What I learned from the Movies and TV

First off I’ll admit to becoming burned out on "action" movies and the like. If that’s your cup of tea I mean no offence, but here are the lessons I have learned from Hollywood.

1. Using the sights is not an approved method. Holding the gun sideways is approved.

2. Your skill level does not come from practice, but is based on the goodness of your intentions. Someone who has never fired a gun before can pick one up and shoot like Annie Oakley if their heart is in the right place.

3. As long as the two main characters are armed, 70 percent of the time the natural progression of a gun fight will lead to a standoff. Both of them will be pointing their guns at each other, often at less than arms length. They will then proceed to have a lengthy discussion on the plot of the movie.

4. If the characters involved in item 3 are in good shape, they will agree to throw their weapons away and start wailing away at each other with their fists. The exceptions are Martial Arts films, where they use their feet as well.

5. When a gun is empty, it will go click click every time the trigger is pulled. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Glock or an AR15, it still goes click.

If you tell me your lessons maybe I won’t have to watch the nest shoot’em up movie.
;)

You must hold the slide lock down on a weapon so it doesn't lock back on an empty magazine.

That way, you can point it at someone, have it go click, then initiate hand-to-hand with the main bad guy in the movie, who will, invariably have equally impressive hand-to-hand combat skills as the hero.

Speaking of ARs going "click", I watched 44 Minutes last night and one of the cops was doing it.

Another thing that really chapped my @$$ was when the cops went to the gun store to "borrow" some weapons and after being shown some options by the store owner, the cop says, "I can't believe people can just buy this stuff." They were looking at AR-15s, CAR-15s, and a Remington 700 "sniper" rifle. :confused:

I knew they would throw in thier little political statement somewhere. Up until then the movie was fairly neutral.

GT

Every time I take someone new to the range, I always preface the trip with a safty course and "If you saw it on TV or in the movies, IT'S WRONG!"

"Now let me show you how it's done"

No complaints so far.

-LeadPumper

Every time I take someone new to the range, I always preface the trip with a safty course and "If you saw it on TV or in the movies, IT'S WRONG!"

That's funny because everytime I take a new shooter out I preface by saying what you are about to learn is going to ruin about 92% of the movies that you see.

What I learned from the movies:

1. If you're the good guy, you never run out of ammo. *

*If you're the good guy and you do happen to run out of ammo, your partner will miraculously appear and shoot the badguy in the nick of time, or you do a slick karate move and knock the gun from the badguy's hand.

2. If you're the good guy, you can nail perfect head shots at moving targets at incredible distances, especially if you're armed with a snubnose revolver.

3. If you're the badguy, not only will you run out of ammo, you will die a horrible gruesome death.*

*If badguy survives, it's only because the good guy has a heart of gold and bringing the badguy to justice is morally better than just plain shootin' the guy for killing his partner, wife, and faithful dog.

4. If you're in a horror movie, never, ever pick up the handy loaded handgun that had been left behind by the cop that was just eaten by the ten-eyed tentacle zenomorph from Mars. Run screaming, and then fall and hurt your ankle. Monster catches up, no matter how slow it is moving.

5. Those evil black-clad ninja guys can duck bullets in slow motion.

Don't forget:

When impacted by anything coming out of a shotgun, the bad guy flys backwards 20 feet through the air.

If you are shooting a 20' long anaconda (from the movie -- Anaconda) with a bolt action rifle, there is no need to use the bolt. You just pull the trigger, 12 consecutive times and it fires every shot!

Simply facinating! I gotta get me one of those... :cuss:

Don't shoot COM at a monster! Never stops them. Never see a head shot on Jason or a vampire. Just useless shots to the chest.

USMC - Jennifer didn't have to worry. The snake never could have swallowed her butt.

I also have learned in several movies that if you drop your gun and then pick it up, it can turn into another gun. I saw a hero drop a revolver and pick up a 380 semi.

That's amazing

If the good guy is wearing a bullet-proof vest, he will ALWAYS get shot in the vest...even if he is hit with a shotgun blast.

*If badguy survives, it's only because the good guy has a heart of gold and bringing the badguy to justice is morally better than just plain shootin' the guy for killing his partner, wife, and faithful dog.

....only in time for the badguy to take advantage of the situation by trying to kill the good guy, whereupon the bad guy dies anyway.

2 1911's have the ability to lift a guy off his feet and propel him throught he air 40 feet. Mags hold approximately 25-30 rounds each.

From the movie: Last Man Standing

Tom Cruise's Beretta 9000 did the same thing in Minority Report. So much for the 9mm being a poor stopper myth! :rolleyes:

Gunshot wounds in the shoulder usually heal in two days with no permanent damage no matter what the good guy is shot with.

If the good guy is wearing a bullet-proof vest, he will ALWAYS get shot in the vest...even if he is hit with a shotgun blast.
Corollary: The Hero's Heroic Aura causes any body armor he wears to roughly quintuple in protective ability. The Hero's armor will always stop any attack with only minor bruising at worst.

The Hero can patch up injuries and extract bullets/pellets/Venusian Burrowing Death Leeches/shrapnel/arrows with improvised materials and without professional medical assistance. The only permanent effects will be Heroic Scars.

Women should stand around screaming instead of helping the Hero when the Bad Guy or Monster attacks.
Corollary: If the Hero's weapon is knocked from his hand or dropped, it will land near the Hero's Love Interest's feet. She must not even contemplate picking it up and attacking the Bad Guy. If she is bound or otherwise immobilized, she must not try to free herself, even to the extent of getting a leg free to kick the Hero's weapon back to him.

All guns may be reloaded instantly whenever you are off camera, even for a split second. Even muzzleloaders.

The hero will suffer only minor intoxication from Truth Serum, no matter how many doses he is given. Under no circumstances will Truth Serum cause the Hero to reveal the Secret.

If the Bad Guy or Monster looks dead, then death must be assumed, regardless of any previous incidents of surviving what should have been fatal wounds. It is not permissible to make sure with additional shots, decapitation, incineration, or explosives.
Corollary: If the Bad Guy or Monster falls from a height and the body is visible, it is forbidden to drop things on the body(such as nearby large rocks) to ensure death.

Some related sites:
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord (http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html)
The Hero, True Love, Sidekick, Innocent Bystander and Evil Henchman guides:
http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/index.htm#SF
the Evil Empress Guide (http://nift.firedrake.org/EEmpress.htm)

A memento given by a lover, such as an amulet, will also stop a 7.62x39 round.

That I never want to be a damsel in distress. Cause then I don't get to shoot all the cool guns. I also would be able to help out the hero and get some credit for being the good shot that I am.

Gus

That I never want to be a damsel in distress. Cause then I don't get to shoot all the cool guns. I also would be able to help out the hero and get some credit for being the good shot that I am.

Women, even amateurs, are at the very high end of the marskmanship and tactics spectrum. Whether innately such as Vasquez or Lara Croft, or amateurs like Ellen Ripley, Princess Leia, whats her name from Resident Evil.

Also, women's body armor usually accentuates their, um, anatomical features.

Skunk-I never said I didn't want to be in the movies I just said I didn't want to be a damsel in distress.

The only reason I wouldn't want to be in the movies would be cause of the .... revealing outfits that look very uncomfortable. Besides with something that fitting it's not easy to carry concealed.

Gus

You can start off firing 7.62x25, but by the time the casings hit the floor, they'll be .223. Check out the Matrix lobby shoot out scene for that one.

You and your partner can go on a kill-crazy rampage if the bad guys threaten you or your family. You don't have to follow department policies, and search warrants, what are those? The law doesn't require you to actually make any arrests, and it's ok to kill all of your suspects, or they might show up in the sequel. (Lethal Weapon movies)

If the hero gets shot or cut, it's always just a flesh wound, and they are able to carry on fighting, even with the injured limb.

Detectives don't solve crimes, lab technicians do.

It's easy to shoot two pistols at the same time, just use one eye for each gun.

Chris

Every movie gun has a bottomless magazine. It seems they never, ever need to reload.

Do those guns violate the AWB? :p

You can start off firing 7.62x25, but by the time the casings hit the floor, they'll be .223. Check out the Matrix lobby shoot out scene for that one.
isnt the scorpion chambered for .32, not .30?

Your partner will be killed a month before retirement. You will then be placed with either a rookie or a renegade cop of a different race, or a female officer who you will have sex with in less than 90 minutes.

You will probably be dropped from the case, and someone in Internal Affairs is part of the crime ring.

You will jump from rooftop to rooftop and dangle for dear life at least once, then jump either through a window or onto the hood of a car.

People who shoot two guns at once are definitely way cooler than people who can only shoot one.....
if they can't hit anything shooting akimbo then you wonder why they are doing it
if they can hit everything akimbo you shake your head and wonder why can't I do that?
BSR

You can start off firing 7.62x25, but by the time the casings hit the floor, they'll be .223. Check out the Matrix lobby shoot out scene for that one.
Neo was using his power as "The One" to do that. No, really. ;)
...you are all getting sleepy... it was not a continuity error... return to your normal lives... forget... forget...

Anything that is too large to go up a nostril may be used as concealment in movies/TV.
Anything that in reality would provide concealment = cover in movies/TV.
Cover = invulnerability to any attack short of anti-tank rockets.

Most revolvers have safeties.
You can "fan" a double-action revolver.
Semiautos without external hammers may still be cocked(the police w/ Glocks vs. Trinity scene from the start of The Matrix).

Bad guy explosives cause smoke and sartorial damage such as shredded clothing(think of cartoon explosives).

Good guy explosives nuke whatever/whoever the Hero wants to destroy and leave everything/everyone else in the vicinity unharmed.

You can fight in a prolonged gun battle with lots of explosions without bothering to use hearing protection, and still hear a normal conversation(or a Bad Guy sneaking up behind you) immediately afterward.

Shooting a vehicle almost anywhere will make it catch fire and/or blow up.

Women must wear tight revealing clothing and impractical shoes that interfere with running, fighting, tunnel-crawling, climbing, or other athletics. This rule applies even if they know ahead of time that such activities are likely. No matter how durable the clothing is, it must get torn in such a way as to make it more revealing.

A Hero who takes his shirt off becomes harder to hit.

Rural people are inbred, gun-totin', beer-drinkin', 'baccer-chewin' gap-toothed rednecks who are just itchin' ta kill sumthin'. They often want to capture or kill the Hero. This is usually because they were gullible enough to fall for the frame-up that has forced the Hero to go on the run.

Rural people are all expert marksmen, outdoorsmen, drivers, brawlers, and mechanics. Their simple honesty and decency may seem naive and unsophisticated to City Slickers. They may seem deficient in formal education to the uninitiated, but they have a great deal of Common Sense and Mountain Wisdom that can save the Hero's butt.

Rural LEO's are corrupt and/or dangerously clueless("Yer sayin' that six hikers have disappeared and 'get out in the name of Satan' was painted in blood on a rock near where they were last seen? Prob'ly just teenagers pullin' a prank.").

Rural LEO's are Honest Forthright Cops, and your last hope when the Corrupt Cops/Black Helicopters/Evil Conspirators/Feds Who Mean Well But Who Misinterpreted The Evidence/Men In Black are after you.

The Hero's 9mm can double as an anti-tank weapon.
The Villain's .44 magnum can occasionally cause minor flesh wounds.

Shotgun pellets spread a foot per two feet of travel, allowing entire rooms to be cleared with one shot.
Corollary: The Hero may use low-brass skeet shells, they will transform into magnum armor-piercing heat-seeking 100-pellet 00000 buckshot shells in his shotgun. They will shorten so that he may load three times as many as usual. They will change back when ejected so as not to reveal the secret.

Glock makes a ceramic gun that does not show up on a metal detector.

Suppressors only need to be about 3 inches long and an inch wide, and they can make any gun sound like a kitten's sneeze.

A rifle may be used like a quarterstaff and/or a two-handed sword for an entire fight scene and it will still safely, reliably, and accurately fire.

Laser sights allow anyone to achieve sniper-like accuracy.

Gas masks don't interfere with heavy exertion, vision, or shooting.

It is forbidden to use ranged weapons against the Bad Guy who is a demigod in hand-to-hand combat. This applies even if the populace still has guns, bows, slings, javelins, or rocks. It is also forbidden to swarm him under with superior numbers, or to combine the above tactics(e.g. all of the Downtrodden Villagers throw rocks and fishing nets, then follow up with farm implements).
Corollary: If the Bad Guy is an expert pistolero, it is forbidden to snipe from beyond his range or to ambush him.

If someone begins to behave bizarrely, it is forbidden to behave as though you have noticed. It is against The TV and Movie Rules to attempt to determine whether or not he has been possessed, mind-controlled, or replaced by a clone/robot/shapechanger. If you attempt to test anyway, you may not restrain OR DISARM the subject while doing so.

Any semi-automatic firearm may be quickly and easily altered with ordinary hand tools to reliably and safely fire full auto. Gunsmithing skills are not needed.

The hero's CCW's never print, and he has reciprocity in all jurisdictions.

Clint Eastwood gets it.

Elmer, there were way too many good ones in that to single out! Great post!:D

I can't believe the most important safety technique ever has, so far, been sorely overlooked!


If you are in possesion of a family heirloom or treasured gift which is made of metal (snuff box, etc.), ALWAYS keep said item in your front shirt pocket. On that occasion when a BG scores a body shot, the metal item will attract and stop the bullet, saving your life.

I love in spiderman when the bad guys are robbing the armored car, and right before the hapless guard gets a gat stuck in his face you hear a slide go back, was this what they were thinking?

"Dan, remember, the Glock has no external safety, so pull the slide back to chamber a round right in the guard's face, that will intimidate him into no resistance, and its safer to carry the gun that way"
?

Or perhaps in the bad movie I just watched, City by the Sea, Roberto Dinero takes a police sniper bullet in the arm and shrugs it off like it was .22 short........uuuummm yeah

BSR

To stop a brawl in a saloon you draw your Colt, raise it just above your shoulder and fire off a round.

1)This will instantly stop the fight.
2)This will not kill anyone upstairs.
3)This will not blast the side of your face and eyes with powder.
4)This will not blow out your ear drum.

My two cents...

If good guy, with a 2" revolver, faces 2 or more bad guys armed with automatic weapons, the BGs will fire 2000 rounds and not hit anything, GG makes hits at 200 feet everytime.

The hero can carry an unlimited number of weapons and ammo and not be burdened. Think Arnie in Commando,he carries a pistol, shotgun, Dragunov, M16 and a rocket launcher.
The Hero can kill over a hundred men firing at him with Full auto M16's and suffer only a bullet to the shoulder. Arnie in Commando again.
The Hero can be a tough ex military and CIA Phoenix Force operative and shoot smiley faces on targets, but when he does so he blinks and flinches like a frightened child. Riggs in Lethal Weapon.

The hero can be shot at by eight hundred bad guys with AKs while standing behind a sheet of clear plastic and never be hit. He can also jump between plastic sheets/pillars, dodging more bullets than three oxen could carry and still hit fifty BGs with two bullets.

The hero can then hide behind the plastic sheet/pillar while the BGs keep firing, never moving forward or using covering fire while the others advance. If they do use such tactics the hero can kill every BG as soon as he comes within range even if he happens to be a thousand feet away, under a rock, wearing a ghille uniform and not moving. And did I mention Kevlar is useless again a Beretta?

The more anti gun you are off screen, the more you'll use a gun on screen to save your tail.

8 3/8" 44 Magnums conceal perfectly under a light jacket and are perfectly suited to being fired one handed under high stress situations.

GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY!

Full auto strafing always cuts in a perfectly horizontal line in walls and cars.

Gunshot wounds in the shoulder usually heal in two days with no permanent damage no matter what the good guy is shot with.
Two days? The hero can climb mountains immediately after being wounded!
Unless I missed it, everyone's missed the most important movie rule:
Never carry you semi-auto with a round in the chamber. Wait until danger is imminent then rack the slide. Rack the slide again every time you enter another room. Shoot bad guys then rack the slide again just for good measure. This also applies to pump action shotguns.

Anti-gun Hollywood films and their atrocious gun handling skills on screen have hurt the cause of gun safety far more than the vilified "gun lobby".

Hey, you forgot flicking your wrist to either slam open or closed the cylinder on your revolver!

I noticed that even when a semi-automatic pistol is out of ammo, the slide does not lock back...oh yeah, and it still goes "click" too.

Can a .38 special bullet breach an airtank, like in Jaws.

quote:
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Gunshot wounds in the shoulder usually heal in two days with no permanent damage no matter what the good guy is shot with.
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Two days? The hero can climb mountains immediately after being wounded!


Yes, but the wound hasn't healed yet! This is usually done with a bloody bandage wrapped around the wound. Usually the bandage is a piece of the heroine's skirt, transforming it from business length to mini-skirt length and a couple of sizes tighter around her butt.

You will jump from rooftop to rooftop and dangle for dear life at least once, then jump either through a window or onto the hood of a car.

And if you do fall, you will fall five stories into a open dumpster or a slow moving open truck filled with something soft.

Rebeldon, at the end of Jaws, the sheriff shot the air tank with a Garand. Yes, I am a gun geek........

A friend at work loaned me this awful movie called The Transporter. In one scene, the BGs were firing through stone walls with AUGs & other assorted 5.56mm arms and the hero & the female lead had to dodge the bullets. A couple of scenes later, the hero is cornered & holds up the body of a BG in front of him. A miracle happened, the rifles that were shooting through stone walls just minutes before were unable to send a projectile through a human body. :rolleyes:

Another thing I learned in the movies, and just this evening...

A .38 S&W and a 9mm Glock offer ROTTEN stopping power against flying demonds from hell called the Tooth Fairy.

Obviously they should have used .45s. But then the movie would have been over midway through. :)

I noticed a difference in black and white from days of yore vs the new color, high tech stuff.

Jump onto a train: b/w one keeps the gun--color, they always drop it off the side.

b/w reloads --color one can shoot all day without reloading( even revo's)

b/w one shot , one kill, color, spray and pray

b/w people eat, drink--color movies , people go for days without eating and drinking.

b/w people skills, dialog -- color, bling bling, fancy moves , need tactical and cool to make a movie.

b/w historical accounts kept more true, --color, pc and think-police

No wonder kids in respective eras turned out the way they did.

When character has a double action handgun, he must first cock the hammer, even if he is going to climb over a fence in the next few frames, when the possibility of engaging an opponent exists.

Guns have no recoil,and 2 handed shooting is better than one.

b/w people eat, drink--color movies , people go for days without eating and drinking.

Or taking a dump. Ever see Red Dawn? Jeez!

Something I learned from Hong Kong action movies.

If you flick you wrist in a whipping motion while firing a handgun you can give the bullet some extra velocity.

unless I missed someone else listing it.
THE BIGGEST petpieve of mine is the finger in the trigger guard at all times... doesn't matter when or how they nearly always have their finger on the trigger.
Pierce Brosnan was handing his guns right and wrong in Die Another Day.
One moment he would be handling it wrong and the next correctly.
Though I've never really studied any films for it. I'm sure the report sound is wrong in lots of films.
Hollywood bugged the hell out of me when they would do that with motorcycles.
i.e. Fled using the sound of an inline four in parts of the Ducati chase seen BLASPHEMY!!
Oh and him calling the Pirelli Dragons, Ducati dragon tires was just plain stupid.

Screw hollywood. I'm so fed up with them to the point I've seriously considered just boycotting their movies altogether.

One rule of film making is your gun never runs dry unless it is required to enhance the plot, ei. horse chases in western movies, or it is used to put the good guy in peril.

What I learned from the Movies and TV is that "there is no spoon."

1. When gun runs out of ammo, look at gun, then throw gun at bad guy.

I have learned nothing else worth repeating from Hollyweird.:o

"Rebeldon, at the end of Jaws, the sheriff shot the air tank with a Garand. Yes, I am a gun geek........"

Didn't he run out of bullets with the Garand, after missing, and have to finish it off with his .38 special revolver?

No it was the Garand, good shot of it too, Roy Schieders eye right in the peep sight, "smile you SOB"...BOOOM!!!


What I learned from the Movies and TV is that "there is no spoon."

I take it that you are refering to grenades? If so how true!

Also action heros have great dentists and/or the pins are already loose.

all revolvers can have the cylinder spun once they are shut, and it always makes a clicking noise.
All shotguns can make ricochet noises, even on soft targets.

Also, when someone does throw a fragmentation grenade, it explodes into a huge fireball and the hero can stand 5 feet away without taking any shrapnel.

Also, when someone does throw a fragmentation grenade, it explodes into a huge fireball and the hero can stand 5 feet away without taking any shrapnel.

Hero also walks away casually with a tough guy scowl while stuff behind him is blown to bits. Clothing and if applicable, long hair blowing in the wind. Enter tough guy music.

1911's need not be cocked.

You must never have a weapon chambered until you confront the bad guy.

Full automatic is totally controllable one handed.

You can shoot ropes and chains.

You shoot them from your gun? Or you can shoot them with your gun.

Both are possible. :)

A transit cop in union station just arrested a mugged armed with a grenade. The article didn't mention if it was live or a dummy, but the pin was pulled at some point in the confrontation and the officer managed to maintain control of the grenade until he was assissted restraining the assailant. The reported in the paper openly expressed suprise that the grenade didn't go off. Check todays Washington Post metro section.

Also note that in the movies no matter what happens only frail heroines faint, and no matter how big nad scary the threat is nobody ever has a potty accident.

saw a movie called Lockdown this morning. The guards shoot the badguy in the back the bullet passes through him and doesn't staike his buddy staning three feet in front of him

swinging an automatic weapon around in front of a group of people will kill them all

Going over cliffs makes vehicles explode before they hit the ground.

If you are driving a truck or bus and are being chased by a sports car, you must try to outrun or outmaneuver it. You are not allowed to let it get behind you and then slam on the brakes, or to otherwise exploit your vehicle's superior mass and durability.

Shotgun pellets spread enough to kill several people with each shot, yet make only one thumb-sized hole if they hit an object.

Shooting a computer's monitor or smashing its keyboard will stop the computer itself.

Night vision goggles have little green lights(red for infrared/thermographic goggles) in front of the lenses that only the audience can see.

Militias are composed of racist, gap-toothed, redneck, camo-wearing, antigovernment, paranoid, drunken, wifebeating, child-abusing, iliiterate, murdering gun nuts who have plenty of illegal full-auto weapons, moonshine, and homemade explosives. They are never patriots, they are only using their "militia" as a front for crime and/or domestic terrorism.

No Law-Abiding Ordinary Average Citizens have CCW's.

Gun stores and pawn shops have secret rooms where they keep the good stuff like machine guns, explosives, and rocket launchers.

Coating bullets with Teflon helps them penetrate body armor.

If you suspect that someone is in league with The Forces of Evil (willingly or unwillingly), they won't be. If you do not suspect, they will be. This is especially true of your new partner or Significant Other.

Plainclothes and undercover LEO's must be truthful if they are asked if they are LEO's.

If you know that the Monster or Crazed Killer is coming, you must not look for or make weapons, gather supplies, prepare traps, or plan. Couples must sneak away to fool around.

When the Monster or Crazed Killer comes, you must split up and run into the woods instead of uniting to fight.

Do not read aloud from the Ultimate Evil Tome of Really Bad Stuff. If you do so anyway, do not record yourself.

Bandages torn from a woman's clothes have ten times the healing power of normal bandages.

All supposed "semi-automatics" in the real world, upon entering the movie world become straight-pull slide actions. They must be racked after every shot, and whenever the opportunity presents itself. These guns will not run out of ammo until GG is just about to off BG, at which point they will both hit empty (with slide forward) and proceed to have a dramatic hand-to-hand fight. Also, these guns are capable of firing even when the slide is locked back and apparently empty.

tremors the moves and the series weir the most gun accurate
in the first move Burt has a M-16/M-4 and i counted the rounds he shots 30 rnds and then hey runs out and grabs the elephant gun and blasts away

- Bad guy cars are packed with TNT and will explode randomly.
- Good guy cars will always flip over and allow the hero to crawl out through a window.

- When guns jam they become completely inoperable and the hero must resort to kicking enemies in the head.

- Dropping a gun will cause it to fire repeatedly, killing all bad guys in the room.

- Firing a gun while inside the trunk of a car will not impare your hearing.

- Snipers are always in the bell tower. Always.

- Being shot in the arm doesnt impare your ability to fight. In fact, it doesnt even hurt, so instead of armor just use your arm to stop bullets.

- The Big Bad Guy is always well dressed. The hero always wears a bloody undershirt.

Where do you think the word 'arm'or comes from, Camel? :D