the conversation.

dpesec
March 8, 2006, 09:00 AM
Yes, my GF knows I carry. Because of Ohio's plain sight rule, I often don't even bother to tuck it under my shirt when I'm at her house.
Her roommate doesn't even care. But I was extremely upset at the roommate one time. I took my GF, her mother and the roommate out to dinner. The roommate started talking about how I never go anyplace without my gun. Jan's mother was not too happy about that. Not that I a gun, but the roommate was telling people about it, so was I. It's nobody's business but mine, untill it's needed.

1911Tuner
March 8, 2006, 09:17 AM
A similar story involved my closet-anti ex and her daughter...then about 10 years old. We had a flat late one night in a not-so-savory area while passing through toward home turf. Ex-SWMBO...visibly nervous...starts raggin' that _IF_ I had bought into the cell phone deal that we'd be okay now
because we could lock the doors and call for help. 10 year-old woman-child
looks at me and asks if I have my gun with me...to which I answered in the affirmative....grins, gives me a hug, turns to mommy and says matter-of-factly: "We'll be okay. He's got a gun to protect us."

....Indignant silence prevailed....

:D

Delmar
March 8, 2006, 10:02 AM
I love it when you can get an anti converted. They're like ex smokers or newly born again christians...full of whee and vinegar!

My wife was an anti until we met, and she wanted me to teach her how to shoot. Once she smelled the gunpowder, she was absolutely hooked.
Since I am a big fan of 1911's and its what she learned on, she surprized me by buying one of her own and did it by herself-something she was very proud of. She wasn't very interested in rifles, and the one time she tried my 870 12 gauge, I got a dirty look from her. Not too fond of the recoil, ya see.

We had been married about 5 years and my company decided to send me to Saudi Arabia for some months. She would never keep her pistol loaded in the house despite my recommendations, but knew I kept the 870 with a full mag on an empty chamber. She was okay with that, being as how it was on my side of the bed. Come time for me to leave, I tried once again to instruct her on the shotgun, but could tell she wasn't paying much attention.

About a week after I left the states, I get a call at about 0300, and my wife telling me the dog went nuts barking and charging around the house. Never did figure out what he was raising cain about, but she grabbed the 12 gauge and chambered a round when the commotion started. Good Girl!

The problem was that she could not remember how to release the bolt in order to extract the loaded round! I tried to tell her, but she was not understanding, so I called my deer hunting buddy across town and asked him if he would go over to the house and unload the shotgun!

The first thing I did when I got home was grab a bottle of her brightest red nail polish and painted the release..........

Herself-you are blessed by not having to put up with that moron. Women get a bad rap sometimes with the guys if they show any inclination or especially skill in weapons handling. My wife was a big example. When she got the bug, we would go twice a week to practice at a minimum, and I just about wore my press out trying to keep up with the ammo demands. Once she got the hang of it, some of my buddies stopped going to the range with us because she was beating the pants off them on the target boards. And this was not by just a little bit, either.

If she had a fault, it was that she was so competitive and used to get frustrated that she could not get the groups I made. Guess I get no credit for the 30 odd years I'd been shooting....oh well. I guess God needed a gate guard so He took her 3 years ago this month. I'd be real leery of sneaking up on the pearly gates:what:

distra
March 8, 2006, 12:20 PM
My wife is not an anti, but she wanted to know when I'm carrying. She used to ask just to make sure. Ever since we had a little "run in" with someone in small town CT that appeared to be on something not legal, she doesn't ask any more...she KNOWS ;) Just goes to show that even in small relatively "safe" town, things can happen. One good outcome has been she definately ready to get her permit...just in case. :D

Lupinus
March 8, 2006, 12:32 PM
I'd get her trained real quick to NOT ask any questions of the sort reguarding your gun while carrying or if you are carrying

In a bank being held up "do you have your gun" "don't take your gun out" etc

and you will be short a few brain cells if the crooks aren't all bark.

LHB1
March 8, 2006, 12:43 PM
Another true anecdote. I married a pretty, young girl nearly 43 years ago who was raised in a home without guns. She wasn't anti, just didn't know anything about them. I still have that pretty girl, although neither of us are young now. I kept a loaded .357 S&W revolver for home defense. One night I came home earlier than planned from a gun club meeting and when I walked in, my young bride was holding the S&W in both hands, pointing down, waiting to see if it was me. After that, I wasn't quite as worried about her when she was alone.

Good shooting and be safe.
LB

Rockrivr1
March 8, 2006, 12:44 PM
Back when my wife was my fiance we had a "heated" discussion about why I carried. I think she was more mad that I had been carrying for months before she found out. I was wondering how long it would be before she figured it out. Maybe not the best way to do it. I posted about it here

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=163917

The worst part of it was that she outed me at her father's funeral, twice! Anyway, after the discussion she realized that I wan't going to stop carrying and has accepted it. She's actually asked me a few times if I'm carrying the "bitch" as she calls it. lol A lot of people told me to dump her, but we've been married a few months now and its been pretty smooth sailing. Gun wise that is. ;)

perpster
March 8, 2006, 12:57 PM
"Another true anecdote. I married a pretty, young girl nearly 43 years ago who was raised in a home without guns. She wasn't anti, just didn't know anything about them. I still have that pretty girl, although neither of us are young now. I kept a loaded .357 S&W revolver for home defense. One night I came home earlier than planned from a gun club meeting and when I walked in, my young bride was holding the S&W in both hands, pointing down, waiting to see if it was me. After that, I wasn't quite as worried about her when she was alone."


Wow LHB1. That was a real test of True Love! Lucky you passed it!!

[Quotes still down]

Richard.Howe
March 8, 2006, 01:00 PM
I personally hate paying over $50 a month for a stupid life insurance policy.

If ever needed, my family will appreciate my decision to do the thing I hate.

Your wife may have just begun to see the end's relationship to the means.

Rich

roo_ster
March 8, 2006, 01:34 PM
Herself:

Your experience is not unique...

My wife was engaged to a guy kinda like that. He was all into firearms & hunting, but wanted her to stay out of "his" hobbies, no matter how much she asked. She eventually dumped him for other personality defects.

I, OTOH, took my then-GF shooting as soon as I had her trained up to be safe with a firearm. A gal has to be able to take care of herself, in my opinion.

It all turned out well:
1. I got a wife, a son, a daughter due St Paddy's Day, a dog (wife's when we married), and a shooting buddy.
2. My wife got a son, a daughter, and a husband who doesn't like to watch much TV and never watches sports.
3. Ex-fiance got a boot and plenty of free time.

Rickstir
March 8, 2006, 02:23 PM
My wonderful wife, and I do mean wonderful, was also raised without guns. When we met she knew I hunted and owned a farm. She didn't really mind the guns I had. I taught her to shoot a single shot .410 to protect the farm animals from criters and she has killed a possum or two in the chicken yard. She now has a .22 nine-shot revolver of her own. But she does not carry. When we go out, especially if we are going to St. Louis to visit the relatives, she always asks me if I have my "little friend". I do and her family knows I carry and it has never been a problem with them. I still need to watch the new sister-in-law, she is a sheeple from W. Germany and spent way too many years in the Republik of **********. We don't see her much and it really hasn't come up, but it is bound to.:o

Herself
March 8, 2006, 02:41 PM
I have given the wrong impression and one that is very unfair to my ex. I have no idea for sure why he chose to exit the relationship. It's just weird it happened relatively soon after we both started shooting, after nearly 15 years together though the usual ups and downs.

He is not that bad a guy in many ways. It just puzzles me. I feel like maybe I crowded him out or something.

--Herself

Rockrivr1
March 8, 2006, 03:34 PM
Not sure how long ago in the past this happened Herself, but it sounds to me like you are looking for some answers. Or as you hear on TV, closure. :rolleyes: My only advise is that you shouldn't worry about it. You'll probably never find the answer as to why someone all of a sudden became a jerk and split. Better to look for that someone, when you're ready, that will be your future.

Mongo the Mutterer
March 8, 2006, 03:57 PM
Kind of off the subject, but RockRivr1 said:

Not sure how long ago in the past this happened Herself, but it sounds to me like you are looking for some answers. Or as you hear on TV, closure. Herself, if the deal is bothering you, go find out. I didn't, and had a friend who is a real liberal blissninny after me to get "closure" on an affair which had ended ten years before.

Once I did, I was free. Probably doesn't apply in your case, but it worked for me...

Janitor
March 8, 2006, 04:04 PM
Advice on small arms and relationship counseling all in a one stop shop.

How can you not love this forum?

PlayboyPenguin
March 8, 2006, 04:23 PM
Herself, as I can attest, you are a very strong willed person that does not hesitate to expess their opinions when given the proper forum. I wonder if maybe getting into something like shooting, which you feel strongly about, brought this side of you more into view of your ex. Alot of men are very threatened by women who can not only think for themselves but do not require the validation of others to feel their opinion is worth while. If that was the case you are probably better off without him. Maybe we should add a match making thread to THR for gunnies to find each other...maybe call it "Gunnies seeking bunnies" or something like that. :)

Rockrivr1
March 8, 2006, 04:35 PM
Gunnies seeking Bunnies. Hummmmmm, I like it! I mean, I'd like it if I was single that is. Us married folk have no right to think about bunnies. :scrutiny:

distra
March 8, 2006, 08:01 PM
Rockrivr1, just because you've ordered doesn't mean you can't still look at the menu! :evil: I'm married, but I'm not dead! :D

Sorry nothing to do with the thread. :neener:

Srigs
March 8, 2006, 10:37 PM
My wife asks me all the time! :D

I guess I can dress around the gun(s). :cool:

IDriveB5
March 8, 2006, 11:44 PM
Gunnies seeking Bunnies

:D

Rockrivr1
March 9, 2006, 10:28 AM
This is very true distra, but getting caught looking at another bunnie stew will put you in the deep fryer. Best invention every to avoid this is dark sunglasses and your ability to not move your head in the direction the bunnie is walking. :cool:

distra
March 9, 2006, 10:30 AM
So true, so true. ;)

Kurt_M
March 9, 2006, 10:46 AM
Good story, something similar happened with my brother and I. I'm older than him by two years, but about four inches shorter and eighty pounds lighter. Most people don't know we're brothers unless we tell them. So naturally he likes to rub in the fact that he's considerably stronger. That's OK, because I'm old enough to have a CCW permit and he's not. :neener: We both work at the same sporting goods store, and one night before we got to work, he put his back out, badly. He couldn't stand up straight or breathe right. As we were preparing to leave, he said offhand that he hoped no one tried to mug us as we tried to leave, because he was defenseless. I just smiled and said "Don't worry, I got your back." He reached over and patted the Kel-Tec riding on my right hip with the back of his hand and said "Yeah, I guess you do." It's nice to be able to inspire that kind of confidence in people.

NineseveN
March 10, 2006, 10:36 AM
Here's the thing: He's a gunny, too! I'm concerned that it was off-putting to him that I learned to shoot, that it may have felt to him like I was taking away from his very natural role as the protector. All I wanted was to be his back-up, to share the hobby. But who knows. Perhaps it's totally unrelated. We were together as good as married for 16 years, time enough for most men to get bored.

That doesn't sound like equality to me. My SO is not my back-up, she's my partner. There's a very specific difference and I think not only were you slighting yourself a little there, but you're definitely better off in the long run.


And I think I only got asked the "are you packing" question once, after that it was of course presumed that I would be at all times unless I divulge otherwise.

Bless her heart for putting up with me and my refusal to go anywhere my guns are not welcome, it makes vacationing a real pain in the rear.

thorazine
March 10, 2006, 03:03 PM
Call me crass if you will but I'd have told her, "oops, oh crap! I forgot to grab it this morning", and let her sweat the load a bit. Maybe that'd help her get it a little better.

Muhahahahaha!

I would of. :D

Mannlicher
March 10, 2006, 04:27 PM
I just can't relate to that at all. The concept of marrying an anti gun woman just does not compute.

KriegHund
March 10, 2006, 04:31 PM
My wife doesn't care for guns but understands that I do and never complains about my interest in them. To get to the point, the other morning we needed to go to our storage unit very early in the a.m. (before 6) to meet some workers there. When we got there we had to wait outside and it was still rather dark and desolate, this is in a very rough downtown area. As it was we noticed a few guys, looked to be homeless, walking our way and lo and behold my wife asks, "do you have on you what I think you do", to which I replied, "of course". These guys meant us no harm but she was very glad that I was carrying. I was rather amused to say the least and find it very interesting how people that don't like guns all of a sudden feel very differently about them when they feel threatened.

No crap, eh? :rolleyes:

Gee, i dont need a gun..oops, i just got raped...sure wish i had a gun!
Ugh, what a bad day.

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