Favorite gun quotes NOT from movies


August 17, 2006, 11:54 AM
This one I said myself........

I was off duty and wearing blue jeans, sneakers, tee shirt and a leather jacket (but still looks as a cop)......talking with a friend moonlighting in his real cop uniform.

A guys walks by and says sarcastically,"Look at all the badges and guns".

My response: "I don't have a badge".
This one I overheard from an arrest of an extraordinary mouthy criminal:

Criminal to his wife: "When I make bail, I'm gonna cap your ass!"

Cop: "When you make bail, you're going to have a scorching case of dented hemmhoroids just before a terminal case of lead poisoning from my Glock.
Jail C.O.: "No guns allowed"

Visitor: "Does that include the criminals?"

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August 17, 2006, 11:57 AM
My favorite is in my sig line my Grandpa said it:

"All men are not created equal, but there are equalizers"

August 17, 2006, 12:02 PM
The quote in my sig is pretty good... saw it on "police guns" yesterday, from some guy that was a retired Mass state trooper.

August 17, 2006, 06:13 PM
"There ain't many problems a man can't fix / with seven hundred dollars and a thirty-ought six" - Col. Jeff Cooper's daughter, whose name I don't remember.

Green Lantern
August 17, 2006, 06:20 PM
Found a while back on a preparedness site (I'll reference it if I can find it again!)

"Be polite, be professional, but always have a plan to kill anyone you consider a threat!" ;)

August 17, 2006, 06:24 PM
Join the service,
Travel to foreign lands,
Meet strange people,
Kill them.

August 17, 2006, 06:27 PM
"You're just a head over a front sight post to me." - Me, to a fraternity boy who thought he'd "intimidate" me by staring me down in the meal line in the dining hall.

August 17, 2006, 06:46 PM
"Never trust a woman or an automatic weapon." --John Dillinger :cool:

...I think I'm gonna make that my sig line, now that I'm thinking about it...



August 17, 2006, 06:49 PM
God made man. Sam colt made them equal.

August 17, 2006, 06:56 PM
On the range in a Jim Cirillo class at the Firearms Academy of Seattle.

Jim Cirillo (to several students still downrange hanging targets): Stay low when the shooting starts.

August 17, 2006, 07:13 PM
Me to the burglar who was squinting (and using one hand to shield his eyes) into my flashlight beam when I caught him exiting my garage at 4:00 AM.

"What you need to understand is that I'm looking at you across the top of a .45 automatic, and I'm not putting up with any B#ll Sh@t!" delivered in my best DI command voice. (I was a DI in the Marines, circa 74-76.)

He and his partner "assumed the position" as directed until the deputies arrived just a few moments later.

August 17, 2006, 08:25 PM
"Oh yeah, I gotta have a lot of guns!".........Me, after the wife once said, "You don't need anymore guns."

August 17, 2006, 08:25 PM
Scenario, back in the days when the army use to pay cash, the Regimental Sergeant Major walks out of the Australian Army Orderly Room to see the unit pay chest sitting on the ground, there's a soldier standing about ten feet away from the chest, smoking a cigarette. The RSM, believing the pay chest to be unguarded, approaches it and attempts to pick it up.

Digger; Don't touch the f****** pay chest sir.
RSM: Do you kno who I am digger?
Digger: Yes sir, your the RSM
The RSM again bends down to pick up the pay chest
Digger; I said dont touch the f****** pay chest sir.
The RSM stands up looking particularly nasty and places his hands on his hips, before he can start roaring the digger speaks up again
Digger; Do you know who I am sir, I'm the pay guard (moving his jacket to reveal a Browning butt forward on the left hip), that chest's got my mate's pays in it and if you attempt to touch it again, I will shoot you.
RSM:(Starting to smile) carry on digger.

Yes, the young digger was me.

August 17, 2006, 08:37 PM
"a gun is your best friend, but like all best friends, you need to look after it like it looks after you"

-Eb Clark, my grandfather, said when teaching me how to clean guns.

August 17, 2006, 08:42 PM
Two young punks approached me as I exited my armored truck -

"Stay away from the vehicle!" I said in my best command voice.

"Didn't mean to threaten you," one kid says laughing.

"Kid," I said, placing my hand on the grip of my S&W 9mm, "you aren't a threat to me - just a target."

August 17, 2006, 09:16 PM
Originally Posted by some guy on the history channel
Now what we have here is a Thompson submachinegun, chambered in .48ACP

I thought I heard that, but I was doing something else and was sure I just heard it wrong.


August 17, 2006, 09:19 PM
We had our annual August Hawaiian shirt shoot last weekend my SASS club. One of the very colorful, if not satorial, shooters was heard saying, "Well, I'll never be embarassed about dressing like a cowboy again..."


August 17, 2006, 09:30 PM
"don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes"

Present day english to english translation:
"don't shoot till you see the blue of their helmets"

I know that i just stole that from some one here, but I like it anyway.

Another good one was me the first time that I was "made" at work.
Co-worker: "Hey what's that in your pants?"
Me: "My d!ck, you want to see it?".... never had a problem again.

August 17, 2006, 09:36 PM
My first Flight Chief in the AF, MSgt Don Hamilton, a Vietnam vet. "There ain't no incomin'." Meaning: there's nothing to get excited about. If there *is* incomin', then it's time to get excited. :D

August 17, 2006, 09:49 PM
allowed me many quips...

When asked "when was I allowed to shoot some one"? I would reply ..."oh, you know, if I have a hangover or in a bad mood"
When asked "is that gun loaded?" I replied.."of course it is, you can't shoot anyone with an unloaded gun"

"why don't you put your gun away & fight me like a man"
me -"I'd rather shoot you from a distance so I don't get your smell on me"

August 17, 2006, 09:54 PM
" You'll never hear the shot that kills you" Unknown Sniper.

August 17, 2006, 10:10 PM
"Don't shoot 'til you can see the whites!"--Red Fox as Fred Sanford on the TV sitcom Sanford and Son

August 17, 2006, 10:28 PM
This one actually happened to me years ago when I first bought a .45ACP. Previously, I shot only a pair of S&W L-frames and a Browning Buckmark .22LR. When I showed up with a 6" 586, my Buckmark, and the .45ACP, one of the old timers said:

"A .38 revolver, a .22 auto, and a .45 auto. That's the Holy Trinity right there."

I still laugh when I think of that :D

August 17, 2006, 10:39 PM
If you can't run 3200 fps, don't p**s me off.

FT. Hood Texas, M-16 rifle range NCO 1984.


August 17, 2006, 10:48 PM
"Don't bother totin' it if you ain't willin' to pull it. Don't pull it unless you're willin' to draw down on somebody. Don't draw down on somebody unless you're willing to shoot 'em, and don't shoot nobody unless you're wantin' to kill 'em. Don't kill a man unless you're willing to pay the price." - My Grandpa

That was my Grandpa's way of explaining that if you're going to carry a gun, you'd better be willing to pay the price if you ever have to use it. If you're not, don't bother carrying it at all.

August 17, 2006, 10:52 PM
"you aren't a threat to me - just a target." :) That was great!

Mine was from when I was working the gate as a Dog Handler in the Marines a long time ago when a drunk Marine comes up and tells me how fast he is and that he can out run my dog.

I asked him if he could run 830 feet per second

He asked "how fast is that"

Me, "thats how fast the the 45 leaves the barrell"

After taken a drunken moment of deep thought he shook his head and said "no, I can't run that fast"

August 17, 2006, 10:53 PM
One that comes to my mind is what my Daddy always used to tell me when I was a kid learning to shoot:

"Don't drop it and don't turn around."

August 17, 2006, 10:57 PM
Card, Between my Grandpa and my Daddy, it's been the same thing. Grandpa was a WW2 vet and he wouldn't have taken being a victim of violent crime, but he said much the same thing your Grandpa said. My Daddy says if you have to use your gun, make sure you're in the right.

August 17, 2006, 11:58 PM
"If you try to run, I've got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can."-George Clooney as Seth Gecko in "Drom Dusk Till Dawn"

"Let me explain the house rules. Follow the rules, we'll get along like a house on fire. Rule number one: No noise, no question. You make a noise... Mr. .44 makes a noise. You ask a question, Mr. 44 answers it."-GC again in "From Dusk Till Dawn"

also the one in my sig, saw it on a tshirt

August 18, 2006, 12:22 AM
great handle

The Guy
August 18, 2006, 05:03 AM
Back before the AWB bs sunsetted, Dad and I cornnered a Very Large Racoon in the crib. I shot it with all ten rounds in my 10-22, and all this accompished was to make the VLR VERY P.O.'d at us. It made a growling noise and headed after us. Dad yelled,

"G-- d---it boy, hit 'em with something bigger!"

Mr. .45 acp 230 gr. jhp finished the job.

First thing Dad did after the sunset was to buy 3 25rnd Buttler Creek mags for HIS 10-22. Made me get my own! Gotta love my Dad.

August 18, 2006, 06:29 AM
The chairman and RO of my shooting clubs favourite quote.

"I welcome anyone to point a loaded gun at me, feel free to point a gun at me, but if you do, I'll give you a file and a bucket of grease. You can take the gun outside file all the sharp edges off it and dip the gun and your arm up to the elbow in the grease."

When asked about the file the and grease he would reply.

"So it doesn't hurt as much when I shove the whole lot up your A$$!!"

My favourite is on my sig line by one of our members. Thank you HiWayMan:D

August 18, 2006, 11:12 AM
My wife who always thought that guns were stupid after badgering her to get out of the car and fire just one round. "OH!!!!!!!! Can I fire another???" Now she may be getting her own gun and a concealed weapons permit.

Aggie's Revenge
August 18, 2006, 11:34 AM
"Marines, if you engage an enemy, you shoot till that F***er stops twitching"

1stSgt Sosa USMC

"Even if they don't understand English, they understand this" *racks shotgun*
Me training a new Marine on guard post.

August 18, 2006, 01:14 PM
"The Bureau of Alchohol, Tobaccp, and Firearms shouldn't be a govt organization; it should be the name of a 24 hour convenience store!"

Bastardized from someone on this board. I've repeated that one only about a billion times since I read it.

August 18, 2006, 01:16 PM
"Yes, but the other end hurts a lot more. See why I keep it handy and loaded?"
Me, after getting SWMBO to try out the home defense 12ga.

August 18, 2006, 01:20 PM
"A golf course is the willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range." - Bill O'Connor

Source: Cooper's Commentaries, Vol. 3, No. 6, 25 April 1995.

August 18, 2006, 01:30 PM
This was my response when asked if I could really shoot/kill somebody to protect myself.

I don't want to shoot anybody........ but I have to do a lot of things I don't want to do everyday!:D

August 18, 2006, 01:32 PM
A co worker said the following during an arrest at a domestic dispute when the husband told him he knew Kung Foo: "You know Kung Foo? I know Gun Shoot." The arrest went without incident.:D

August 18, 2006, 01:47 PM
"A golf course is the willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range." - Bill O'Connor

A friend and I used to say exactly the same thing every time we'd pass a golf course on the way to the rifle range, 40 minutes away.

August 18, 2006, 01:54 PM
Though not a direct gun quote, it is from the beloved SFC Jackson, the senior drill of my Army basic training company in MAR 1981. SFC Jackson was a Vietnam veteran, highly decorated infantryman, who later would be epitomized, to me, by Daman Wayans in "MAJOR PAYNE". These words were spoke before an assembly of trainees about to take the live fire range for the first time:

"Nah you peepah lissen up....when da scrapnah stawt flyin......peepah be gettin serrus kilt!!"

In all honestly, he was likely the finest soldier I've ever known in my 26 years of service. I was to find him later in life...long after basic. Of course, he did not remember me, but was thankful. He died alone in his grandmother's house on family land in Georgia. I was advised of this by his sister whom I met during that visit. Lesson: Never forsake an opportunity to thank those how shape us.

Rey B
August 18, 2006, 02:33 PM
Practicing with my bow in my driveway when the next door wannabe gang banger leans on the fence. "You're pretty good with a that target can you hit something moving?" "I don't know ... take off. If he could do the 40 that fast in pads the Bears would draft him!

August 18, 2006, 05:38 PM
General Merwin Silverthorne, former Marine, now deceased, in conversation with a group of students studying in Washington, DC:

"General, I don't understand. As a Christian, how can you kill somebody!?"

"Easy. Fix bayonet, thrust, and twist."

August 18, 2006, 06:52 PM
"Kills on one end... wounds on the other."

Heard this about shot guns from my dad the first time I shot his 12 guage (I was 12 years old at the time :) ). I am sure the saying has been around for a lot longer.


geim druth
August 18, 2006, 08:48 PM
Andrew Jackson, before becoming president, fought a duel with Charles Dickinson. Dickinson shot first, the bullet broke two of Jackson's ribs and lodged inches from his heart. Then Jackson shot, mortally wounding Dickinson.

Jackson said, "Even if I had been shot through the heart, I would have lived long enough to kill him."

Now that's presidential timber.

August 18, 2006, 09:08 PM
This one I said myself........

I was off duty and wearing blue jeans, sneakers, tee shirt and a leather jacket (but still looks as a cop)......talking with a friend moonlighting in his real cop uniform.

A guys walks by and says sarcastically,"Look at all the badges and guns".

My response: "I don't have a badge".


August 18, 2006, 09:17 PM
Stolen from somewhere on the boards but.....

and likely not entirely correct...

"Treat eveyone you meet with respect & dignity but always have a plan to kill them".

Dave Markowitz
August 18, 2006, 09:26 PM
"Alcohol, tobacco, and firearms?"

"Who's bringing the chips?"


August 18, 2006, 09:43 PM
"We...owe no deference to ATFE's purported expertise because we cannot discern it." - DC Circuit Court of Appeals, Feb. 10, 2006

While interviewing an anonymous US Special Forces soldier on his sniper skills, a Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when shooting members of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. The soldier shrugged and replied, "Recoil."

Another funny thing about the situation is our loss prevention guy was examining it and one girl said, "I wonder if it's been fired." (Remember, there's no bullet in it and I could see the little dimple on the bottom.) The L.P. guy holds it up to his nose, smells it, and says, "No it hasn't. It still smells like gunpowder."

"The man whose profession is arms should calm his mind and look into the depths of others. Doing so is likely the best of the martial arts."

August 18, 2006, 10:01 PM
Quite a while back, when revolvers were the typical SD guns, a gentleman had to shoot a bad guy who keep advancing. The officer who showed up was a little concerned and asked him why he shot the guy all six times.

He was still shaken up and answered, "because the gun only holds six rounds!"

August 18, 2006, 10:26 PM
A long time ago when my grandfather was was helping me learn to shoot, he told me," Don't spend so much time aiming your gun, you will never hit anything if you don't pull the trigger."

August 18, 2006, 10:30 PM
when people ask if i am a gun nut i respond

i am a nut about rights. it's people like me who think the first amendment stands firmly on the shoulders of the second that gurentee you have anything that resembles a free thought.

August 18, 2006, 10:52 PM
Many years ago I taught highpower rifle program for our DCM affiliated club.

One of the first things I said to the New shooters and overly excited kids when showing them the M-1 Garand.

"This is not a toy. It was designed for the sole purpose of killing men and it does a damn good job of it."

Enough said, It got their attention and we never had a AD or ND. That says alot as we fired thousands and thousands of rounds down range. Life was good.


August 18, 2006, 10:58 PM
Thinking of quotes directly about the M1 rifle reminds me of my Granddaddy who's still living. He's a WW2 vet of the 43rd Infantry Division, US Army, 1943-44.

Of the M1 rifle, "It was a good rifle."

When I got mine, he was there when I opened the box.

(hefting it) "Were they always this heavy?" Ya'll keep in mind, his generation was a lot younger then and did things we can't understand not being in the situations they were in.

A little later the same day, he said "There's nothing obsolete about the M1."

August 19, 2006, 08:07 AM
I was reading of a young lady interviewing the Finnish sniper White Death and she asked him if it was difficult to shoot all those Russians. He responded (I paraphrase here) " yes, they would bob and weave and duck for cover"

August 19, 2006, 08:33 AM
Favorite gun quote not in a movie?


August 19, 2006, 01:48 PM
** In response to a ganger type making threatening statements towards a colleague and me, I produced a set of roll up earplugs from a pocket and started putting them in my ears. He looked at me and asked what I was doing and I told him. He asked why and I told him, “Gunshots in a closed space hurt my ears.”

** In response to one of my sisters who asked the “How could you, as a Christian, shoot someone?” question.

“Everyone dies. At some point, everyone dies when God deems the time right. Do you blame a cliff if someone jumps off? Do you blame the ocean for someone drowning? Do you blame cars for automobile deaths? When someone forces me to defend myself or my family or my colleagues from death or great bodily harm, it means God has given them all the chances they are ever going to get. I’m the cliff.”

** Prior to the events of September 11, 2001, employees at my workplace were not always armed in the daily course of duties. Supervisory staff were normally armed and some others, depending on duties. One day, I was not armed and was asked by a passenger why I didn’t have a gun. My answer was, “I already filled my quota this week.”

** A very attractive lady of my acquaintance (who knows my line of work) usually greets me by asking the old Mae West question, “Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” My normal reply is, “All of the above.”

And a general statement about one’s status in a society.
“Citizens can freely own weapons; subjects and serfs cannot.”

August 19, 2006, 04:36 PM
By me on the shooting mat at a 100 yd rimfire match . "Sometimes the wind blows them out,sometimes it blows them in"

August 19, 2006, 05:40 PM
Me, in response to a gang-banger's threat to "cut me up.":

"If you can do so while being shot to death, you may commence." At which point I drew my 1911. The words "black flash" adequately describe his retreat.

August 19, 2006, 07:15 PM
USMC Lance Corporal during battle of Fallujah when asked by reporter during a halt if he was concerned about the number of bad guys on the other side
" It really doesn't matter. They are all going to die anyway."

evan price
August 19, 2006, 07:23 PM
Once upon a time I was involved with a friend-of-a-friend scumbag who had stolen some very expensive items from my friend's residence (He was my friends guest for several months while he looked for a job and a place to live). The perp was known to be a Tae Kwan Do martial arts guy and had bragged he was a pretty good fighter. I showed up with a Glock 21 and stayed a ways back during the confrontation between my friend and the perp and kept my mouth shut and the weapon stowed while stuff got settled and we moved the perp out of the apartment.

Later a scumbag buddy of the "perp" confronted me and told me I was a chicken-sh*t coward for coming over with a gun and if it was gonna come to a fight I should have just took him like a man;

I replied, "He does Tae Kwan Do. The only martial art I know is Shik-Shik Pao."


Once I went to a party at a friend's graduation, on his family farm. My friend's sister was a lesbian and a lot of her "alternative lifestyle" friends, male & female, were there too, not at OUR party, they had their own thing going but it kinda flowed together....(Despite the endless repeated Depeche Mode CD it wasn't bad- who knew there were so many versions of "Personal Jesus"?)

One of the effeminate male types noticed (probably while looking at my *ss) my Mexican carried Glock in small of back. With an expression on his face and a tone of voice that suggested, that had I had a disembowled still twitching squirrel tucked in my pants, he would not have been more offended- "Why do you have a GUN?????"

I answered, "Why do you s**k d***s?"

He laughed and said, "Honey, that's how I am!"

I said, "Same here."

We got along fine the rest of the evening.

August 19, 2006, 07:48 PM
Gun Safety: Keep your booger hook off the bank switch!

August 19, 2006, 07:57 PM
Stand in front of a group of men and tell them what they really need. Soon they will start to want it.

August 19, 2006, 08:42 PM
I've owned a LARS Grizzly .45 WinMag for a long long time and reload
nice hot loads for it every once in a while. ... I kinda brag about how
much hotter it's loads are than a puny little ‘hot .44 mag’!

As I was getting ready to shoot my new 4" S&W 500 (one son had
reloaded some nice hot loads for it ... and loaded it up for me:evil: )
My other son said, "Dad, we are just going to video this momentous
occasion with my little handy-damndy cell phone!"

I grinned knowing they were going to be disappointed.:neener:

I’ve been shooting since 1954 - and have never really been taken
by surprise by a new gun/hot load! it takes a whole lot to impress

Well, first, my hands disappeared in a giant fireball!

There was a RATHER LARGE pressure wave that blew past my
‘astonished' face!

The RATHER LARGE heat wave followed immediately!

Then, I finally mumbled, "HOLY SH** - WHAT WAS THAT!???":what:

... it's their FAVORITE video - by far - and they never get tired of
showing it to all my friends ... EVERY CHANCE THEY GET!:cuss:


August 19, 2006, 08:57 PM
However, keep your booger hook off the bang switch until you're ready to fire and you'll be fine.

When I read this I learned that Dr.Pepper through the nose hurts something mighty fierce

Texas Bob
August 19, 2006, 10:22 PM
A former British PM said it well.:)

December 3, 2006, 03:14 PM
Bringing back the dead here...

I was standing outside the night club I worked at chatting with one of the boucer's cousins. Somewhere in the conversation he noticed the Browning BDA 380 in my shoulder holster. He asked if he could "trade" me guns, and I said no, considering to myself that anything that gangsta punk had was probably stolen. He said "I got a shotgun in my truck, if I wanted your gun I'd take it from you!"

I replied "We're not at your truck." :D he decided he was through arguing with me

December 3, 2006, 03:51 PM
The mantra at my NRA LEO Handgun/Shotgun Instructor School:
" Incoming rounds have right of way"

December 3, 2006, 04:16 PM
"I suspect the only reason 110 rounds was all that was fired was that's all the ammunition they had," Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd

December 3, 2006, 04:31 PM
The loudest sound in a gunfight is........................................click.:evil:

Livin in Texas

December 3, 2006, 04:33 PM
this quote comes from DS Birdsong, a Bradley MasterGunner, in response to the ongoing contest between 'light' and 'heavy' Cavalry Scout DSs to win privates' hearts and minds, and just after stepping out of a Bradley, having shown us what a 25mm firing high-explosive rounds can do:

"hooah privates. reach out and touch someone.":)

December 3, 2006, 04:50 PM
"Why do you have a GUN?????"

I answered, "Why do you s**k d***s?"

He laughed and said, "Honey, that's how I am!"

I said, "Same here."

We got along fine the rest of the evening.Now THAT is beautiful.

The Guy
December 3, 2006, 05:24 PM
I just want to see Zip's video!:evil:

December 3, 2006, 05:48 PM
"One day you''ll be visited by the ghost of rifles past, mister."

Someone here about a bubba project, I forget who, but I found it funny as hell.

December 3, 2006, 08:08 PM
The classic "An armed society is a polite society" .

December 3, 2006, 08:26 PM
A month or so ago, I had the Deputies out because somebody stepped up on my front porch and opened the door. When I turned and confronted, the squirrel turned and ran.

I was talking to the deputies later in my living room when one whom I'd never seen before noticed my duty belt and asked me, "What are you? Some kind of 'wannabe?'"

Deputy W----- turned to him and answered, "No. He's a has been. And, YOU are a rooky."

I just smiled.


December 3, 2006, 08:49 PM
I thought of this one a couple of years ago and always wanted to print it on a T-Shirt with a big image of a 1911, but never got around to it.

"Black Belt in Kung .45."

Have at it.

tank mechanic
December 3, 2006, 09:07 PM
Back when I was in basic, one of the NCO's recounted to a new battle buddy and I about an incidence he had with a BG with a shot gun. After he was done we walked away, and my battle buddy said that if anyone ever pointed a shotgun at him he would kick their a$$. I said that if anyone tried to point a shotgun at me I would beat them to the draw!:D

December 3, 2006, 09:52 PM
armedandsafe wrote:Deputy W----- turned to him and answered, "No. He's a has been. And, YOU are a rooky."

Good, but it should have been "He's a WAS, and You are a rookie. Hope you make it as long as he did."

My favorite lines: "You can't miss fast enough to win a gunfight."
"Speed is fine; accuracy is final."

December 3, 2006, 11:39 PM
At an indoor range, in response to a new shooter looking down the barrel of his pistol after a misfire:

"It could put your eye out"

My shooting instructor:

"Practice the right thing"

Rick O'Shea
December 3, 2006, 11:41 PM
While shooting at the Rifle and Pistol Club at Ft. Benning, my buddy and I had the pleasure of speaking to some young students of the Army Sniper School who were practicing on the long range berm.

After admiring each others rifles and exchanging general pleasantries, my buddy asked one young man about the effectiveness of the .223 round at 600+ yards.

He looked very thoughtful, and quite seriously answered, "Well you know, sir, I figure any round in the face is going to hurt."

Love it!

favorite .22
December 3, 2006, 11:41 PM
me at the gun range " i might of missed but i sure scared the hell out of him"

.38 Special
December 4, 2006, 12:23 AM
Wish I was half as cool as you lot. I've never said anything like any of that while holding a gun. :rolleyes: :p

December 4, 2006, 01:32 AM
"Don't just stand there & let people hurt you."-Fred Rexer
"Don't worry about the bullet with your name on it.Worry about all those others flying around adressed 'To Whom It May Concern'"-Jeff Cooper (?)
"Determination,deliberation,accuracy & speed."Bat Masterson on what makes a gunfighter.

December 4, 2006, 01:46 AM

Wife: "Just how many guns do you have to have to feel safe?"

Me: "You've NEVER been over-run - have you?"

Gentle winds,

December 4, 2006, 03:14 AM
Nervous, first Handgun Metallic Silhouette match, dumped my first shot in the dirt halfway to the chicken.

Big cloud of dust, but the bullet ricocheted into the little iron bird, made a slight "tink" sound, made the target teeter like a ten-pin, and it finally sloooowly turned around a little and slooooowly fell over, all with breath-holding drama..

A slight breeze from 9 o'clock helped, no doubt.

Red-faced, looked over my shoulder to my scorer, asked, "Does that count?"

"It fell down when you went bang... sort of," he said, shaking his head a little, adding, "You should go buy a Lotto ticket today" and marked it down as a hit.

December 4, 2006, 04:32 AM
Parphrasing a question that a reporter asked a sniper/soldier/Marine in Iraq;

Reporter: "What do you feel when you shoot someone"

Marine: "Recoil ma'am"

December 4, 2006, 04:50 AM
Col. Jeff Cooper:

If you don’t understand weapons you don’t understand fighting. If you don’t understand fighting you don’t understand war. If you don’t understand war you don’t understand history. If you don’t understand history, you might as well live with your head in a sack.

captain obvious
December 4, 2006, 05:08 AM
The range officer was about to call a cease fire, when one patron noted that someone had been a bit eager and headed downrange early. When the patron informed the range officer, he responded with:
"Well, is he faster than a speeding bullet?"

December 4, 2006, 05:23 AM
"Alcohol, tobacco, and firearms?"

"Who's bringing the chips?"


I have that shirt. :D

It really, REALLY pisses off my English Comp Prof.:evil:

December 4, 2006, 05:35 AM
"... the rifle is the queen of personal weapons."
- Col. John Dean Cooper



December 4, 2006, 10:39 AM
Doing a foot patrol near a construction site "all those years back" when 5 punks decide to mess with me. I don't normally go for the macho BS "tough guy with a gun" bit but I really needed to get control of the situation so...

Them - "hey man, they's five of us and only one ah you".

Me - "That's true but I've got six rounds of .357 magnum right here so I guess I get to shoot one of you twice".

December 4, 2006, 10:42 AM
I was at a client's house, looking over the lighting for a control system quote, when I noticed a large amount of "hidden" (not too well, since I saw most of them:)) cameras about the property. When asked, Mrs. Homeowner, about 5'4" and late 50's/early 60's, said, "That's all security stuff. You don't NEED security when you're packin'. ":what:

Then she showed me a lovely Ladysmith in an IWB.:cool:

God Bless Texas.

Joe Demko
December 4, 2006, 11:06 AM
"Please remember that the bullet comes out the end with the hole in it and is moving very, very fast."
-An unknown RO at a public range a few years ago

December 4, 2006, 11:26 AM
I had a pretty rough round of shooting, and I was surveying the damage(or lack there of) and I said "I didn't do too well that time." My friend Ben then said "Sometimes you don't hit anything." That is my all time favorite gun quote about me.

December 4, 2006, 11:41 AM
The two loudest sounds you'll ever hear: A bang when you expect to hear a click. And a click when you expect to hear a bang.

"First come smiles. Then comes lies. Last is gunfire." From The Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King

A sucking chest wound is nature's way of saying "slow down"

December 4, 2006, 12:24 PM
Reporter interviewing a Marine sniper on a History channel special.

Reporter- "What do you think is the last thing that goes through a terrorists mind before he is killed?"
Marine - ".........well I can't say for sure, but if I had to guess....I'd say it was made of metal and about the size of your finger nail."

December 4, 2006, 12:49 PM
I once shot a pretty nice group at the 25-yard outdoor handgun range. When they called all clear, and we went down range to check our targets, the guy shooting at the targets next to mine looked at my group and said with a grin:

"Guess I won't be breaking into your house."

I smiled and replied:

"Well, you might be able to break in. Getting back out, on the other hand..."

We had a good laugh over that, mainly because the humor was so corny.

December 4, 2006, 01:44 PM
A buddy of mine referring to a fellow IDPA shooter who was a little less than safe on the firing line: "he waves that gun around like it's a freakin' candy bar!"
Also another IDPA shooter who was having a bad stage,and people started to chuckle:"Laugh you sons-a-b@*^$es......"
Me after a very good IDPA stage:"Not bad for a fat guy with a plastic gun.":neener:

December 4, 2006, 01:57 PM
" A Sucking chest wound is a sure sign of an ambush."

December 4, 2006, 02:52 PM
The Golden Rule of Guns:

He who has the guns, makes the rules.

December 4, 2006, 03:29 PM
I sign a ex co-worker used to have in his work area:
"Tresspassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again."

Coworker: Why do you have so many guns?
Me: Because the DNR will not let me hunt with my golf clubs.

December 4, 2006, 03:48 PM
My friend and I were on the way to our favorite range, and we encountered heavy construction traffic. We had about 10 guns and 1,500 rounds in the trunk. He was driving and didn't want to take a detour out of a fear of getting lost. I said "Don't worry, they can't stop us. We're on a mission from god". Okay, its sort of movie based. So sue me.:p

December 4, 2006, 03:57 PM
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

December 4, 2006, 05:39 PM
Here is my list

1. ATF Should be a convience store
3. Also ANYTHING from Oleg (dont mean to suck up but the posters kick ass)

December 4, 2006, 06:10 PM
"Any gun will do if YOU will do...." :cool:

I've forgotten who said it originally, but I think of it every time there's a caliber vs. caliber or gun vs. gun debate. Also....

"A man with a .25 and a plan will ALWAYS beat a man with a .45 and no clue..." :D

December 4, 2006, 06:56 PM
Two more I remember:

"It is better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it."

A friend once told me, "I have four weapons - my mouth, my brain, my feet, and my gun. If I can't outtalk 'em, outthink 'em, or outrun 'em, then I shoot them."

December 4, 2006, 07:58 PM
"Shoot low boys, they're ridding Shetland ponies"

December 4, 2006, 08:11 PM
When I was in high school a girl who was rabbidly anti gun was getting in my face and my buddies face. She said "do you want to measure your life in years or minutes?" My buddy said "rounds per minute!"

December 4, 2006, 08:13 PM
Actually, it's not "Louis"; it's "Lewis".

December 4, 2006, 08:13 PM
"All bleeding eventually stops.":D

December 4, 2006, 08:19 PM
My Dad was in the Marines in the 50's and told me this story:
A Captain was walking up to a military base at night and the guard said "Halt, who goes there? Advance and be recognized!" And the Captain gave the proper responce.

When the the Captain got up to the guard he said "What would you have done if i hadn't properly Identified myself?"
The guard said "I'd call the Captain of the guards sir."
"The Captain of the guards, why wouldn't you take action?"
"I'd call the Captain of the guards to pick up your dead A$$ sir" :neener:

Sage of Seattle
December 4, 2006, 08:39 PM
A sucking chest wound is nature's way of saying "slow down"

Reminds me of my good buddy and a line he said once in his first aid class in college.

(paraphrasing)"You mean there's a difference? I thought all chest wounds sucked."

December 4, 2006, 08:48 PM
It takes 42 muscles to frown. Only 3 to pull the trigger on a good rifle!

December 4, 2006, 08:58 PM
I'm sure he didn't make it up, but as a young teen I went deer hunting with my uncle, and he came up with a good one. He set me up on a stand, told me to stay put, and showed me where he would be. About sunrise I heard a shot from his direction. An hour or so later he came back to my stand.

I asked, "Did you get one?"

He said, "You heard me shoot, didn't you?"

December 4, 2006, 09:17 PM
"Actually" you're right. It's been so long since I loaned his book out and didn't get it back that I forgot. Anyway I stand proudly corrected.
Now you've done it, I'm getting flashbacks of my ex-wife.

December 4, 2006, 09:33 PM
Just thought of one more. I used to go shooting as part of a foursome. We'd meet at the one guy's house and all ride to the the range in his old junker Cadillac. We'd shoot a few rounds of trap, then hit the rifle and pistol ranges, then back to his house to grill up some dinner and drink beer.

We were on our way to the range, with something near a dozen long guns, a couple of dozen pistols, and a couple of hundred pounds of ammo in the trunk of this old Sedan de Ville, sagging the back down like we're running moonshine. He gets pulled over. We're all laughing and giving the driver hell as the officer walks up.

The officer asks for his license and insurance, then says, "What are you fellas doing today?"

My buddy says, "Just driving around."

December 4, 2006, 09:58 PM
Friend: Do you carry your gun all the time
Me: Yeah, It's kinda like American Express , I don't leave home without it !!

Il Duca
December 4, 2006, 10:20 PM
I used to work with a kid who thought he was a real hard @$$ and always said he would kick mine if we got in a fight, supposedly he knew Karate or something. One day he was talking about kicking me up one side and down the other when I mustered up the most serious face I could, looked at him and said:

"Don't bring a foot to a gun fight."

He never wanted to fight after that.

December 4, 2006, 11:27 PM
Cooper (paraphrased?): "If carrying a mouse gun comforts you, then do so - but do not load it, for if you load it you may fire it, and if you fire it you may hit someone, and if you hit someone you will annoy them and give them cause to do you great harm."

December 4, 2006, 11:30 PM
Two phrases that came to mind some years ago, and which I would dearly love to put into action as sport:

Urban Biathlon

Skeet Golf

highlander 5
December 4, 2006, 11:36 PM
DEATH is nature's way of saying slow down

December 4, 2006, 11:55 PM
Back when my wife to be and I were gettin' to know each other, somethin' happened that might fit into this tone of this thread. We'd been up late the night before and she decided to stay over. We'd both had a very good time and were just startin' ta'
get mobile when her hand found its' way under the pillow. Now this lil' nubbin's all of 5feet and 100lbs, butt-nekid and suddenly standin' all the way at the foot of the bed with sunny-side up eyeballs! What the HELL is under there???
...uhh...that's FIDO...(she's lookin' back towards me now instead of breakin' for the door.)
FIDO? That's a dogs' name...?

...well, yeah...barks here and bites down the street...

Next day, she's movin' in and by the time I get home the place is re-arranged and full of girl-stuff!
Slightly dazed, I head for the bedroom...there, on the pillows is my 629 and PPK...
Just as I turn around to say somethin' she sashays over and says, " I didn't want the Big Guy and FiFi to be lonely..."
...and from that day to this... that's exactly what we call them...

December 5, 2006, 01:14 AM
I've been training in Martial Arts for 20 years. A friend of mine asked why I carry a gun. I said "Because I can't kick at 1,300 feet per second".

Another friend who knows I have a CCW license asked once if I was carrying. I said "I'm not wearing this second shirt because I think it's fashionable"

December 5, 2006, 02:56 AM
A Deputy Sheriff friend of mine was asked, "Why do you carry a .45?"

His response: Because they don't make a .46 :).

Just my .02,

December 5, 2006, 03:01 AM
Another one paraphrased.

An Airborne Batallion is dropped into a forest in Germany during WWII.
Assessing the situation, a new Captain remarks "We're Surrounded"
A grizzled old SGT replies "Sh*t Capt, we're Airborne. We're SUPPOSED to be surrounded!"

highlander 5
December 5, 2006, 10:34 AM
I've been asked what would happen if someone broke into my house my answer They have 3 options to leave on their own.with the police or a body bag.
my wife is disabled when we go out I carry someone asked me "Do you really expect trouble?" I answer no but should I get into a bind can't leave my wife so we're gonna dance but I'm bringing the band.:what: :what:

USMC - Retired
December 5, 2006, 10:47 AM
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em."

Lieutenant General Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC, 1962 on the importance of marksmanship training

December 5, 2006, 11:20 AM
"If we're gonna dance, I'm bringing the band."

I like it!

December 5, 2006, 11:36 AM
"Gun control is hitting your target"

I guess I'm in favor of gun control.

December 5, 2006, 12:19 PM
"When in doubt, put a bullet in 'im." - Sgt. (Infantry)

"When you sweep the objective, double-tap the f***ers in the head." Sgt. (Infantry)

December 5, 2006, 12:50 PM
A boss asked me how I am able to remain so totally calm under all situations.
I replied (paraphrase) "I've studied self-defense. When you've considered what to do when someone is trying to kill you, everything else seems pretty mundane."

December 5, 2006, 01:31 PM
"If we're gonna dance, I'm bringing the band."

That's kinda like Louis L'Amour was fond of including in the Sackett novels...

"If they want to open the ball, I'm calling the tune."

December 5, 2006, 02:14 PM
A British special forces soldier when asked why he hardly ever cleaned his issued M16A2 during operations.

'I pull the trigger, it goes bang and a bullet flies out of the loud end - what more could I want?'

December 6, 2006, 05:44 AM
My wife: "It's a canoe trip. Why would you want to bring a gun on a canoe trip?"

Me: "Only someone who's never seen "Deliverence" would ask that question."

the pistolero
December 6, 2006, 08:17 AM
One day before I went shooting with my Ruger P90, I dropped by my FFL to take care of some business. The family friend who introduced me to said FFL was in there, and I took the P90 in. Family friend said, half tongue-in-cheek,
"Those ********* Rugers. They melt them down so they can make Kimbers."
May be weird, I know, but I just got a chuckle outta that...

December 6, 2006, 09:00 AM
Years ago I read an account of a private shooting at an outdoor range. The DI was impressed with his markmanship and said "What's your name, soldier?"

The private picked up a round of his .30-06 ammo and replied "Perhaps this silver bullet will help to identify me."

December 6, 2006, 12:10 PM
Fast is fine, accuracy is final "Wyatt Earp"

December 6, 2006, 01:05 PM
"This is why they don't want to use line infantry for hostage rescue"

Me to my 11-bravo teammate after we both ended up drilling the A-zone of a "terrorist" through a no-shoot.

additional lessons learned-

1) It sucks to be a hostage
2) When they're hiding behind a hostage, aiming that second shot becomes worth the time...:banghead:

December 6, 2006, 01:37 PM
Don't remember the exact quote, but something along this line...

Charleston, SC Police Chief Ruben Greenberg, after a home/business owner took out a bad guy...

"Criminals should consider the possibility of being shot as an occupational hazard."

December 6, 2006, 02:03 PM
Don't remember the exact quote, but something along this line...

Charleston, SC Police Chief Ruben Greenberg, after a home/business owner took out a bad guy...

"Criminals should consider the possibility of being shot as an occupational hazard."

They also gave a couple of my Marine-enlisted active duty student classmates a medal for chasing down a burglar dumb enough to avoid a door with USMC painted on in big letters...by climbing in the window.

If you're dumb enough to piss off Marines--I guess it follows that you're dumb enough to think you can out run them, too...

December 6, 2006, 02:08 PM
I picked this up somewhere online. I don't remember attribution

"You don't take a pistol where you think you'll need a gun. If you think you'll need a gun, bring a rifle or don't go. You take a pistol in the off chance you might just need a gun"


December 6, 2006, 02:48 PM
From my grandfather (R.I.P.), a vet of the South Pacific, regarding the weapons he was issued.

"Well, the Thompson wasn't so bad, you just had to aim low and left as recoil made it sweep up and right. They were going to let me take it home with me after the war, but what in the hell would I need a Thompson submachinegun for?!"


"Now the Colt, that .45... I'd have better luck throwing the damned thing at them, as bad as I was with that thing!"

My own contribution was in a graduate school class. The instructor looks all serious and says "anybody here into guns? Like, does anyone in here consider themselves a 'gun guy'..?"

I muttered quietly and let him continue.

Prof: "Because I think it's pretty obvious that we need some form of gun control in this country..."

Me, interrupting: "Gun control! (slowly assuming shooting position in my seat) I thought gun control meant using both hands!"

Then a fellow student pipes up: "Yeah, he did buy a Glock with his student loan money!"

Cue look of disappointment from the professor. What is it with academia being such a bastion of liberal views?


December 6, 2006, 02:54 PM
What is it with academia being such a bastion of liberal views?Ooh, don't get me started.

December 6, 2006, 06:31 PM
My poli sci professor and I used to hang around a few minutes before and after class and talk about deer hunting. He didn't really start to find out how big a gun guy I was until I gave my talk to his/my "The Vietnam Experience" class on the M-16 and other rifles available to our guys as well as the weapons they were up against.

December 6, 2006, 09:02 PM
Cue look of disappointment from the professor. What is it with academia being such a bastion of liberal views?

That's because they spent their teenage and adult lives on campus (undergrad / grad / professor) with the occasional conservative prof like Mike Adams

And they say that home schooling kids is bad bacause they won't get properly socialized!

December 6, 2006, 09:12 PM
They also gave a couple of my Marine-enlisted active duty student classmates a medal for chasing down a burglar dumb enough to avoid a door with USMC painted on in big letters...by climbing in the window.

If you're dumb enough to piss off Marines--I guess it follows that you're dumb enough to think you can out run them, too...


well, i was out dove hunting with my dad and a buddy of his and im shooting my pump 20, and my dad's shooting his semi 12. i get three shells off before he can get the second. 5 minutes later my dad asks me "You wanna use my gun"

our buddy says "he just went trigger happy with a pump, and now you wanna give him a semi...."

December 6, 2006, 11:36 PM
"I'd rather be missed with a .44, than hit with a .22."

December 7, 2006, 02:10 PM
"How I never got hit, I don't know," said Chun, who was later drafted and served in the Korean and Vietnam wars. "I'll tell you a secret: When your number comes up, you're going to go. Well, every morning I get up, I change my number."

December 7, 2006, 08:42 PM
Wife after shooting her first mag from our P3AT: Geeze! That stings! But I guess the other end is worse....

December 7, 2006, 09:40 PM
My friend told me this one last night. no idea where he got it from

Gun control should be using two hands.

December 7, 2006, 10:54 PM

Sign I bought in Kentucky and brought home to Louisiana.

December 9, 2006, 12:54 PM
Not sure if my dad, who thinks Marshall Dillon is the man, came up with this. He always told me, in response to my purchasing any thing,

"Son, if you can't ride it, shoot it, or screw it, its not worth much".;)

My response "Think we can trade for one of them three?":D

Long Knife
December 9, 2006, 02:16 PM
If it floats, flies or f#@%$, rent it.

December 9, 2006, 07:28 PM
My favorite is: "Kiss my arsenal."

"Overkill is still dead."

The first I don't remember where it came from, but it might have been me.
The second came from a sergeant in the army I knew.

December 9, 2006, 10:22 PM
"he won second prize in a gunfight"-- said of someone who is shot dead

December 9, 2006, 10:36 PM
"don't shoot, or I'll move" (In response to "don't move, or I'll shoot")

"Only accurate rifles are interesting" --Col. Townsend Whelen

"I can't say I agree with the good colonel on this because I have had some poor shooting rifles that were damn interesting" --Bryce Towsley


December 9, 2006, 11:36 PM
Testing of silenced, 45 Colt, shortened version, of Enfield rifle in WW2 (DeLisle Carbine).

It is recorded that after successful trials on the Campbell estate, the
carbine was offered to the Senior Officer to shoot and he shot at some
ducks feeding on the other side of the lake, purportedly some 400 yards
distant. One duck was shot dead through the neck and upon recovery of
the "target" the officer coolly remarked, "I'm rather out of practice,
so perhaps it's hardly fair to blame the gun. Actually I aimed for its

December 10, 2006, 02:51 AM
my partner- "watch this a$$h*le, he is some kind of former golden gloves champ.."
me- "yea, but even Muhammed Ali didn't want to fight against guys with guns..."

A USMS instructor talking about high risk warrants- "son, when you go into a room, have a plan to kill every motherf*@ker in that room that didn't go in with you..."

that second one saved my butt more then once...

Tse Gee La
December 10, 2006, 03:40 AM
There is a story of a Texas Highway Patrolman, who was rather small in stature, that had stopped a semi with a very large driver.
Driver, "I am gonna take that gun from you then beat you to death with it."
Trooper, "That may be the case but, it will be hot and empty when you do."

During an interview for the Border Patrol I was asked what I would do if someone was thretening my partner with a softball size rock.

When I said I would shoot the person, they asked why. My response was, "Based on my training and experiance they have three choices, spend the night in jail, the hospital, or the morgue."

December 10, 2006, 07:37 PM
"Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest."

Mohandas Gandhi

Long Knife
December 10, 2006, 11:20 PM
You know, Huddog, I could never figure out what was up with the Brits. There was a time when you could count on them, but as a whole, the country has gone down the dunny. Tony Blair has surprised me though. He fights the good fight but the the citizens have become sheeple/muggles.

December 11, 2006, 12:18 AM
"No way I'm going to hit this on the first shot."
"That was lucky."

Nomad, 2nd
December 11, 2006, 12:24 AM
Ok, I have this thing for red-heads...
Well I was out with this REALLY nice lookin.. the conversation turned to guns and she said:
"I'm Ok with guns, but I don't think I could stand having more than 8 in the house."

My reply:
"I have more than that in the car right now."

...She SURE was nice looking though...:rolleyes:

December 11, 2006, 05:28 AM
We were taking some sporadic small arms fire vicinity of Haifa Street. One of my DMRs gets a bead and fires. I yell over at him, "I think you got 'im." He yells back, "Got 'im? Hell, Sar'ent, I gave that joker a sucking head wound!"

December 11, 2006, 08:24 AM
A buddy of mine, after about 5 months after he was back from Iraq:

Me: "So, Glen, whaddya gonna do if we fight North Korea?"

Glen: "...Aim lower?"
Best part: Glen is a South Korean.

Somebody said "A .45 is like shooting a high speed bowling ball."

Me: "If you knock on Deaths' door, better have a gun in hand. Word has it THAT sumbitch is fast!"

Also, I love my sig.

Matthew Temkin
December 11, 2006, 01:42 PM
My dad saw extensive WW2 combat as a ranger, and he used to say this a lot....
"War is like marriage---it seems appealing to men who have never done either".

December 12, 2006, 12:53 AM
My signature line says ti best.:evil:

Shanghai McCoy
December 12, 2006, 01:21 AM
"Be wary of strong drink.it can make you shoot at tax collectors...and miss."

December 12, 2006, 02:17 AM
Its okay to hit the target, we have more if you actually get hits on this one...

Not often we see such a sparse shotgun pattern made by a pistol...

It helps to take the safety off...

Nice shot! How far did you lead that dove?
About 3 ex husbands worth...

We don't believe in the myth Dove hunting was invented by the shot shell manufacturers. Here is 15 shells for a 15 bird limit, and bring back the shells you don't use.

You got a 15 bird limit and only brought back 2 shells, I thought you said you were a shotgunner...

What do you mean you shot behind the duck, you felled it?
I was going for the lead duck and got that fourth duck one instead...

Mom can I borrow some money , I am a little short (5 y/o)
Humm well honey , how much you need?
<whisper how much do I need? , whipser>
$94, 998.00
I like this 28 ga shotgun on the Internet, and I can only find $2 of my money

Look at that old man and son, just running this way after felling them doves, must be excited...
Not sure about that, isn't that where the hornets nest is ...

How do you get 28 /25 on a round of skeet?
Pretty sure I nailed them 3 dragonflies on the option

That is way the miss to miss low five, now somebody break that damn target in this wind ...

I did not miss that duck, I changed my mind at the last second...

Do overs! My bra just broke and I got distracted!

You got any shot shells that ain't got candle wax or electrical tape on them...

He sure do pump a 1100 a lot don't he...

Try putting the shell in the other way...

I don't care if it does say "Marine" on the side of the shotgun, it don't float, I done checked it twice...

Whatever you do, never let the wife, the daughter, the girlfriend shoot a 28 ga shotgun

How come I am buying lunch?
Because you are the reason I just bought my wife a 28ga shotgun

Mom if I shoot your .22 ammo , then I won't use mine up and you won't have to buy me anymore for a day or two...

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