Prepare to have your blood pressure redlined


April 30, 2003, 06:21 PM
What I want' to say about this piece of filth "journalist" and his "writing" would get me banned for life from THR.

Charlton Heston's Last Sneer

The NRA retires its crusty king, with the country more violent and gun happy than ever

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

He is 78 and fragile and suffering from symptoms of Alzheimer's and hasn't made a decent movie in decades, unless you count how he sadly made himself look quite the undereducated, largely unsympathetic, defensive fool in the Oscar-winning "Bowling for Columbine."

And now, Charlton Heston is stepping down as the High Lord Gunmaster Poobah (or whatever they called him) of the phallically righteous increasingly paranoid adorably manly National Rifle Association. They are sighing in tribute. They are hugging each other and giving reassuring pats though not in an icky scary gay way. They are raising their rifles in salute.

And they are actually erecting, in front of the NRA's national headquarters in Washington, D.C., a 10-foot bronze statue of Heston, in character from a manly 1968 western flick no one has really ever seen called "Will Penny," in full bogus mythological cowboy gear, holding a handgun. Isn't that great? Other nations erect statues of poets, artists, thinkers, revolutionaries. We erect statues of craggy actors holding a pistol. God bless America.

It's a thoroughly appropriate icon for the NRA, actually. A character that never really existed, a gun-totin' Wild West that never really happened, a studly kill-the-bad-guys posture that, well, the NRA pretty much invented and frantically clings to as its own raison d'etre. Actors are, by definition, all about illusion, the propogation of manufactured myth, of collective delusion, as opposed to genuine human ideas and perspective. VoilĂ* -- the perfect icon for America's gun culture.

Heston's departure is a good time for reflection, truly. Arguably, the man has done more to promote the desperately macho causes of the NRA than any leader in the group's carefully racist, white-power history (as "Bowling..." so effortlessly describes).

Which is to say, because he is a reasonably articulate and well-known actor, he single-handedly did more to promote the NRA's trademark causes of fear and paranoia than any outspoken gun lover in 25 years. No wonder they are so proud.

Because this is the great myth of the NRA. This is the true foundation. Despite the careful PR, the NRA is not much about the promotion of safe firearm use. It is not about enforcing the rules and sportsmanship of hunting, or about appreciating firearm artistry or improving your clay-pigeon target-practice technique. Maybe a little.

One peek into America's 1st Freedom: The Official Journal of the NRA reveals that the group is, more than anything else, all about paranoid defensiveness and the simple promotion of the right-wing brand of dread.

You know the one. That fear of the great ugly Other coming from somewhere "out there" -- someplace probably Muslim, or pagan, or inner city, or foreign or San Franciscan -- to steal your children and eat all your apple pie and take away your precious guns. Always, always to take away your guns. This is the Biggest Fear of All.

Like pyromaniac children hording precious matches, the loss of unfettered gun-ownership rights ranks right up there with castration and the outlawing of beer in Worst Possible Evils for the NRA. The magazine is packed with lib-hating articles, attacking everyone from the progressive U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals to the entire country of Canada and its national gun registry.

Every single alarmist article delineates how "those damn anti-gun liberals" are skewing the statistics, lying and manipulating, trying to chip away at your God-given right to keep 157 sawed-off shotguns and a few submachine guns in your garage, for, you know, "hunting."

That this stance, this viewpoint, is sad and shortsighted and misguided is only half the problem.

Let's make one thing clear: Guns will never be wholly banned in America, not in this lifetime, anyway. It simply will not happen. There are an estimated 200 million firearms in circulation in the nation. They are far too ingrained in the culture, in the national mind-set, in the laws of the land. And most Democrats, and even most progressive liberals, wouldn't care to ban them entirely in the first place. They simply want to make our ridiculously easy access to deadly weaponry a little less, you know, easy.

But any proposed restrictions on gun ownership -- strict licensing, a national gun registry, mandatory gun-safety locks and so on -- represent, of course, a horrifically slippery slope for the NRA. They are a dangerous precedent that would lead to one thing and one thing only: someone taking away their guns -- that thing that will, let us repeat, never happen.

The NRA is, of course, wildly easy to hate. Easy to see the group as a cliched cadre of twitching socially inept boy-men with a seriously compensatory need to display their gun barrels. Problem is, such hyperzealous groups only feed on such sentiment -- it simply adds fuel to the cause.

And, moreover, the stereotype is largely wrong, and unfair. The NRA has some very smart, very passionate people who truly value their rights and their country. It's true. Let's admit it.

The tragedy, then, is how deeply this powerful group of rabidly passionate uber-Americans has bought into the lie, the myth, of what America really stands for, and has become a part of the tyranny of fear, a mouthpiece for that very divisiveness and paranoia and antagonism that keeps America volatile and childish and so bitterly derided the world over.

Do you see? It's not the love of guns, it's the love of the bogus illusion of what guns actually do -- that is, how they allegedly serve to protect that vicious, isolationist Us-versus-Them mentality so beloved by BushCo and the warmongers and Fox News.

It is a vision of America as this faux-virtuous, good-guy, white-hatted, monosyllabic brute, the well-armed hero enforcer of all that is righteous and pure and bullet ridden -- you know, just like the bogus and hollow Wild West of Heston's "Will Penny."

Heston's most famous contribution to the NRA cause? That thing for which he will be most remembered? His trademark catchphrase. Raising a rifle in the air at the end of his speech at every NRA rally, Heston would get that sly gun-nut gleam in his eye and exclaim (to wild applause), "From my cold, dead hands!"

Sadly, and with absolutely no progress made toward the true reduction of rampant gun violence and the tyranny of right-wing fear in this nation, it looks like the rapidly aging Heston will soon get his wish.

If you enjoyed reading about "Prepare to have your blood pressure redlined" here in archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join today for the full version!
Standing Wolf
April 30, 2003, 06:30 PM
Leftists are moral and intellectual parasites—and inveterate liars into the bargain.

April 30, 2003, 06:31 PM

I notice he's from SF.

I really don't know where to start.

April 30, 2003, 06:33 PM
Airwolf: You don't have to say anything that would get yourself banned, I heard you anyway and agree with every word. Jim.

April 30, 2003, 06:36 PM

Sam Adams
April 30, 2003, 06:43 PM
Parasitical morons like this leftie can spout drivel like this because the "gun nuts" of the Founding Generation had as many guns as they wanted, and the courage to use those guns against a tyrannical government.

This jerk would turn our RKBA into a high-cost, arbitrarily (though increasing unavailable) privilege, within the control of the very people (potentially tyrannical government officials) from whom the 2nd Amendment aims to protect this nation and our liberties (including the freedom to spout inane drivel). Real bright, this one.

April 30, 2003, 06:47 PM
This article assumes so many things that are completely alien to most NRA members and pro-freedom folks that it may as well be written in another language.

To paraphrase, the NRA is paranoid because we oppose "reasonable restrictions" on the ease with which we can exercise a Constitutional right.

Let's see the author's reaction to a law that would require him to prove he's not a criminal each time he writes an article.

The author says that the NRA is paranoid because it encourages people to defend themselves against wrongful attack by "the other".

I wish the author luck when a group of gay-bashers comes a'callin' and he tries to defend himself using kind words and rational discourse.

Next, the author acts surprised that a lobbying group tries to scare its members into givng it money because the next big ban is right around the corner.

He should read some AARP or AAA solicitations.

Finally, the author ends by appealing to the unspoken assumption that America and Americans are never "the good guys" and are always on the wrong side of history.

He should try talking to some concentration camp survivors.

April 30, 2003, 06:52 PM
This is the same Mark Morford :barf: that wrote about the S&W 500.

Doubt he knows much about guns, and probably just hates guns because his nobles (elected officials) say he should hate guns.

4v50 Gary
April 30, 2003, 06:52 PM
He's a leftist writing for a leftist audience. Waddaya expect. The papers? They're good for lining the kitty litter box and the garage floor. Won't buy a subscription myself.

April 30, 2003, 07:02 PM
papers are good for wrapping parts at work, too! Although I'd say this particular article belongs more in the kitty pan...

April 30, 2003, 07:04 PM
I'm not impressed with his ignorance.

April 30, 2003, 07:13 PM
I'll bet if I jammed my thumb up to the knuckle in this guy's eye he'd wish he had a pistol!!! I hate idiots like this! Well I can't talk about it right now I'm late for my Anger Management meeting!!! :fire: :cuss: :banghead:

April 30, 2003, 07:15 PM
I just wonder if the likes of Runt, Tamara and Pax consider themselves 'Phallically Righteous'?

Boy oh boy...the things some people get paid to do.

April 30, 2003, 07:32 PM
Hahahahahahaahahahahaha. That was supposed to be funny, right?

Dave R
April 30, 2003, 07:34 PM
The "incorrect facts" start right at the headline.

The country is NOT more violent and gun-happy than ever.

Gun violence in the USA has been steadily declining for many years. See most any report on crime statistics.

It has been declining faster, I believe, in "Shall Issue" states.

Gun violence has risen significantly in the UK and Australia since they banned guns. Guess the old saying is true. When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.

OTOH, there are probably a few of us at THR who are more "gun-happy" than ever. ;)

April 30, 2003, 07:53 PM
I don't know if I'm getting more tolerant or just thicker-skinned. This trash doesn't bother me at all -- let the moron rant.

April 30, 2003, 08:00 PM
i feel like going out and buying a gun just to spite this guy

April 30, 2003, 08:04 PM
Ask Al Gore what he thinks of the power of the NRA
I bet he think's about it all the time. To bad Al.:neener:

April 30, 2003, 08:27 PM
I wonder how I could talk with this person and make them understand that I am not paranoid. I have tons of evidence that anytime a people are disarmed, either physically or philosophically, there can be only one result, Tradgedy.

I am not sure that this person has the same basic understanding of reality that I do. Any Ideas on creating a dialogue?

50 Freak
April 30, 2003, 08:41 PM
What a dumb a$$.

I'm from SF and here is my response to his article. Please feel free to send responses to him also.

'Read your article on Charlton Heston and the NRA. Almost vomited on the keyboard from the absolute disgust. Obviously you have never held or fired a gun. The whole article reaks of biased and unsubstaniated brabble. *** Uninformed and full of your own self importance. Before you write an article as such maybe you should get your head out of your *** and try to research your subject matter first. Have you ever wondered how is it that California and New York have the toughest gun laws (not to mention the most gun laws) on the books, yet would you feel safe walking the streets at night in downtown Los Angeles or NY City?

Something for you to think about *******!!!!!!!!!!!"

End Letter

Here is his e-mail address

NOTE: Edited by moderator to remove profanity

April 30, 2003, 08:48 PM
Edited by moderator

April 30, 2003, 08:51 PM
We need a smiley that's holding it's fingers in an 'L' on it's forehead!

April 30, 2003, 08:54 PM
I sent the SOB an e-mail for what it's worth..not that he cares.

April 30, 2003, 09:00 PM
"western flick no one has really ever seen called "Will Penny," "

I liked "Will Penny". Only interesting reference in the whole article.

April 30, 2003, 09:07 PM
Don't assume that gay men are all morons. I know a couple of guys whose opinions on concealed carry changed after the story of Mathew Shepard came out.

Quintin Likely
April 30, 2003, 09:15 PM
If so called "journalists" like this doof interpreted the 2nd Amendment the same way they do the 1st, gun ownership would be damn near mandatory...

April 30, 2003, 09:19 PM
I only assume that all morons are morons. I even give them a fair shake until they revert to their training and begin acting like, well, morons.:rolleyes:

April 30, 2003, 09:22 PM
a gun-totin' Wild West that never really happened

Wait a minute...I thought if concealed carry were enacted we'd have Wild West-style shootouts in the streets. Now it never happened? Which is it?

April 30, 2003, 09:24 PM
he's a maroon.

April 30, 2003, 09:32 PM
50 Freak and COHIBA, check your PM's.

April 30, 2003, 09:35 PM
The guy is definately a candidate for a Tennessee dog-floggin'.:mad:

April 30, 2003, 09:47 PM
Wow, I don't think I can accurately express my feelings about this drivel without getting banned :cuss: :barf:


April 30, 2003, 09:49 PM
I'm with DigitalWarrior. We need to create a dialog. As a liberal I constantly feel attacked by the majority of the firearms community. I own several firearms (SA XD40, SA M1A, WIN Super X2 Practical 12ga, Ruger 10/22, High Standard M107) and I am member of the NRA because I passionately support the 2nd Amendment. Articles by morons, like above, reflect only a segment of the liberal community. However, if the gun community continues to attack and stereotype liberals so aggressively (you know the talk) the anti-gun segment of liberals will grow. Hatred, threats and derision will not help OUR cause of keeping our rights. We need to speak calmly and intelligently about these issues.

Fact is, I have impressed many of my liberal friends and associates with the culture of safety and responsibility that goes with gun ownership. These people now support the 2nd. If conservatives and liberals continue to sling mud and refuse to have a dialog the stereotypes of racist, ignorant, paranoid rednecks versus pampered, unrealistic, traitors to the flag will continue.

-- Dizos

Sylvilagus Aquaticus
April 30, 2003, 10:39 PM
Sounds to me like the journalist in question needs a good worming. Trouble is, I don't know if anything would be selective enough to not harm any microscopic life we'd want to save in him.


"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of
fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

April 30, 2003, 11:10 PM
Well... how about you start. The email address for Mark Morford is

Tell us if he responds back.

Some of us conservatives would rather cut bait than try and reel this small fry.

April 30, 2003, 11:14 PM
Articles by morons, like above, reflect only a segment of the liberal community. However, if the gun community continues to attack and stereotype liberals so aggressively (you know the talk) the anti-gun segment of liberals will grow. Hatred, threats and derision will not help OUR cause of keeping our rights. We need to speak calmly and intelligently about these issues. From what I've seen, that "segment" of the liberal community is about 90% or more. Lashing out against liberals is no different than the racial profiling we've seen since 9/11, which I, for one, had no problem with. Strange, though, it would appear as though people complaining about profiling would rather we afford special dispensation to young male Arab types, so as to not offend them, even though it was known this was the "type" to be on the lookout for. Sorry but your group is most responsible for idiocy like the above. I submit that is is YOU who are the rare exception, and it should be YOU who takes the reins and tries to talk sense to your comrades. After all, we're just gun nuts and they don't listen to us anyway.

April 30, 2003, 11:56 PM

The only time a Liberal gets that ugly is when they are losing.

Everytime I watch them get ugly, I feel better. Better to have the anti-gun, anti-choice crowd thrashing against the current tide in America, then have them smugly declaring themselves right.

Remember. The more ugly, the more we are winning;)

May 1, 2003, 12:11 AM
Here's my response to the tool that wrote the article:

I just read this article, and I have to say it was great! I haven't laughed that hard in a while. It is pretty rare that well spoken people are inclined to make total fools out of themselves and have everyone know it. The fact that you've immortalized your ignorance in print pleases me more than you can know. You quote Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" as if it is gospel in spite of the fact that it has been proven that most of this farcical "documentary" is either fabricated, or truth that has been distorted so much as to be unidentifiable as such*.

Before I go on, I would like to say that I am NOT a member of the NRA.

I love how you denounce the NRA as a bunch of delusional paranoid racists, when your article is saturated with delusions, paranoia, and a hatred for people that are not like you. It is impossible for me, as a logical thinker, to determine how you could arrive at the conclusion that the NRA's main goal is to promote dread. Oh wait, there's the delusional part. As for paranoia, you are obviously paralyzed by an acute case of hoplophobia. You make it clear that you are deathly afraid of gun owners by bashing them relentlessly with no evidence to back up what you are saying. I bet you are one of the people that believes concealed carry laws will lead to Wild West style shootouts in the streets in spite of the fact that 35 states have implemented such laws and no such shootouts have occurred. If you bothered to research the subject before spilling your unsubstantiated drivel onto the page, you'd find that even the Department of Justice has found that firearms are used in defense of life and property far more often than they are used to slay another person maliciously or accidentally.

The best part of your article is the part where you bash gun owners for being afraid that gun control laws will lead to confiscation of firearms. Unlike your mindless rhetoric, this particular opinion is well founded. In the majority of countries where firearms have been extensively regulated and registered, confiscation has been the goal, and ultimately, the result. Knowing that history repeats itself, and that we are on the same path other countries have followed, a mild case of paranoia is justified. But then, it's not paranoia when they really are out to get you.

Some of the major players in the anti-gun lobby, such as Diane Feinstein and Sarah Brady, have openly admitted that their goal is the outright ban of all firearms in this country. Only recently have they changed their stance to wanting "resonable restrictions." This change of ideals stems from the fact that there is very little support for an outright ban.

This being America, you are more than entitled to your opinion. But in the future, you may want to look into the subject about which you are writing before spewing forth an opinion that makes you look not only ignorant, but hypocritically prejudiced as well.


Justin Price
Proud Gun Owner and Advocate of Individual Rights

* See

Admiral Thrawn
May 1, 2003, 12:32 AM
reflect only a segment of the liberal community.

read > majority.

And that was an excellent letter, LiquidTension. Couldn't have said it any better.


May 1, 2003, 12:46 AM
I must be getting thick skinned. Because, I don't care what this guy says about the NRA. Or gunowners in general. Blah, blah, blah......

May 1, 2003, 12:49 AM
Good on ya, Liquid Tension.:)

May 1, 2003, 12:53 AM
...and hasn't made a decent movie in decades

Well, he was doing OK until he got to the very first sentence... True Lies would have to be considered a decent, if not great, movie by anyone's standards.

Not to make light of the seriousness of the situation, but when the guy can't even get one sentence out right, it sort of makes you skip the rest of the article.

Monte Harrison
May 1, 2003, 09:24 AM
Wow. Every single paragraph of that article could be refuted by anyone with the slightest grasp of logic and reality. The entire thing was a string of lies, bigotry and mean-spiritedness.
Like the Nuge said: <paraphrasing> "Morons should be allowed to speak their minds. That is how we can tell who the morons are." </paraphrasing>

May 1, 2003, 09:39 AM
Mental midget .... and a waste of air!

May 1, 2003, 09:50 AM
Why do you guys bother reading this garbage? If you want I can dig some two-month old lobster guts out of the bottom of my garbage can and we can all take a big whif and compain about how awful it smells while we try to keep from vomiting.

Seriously, when I started skipping over this kind of worthless, bottom of the barrel lunacy my blood pressure thanked me for it.

Stuff like this is not worth the time it takes to read. So don't read it.

- Gabe

May 1, 2003, 10:24 AM
An excellent letter, LiquidTension. Couldn't have said it any better!

May 1, 2003, 10:31 AM
...and hasn't made a decent movie in decades

Cratz: According to the IMDB (,+Charlton#himself) he is credited as himself in 'Bowling for Columbine". Isn't that a decent movie? ;)

D.W. Drang
May 1, 2003, 11:59 AM
Hunter I'd say this particular article belongs more in the kitty pan... On behalf of Her Majesty Pierette, Her Highness Tabitha, and Jet AKA Stumpy, do NOT put this in the cat box unless you want "kitty mines" all over the house!:what:


May 1, 2003, 02:25 PM
and they have the power of the press behind them. That guy must have smoked too much rock candy like stuff in his day. It is sad that there are so many people out there that use the first ammendment to try to destroy the second ammendment and if anyone questions them they cry that gun owners are descriminating against him and his way of life.....chris3

May 1, 2003, 03:37 PM
Mark Morford is as dumb as a guy who showed up late the day Jeebus handed out smarts.

His writing is actually so bad you can feel your IQ dropping as you read it. This is actually one of his more coherent columns - I've seen some excerpts from others being dissected on various weblogs that are award-worthy (as long as the award is Moron of the Year)

Like someone else said - if this is the best the antis can do anymore, we're definitely winning.

May 1, 2003, 03:54 PM
The writer obviously has not been mugged.

Cheer up. This joker will turn into a major gun rights supporter, just as soon as he gets mugged. . . .or worse.

May 1, 2003, 06:03 PM

May 1, 2003, 06:32 PM
First to start: My mother tongue is not English. But I have rarely read that much concentrated garbage in the last five years. I'm wondering which psychiatrist did not put him into a closed institution.

Or maybe he should have followed some sort of journalistic education.

But then, he's in SF. I'm slowly asking myself why SF hasn't been nuked off the landscape yet, together with LA and Oakland. Would make Kali a more liveable place, I think.

And don't line the kitty box with this paper - possibly the poop will float a few inches above the paper, revulsed by so much cr*p printed on it. It's like magnetism in that case....

May 1, 2003, 11:47 PM
Sadly, and with absolutely no progress made toward the true reduction of rampant gun violence and the tyranny of right-wing fear in this nation, it looks like the rapidly aging Heston will soon get his wish.

This is just sick, taking pleasure in another human being's misery. Unless a person has done me or my loved ones harm, no one deserves this kind of a statement because of ideological differences.

May 2, 2003, 12:04 AM
As a citizen of the same city that Mr.Morford is, I am deeply offended by him...

Please please please do not judge us by his words. We are a city like any other and Mr.Moford does NOT represent us.

He is simply a troll, pandering to what he believes is the most common denominator of his 'audience'

May 2, 2003, 12:14 AM
Democrats/Liberals piss me off!

Bruce H
May 2, 2003, 07:07 AM
To most of the population words mean things. To journalists they are the means to another paycheck. How come those who should be held most responsible for what they write are held least accountable. Tis a strange world.

May 2, 2003, 08:24 AM
. . . someplace probably Muslim, or pagan, or inner city, or foreign or San Franciscan. . . Notice all the places/people the author - NOT THE NRA - has lumped together as being troublesome? Hmmmm . . . perhaps he has some . . . issues.

May 2, 2003, 10:26 AM
I could only make it through the first paragraph. :banghead: :cuss:

May 2, 2003, 12:54 PM
I see a pattern here, which is that every article he writes, from Chuck stepping down as NRA prez to S&W .500s, has numerous phallic references.

I'm thinking the guy secretly wishes he was "butch" enough to have a gun too.;)

May 2, 2003, 12:57 PM
Why would I want to line my cat's litter box with such as this stuff. I have more respect for my cat and would not offend it in this way. Make that my three cats.

May 2, 2003, 11:24 PM
Anger level... rising... RISING... :banghead:

May 3, 2003, 12:28 AM
But I have rarely read that much concentrated garbage in the last five years. I'm wondering which psychiatrist did not put him into a closed institution Mussi, believe it or not in the US we've just about done away with closed institutions. Much of US media hype is written by severely mentally ill persons. There are affirmative action laws in place so that if they can hold themselves together for an interview they have a compeditive advantage for many jobs. (Recall Runt's story about the goings-on at her workplace last year?)

Now we have a phenomenom where normals lock themselves in at night to protect themselves from the lunatics on the streets instead of vice versa. :what:

May 3, 2003, 12:35 AM
Got through the first paragraph or two, and couldn't go any further. :banghead:

What gets to me, above all the lies, is the incessant slandering this "journalist" places on a man whom I believe to be one of America's greatest heroes in the 20th century. As a Print Journalism student, trying to read this made me actually reconsider my field of study.

Any person (esp. Chuck Heston) deserves at least some respect for tirelessly upholding what they believe (and from the posts, what many of us believe) is right. It's people like this Mark Morford that can't be reached by reason and debate, people who only see a gun as a device used by criminals to kill innocents. They refuse to recogize the law-abiding citizens who responsibly use firearms as the tool they are, whether it be for hunting, competition, investment, or as a means of stress relief :D .

Let's hope that one day such people can pull their heads out of the web of lies they've constructed for themselves. Let's hope they see that the difference between us and a horde of raging murderers and thieves is summed up by one word: Responsibility.


That said, who's going to replace Heston as President?

May 3, 2003, 03:05 AM
(Recall Runt's story about the goings-on at her workplace last year?)


May 4, 2003, 11:46 PM
The guy never responded to my email. Speak up if you are surprised!

[crickets chirping, pin drops]

May 5, 2003, 09:10 AM
Just an update, I had sent a letter detailing my disgust for his article a few days back...surprise, surprise -- the writer never responded. Real shocker isn't it?:rolleyes:

Mark Tyson
May 5, 2003, 02:47 PM
Must .... stop .... fist of death ....

If you enjoyed reading about "Prepare to have your blood pressure redlined" here in archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join today for the full version!