Skunk Facts


April 20, 2006, 12:39 AM
Skunk Facts, (with apologies to Chuck Norris)

1. When the Skunk climbs Mt. Baldy, the trail hikes to him

2. If the Skunk doesn't purify his water, the water actually gets cryptosporidia.

3. The Skunk is rumored to be able to perform a tactical reload faster than you can do a speed reload, but the Skunk has never needed to reload.

4. The Skunk can hipfire 1 MOA with a Benelli.

5. The Skunk once ran 30,000 rounds through his Beretta 92G Elite II (with carbon fiber grips) without cleaning. This is believed to be the cause behind Global Warming.

6. The Skunk's primary food groups are beef, kimchi, soju, alcohol, tobacco, and firearms.

7. The Skunk carved Yosemite Valley. With his Leatherman.

8. The Skunk has shot a perfect round of skeet with his Beretta 92G Elite II (with carbon fiber grips). At night. With the Harries technique.

9. The Skunk once caused a forest fire while burning prairie dogs with a magnifying glass.

10. The Skunk was born from a cocoon which resembled a shell casing. It is said this .45ACP shell casing was fired from none other than Alvin York. Since then, Alvin York has switched to the Beretta.

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April 20, 2006, 12:59 AM
I think you need to go easy on the soju my friend.

April 20, 2006, 01:01 AM
I never knew that Chuck Norris' real name was The Skunk! :eek:


50 Freak
April 20, 2006, 05:13 AM
Beretta 92G Elite II (with carbon fiber grips)

I suggest getting rid of the carbon fiber grips... makes you look ghey....:evil: :evil:

April 20, 2006, 06:04 AM
The Year: 1982

The Situation: 1 skunk under the house. Fire4Effect: 14 year old with a 20 ga. shotgun intent on removing aforementioned offending varmit.

The Score: Skunk...1 Fire4Effect...0

The Aftermath: Fire4Effect: 2 days in the bathtub to remove smell, 1 very angry father, new plumbing skills aquired from replacing water pipes damaged from 20ga. shotgun blast.
Skunk: probably still laughing to this day... :banghead:

silicon wolverine
April 20, 2006, 06:46 AM
year: 1993
Sitrep: skunk in cow barn, mayhem and great hilarity ensues with barn cats. Mother requires skunk removal. intital attampt with .22 birds shot fails. skunk becomes irritated. milk cow enteres barn and stomps on skunk.

skunk 0
wolverine 0
milk cow 1

year: 1999
sitrep: skunk under disused trailer home curretly storing engine parts. siad skunk appears to be rabid. Only access is through hole in bathroom floor. first attempt with 2" firehose results in alot of water but no skunk. second attmept with 3" firehose results in mild concussion from brass nozzle. still no skunk. 24 hrs later (when my vsion stopped dancing) skunk recived a full 75 round drum of AK-47 fire. removed with long strand of #9 wire.

skunk 0
wolverine 1
milk cow 1

year: 2001
sitrep: 3AM LOUD catfight outside back door. Strong skunk smell. 7AM Jaws the cat shows up dragging a dead skunk. Skunk is bigger than he is. Washed cat with tomato juice and banished him from the house for two weeks. Skunk removed with #9 wire.

Skunk 0
wolverine 1
milk cow 1
jaws the cat 1

year: 2003
sitrep: skunk smell during lunch at the parents farm. Skunk seen wandering at 300 yards, spraying intermittinely. 1 round from .375 H&H reduces skunk to hamburger. lunch ends abruptly.

skunk 0
wolverine 2
milk cow 1
jaws the cat 1
:D :D :D :D :D


April 20, 2006, 07:08 AM
Wolverine, I haven't laughed that hard in a while. thank you! :)

April 20, 2006, 07:11 AM
Something tells me there is going to be quite a few of these stories involving skunks...

"I smell a Polecat..." :uhoh:

or am I the only one who calls them that?

I think the scientific name is Odorous Offendicus...:D

April 20, 2006, 10:26 AM
Before Sam Fisher goes to bed, he checks the closet for The Skunk.

April 20, 2006, 10:45 AM
Swmbo shot skunk, which was caught in a trap, skunk tried to crawl under house but did not make it. Sprayed. Wind pushed skunk aroma under and into house. Lived in motel for a week. Motel charged me extra to clean smell out of room when we checked out. For the next two years, you could smell skunk in the house when it was hot and humid.........

Shot many a skunk with a shotgun. You gotta hit them in the head or you will pay the price.......chris3

Browns Fan
April 20, 2006, 12:17 PM
Kimchee +1, that stuff will make you a sexual tyranasaurus!;)

April 20, 2006, 12:25 PM
Sure, long as your woman's sense of smell is completely dead.:uhoh:

April 20, 2006, 01:38 PM
Kimchee +1, that stuff will make you a sexual tyranasaurus!

Well, since they ended up extinct, it obviously didn't work too often, or too well! :D

Mr. Ouchie
April 20, 2006, 01:39 PM
There's this crazy stuff called "Neutroleum Alpha" that gets rid of skunk smell rather amazingly. It certainly worked when a skunk got into my basement.

Daniel T
April 20, 2006, 02:02 PM
6. The Skunk's primary food groups are beef, kimchi, soju, alcohol, tobacco, and firearms.

You may just have inadvertantly revealed "The Skunk's" secret weapon... ;)

April 20, 2006, 02:56 PM
11. Somewhere in the world, a sexy Korean female SWAT sniper is adjusting the parallax on her Nikon infrared Mil-Dot scope mounted to her AI .338 Lapua Mag counter-sniper rifle as she aims ever so carefully at the next jihadist on her list...

...and, after she makes the shot, Skunk will be there... ;)

El Tejon
April 20, 2006, 03:02 PM
Skunk does not need a gun. He merely threatens to use his roundhouse kick on evildoers.

April 20, 2006, 03:11 PM
The Year: About 1990

The Situation: Coyotes/Bobcats eating our goats. A live trap was set. Skunks like chicken liver. Who knew?

The Score: Skunk - 2; Azzy - 1. Both our hero and his dog were hosed with skunkiness. The skunk was killed in the firefight - multiple .308 (.22lr) hits to the back.

The Aftermath: Hysterical laughter from the entire family. Tomato juice does not remove the skunk smell, it makes the victim smell like skunk and fermenting tomatoes. The dog had a trip to the groomers for repeated de-stinkifying treatments.

I hate skunks.

April 23, 2006, 04:37 PM
If The Skunk and Macgyver were locked in a room together, The Skunk would make a bomb out of Macgyver and get out.

Smokey Joe
April 23, 2006, 05:08 PM
Had The Dog out for a walk, on the RR trax that go through our little town, past what my #1 Son calls Skunk City (a RR cut perfect for digging numerous dens in, if you're skunks, I guess).

However, there was Mr. Mephitis mephitis out strolling on the tracks. Now, The Dog was a Lab Retriever, which means that Rule 1 states that Anything and Everything Has to be Fetched. Poor Dog! He ran up to the skunk, and had his mouth open to snap it up, when the skunk fired upon him. Caught the whole blast right in his face.

Poor Dog! It was so bad that The Dog began wiping his face on the handiest thing--which happened to be the cinders and the RR rails--to get off the smell.

I got a leash on him, dragged him home, and stuffed him into the basement shower. Got a quart of my wife's best homemade tomato juice (That's yr problem, Azrael--it has to be the good homemade stuff!) and soaked down the dog. He LIKED that part, licked up every drop of the juice that dripped onto the floor. Stripped off, got into shower with him, and soaped us both down good, rinsed off, and that did it for the most part.

So one quart of homemade tomato juice WILL de-skunk a Lab-sized dog--Mostly! When wet, he still carried lingering reminders for a month or so. His collar actually smelt worse than he did. Just couldn't remove the lingering smell from the nylon collar. (Soaked collar in tomato juice, vinegar, detergent, everything we could think of. But when it got wet, bingo, there was Eau de Skunk!)

From then on, when The Dog and I walked through Skunk City on the RR tracks, The Dog walked right beside me, looking straight ahead, deliberately seeing Nothing To Fetch, until we got through the RR cut, and could see the pastures on either side. Well, he was a smart dog.

April 23, 2006, 09:36 PM
lunch ends abruptly.:eek: :barf: :D

Nope, tomato juice don't work either. Skunk Norris took 7 rounds of 22lr to the head and spine from 3 yds before he quit spittin and hissin. I stank for weeks.:barf:

April 23, 2006, 10:29 PM
If you hear someone playing Metallica on a five-string banjo, it's already too late to run.

April 23, 2006, 11:07 PM
The skunk was killed in the firefight - multiple .308 (.22lr) hits to the back.
He obviously didn't gave his plates duct-taped on correctly. :D

April 24, 2006, 10:44 AM
If The Skunk and Macgyver were locked in a room together, The Skunk would make a bomb out of Macgyver and get out. If The Skunk's secret weapon is kimchi, wouldn't it be a lot simpler for Macgyver to make a bomb out of the The Skunk?

The Skunk hasn't been around much lately, has he? I was starting to think he had found Korean Sniper Girl and made a pass at her - and was now hiding, I'm sorry I mean tactically going undercover, because Korean Sniper Dad was looking for him.

April 24, 2006, 12:09 PM
The Skunk doesn't hide. The Skunk is naturally invisible.

April 24, 2006, 04:01 PM
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Skunkabilly.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Skunkabilly.

Skunkabilly kicked the original Gerber baby in the face because he gave him "a look."

Skunkabilly can hire ninjas to kill the assassins he hired to kill you. Then he can kill the ninjas with his bare hands. He already did this two years ago, you just never knew about it because he's that good. :evil:

April 24, 2006, 09:15 PM
When I was ten I "caught" a skunk...rode home from Lebanon, (Tenn.), to Nashville in my of my clothes were tied to the rear bumper. Several baths and lots of raw skin later I went to school on Monday morning. I got a little extra space for a day or two. I've quit messing with skunks. :D

April 24, 2006, 09:22 PM
Skunk Facts, (with apologies to Chuck Norris)
No need to apologize to him...not like he wrote all those crazy things.

It's true...they wrote themselves.

Elmer Snerd
April 25, 2006, 12:26 AM
Skunk doesn't hide. He just tells the bad guys "I'm not here" and they are too scared to not believe him.

Only Skunk's presence keeps the Alien Invasion Fleet at bay.

If Skunk were a security guard on Star Trek, he would wear a 5.11 tactical black shirt instead of a red shirt. Then the Enterprise wouldn't need any other "Red Shirts".

Skunk is sooooo tactical that when he yells at characters doing stupid things on TV and in movies, they apologize and do as he says.

California's state AWB was enacted for the sole purpose of keeping Skunk's Tacticality from reaching critical mass.

April 25, 2006, 12:54 AM
I've only seen one skunk in the wild..

I was deer hunting from a box stand with my .270. Skunk was ~95 yards out. It was late and it was a crappy day, didn't really want to clean a deer anyway, so I shot it.

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