Define 'Mall Ninja'


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Belgiboy
May 12, 2007, 10:07 AM
I wondered if you people would be so kind as to give me your definition of a 'mall ninja'. I have come across that term many times reading threads on THR. I thought at first it was a derogatory term for a mall securityguard or something but i am starting to think there is some different to it. I thought my knowledge of slang was descent for a foreigner but what do you know...hadn't heard that one yet. I could of course google it and come up with a definition that makes perfect sense but i thought it would be so much more fun to have you guys go at it. Help me out will ya? :)

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GhostlyKarliion
May 12, 2007, 10:12 AM
It is hard to define in a sentence, this website should give some clarification.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

axeman_g
May 12, 2007, 10:12 AM
Me...

usp9
May 12, 2007, 10:15 AM
I think of a Mall Ninja as a person with a carry permit who thinks he/she should be armed and outfitted like a warrior headed for combat. Carries the 1911 with six mags, a back up .357, tactical folding knife with the word SEAL somewhere on it, MACE, and, oh yes, another gun in the truck. They say OOHRAH alot, wear boots everwhere, and secretly don a beret at home to admire in the mirror. Mine's green of course.:D

(edit) OH jeez, how could I have forgotten the flashlight and cargo pants, necessary to the properly dressed MJ.

vintage68
May 12, 2007, 10:24 AM
A Mall Ninja is somebody who wears WAAAYYYY too much tactical gear. They should just wear a sign around their neck saying "I have a license to carry a concealed weapon".

You can spot a guy like this a mile away. Usually they wear a polo shirt, with a 5.11 tactical vest, 5.11 tactical CARGO pants with a Wilderness belt, and military-style combat boots. They also wear a big TACTICAL watch.

Why anyone would be this obvious is beyond me. The whole point of carrying concealed is to stay under the radar of the bad guys....

KD7ONE
May 12, 2007, 10:47 AM
I always thought this guy was a mall ninja :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk

Belgiboy
May 12, 2007, 11:14 AM
Ghostlykarliion, that is just an awesome piece of literature you put me on. Thank you for that, it made my day

PercyShelley
May 12, 2007, 11:15 AM
That's the antithesis of a mall ninja; mall ninjas rely upon the bullet-resisting properties of multiple inches of adipose tissue.

That guy has legitimate athletic talent, again, proving that he couldn't possibly be a mall ninja.

Does make me wonder though, can you pull back flips when you duct tape on the trauma plates, or would it throw off your center of gravity?

Johnny B
May 12, 2007, 11:36 AM
It is hard to define in a sentence, this website should give some clarification.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Okay, maybe I'm just trying to convince myself of this so that I can feel better, but the archetypal "mall ninjas" documented on that website must have been playing a grand, elaborate joke, right? I just can't see how anyone can say those things and actually expect to be taken seriously.

Teufelhunden
May 12, 2007, 11:37 AM
Usually they wear a polo shirt, with a 5.11 tactical vest, 5.11 tactical CARGO pants with a Wilderness belt

How's a faded non-5.11 polo with loose fit Old Navy Cargoes and Sketchers? I meet some of the physical criteria, but not the brands ;)

-Teuf

texas bulldog
May 12, 2007, 11:38 AM
percy beat me to it...

that dude has mad skills.

Crunker1337
May 12, 2007, 12:44 PM
KD7, my friend used to know the urban ninja. He lives, unfortunately, in Californistan.

Nomad, 2nd
May 12, 2007, 01:09 PM
Meet the original 'Mall NINJA': http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

-I STILL want to talk to the guy who came up with this spoof, and then had the control not to tell everyone after they 'went for the bait':D :D :D

JamisJockey
May 12, 2007, 01:42 PM
A mall ninja is simply a poser.
Someone who wishes they were SWAT or SEELS or something. They aquire all the tactical toys without the knoweldge on how to use them. They opine about how cool it would be to get in a gunfight and kill a bunch of bad guys.

They could be viewed as the Trekkies of the gun world :P

JamisJockey
May 12, 2007, 01:47 PM
I always thought this guy was a mall ninja :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk

Nah, that's freerunning
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_running

cbsbyte
May 12, 2007, 02:51 PM
Actually I really have seen well armed private security officers in Florida. It was at a very well off gated community. I happen to be there for a wedding reception at the club house. This is a community where no house is under a million, and they have water access to the inter coastal. Communities, like this sometimes have special tactical teams who patrol at night. I remember they where monitoring the quests when we where heading to our cars in the parking lot behind the club house. These guys where suited up as SWAT teams, they wore black or dark gray BDUs, they drove black golf carts, they carried AR-15s carbines, shottys and one vehicle had a K9 in the back seat. I was told by a community member that they special order them after their where a rash of forced break ins and robberies. It seem the criminals would climb the tall fences surrounding the area, or take a boat into the canals and breaks into the homes near the water.

Fulcrum of Evil
May 12, 2007, 02:53 PM
Ooh, shiny! It's a shame all the gymnasitcs places I've found around here cater to kids...

Soldier415
May 12, 2007, 02:56 PM
If you have ever been in the Army...think PX Ranger.

The mall ninja is his civilian counterpart :D

rkh
May 12, 2007, 02:58 PM
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e12/Golovko/MallNinja.jpg

Don't forget the boots that climb up walls...

JamisJockey
May 12, 2007, 03:15 PM
Actually I really have seen well armed private security officers in Florida. It was at a very well off gated community. I happen to be there for a wedding reception at the club house. This is a community where no house is under a million, and they have water access to the inter coastal. Communities, like this sometimes have special tactical teams who patrol at night. I remember they where monitoring the quests when we where heading to our cars in the parking lot behind the club house. These guys where suited up as SWAT teams, they wore black or dark gray BDUs, they drove black golf carts, they carried AR-15s carbines, shottys and one vehicle had a K9 in the back seat. I was told by a community member that they special order them after their where a rash of forced break ins and robberies. It seem the criminals would climb the tall fences surrounding the area, or take a boat into the canals and breaks into the homes near the water.

Having all the toys doesn't make one a SWAT member. Just because they have the toys, I doubt I'd trust my life to them for a minute.

ATW525
May 12, 2007, 04:15 PM
If you look up Mall Ninja in the dictionary, you'll find my picture. I have a denim vest that conceals up to eight spare Glock magazines just incase I find myself in a bad neighborhood and need to fend off human wave attacks by violent street gangs. You laugh now, but one day when undead hordes are chowing down on your loved ones and you find you don't even have the ammo left to put them out their misery, I'll be there to say, "I told you so." :p

Clint Westwood
May 12, 2007, 04:29 PM
Thanks for the link Ghost.
KD, that urban ninja dude is just bad a$$, can't be mall ninja.

RNB65
May 12, 2007, 04:33 PM
Don't forget the ceramic armor plates. Just in case the rowdys in the parking lot are packing .308's!!!

:D

Zeke Menuar
May 12, 2007, 04:46 PM
This is what a Mall Ninja reads

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v145/ZekeMenuar1/GearQueer2.jpg

ZM

kingpin008
May 12, 2007, 05:06 PM
Nah, that's freerunning
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_running

Slight correction - That's freekin' AMAZING free running!

Zen21Tao
May 12, 2007, 05:15 PM
As Nomad's link shows, the term "mall ninja" originated as a term to describe the THR poster Gecko45. It all started when Gecko45 posted a thread asking for advice on ways, other than duck taping a 2nd ceramic trauma plate on the back of his vest (which he was currently doing), that he could withstand being shot in the back by 338 Lapua rounds. He explained that he worked security at a local mall and wanted to make sure the vest he wore under his uniform protected him from snipers.

He went on to say that he ran a 3 man tactical special response team at a very large mall and wanted to replace the S&W .38s and Mossberg pump shotguns they had with the following: 3 MP5K-PDW with red-dot sights, 2 G36 rifles using SS109 rounds, 3 Glock practical tacticles in .357 Sig, 1 PSG-1 using Fed Gold Medal .308, 1 Starlight scope for the PSG-1 in case we lose power in the building, 3 Glock 27 backup guns, and 3 Kahr P-9 holdouts. This is where it really began to get fun.

All of Gecko45's postings are worth a read, but here are some of my favorites:
(from http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/)

The SWAT prettyboys were overpowered by the Gap, and we Backup RTF’ers had to resume our roles, and basically put everything five by five. The takedown was actually applied with SW weapons, SW3’s. It happened a while agao, and there is no way you would know what city I am in, so I can reveal these details, lets just say that the Mayor had really deep pockets to keep all of this out of the news. People aren’t so holy and upstanding when you get out your checkbook, they start to “forget” stuff, at least that what I understood happened.

We only patrol the roof, maitenance areas, and parking lots with rifles, MP5’s for if TSHTF indoors, and Glock 30’s on our belts. The MP5 is carried discreetly, under the seats of the electric transportation cart, and we only wear BDU’s. It’s not extreme to be prepared and the merchants don’t mind, it keeps the Neonazi gangs and the Crips out of the mall. We did have a “situation”, but such things are easily disguised as, say an evacuation due to a gas leak at one of the restaurants, and the operation of both sides was so well contained, that they almost got wawy with it, and we just managed to bring it to a halt.This is not a fantasy, it is myjob, and if it is too harsh of a reality for you armchair commandos, then get another beer, and change websites, because this is the real wolrd of CQB. I can hack it, can you, I do not think so, and your attempt to make fun of me is lame and childish.

I tell you that we are undervalued for our beneficial effect on society at large, for the urban and suburban shopping centers see %80 of the armed violence in this nation, and why don’t the cops take care of it, because they are a bunch of wusses, and they are not man enough to put up with the danger and stress. You all who are makeing fun of me have never been threatened by jailed drug dealers, serial killers, and shoplifters, or fired at by high powered rifles so excuse me if I decide to have good weapons to protect and defend myself without all of you makeing fun of my choice, and they way I do my job!

As for the "Ninja" part, he did claim to be a Master of Ninjitsu:
I am not a ninja, merely a student of the art of Ninjitsu, and I prefer not to have status such as “Ninja” laid upon me, for as yet I am unworthy of the title. I will be completing my ninjisu training in a little over 8 months, and then I will be a Master of Ninjitsu, a true “Ninja”. But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training. My weapons skills are the envy of the squad, and I think that with my expertise I ought to be able to choose an effective and reliab;e weapon for CQC and urban combat, whicch is why I chose SW, the MP5’s are junk comparatively.


There is also more about him here.

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=229047&highlight=sebenza

Sean85746
May 12, 2007, 05:40 PM
I tend to group all security guards into the "Mall Ninja" basket. In 12 years in LE, I rarely ran into a so-called "security officer" who wasn't a wannabe of the first order.

Not too awfully long ago, I went into a Circle K convenience store where an armed guard service is used.

The guard was wearing head to toe black and wearing knockoff Oakley sunglasses (at night).

He was carrying a Hi Point 9mm or .40 in a thigh holster made from a $7.00 nylon cheapy and some nylon straps from Wally World.

He also had ELEVEN spare mags, a kubotan, and ASP, a 6-cell mag light, zip ties (NOT actual flex cuffs, but ZIP TIES) and every inch of his belt was inhabited by some piece of so-called tactical gear.

He was my definition of a "Mall Ninja".

I call the members of the other group "Tactical Teddies". These are defined by the wearing of EVERY piece of clothing sold by 5.11. Everything the have MUST have "TACTICAL" printed upon it somewhere.

On the dangerous trek from their cubicle at the insurance office to their "urban assault minivan" they are constantly scanning for hordes of zombies, or their arch-rivals...the "Hell's Accountants" Motorcycle Club" on their outlaw Goldwings, BMW Touring Bikes, or Aspencades.

They keep their Spyderco or CRKT Super Tactical knife in the same hand as their keys in case they have to engage in single combat with a rival from another insuramce firm.

They also have EXTENSIVE training in KravMajitsukido, or whatever martial art they saw on TV or is in fashion THIS WEEK.

They are the "Tactical Teddy".

Plink
May 12, 2007, 05:57 PM
The term Mall Ninja was in use way before any of the online forums opened. I think it originated with the folks who trolled the knife and martial arts shops in the malls, picking up anything that looked "cool" to boost their fantasies of being whoever their latest Hollywood action hero of the day was. I knew a few back then and I know a few of their firearms owning brethren now.

Today they're the ones who buy cheap knockoffs of anything that "looks" tactical. Emphasis on "looks" because "coolness" is very important to them. They don't talk as much about accuracy, reliability or performance nearly as much as they talk about how something looks. Looking "cool" is top priority. They try to come up with tactical outfits and tactical guns, but seem to lack taste and end up with Rooney guns (http://www.thegunzone.com/rooney.html) and goofy looking outfits.

They're pretenders, wannabes and fakes. Armchair commandos as it were. They're easy to sell to. Just use the word tactical a lot and hype the product like those silly "Fang Face" rounds. They're easy to spot online too, because they can't seem to make a firearms post without reference to a movie or mentioning coolness factor or looks. They're especially comical at the range.

Sage of Seattle
May 12, 2007, 06:14 PM
zip ties (NOT actual flex cuffs, but ZIP TIES)

Why are you knockin' the mall ninja like that? He's stealthy, tacticool (my favorite term), AND has fiscal responsibility by taking advantage of his Circle K 10% discount? I bet he has to use the 31" ASP to beat the girls away!

Actually, I knew a bunch like that in my college days that I hung out with while roleplaying every once in a while. They wore the black fatigues, made up pseudo-military ranks they pinned to their chests (the males and females of the group), and generally blurred the line between fantasy and reality pretty good. The best jobs they could get were mall security or movie usher. I think one lucky devil landed a primo job at the local McDonalds.

They had even rented a house as a group to live in because many of their families (sadly enough) didn't want much to do with them. I remember reading a sign posted just inside their doorway saying "No weapons allowed" and listed a bunch of guns and things. My friend and I always laughed at that sign.

Thank God they weren't serious or motivated enough to actually use *real* weapons. Oh, they had the usual assortment of $50 Lord of the Rings knock-off swords and daggers and a huge amount of Lazer Tag guns and similar items, but they were all too fearful of real life to actually own legitimate firearms or other weapons.

They were all generally very nice people, if a tad lonely and I always felt a little sorry for them as they tried valliantly to maintain some level of self-respect.

At any rate, it would be these fellows that I would apply the term "mall ninja" to, if that helps, even after discovering the origin of the term.

MarshallDodge
May 12, 2007, 06:52 PM
I always thought this guy was a mall ninja :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk

Mall Ninja or not, I wish I had half of his physical ability. :cool:

Speer
May 12, 2007, 06:55 PM
But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training.

HA! HA!

jerkyman45
May 12, 2007, 07:26 PM
You Might be a mall ninja if...
You practice the lost art of ninjitsu
Your BDUs can make a tent for a moose
You have more then four flashlights on any firearm
Your Picatinny Rail and accessories outweigh your gun
You require a class 3 full auto to police the local shopping mall
There is more duct tape on your "bullet proof" vest then kevlar

theken206
May 12, 2007, 07:45 PM
I Cant Stop Laughing!!!!!

chihuahuatn
May 12, 2007, 07:51 PM
mall ninja
A term used in forums to mean an unexperienced and enthusiastic weapon(usually a firearm)owner who pretends to be a seasoned operator. The phrase came about as a result of an over the top character in a famous satirical thread.

I am a part time mall ninja and I am currently receiving the escalator assault training.:)

Sage of Seattle
May 12, 2007, 09:49 PM
I am a part time mall ninja and I am currently receiving the escalator assault training.

Pffft. Whimp.

Some of you may know from previous posts that I'm currently in a wheelchair, but I'm certain none of you know how I became injured enough to be in a wheelchair.

Normally, I hold my oath of secrecy very seriously, but in the interests of preventing training accidents to my fellow Law Authorized Mall Enforcement Officers, I shall risk the penalties.

I was covering the [redacted] Mall one evening during hostage rescue training. My unit commander was teaching us how to weave an emergency rapelling rope from old, stale cinema Red Vines when I suddenly realized that I didn't have enough Red Vines to complete my rapelling rope. After quizzing my fellow LAME-O's I was forced to dig through my ALICE gear for something I could use in a pinch. Next to the Twinkies emergency rations I always carried, I found an open box of Twizzlers. Hoping against hope that they were stale enough to support my taught six foot one inch, three hundred pound frame, I feverishly wove them in with the Red Vines.

Alas, I was mistaken. As soon as I launched myself over the second story railing, I heard the thin snap of my rapelling line and plummeted into the T-Mobile cell phone booth below.

So, specificially, I say welcome chihuahuatn to THR, and ALWAYS remember when you're on those escalators, NEVER let go of the handrail as you reach the top!

cheygriz
May 12, 2007, 10:13 PM
Mall ninja=wannabe= Walter Mitty with a "cocked and locked' 1911 knock-off, with a laser on it. A picatinny rail on his hi-Point carbine, and a Wally-World $49.95 "tacticool" scope.

Actually, I guess I consider someone a Mall Ninja, aka "urban commando" if he carries three or four spare magazines for his CCW weapon, AND a BUG.

Of the dozens of retired cops I know, only about half carry a CCW at all, and those that do don't carry spare ammo or a BUG.

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