Back to dating. what to do about CCW?


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Bobarino
October 3, 2006, 06:10 PM
well, i just got dumped after seven years together. (the day after my 30th birthday too) reasons are many and unimportant to this discussion but needless to say, it wasn't my choice. i got kicked to the curb like yesterday's trash. after my mourning period, i realized that i'll actually have to go on dates and that type of thing again. i thought i was all done with that nonsense for good. the ex-SO knew i carried and liked the fact. but new girls, well, who know?

i carry where legal to do so so that means if i go into a bar or something i'll have to disarm. i have my doubts that it would go over real well if i say," 'scuse me while i whip this out." and stow in the glove box. or if we find ourselves dancin and she puts her hand on my hip and finds a chunk of metal.

so i'm thinking some options are;

1) take my chances and carry. if she flips, hasta la taco. if not, keeper.

2) leave it at home for the first date and find a way to bring it up casually and express that i enjoy guns and i carry so she's not suprised next time.

3) first date: to the firing range!

4) open to suggestions. got any?

thanks all.

Bobby

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Gus Dddysgrl
October 3, 2006, 06:14 PM
Meet a single girl at the range! Well if you get that lucky, then your problems would be solved. Other than that take her to the range for the first date.

Leigh

Jim Watson
October 3, 2006, 06:14 PM
John Ross would do no 1 or no 3.

Otherwise, what other bad habits are you considering hiding? It will just cause trouble later on.

Zundfolge
October 3, 2006, 06:32 PM
I say #1.

I carry 24/7/365 ... its part of who I am ... love it or leave it.

Good way to weed out the blissninnies.

Squidward
October 3, 2006, 06:37 PM
I see this as an opportunity to see how good your method of ccw is working.

Aside from that, control the date so you do not go anywhere that dictates removal of your handgun.

Geronimo45
October 3, 2006, 06:41 PM
Well... carry on an ankle holster. If you can't carry where you're going, make like you're tying your shoe and shove it under the seat. Heard good things about the Alessi and Null ankle holsters.

nelson133
October 3, 2006, 06:45 PM
If you can't tell her you carry, why are you bothering with her?

Bobarino
October 3, 2006, 07:01 PM
i would certainly make it known at the proper time but i don't want to just go about telling everyone i meet that i carry. i try to keep it on a need-to-know basis. if i go out on just one date with a lady and thats it, she doesn't need to know. i'm trying to avoid the very uncomfortable situation of her discovering it and blerting out something like "OH MY GOD, IS THAT A GUN?" in a crowded and/or quiet setting. i've had that happen before and its most unpleasant.

Bobby

Prince Yamato
October 3, 2006, 07:05 PM
Take the girl to the range. If she can't handle a gun, dump her. If a person couldn't be trusted with a firearm, would you really trust them to be your (future) wife or mother to your children?

Honestly, there's NO reason to be scared of guns. It might not be the first thing you want to come out of your mouth when you meet her:

"Hi I'm Betty!"
"Hi Betty, I own guns and I'm carrying one right now"

But, you wil find that after a short period of time, most people can grow to love guns. I've dumped girls over the firearms issue. "You're going to get rid of the guns once we get married and have children, right?" Hell no, I'm teaching ALL my children to shoot! If on date two or 3, you can explain your position with tact and not sound like a gunshop commando, you should be good to go.

Phenom
October 3, 2006, 07:12 PM
Think Diamonds:D Women have a major thing for diamonds. Just wrap a diamond necklace around each of your guns;)

bpisler
October 3, 2006, 07:16 PM
Be upfront and honest,if they freak out just
move on to the next one.

eastwood44mag
October 3, 2006, 07:16 PM
Find a smaller carry piece.

I can't get a permit, so I carry a can of pepper spray. Not as good, but it never draws attention.

Gord
October 3, 2006, 07:19 PM
#1. Be upfront about it; any potential dates will either respect that CCW is a part of who you are, or they'll flip and you can drop them off and tell them to call you when they calm down.

shermacman
October 3, 2006, 07:19 PM
I was going to write something typically obnoxious:

"I found guns, pepper spray and hand cuffs were very useful when I was trying to get a date..."

But after this last school shooting, congresscritters and other assorted news items I find my heart is not in it.

Bobarino
October 3, 2006, 07:26 PM
Well, i'm not actively looking for a future wife. i'm really not even actively looking for dates right now but sooner or later i'll ask a lady out and like you say, "hi, i'm pacikin'" probably isn't the best ice breaker. even if people like guns, they often can't control their vocal outbursts about them when surprised by their presence in public, such as a hug, or bumping into me etc. i'm just looking for ways to avoid that type of situation for a few dates. if i discover along the way that she's an anti or some such, i'll simply bow out gracefully without her knowing that i had a gun on all the while.

remember that many women may feel very threatened if they discover your gun on a first date and they don't know you or your intentions with said gun. and can you blame them? there are a lot of crazies out there praying on women. the last thing i want is a date that was going swimmingly to end with her planting her hands on my gun durring a goodnight kiss and slam the door in my face and call the cops.

Bobby

Ash
October 3, 2006, 07:31 PM
I doubt I would mention on the first date. She's already learning so much that I wouldn't add that into the mix. Even pro-gun chicks might not be real sure on the first date. They don't know you enough to know that your the kind of guy who should be CCWing or if you're the kind we all see at the gunshows where you think, "Okay, well, THAT guy shouldn't be allowed to own firearms (or breed, for that matter)."

I didn't mention my collection on our first date. I mean, come on, how do you say "Oh, and by the way, I have more than 60 long guns and 20 handguns?" So, after several dates and dinners out, I invited her over to my house. After a fine dinner of, um, I forget, I showed her around the house, and introduced the gun room. By that time, she was comfortable enough with me that the ability to arm a WWII Finnish Company was no biggie. Of course, we had discussed many RKBA issues before then, to weed her out if need be.

Ash

Jorg Nysgerrig
October 3, 2006, 07:36 PM
You need to decide whether accepting guns and CCW from the beginning is a deal-breaker or not. From my experience, there are many more aspect to a relationship than just that. If her current feelings about guns is your number one concern, by all means, get it out there and see what happens. However, I would recommend making a list of what's important to you. How do you feel about looks, career, money habits, religion, lifestyle, kids, politics, goals, etc? This was rhetorical, please don't answer. :)

My wife is from Long Island. Despite the fact I met her in Utah, she had never been around guns and came with the typical east coast anti-gun slant. She didn't know any better. Had I mentioned it on the first date, it probably would have ended there. My brother's wife is the same way. From the east coast (PA) as well, she also didn't understand what was going with all the guns around here. Likewise, had my brother pointed out he carried and enjoyed shooting on the first date, I don't think she would have seen him again.

You might be asking, "So what, Jorg?" Well, here we have two women who were both raised to dislike gun and think that gun control was a good thing. My wife still doesn't like guns. She doesn't enjoy them at all. They don't interest her one bit. But she doesn't mind me having them. My brother has not only taught his wife to shoot and to look into getting a CCW permit, but she's about to go on her first elk hunt.

You may find your dream girl just needs a little nudge in the right direction.

---

I would advise against telling anyone telling anyone you don't know well that you carry a gun. Frankly, there are some crazy people out there, and you might just date one. The last thing you want some girl to declare is that she felt threatened by your gun, especially if she turns out to be of the unstable nature that would try to disrupt your life.

Take your time and see what happens. Go with your gut.

Bobarino
October 3, 2006, 07:43 PM
thanks Ash. thats good stuff. i definately don't look the part of the gunshow commando. picture your typical Seattle urbanite and that's pretty close to me. i am WAY far away from gunshop commando. i really don't even like going to them most of the time and when i do, its just head down, mouth shut, buy what i need and out the door. even though i'd like to stay and browse, after about 15-20 minnutes in most gun stores i want to shove a 12 ga cleaning rod into my ears until my eardrums rupture so i don't have to hear the verbal vomit that runs rampant in most shops. most people that i meet are suprised to learn that i own guns. i'm often told i "don't dook like a gun owner".


i'd really rather not go unarmed. i can count on one hand the days i've gone unarmed in the last 8 years. i'd be more uncomfortable without it than with it.

Bobby

Guns_and_Labs
October 3, 2006, 07:47 PM
I was going to go with #1, but then I put myself in my father role. If some young man came to pick up my daughter for a first date, and was carrying, I'd be a might cautious about said first date. Of course, I'd be hoping my daughter had her own, and was carrying...

mike101
October 3, 2006, 07:48 PM
Not as many women are as freaked out by guns as you might think, but you might not want to carry on your first date. Or carry somewhere where she won't run into it. I wouldn't take her to the range on the first date, either.

At some point in the conversation, she will probably ask about your hobbies and interests. You might list target shooting as one of your passtimes. Observe her reaction. If she doesn't go wide-eyed on you, ask her if she'd like to try her hand at the range, sometime. This way, you're already lining up the second date, and it's not as akward as the usual end of the evening stammering. If she does freak out, and you can't appeal to her sense of reason, don't ask her out again. Plenty of fish in the sea, believe me.

I wouldn't worry too much. You'll do fine. :cool:

Bobarino
October 3, 2006, 07:49 PM
thanks Jorg. i hear what you're sayin'.

as for dads, well, i'm 30. if i date a girl that still lives at home with mom and pop, well, i'd probably go to jail. i think i'll try to stick to women that are out of the nest and on their own. :)

Bobby

Guns_and_Labs
October 3, 2006, 07:55 PM
as for dads, well, i'm 30. if i date a girl that still lives at home with mom and pop, well, i'd probably go to jail. i think i'll try to stick to women that are out of the nest and on their own.

Well, I'm hoping they're out of the nest by then, but you never know. I do know they'll be armed themselves by then, though.

Declaration Day
October 3, 2006, 07:58 PM
Sorry about your break up, sir. I have only two things to add to your thread.

1) Don't look for your next girlfriend in a bar. Bars are sleaze magnets.

2) Don't date any woman who wouldn't allow you to protect her, and your children (in the future of course) to the best of your ability.

sithanas
October 3, 2006, 08:13 PM
Think Diamonds Women have a major thing for diamonds. Just wrap a diamond necklace around each of your guns

When I told my girlfriend that she should get a pistol, her response was "if it's jewel-encrusted and if you clean it for me."

Car Knocker
October 3, 2006, 09:39 PM
Don't date any woman who wouldn't allow you to protect her, and your children (in the future of course) to the best of your ability.

Better yet, date one who's willing to protect you.

doggscube
October 3, 2006, 09:53 PM
A gun-neutral woman can be easily turned into a shooter. An anti is normally a lost cause until someone's breaking one of her windows at 2 AM. :barf:

I'd lean against announcing before date #1 that you carry a gun, just because of the sheeple aspect. My friend has brought two of his friends to the range recently, both were shooters but for them CCW was a foreign concept. (He also once brought his attractive, single sisters. :D ) But I am at a loss for when to bring it up...

-Jeff

carterbeauford
October 3, 2006, 09:57 PM
well, i just got dumped after seven years together. (the day after my 30th birthday too

Sorry to hear that brother. If anything I wish you a belated happy birthday and the best of luck finding a better mate!

My RKBA comes before any woman. If I were dating a new girl I would definitely carry. A first date is not a good excuse to leave your gun at home. Past that, I concur with the rest of mikeburk101's advice. No need to be upfront about it, but if she has a problem with it, then weigh your priorities. If anything maybe you can introduce someone to shooting.

Snap
October 3, 2006, 10:16 PM
Carry on your first date and any other date until you inform her of your hobby and you trust her enough with the information. If you have a good method worked out and are careful about where her hands land, it's surprising how long you can go before a girl notices a 2-pound lump of steel and aluminum on your hip. Think I went a couple of months with a girl before her hand landed on my Beretta during a hug and her curiousity got the better of her. (Yes, to include some close contact, and such is all I'll say as a gentleman.) She knew I owned guns, seeing as I left my carry piece on the kitchen table when she came over one time, and did not freak out, and after that I quit worrying.
Oh, one kinda general tip: hug low, so her hands go over your arms. Many women hug the neck anyway, at least when they're interested in you. Or try to keep your arm over your gun. (P.S. I'm assuming belt or shoulder carry here. Disregard if you've got a pocket holster or something.)

Snap
October 3, 2006, 10:17 PM
Out of curiousity, do you ladies ever have this dilemma? Suppose I've brought the women and guns thing up more than once, but it leaves me curious.

Standing Wolf
October 3, 2006, 10:30 PM
My life is worth defending wherever I am, whoever I may be with. People who don't see it that way don't get to waste my time.

EatBugs
October 4, 2006, 12:25 AM
As far as I know, I haven't been on a date with a guy who CCW. I have been on a few fireing range randevues though.

Alot of your posts sound as if the issue is cut and dry and the woman should instantly be ok with a first date discovery- but for women it is a whole different can of worms.

If on a first date with a guy I don't know
and I accidentally find that the guy carries...
My first reaction would be of fear and/or concern. A thing always niggling in the back of most womans mind is the shame and horror of being raped. and being date raped at gunpoint is not high on my list of things to do that night.

Of all the women I'm close to(aunts, friends, cousins), 60 to 70% have been raped(date,violent, and/or gang raped). At 22 years of age I was nearly date raped but was able to make the guy painfully aware I really meant NO.

But, as I'm not anti and a reasonable person I would allow the guy to explain or reasure all the while scoping my exits and options. If he acts like a jerk about it - date over.

I'm not a high maintenance or snooty gal and will even allow for some foot being put in mouth because, lord knows, I tend to put my foot in my mouth alot.

Exceptions: I would react differently to a guy I knew fairly well before the first date and differently to a guy if I discover the gun or the guy reveals the gun after several dates.

It's all in how you approach or reveal the issue to me. You can talk about guns n stuff on the first date and I will happly join in on the conversation and will even accept an invite to a fireing range 2nd date. Just don't get all Rambo or macho acting - such a turn off.

Otherwise, I really like the combo of men and guns;)

Disclaimer-I do not speak for all women on this forum or in the outside world-

katonk
October 4, 2006, 12:33 AM
I casually ask on the first date how they feel about hunting or guns in general..all of the gals I met so far grew up with dads or brothers who hunted and it hasn't been an issue YET!...I would then go on by stating that I belong to a range and shoot competively and this usually sparks their interest and at that point I would tell them at some point in time we could go shooting...so far so good...maybe I've just been lucky?

tellner
October 4, 2006, 12:48 AM
If I dated I'd need CCW and a Level IV vest when my wife found out about it :p

Geronimo45
October 4, 2006, 12:51 AM
"If I dated I'd need CCW and a Level IV vest when my wife found out about it"
Don't forget to duct-tape a few trauma plates to the back of your head, in case she lays down suppressing fire with .30-06 AP.

As to the thread: If her hands start wandering, I'd probably give her a black eye... you realize how much dry cleaning is on cordurouy? I don't care how happy she is. That cordurouy jacket is a perfect fit, and dirtying it up is a capital offense.
"You've got a gun! Are you trying to rape me?"
"My dear lady, if I was going to rape you I certainly wouldn't've paid for your dinner."

tellner
October 4, 2006, 01:17 AM
Hmm. Cute but not even vaguely accurate. Plenty of rapists buy their victims dinner. They feel they're entitled because they paid for it :fire:

I can understand why a woman, no matter how gun friendly or gun neutral might be a little apprehensive about a guy who brings - and talks about - a gun on an early date. Doing the odds it's much more likely that he's a threat than some putative stranger-danger. This will raise her wariness a notch or two.

Once I got to know women I'd make it known that there were firearms and antique swords around the place. If they were cool with that I'd mention the CCW in passing somewhere down the line. It went both ways. Some were scared off. Some were interested. If it looked like all my favorite concealment systems were likely to be, hmm, compromised by more closer tactile examination I'd just not have the gun with me that day and run the hideous risk of having to rely on a folding knife and my fists for that date. The pistol would show up later.

And if I got attacked on those specific occasions over the few hours that we were spending in public and non-ranged weapons wouldn't do the trick I'd probably have bought a winning lottery ticket the same day. The odds aren't that different :scrutiny:

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll kill every fish in the damned ocean."

or

"Build a man a fire and he's warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life."

justashooter
October 4, 2006, 02:03 AM
seven years is a long time. spend the next few months working on figuring out who you are right now. change the things you don't like, and keep the things you do. relax, and get drunk a few times with the guys at home. watch porn, go fishing, smoke big cigars, and work on your truck. you can't do any of these things when you have a serious woman in your life.

when you get bored with being single, go to night school at the local college. pick a course in conversational french, or anthropology for amatures. join the young republicans club, volunteer at the ymca teaching kids how to swim. avoid women for any purpose other than friendship and cheap dinner dates. sooner than you want, a pretty girl will decide you are the right combination of masculine characteristics to complement her femininity. get the exposure, and they will find you.

date a few women casually, all at the same time. have fun, but make no commitments. date women you know you would not marry or live with. catch a few fish before you keep one. you will get your feet back under before you realise.

don't let any casual date know you have guns in the house. keep the piece under the front seat of the car in a holster on dates that involve dancing. don't discuss your hobby until you have enough time with a woman to know who she is, and who she knows.

keep your buddies close. they will watch your six. they will validate your judgement, and keep your little head from over-ruling your bigger one. relax, and take your time.

mike101
October 4, 2006, 05:22 AM
Just a little clarification. I did say it's OK to carry on the first date if you can carry somewhere where she won't run into your gun (unless you get real lucky:D )
like in an ankle holster. I wouldn't leave it in the car. The odds of your car being stolen are much greater than your needing the gun on your first date.

Kharn
October 4, 2006, 07:56 AM
Dont be like the one guy (Was it here on THR?) that took a lady on a date to see a waterfall, only to have to disarm because of it being a park of some sort. The lady was a little put-off when he threw his CCW into the glovebox with the value-pack of condoms. :uhoh:

Kharn

strambo
October 4, 2006, 08:14 AM
Snap's post was pretty much what I'd say. Carry as normal. Use proper techniques to avoid her noticing...before you feel ready to tell her.

That park story was funny Kharn. In that situation, I'd probably go with "concealed means concealed" and risk the park vs scaring off the girl. Especially if the park prohibition was a "rule" not a "law".

USMC - Retired
October 4, 2006, 08:36 AM
Be carefull you could loose a gun!

When I first met my wife she had never been exposed to guns much and didn't really care one way or another about them. Soon after we started dateing I took her to the local range and we shot a few of my pistols and rifles and she loved it.:) THEN, soon after we were married she declared that MY .380 carry piece was now HERS!!!:what: So, be very carefull, you wouldn't be the first or last guy to loose a gun this way!

MikeB
October 4, 2006, 08:53 AM
I'm going through this and have in the past. I normally pocket carry when on first or even second dates, sometimes ankle, but I usually wear shorts until it get's below 20 degrees or so. I don't announce I'm ccwing. I do make a point to mention collecting "antique" and some other firearms and shooting them is one of my hobbies very soon after meeting the girl in question, sometimes probably usually before the actual first date. If she isn't put off by the hobbie then I carefully let them know after a couple dates that I also sometimes(usually) carry and my collection includes quite a few modern firearms as well as the antiques. You don't ever want to lie, you can couch your conversation in terms that will be percieved as potentially less threatening until there is a level of trust involved.

wuchak
October 4, 2006, 09:08 AM
Get a smartcarry and use that for the dates until you are comfortable telling her that you CCW. With a smartcarry's location there is no way for her to know it's there unless she touches it, and if you are not comfortable enough with her to tell her about your guns she has no business touching you there.

Bobarino
October 4, 2006, 02:16 PM
lots of good advice and nice to hear a lady's perspective too. thanks all. i carry IWB in a CompTac C-tac and its not noticable at all unless i tell someone about it. i already do the hug her waist so she hugs around your neck thing.

seven years is a long time. spend the next few months working on figuring out who you are right now. change the things you don't like, and keep the things you do. relax, and get drunk a few times with the guys at home. watch porn, go fishing, smoke big cigars, and work on your truck. you can't do any of these things when you have a serious woman in your life.

it was a long time. one reason she split is because i already know who i am and she still doesn't. she recently decided she wants kids. up 'til now, we had agreed that we weren't going to have any. (that was the biggy) replace porn with Goodfellas, and truck with motorcycles and that's what i've been doing. even built a nice poker table for guy night. the bad news is, that's what i've been doing for the last 7 years too. i have tons of hobbies and she had none. that was another big problem. but enough about that and back to the topic at hand;

i think i will carry just as i usually do and excercise much caution and awareness on the first few dates. i guess one good thing is that with the advent of internet dating and email and such, these conversations can take place before we even meet in person. i'm pretty timid about the whole internet dating thing though. i still like good old fashioned face to face communications but i suppose i have to adapt with the rest of world.

great advice all. always open for more.

Bobby

sm
October 4, 2006, 02:38 PM
When I am dating a new firearm for consideration for a more lasting relationship as CCW , say a semi-auto, if she don't put out 200 rds without a hiccup , including all magazines, and from prone, sitting, upside down, port up, port down...etc., I quit dating that firearm.

Being a guy and all - I have found this to be whole lot less expensive way to date and easier to figure out the female gender...

EarlofSandwich
October 4, 2006, 02:49 PM
when you get bored with being single, go to night school at the local college. pick a course in conversational french, or anthropology for amatures. join the young republicans club, volunteer at the ymca teaching kids how to swim. avoid women for any purpose other than friendship and cheap dinner dates. sooner than you want, a pretty girl will decide you are the right combination of masculine characteristics to complement her femininity. get the exposure, and they will find you.


Yeah, you have to get out there and just do stuff to possibly meet the right woman.
My luck has been that the women I am interested in aren't interested and the women that are interested in me I don't want anything to do with. :rolleyes:
Oh well, more money in my pocket.

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