Your Biggest Whopper


April 23, 2006, 11:45 PM
I was over on the S&W site, and someone was talking about protection from bears (yes, AGAIN!) He wanted to know what to carry for a .357 for protection from big cats and bears in the woods.

Someone told a story of how his Grandpappy killed a bear with a .22 Magnum, and it was shot placement that mattered.

So I felt it was my duty to tell my own bear story.

When I was a young'un. I was hunting in the woods near Boston with my trusty Benjamin .22 pellet gun, pumped up to 20 pumps. A grizzley bear came out of nowhere. (Probably escaped from Franklin Park Zoo) and started charging me near Jamacia Pond near the boat landing.

I ran and ran, but it was catching up to me, so I turned and fired one pellet at it.

Luckily, the pellet hit the bear in the eye, causing it to miss catching me, and fall over a "LEARN TO SAIL" Sunfish on the shore. It fell in the water, and it's neck got wrapped around the anchor rope. The harder it struggled, the tighter the rope got.

The bear was asphixiated, and I ran off to catch the bus home, being scared and afraid I would get in trouble for being in the park with a pellet gun.

I heard they stuffed that bear and sold it to kittery trading post in Maine for a display. Of course they put in two glass eyes, so I don't know which one is the bear I killed.

Make sure you have enough gun!!


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April 23, 2006, 11:53 PM
It fell in the water, and it's neck got wrapped around the anchor rope.
I've got to say - that freakin' bear had one really flexible neck!


I won't tell my own tale - except to say that it something to do with a time I was hunting near a Burger King.

April 24, 2006, 12:43 AM
Truth not whopper.

I watched a fellow catch a 53 # catfish directly below the dam.
Next night/wee hours I caught a 45# catfish, also fishing below this same dam, about 200 yds down river from dam.

13' rod, Daiwa Spinning reel, 30# test line, 8 oz sinker, 10" shad fillet, I'd caught for bait using a throw net. No big deal to cast this 100yds +, I had already won that bet casting the length of a football field, end zone to bleachers...

Gun Related, I carried a concealed 1911, not all River Rats are good rats.
The .44 mag was for getting the big cat "still".

Drive a long spike into cat's head with a sledghammer, chainsaw to remove head, peel skin with vice grips, and start making fillets, and steaks. Share the rest of the meat with other River Rat folks...

You fight a cat against river current for an hour and some minutes. Get the big thing onto the bank adjacent to big log <huff...puff> hand pole to someone, put muzzle near eye, pull trigger under the muffle of chain sawfired up. Sucker will quit pulling, flopping and trying to get back in the River.
Hog hunting - River Rat method. ;)

Use Enough Gun, log, Chain saw, ice tongs, sledge hammer knife and ice chest. :)

April 24, 2006, 12:45 AM
Not one of mine but one of a good friends:

While in college he worked for a produce company, unloading train cars. He kept the job while others either quit or were fired, because he didn't mind really hard work and could put up with incredibly insensitive management...

One night around 1:00am he was awakened by his boss asking if he could come in right away and unload a car-load of potatoes. Not being fully awake and being a big Cheech and Chong fan, he replied (with appropriate accent): "I can't, man. I gotta primer my jeep."

Before he could say anything further, this boss at the other end said, "Uh. Yea. Well. OK. then" and hung up.

According to my friend, his boss never said ANYTHING about his crazy excuse.

I know it's not gun-related, but if it had been me, at 1:00 in the morning....


April 24, 2006, 12:58 AM
I remember this time I found a whole mountain side petrified. No wait that was Jim Bridger.
O.K. there was the time I shot that running 10 point (western count) in the woods, off hand at 500 yards with open sights using my 30-30. No wait that was a friend of mine that lives a little ways south of here.
I'll have to get back with you on this one. I'm having a hard time remembering which "this really happened" story I was in.:neener: :p

April 24, 2006, 08:40 AM
The biggest fish I almost caught was 5 pounds when I reeled him in - the 5 pounds was a chunk of lip.

April 24, 2006, 09:49 AM
My father was chased by a bear when he was a young man. There was only one tree close enough to climb and the lowest branch was 12 feet off the ground. He leaped and missed...., but he caught the branch on the way down.


April 24, 2006, 09:51 AM
I have NEVER told a Whopper.


April 24, 2006, 09:59 AM
Shortly after I moved to Idaho, I was at a friend's farm just walking around when I suddenly had the urge to relieve myself. I walked behind the barn and unzipped when I suddenly noticed a horse looking at me.
I thought nothing of it and finished my business.
Later that day after I'd gone home, my buddy, sounding horribly distraught, called me to say that ol' Buck, his high-dollar stud, had commited suicide.
True story....


April 24, 2006, 11:59 AM
This one's also true (you can ask 'im).

When we were kids, my nephew and I were goofing around with our air rifles in the woods. We were sitting up on this unused train trestle that went over a little creek out by his place. I had my shiny new Hercules (or Xisco, if you want) XS-B3. He had his Daisy 141 that his stepfather bought for him for some ding danged reason when the boy was about nine (and he couldn't even cock it until he turned about twelve).

Well, this was many moons later.

I'm fooling with my shiny new toy, getting my scope dialed in by picking at a nail that's stickin' up out of a pole about 30 yards away. I had my back turned to my nephew so I didn't know that he was fooling with his scope, and he had it out of the rings for some silly reason.

Well, there's a starling up in a tree about 20 yards away, and he's been making the most obnoxious squawking in our general direction and he seems intent at keeping at it. I don't know about you, but I'm not much of a fan of starlings as ugly, proliferous, non-native featherballs that kill of the local songbirds. So I sort of offhandedly say to him, "Jesus, shut up that stupid bird, will you?"

Bear in mind his scope is sitting on the ground next to him and his gun's got no sights on account of the scope mount. So he loads one up and just sort of slings the gun up in the general direction of the bird with one hand like a pistol - he's not even trying - and he lets one fly.

And the starling abruptly quiets. Musta scared him, we figure. Then it falls out of the tree, stone dead.

That boy ain't never hit nothin' before or since. Never did get him to do it again...

April 24, 2006, 12:00 PM
Pilgrim and Biker, you guys are too much :)

I know I started this thread, but now I want to tell a 100% true story that happened to my best friend in my backyard here on Lake Winnicunnet.

Paul was fishing all day, and had run out of shiners, but he had a new rod and reel, and felt like casting anyway, so he stayed at it for awhile. He was wading in shallow water in sight of my front deck when he felt something bump into his leg.

He felt it again, and looked down in the shallow water and saw a big bass swimming around his legs. I saw his bend down, and scoop up the bass hooping and hollering. He came on shore and we weighed the bass, and it was over 8 pounds, so we took it to the local bait shop to have it officially weighed for the state game badge contest.

On George's scale at the bait shop, the bass was 8 lbs 4 ozs.

Paul filled out the form for his badge.

Where it asked what he caught it on...he filled in..."Hand Tackle!"

No, really!!!!!!! (this is gun related because it was a man eating bass *grin*)


April 24, 2006, 12:24 PM
The biggest whopper I ever told was " I do "....... and I really didn't, but I did with all her friends....:what:

the naked prophet
April 24, 2006, 02:27 PM
Two true stories:

When my mom was a young adult (she refused to say how young) she was walking around the woods behind her house with a .22 rifle, just plinking at this and that. Then she notices this weird bird flying by about 100 yards away. She thought "I've never seen that before, I wonder what it is?" so she just shot it. She says it was a very quick, barely aimed shot, but hit the bird right through the heart. She went up and looked at it, but it was some exotic bird she had never seen before. She figured it must have escaped from the local exotic zoo (about 2 miles away) and kicked it under a bush... She says she doesn't know why she shot it. She hasn't fired a gun since.

One time I was playing paintball with my younger cousin (at his parents farm), two of my younger brothers, and some of their friends. We were taking a breather between rounds, and there was this bird, flying around in circles about 150 feet away, being really loud and obnoxious. 150 feet is a long, long distance to hit anything with a paintball, but I figured what the heck. So I pointed and fired one-handed and hit the bird! After that, they put me on a team all by myself...

April 24, 2006, 02:43 PM
True story
A stray dog was causing problems around my in laws farm.Now my brother in law dont have much use for guns he isnt anti but just dont have a need for them never fired one before. He decided to scare this dog away and goes into house and brings out shotgun with slug in it. By now dog is 200 yards down the road my brother in law just points gun up in the air and lets it rip nailed the dog right in the neck deader than a door nail. The look on mt bro in laws face was priceless

April 24, 2006, 02:45 PM
Biggest whopper is actually a true story:

My brothers and I as young teenagers were pulling hay bales out of the barn, which were stacked to the roof. Now rattle snakes like to nest in those hay bales and we pulled one and sure enough one slid to the ground.

Now we started whoopin and hollering and I don't think a one of us ever even had our feet touch the ground while running out of there. We got about 10 or 15 feet outside the barn when we saw that snake come out of the door, a big fat rattler. My middle brother picked up an old warped license plate that was sitting on the ground and threw it at the snake. It made a big arch in the air curving upward and then coming back down right on top of that snake, cutting its head clean off.

We stood there for a minute in shock looking at what he did, we later cut the rattle off because nobody was going to believe this one.

James T Thomas
April 24, 2006, 03:00 PM
"Born on a mountain top in Tennesse, greenest state in the land of the free,
Raised in the woods so he knew every tree, kilt him a bar, when he was only three.. ."

April 24, 2006, 04:00 PM
all whoppers aside, I a friend of mine once took down a 80lb boar at a range of about 100yds with a bolt action .22LR with open sights.
I for a fact know that this happened because I witnessed it, it was an amazing shot, the boar ran no more than 25ft before it went down. it was a nearly direct shot to the heart., kind of amazing what those little .22 bullets can do to vital organs... I can think of half a dozen calibers I'd rather be shot with than .22LR or .22WMR not that I'd want to be shot or anything like that.

For the sake of the topic and to appease the i'll make up a whopper.
Here's your whopper, enjoy, but don't read it if you're intoxicated [edited by moderator to remove non-High Road language].

It was about 5 years ago, I was still in high school. I was walking my usual route home from the bus stop when I heard a loud rustling in the foliage to my right, I looked to the ground and saw some interesting tracks, "this was strange" I thought since I was in a fairly suburban area, using my generic horror film logic I decided to investigate it. I walked into the wooded lot (one of the last in the neighborhood) and standing there before my startled eyes was Mammuthus Primigenius itself, the wooly mammoth! I could tell it was a mammoth and not an african bull elephant wearing a fur coat because it's tusks were 16 feet long! Utilizing my MacGyver like resourceful nature and quick thinking abilities I fashioned an improvised spear-like weapon from pine cones and pencils. I was about to spear the mammoth when former president and nobel peace prize winner Jimmy Carter showed up to initiate peace talks and hopefully sign a non-aggression pact with the 10,000 year old mammoth, but he was quickly skewered by one of the mammoth's large tusks. I then thew spear with amazing precision into the brainbase of the prehistoric beast, killing it instantly. It then for some reason it exploded like the Death Star.
That night everybody had mammoth steaks and Jimmy Carter kabobs

April 24, 2006, 04:29 PM
lol impala dropped an F bomb, and it didnt get bleeped out. god im a child

ps- swearing is almost always sensored, we have some younger readers.

April 24, 2006, 04:39 PM
I'd tell you a story 3 differn't ways afore I'd tell you a lie!!

April 24, 2006, 04:48 PM
This one time at band camp......

April 24, 2006, 04:56 PM
hmm.. a forum that exemplifies amendment rights yet has considerable censorship..:scrutiny:
ah well we can't have everything now can we?

April 24, 2006, 05:27 PM
Really guys, it's easy to whopper-ize a thread.. sticking to the facts of the matter is the real challenge.

Which reminds me of a time late one night when I happened to be posting a reply on page 13 of a thread on THR about religion, abortion and sending Libertarians to a gulag in Newfoundland when all of a sudden an alein space craft with the words Glock Perfection on the side ....

April 24, 2006, 05:32 PM
Yes, Impala, because coming across as a bunch of foul-mouthed, knuckle-dragging hicks really helps promote the right to keep and bear arms. :scrutiny:

April 24, 2006, 05:41 PM
I ate the whole thing.
ya rly.

Desk Jockey
April 24, 2006, 06:11 PM
"No, honey, this gun's not new. It's been in the closet for years."

April 24, 2006, 11:09 PM
I only paid 30 bucks for it and it's worth at least 300. :neener:


April 25, 2006, 07:43 AM
one of my fishing buddies (and local automotive painter/pinstriper) used to spin a yarn about his youth in the midwest. it went something like this:

"me and my buddy were fishing off the dam, and i look over to the other side, and see a monster german brown swimming around in a still pool. now a trout like that is like a bull in a walmart; lord knows how he got there and danged if he knows what he's doing. so we both tried dropping all manner of baits and rigs down there, but we couldn't get him to bite for anything. so after a while, i got frustrated and grab my old Springfield 45/70 and sight up. my buddy's screamin' "danny, danny, don't shoot that fish!", so i didn't. i shot next to him. the water splashed at least 10 feet in the air, and the fish is flopping around on the shore, so i hiked down and picked him up. he weighed in at 23 lbs. when asked what i used, i told the guy at the bait store it was a "springfield lure". 'course, things were different back then...."

silicon wolverine
April 25, 2006, 07:46 AM
Difference between a fairy tale and a sea story
a fairy tale starts with: "once upon a time..."
a sea story starts with: "alright now this aint no bull..."


April 25, 2006, 12:03 PM
I actually did eat a burger that big once. My picture is still on the wall, and I got a t-shirt. :)

April 25, 2006, 12:13 PM
Larry ,

I have pulled some stupids in my life. Two "events" I competed in and won:

-Sit-Ups contest. I was young, lanky, and really stupid. I just kept going until I was the last one doing sit-ups. Getting ...attempting to get out of bed the next morning I discovered stomach muscles...

-Pancake eating contest to raise money for our (private) range at the time.

About the only I wanted to have anything with pancakes for a bit was to use for targets. I mean these do make great targets and you do not have to clean them up...of course I tested this ....stationary or "flung". How do you think I got good at shooting Moon Pies? :p

April 25, 2006, 05:33 PM
It was a big burger. 1 pound of meat (after cooking) with bacon, and onion rings, and cheese, on a bun the size of a loaf of bread. Then you also had to do a pound and a half plate of chili cheese fries, and a large shake.

It wasn't even hard. :p

Though I did go into meat shock. I finished dinner, went home, and slept for 15 hours.

April 25, 2006, 05:54 PM
When I was younger, my Uncle Bob and I were looking for a place to hunt. We found a farm with a lot of uncleared woods alongside, so I said "Bob, why don't we ask that farmer if we can hunt on his land?"

Bob said "Naw, farmers hereabouts don't cotton to no hunt'n on their land, he'll just cuss you out."

Well, being young and naive, I said "Uncle Bob, just stop the truck, I'll go knock on his door and ask him."

Uncle Bob reluctantly obliged.

So I went up to the farmhouse, and saw there was some livestock in the pasture alongside, including some cattle and a sickly looking old nag of a horse.

I knocked on the door, and when the farmer opened it I introduced myself and asked if my Uncle Bob and I might hunt his land . . .

Farmer gave me a funny look, and after a little chit-chat he allowed as it would be OK for us to hunt, provided we did him a favor . . . his sickly old horse needed to be put down, the vet was out of town, and since he didn't have the heart to kill Ol' Dobbin himself, he asked me to do it - if it was quick and painless Uncle Bob and I could hunt his land all season.

Well, I'm no horse killer, but I - reluctantly - agreed.

Well, now as I'm going back to the truck for my rifle, there's old Uncle Bob, laughing his fool head off - "Told ya it was wastin' your time! What did he say?"

Well, I figure I'm going to teach Uncle Bob a lesson. "That miserable old coot cussed me out good."

I reached into the back, took out my rifle, and started loading it.

Bob said "Hey, you can't kill a man for cussing you out!"

I said "It ain't him I'm going to shoot - I'm going to kill his %$#! horse!"

So I stepped around to the side so I could draw a bead on Ol' Dobbin, put the crosshairs between his eyes, and touched off my .30/06.

Ol' Dobbin fell like a ton of bricks.

BANG! BANG! from behind me - there's Uncle Bob, jumping back in the truck with his rifle, saying "And I got two of his cows - let's get the h*** out of here!"

April 25, 2006, 06:53 PM
I hope that's not true.

Tom Bri
April 25, 2006, 11:45 PM
Two true ones. First one I was about ten, shooting a daisy BB gun. Climbed up into the haymow to hunt sparrows. Saw a pigeon land on an overhead rafter. On instinct shot from the hip, never expecting to come anywhere near it. Hit it right in the eye and dropped it. Felt pretty bad about that, a daisy just doesn't have enough umph to kill a pigeon clean, even shot right in the eye. Didn't shoot at pigeons after that.

Second one, I was 22, and always walked or rode home the same route passing a house that had a herd of mean noisy dogs who liked to come out and nip my horse's heels. So I didn't like those dogs and always kind of worried they might bite me or make my horse so skittish she threw me off. So, one night I was walking home, and I picked up a fist sized rock in case the dogs got too close. And one did. It was black dark, but I could hear that dog coming. I wound up and threw that rock as hard as I could at the sound, and the barks cut off with a yelp. Never saw that dog again. Figure I killed him. And the remaining dogs were much more respectful after that too.

Best story I heard was a guy who threw a chunk of firewood at a BULL to chase it out of his yard, and killed it stone dead. And, how do you kill a bull with a split log? Never figured it out.

pete f
April 25, 2006, 11:46 PM
True story The woman who told it to me was a missionary nurse in the Yukon, and she had pics. She was out visiting a village where they had an outbreak of some ailment. She decided after several hours that a visit to the Biffy was needed. She pulled on her gear and walked out to the outhouse and had just sat down and pulled her mittens back on while she waited for nature. Suddenly the door was struck a mighty blow, and then another and a very large brown bear stucks its head thru the door and an lunged at her. It got one of her 'Boo fur mittens in its mouth and then retreated. She then heard a car horn and sees head lights flash around the building. The car door opens and someone yells "come on, its over the hill." She makes a dash for the car and gets in, it is a villager who saw the bear attack the outhouse. Next morning it is light enough to go looking for the bear, the villagers believe it is a trash bear that had started hanging around the village and had gotten a few dogs. Just over the hill, lies the bear, it had died from suffocating/choking on the mitten, the fur went in so far and then got stuck. The bear was a 2 year old male that had a mangle foot from a battle it was figured with an adult male who did not like him in his territory. She killed the bear with a mitten.

April 26, 2006, 12:18 AM
No, honey, this gun's not new. It's been in the closet for years

Desk Jockey, it's easy to tell a fib. The art lies in misdirecting the truth


Honey, I've had this gun for awhile. Haven't you seen it before?

April 26, 2006, 08:00 PM
whopper = fish Nope. Whopper = hamburger. Whaler = fish:D

On the bear front, I've been told this by a bunch of uncles and my mother as well, so it must be true. She was raised in the wilds of the Michigan Upper Peninsula on a farm, and several times when one of the kids saw a bear in the garden or in the pig pen they went scurrying into the house hollering at my grandpa to "get your shotgun, there's a bear out there!" His response was generally, "That's alright, yer maw is after im."

And my sweet ol grandma would indeed be out there beating hell out of that bear with her broom. She never lost.

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