What gun for terror Squirrel?


August 14, 2006, 04:12 PM

It was an unrivaled force of destruction capable of inspiring sheer terror in the hearts of the stoic. It was a sinister picnic crasher hell-bent on havoc. It was a vicious villain who seemed to take pleasure in inflicting injury on the innocent.

It was a squirrel. And it was one bad rodent.

When word spread about the demise of the squirrel in Winter Park's Central Park, more and more of its victims came forward with tales of unprovoked fury and picnics crashed.

Dylan Osborne, 19, says he could’ve ended the critter’s seven-day reign of terror if authorities would’ve heeded his call, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

He and his friends were celebrating a birthday in the park when they came face to face with the furry fiend’s fury. The squirrel jumped on his friend, latched on to her leg and bit her. When they shook it off, it attacked her shoes as they lay by the fountain....

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August 14, 2006, 04:15 PM
gamo air rifle. and some pieces of bread :evil:

August 14, 2006, 04:27 PM
Deff 22lr

August 14, 2006, 04:28 PM
These attacks stem from a network of Jihadist squirrels who hate our freedom and democracy.

Nothing less than an airstrike will suffice.

August 14, 2006, 04:35 PM
I concur! :evil:

August 14, 2006, 04:36 PM
The best part of that whole story...

""I was furious," Lance Osborne, Dylan’s father, said. "My son basically sat on top of this squirrel on a cake box and on a bucket in downtown Winter Park, and no one did anything about it."


Operator: "Animal control, how can I help you?"

Schmuck: "Yes, I'd like some assistance at winter park, I've captured a squirrel that has been attacking people."

Operator: "......"

Schmuck: "Hello!?"

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, did you say a SQUIRREL?"

Schmuck: "Yes, that's correct. It attacked me and my girlfriend, but I have it trapped in a cake box. Can you send someone to get it?"

Operator: "A squirrel!?"

[Angry squirrel sounds. Gnawing and scratching sounds]

Schmuck: "YES a SQUIRREL. It's very vicious and...wait a...hold on, it's chewing through the box...hold on...no, give me that bucket...no the bucket"

[More angry squirrel sounds]

Operator: "Sir...?"

Schmuck: "...O.K., ready...GO..."

[More angry squirrel sounds]


Operator: "Sir...are you there?"

Schmuck: "...hello...yes...can you send someone?"

Operator: "Is this for real?"

Schmuck: "YES!! This squirrel is very vicious and I need your help!"

Operator: "I'm hanging up now."


Schmuck: "No don't hang...."

[More angry squirrel sounds]

August 14, 2006, 08:59 PM
I'd go .50 BMG

J/K the Gamo or Beeman .22 or .25 airrifles are pretty good for this, otherwise a .22LR or a .410 bore shotgun if you cant get a quick enough shot. Depends where you live too, the airrifles mentioned first have a pop but less than a .22 which is more discreet if you cant shoot of firearms in you city.

August 14, 2006, 09:03 PM
American 180 with 2-3 xtra drums!!!:evil:

Livin in Texas

Dave Markowitz
August 14, 2006, 09:15 PM
...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this, Thy hand grenade, that with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits... in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [Whereupon the friar is urged, "skip ahead a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it." Amen.

August 14, 2006, 09:16 PM
Just stop by Washington Co, in Oklahoma. Pick up any kid, drop him off with a 6 pack of coke, a bag of ruffles, a marlin 60, and come back in a few hours. Every squirrel withing 500yrds would be stacked neatly in a burlap sack waiting to be cleaned and fried.

August 14, 2006, 09:26 PM
Pest animals in Florida may only be legally shot with .22 or .410 - and then only on your own property.

I used that little legal gem to add a .410 to my arsenal when we had a pesky coon.

August 14, 2006, 09:31 PM
I would use a Tromix converted Saiga in .410


Blam, blam

August 14, 2006, 09:39 PM
"Game over, man! Game over!!"

August 14, 2006, 10:12 PM
The squirrel is often the most underestimated of all rodent game. They are very quick, elusive, and cunning creatures, and possess razor-sharp teeth and claws that can shred through human skin like a Ginsu knife with only the slightest glancing blow. They should all be considered extremely dangerous, maybe more so than a cape buffalo or lion, and should be engaged with no less than a GE minigun or .50 BMG. GOOD CITIZENS BEWARE!

August 14, 2006, 10:28 PM
Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

just one question
August 14, 2006, 10:45 PM
I wouldn't want to tangle with a squirrel! Yes I am confident I could kill it;but they must have sharp teeth and claws for those acorns :scrutiny:

The little guy could probably scratch you up pretty good...

On another note I am the only person on earth who doesn't like them...they are an ugly rat with a bushy tail!

August 14, 2006, 10:51 PM
just point the suckers out to me, and i'll go in with my extrema 2 and leave no witnesses :evil:

August 14, 2006, 10:56 PM
Man, if you guys had heard some of the "Killer Squirrel" calls I took when working at Fish and Wildlife...

I think this particular squirrel may have required what I refer to as my "rat in the trash" ensemble - that is, a .22 pistol and a Yorkshire Terrier. :D

August 14, 2006, 11:02 PM
You terrible BRUTES,, it would not be that way if it's father had not been run over by a car when it was young. It does not know it is a vegetarian. We should capture it, and teach it what it is supposed to eat, and release it back into the park,,, after all,,, it is not this young squirrels fault...... It was deprived,,,,,

OH , GEEZ, I sound like my sister......

August 14, 2006, 11:02 PM
I do believe that this is EXACTLY the problem that the Hornady Mach 2 was designed for...

as a launching platform, I sugguest the Savage MKII rifle, in a laminate thumbhole target stock, stainless bull barrel, accu-trigger, and good optics...

August 14, 2006, 11:04 PM
Who needs a gun? Just show it a Picture of Sen. Clinton.

It takes one look to frighten a squirrel to death.

August 14, 2006, 11:13 PM
This is a freakin' hilarious story. Reminds me of The Squirrel Grenade that was on here (I think) a long time ago...

Oh, and hankdatank1362... I loved the movie that your sig is from! Just saw it for the first time this past weekend. And the quote is so true, as well.

August 14, 2006, 11:29 PM
Reminds me of an article I read like last year that showed squirrels attacking pigeons and other small animals in droves, literally tearing it to pieces and running off with little flesh bits. They said it had to do with food shortages and loss of habitat, and they could move on to larger animals....

*everyone freaks out, unseen, I scratch a blackboard in the back*

My friends, squirrel season starts tomorow. The other day I sighted in my .22 rifle, and have nearly five hundred rounds at the ready. I shall pursue the enemy...I shall kill it...and I shall eat it with reckless abandon.

Pray to whatever Deity you may worship that I don't fall prey to their tiny, tiny jaws.

August 14, 2006, 11:30 PM

August 14, 2006, 11:44 PM
LOL, funny stuff

Zen, I like the photoshop on the revolver, priceless.

August 14, 2006, 11:50 PM
Authorities were eventually able to catch the squirrel with a litter trapper, but not before a failed attempt in which they tried to subdue it with pepper spray.

Ok, that's the dumbest thing I've heard so far this week.

August 14, 2006, 11:59 PM
Dave M, Definat props on the Brother maynard speech, very apropriate, and zen as well, did you do the photoshop just for this post or what?
And whoever mentioned using an extrama2 lol, very nice,

personally i like the shotgun idea well but if your serious and dont want to airstrike your city park, id find the beasts nest and plant a nice little claymore in its bed, let it rest in shrapnel

August 15, 2006, 12:02 AM
"SSHHHHHHH, be vwery, vwery, qwuiet - I'm hunting sqwuirrels..heheheheheheh"

August 15, 2006, 12:14 AM
"Man, if you guys had heard some of the "Killer Squirrel" calls I took when working at Fish and Wildlife..."

I would LOVE to hear some of those conversations. If you still know anybody that works there, you should have them tape record those calls. That would be priceless. PRICELESS I say!

August 15, 2006, 12:17 AM
like from 45gr. subsonic jhp's out of a suppressed 10-22. Beware of the jihadi ones-they get 40 acorns if they die in battle. Seriously I hear some of those squirrels will pee in a cup and throw it on ya.

August 15, 2006, 12:31 AM
only the ones from New York (they go down there for the winter, ya know...)

August 15, 2006, 12:36 AM
I think my favorite was the "There's a squirrel in my yard and it was hanging around my children so I trapped it with a cinder block (with the holes in it). Then I put a board over it. Can you send someone out to get it and test it for rabies?"


"Umm...ma'am...squirrels are not an endangered species. I'm afraid we really are limited in what we can do for you."

"But it's DANGEROUS! It was near my CHILDREN! Someone could get hurt! What should I do?"

"Umm..." - as Abby thinks, well, if you're that worried about it, lift up the board and smack it with something Of course, you CAN'T say something like that when you work for a federal fish and wildlife outfit... :rolleyes:

"Well, ma'am...it isn't squirrel season, so you can't kill it. thinking, just whack it with a shovel if you're that worried about it!!! I'd recommend putting your kids in the house and just letting it go."



Abby leans back in chair, tried to think of which state/local agency has annoyed her lately...

"You know, ma'am, I'd like to be able to help you, but we're a federal agency and if it's not federally threatened or endangered, we can't do anything about it. Now, you COULD call the city animal control section, and in fact THEIR number is..."

and we'll not even mention the woman who thought she did have a new and undocumented species of squirrel (the black ones). Or the guy who thought he should crawl under his trailer and trap a skunk. Or the guy who was standing in his yard in Missouri, refusing to re-enter the house until someone dealt with the giant exotic snake he'd unintentionally brought back from foreign travels....

I LOVED working with the public...

August 15, 2006, 02:37 AM
Zen, that 500 S&W may not be enough. You need to get the 600 NE Pfeifer Zeliska revolver.:evil:

August 15, 2006, 02:44 AM
either a taurus raging hornet in 17m2 or a lakeside mt in 22lr, belt fed, with butterfly trigger.

August 15, 2006, 12:00 PM
Oh crimaney, just grab the .357 mag and a snake-round and be done with it.

High Planes Drifter
August 15, 2006, 12:50 PM
Send in ol' Les "Survivorman" Stroud and let him rig up a bunch of those figure 4 falling block traps. That'd be pretty darned funny to have him feild dressing a squirel in the middle of a park after he caught it.:D

August 15, 2006, 01:31 PM
Remember, 'ya gotta aim between the eyes, they tend to charge when they're wounded.

August 15, 2006, 01:46 PM
I've watched hundreds of horror movies in my life.

Laugh now, but this is how they start. Some brave nerd finds out the truth, but do we listen? No. We mock him.

Then more of us start to dissapear. Bodies turn up, mysteriously nibbled to death...

Next thing you know, it is full blown squirrel apocolypse. Serious end of the world stuff. And when you are hanging from a bungee cord, having a chainsaw fight to the death against a guy with a bucket on his head in the Thunderdome, then who's laughing?

August 15, 2006, 01:52 PM
So, Correia, will FBMG be offering a "Squirrel of Terror" loadout anytime soon?

August 15, 2006, 01:58 PM
See that .410 Tromix on the previous page? :)

Though I will offer some silver four pellet buckshot for were-squirrels.

August 15, 2006, 02:13 PM
Once Upon a Time... In a Land Far Away (OK, Kansas) there was this kind lady that thought it would be nice to feed the birds. A big bag of black oil sunflower seeds was purchased and the seeds were scattered for the feathered friends. Lo and behold, the furry tailed rodents thought the seeds were for them and they would fill their cheeks to bulging and the birds were chased away until there was no more seeds to be had. Moving on to a feeder that moved the seeds up off the ground, the furry tailed acrobats were not deterred. Greased poles, deflectors and "squirrel Proof" feeders were to no avail. When the feeding was stopped to arrange a cease fire, the rodents ate pieces of the deck, the asphalt shingles from the roof and any plant in the yard. Thus speakest the man, this crap has to stop. Back to piles of sunflower seeds on the ground and a baretta.22. It seems that not only were the local squirrels eating the seads, they were coming from trees in another county. There was a grand total of 21 of the bushy tailed rodents eating in the yard. They die! They Die, They Die..OK, you get the point. The roofer said he had never seen squirrles eat asphalt shingles as he handed me the $700.00 bill. Nevermore quoth the baretta.

August 15, 2006, 02:17 PM
See that .410 Tromix on the previous page? :)
Um, yeah, I posted it... :)

Anyway, the silver buckshot's a good start. But equipment's useless without training... and you need armor for those little teeth and claws... and acorn-shaped grenades... :evil:

August 15, 2006, 02:25 PM
"(You) need a young priest, and an old preiest." :D


August 15, 2006, 02:33 PM
We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly.

August 15, 2006, 02:33 PM
How'd they kill the lights, they're only animals?!
Blast off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

I think a .22lr with a can or .22 short should do the trick and not frighten the neighbors too much.:evil:

August 15, 2006, 02:49 PM
Geez guys, it's a squirrel not a woolly mamoth!

My 5mm Beeman would be the weapon of choice fer me.

August 15, 2006, 03:03 PM
It's not just any squirrel... it's a SQUIRREL OF TERROR*!!!

*Copyright, Trademark, All Rights Reserved, Void Where Prohibited, Must Be 21 or older

August 15, 2006, 03:35 PM
Youse guys obviously haven't heard about the great Scottish sport of Ferret Legging (http://www.wesjones.com/ferret.htm). We could import it to the U.S. by just substituting squirrels for ferrets.

Or not (http://www.deadsquirrel.com/).


August 15, 2006, 03:40 PM
Summer, 2007, director Michael Mann takes a hard look at the war on Squirrel Terror. The latest Mann project will highlight Super Secret Secret squirrel's failed undercover operation to infiltrate local terror cells and poison the leaders with tainted acorns.
You'll hear and see real surveillance footage gathered by Pembroke using the ever stealthy "Bug Van" (donated by Stan and Larry).
Starring, Fallen Carob as SSSS, Gamie Fox as Pembroke and Lance Armstrong guest stars as Izzy.

August 15, 2006, 03:42 PM
How about a bangalore squirrel torpedo? An M-80 on the end of a rather long stick would work wonders on a nest. ;)

August 15, 2006, 04:25 PM
Seriously, how I handled squirrels in my backyard? I put food out that attracted stray cats. There's nothing cuter than watching kittens play tug-o-war with a squirrels tail. :evil:

Working Man
August 16, 2006, 09:10 AM
Anybody hear about the ones in Central Park attacking people.
Apparently they had been eating the drug residue from little baggies and
associated it with people.

Perhaps this is a rival gang ensuing in furry thuggery or a scout for one
wanting to "branch out". :evil:

August 16, 2006, 11:45 AM
It's not just any squirrel... it's a SQUIRREL OF TERROR*!!!




August 16, 2006, 12:10 PM
My rat terrier takes out one or two every year, but I do have problems with them attacking my garden, especially my corn, so its usually the old air rifle will take care of them, or if I feel like it getting out the .22 marlin. You could use a .410 shotgun but I don't have one so it ends that, or a larger shotgun with birdshot would work too.

Just make sure its dead before you get near. I have seen some really nasty bites were people grab ahold of them and their not dead yet.

August 16, 2006, 01:37 PM
"That squirrel's dynamite!!":eek:

They should've listened to Tim...............

August 16, 2006, 03:02 PM
Brings to mind the scene on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation with the squirrel loose in the house. "Where's Eddie? He usually eats these *BLEEP* things."
"Oh not recently Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol."

Nothing less than a .44 mag with EXTREME SHOCK!!1! ammo will do. Although one lost to the fan blade in my truck a couple years ago when I fired it up. They like to disassemble hoodliners and chew on electrical wiring here.

Rey B
August 16, 2006, 07:36 PM
Many years ago, while squirrell hunting on a large pecan farm in Alabama my buddy says half of the magic phrase "y'all watch this". What he demonstrated is called barking the squirrel. Hitting just above his little head so that the concussion kills him. He shot, the squirrel falls out of the tree, walks over to pickup the squirrel while denoting that there isn't a mark on him. :) These are evidently the words required to bring a dead squirrel back to life.:what: The resurrected squirrel destroyed parts of a brand new Carhart jacket and took off. All the while he is yelling "Shoot it! Shoot it!" So when the squirrel turned loose of him and took off I let it get clear and put a .22 through his boiler room. Not normally a hard shot but try it while laughing like a hyena. We took the little monster to be tested for rabies. Luckily it was negative. For some reason every one after that he stepped on their heads and pulled up on the tail till he heard the neck snap.

August 16, 2006, 08:11 PM
Beretta Jetfire :evil: :evil: W/ Extreme prejudice!

August 16, 2006, 10:11 PM
I live out in the woods. When I walk outside and can count five at once I start wacking them. Favorite gun is a .22 Anshutz w 4X scope. They will get in the basement, attic, walls, chew up wires, everything. My dogs love them still warm. A challenge is ground squirrels/chipmunks. Fast as lightning and run in holes instead of up trees. Took me a week to finish them off. Nothing but rodents.

August 17, 2006, 12:08 AM
A challenge is ground squirrels/chipmunks.
We used to hunt those at least once a summer (well it's more like plinking with reactive targets than hunting). Fun stuff! Went though a brick or three of 22lr in a weekend and had some custom varmint rifles built, couple of bull barrel .221 fireballs, 22 hornet, etc. The ranchers loved us since the things turn their fields into swiss cheese and the cattle break their legs in the holes.

August 17, 2006, 09:34 AM
A #1 1/2 Victor coil-spring jumper with peanut butter smeared on the pan will take care of the little rodent.

August 17, 2006, 10:54 AM
I told my six year old about this thread.

She told me that is sounded like Squirrlmegeddon.

:D She made that up herself.

August 17, 2006, 11:56 AM
You just call Nightcrawler and Lorenzo. They've surely got enough weaponry left for one terrorist squirrel... :neener:


August 17, 2006, 12:18 PM
Either of these tippmann .22 lr.



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