2004 Assault Vehicle Control Act


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braindead0
June 23, 2003, 11:41 AM
Due to the increase in vehicle related violent crimes in recent years, today Congress passed the "2004 Assault Vehicle Control Act", which according to supporters will save tens of thousands of lives each year. Booby Hoover (Citizens Against Vehicle Violence) stated, "It's for the Children, nobody needs a high speed assault vehicle with a high capacity gas tank, and automatic transmissions require years of training to operate safely".

According to sources, vehicle crime accounts for the vast majority of deaths in the United States, if we can save just one life by doing this it will be worth it.

The act places several restrictions on vehicles, and requires that all vehicles that fail to meet these requirements (as of today) must be turned in to your local Police Department.

1) 1000 pound weight limit. Any vehicle over this weight is considered a dangerous weapon.
2) 2 occupant limit. Allowing more than 2 people in a single vehicle is the #1 cause of drive by shootings, as you must have a driver and a lookout there will be nobody left to shoot the weapon.
4) Automatic transmissions are illegal for private use. An automatic transmission allows the user to change gears without thinking about it. This leaves one hand free to wield a baseball bat on innocent mailboxes. One press of the gas pedal is all it takes. This is ridiculous.. Nobody needs that!
5) Gas tank capacity is limited to 2.5 gallons. Anything more is exceedingly dangerous due to fire and explosion potential. Not to mention this limits the ability for criminals to flee the scene of a crime. No more interstate highway chases!
6) All vehicles will be designed to travel at 45mph maximum. Driving any faster increases the kinetic energy of the vehicle to super dangerous proportions. This also allows police officers to easily catch fleeing criminals.

All of the above contain an exemption for Law Enforcement officers as they have the training necessary to operate a high-speed assault vehicles safely.

Penalties for violation of this new law range from 10 years to life.

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TarpleyG
June 23, 2003, 12:04 PM
:D

foghornl
June 23, 2003, 12:04 PM
And, of course, Sen. Ted "Where is my secretary, and my car?" Kennedy is exempt.

braindead0
June 23, 2003, 12:24 PM
Oh yeah, forgot to exempt fat bloated ******* politicos.

Darrin
June 23, 2003, 12:44 PM
I can make you a deal on a pre-ban Camaro! Hi-cap gas tank, auto trans, and seating for four! A steal at $50,000*!! Act now, this thing won't last long!!



*$65,000 at car shows

Kobun
June 23, 2003, 01:02 PM
We should find the money to run this as an ad in the major newspapers.
It would be worth it just to get the reactions of the sheeple. :)

benEzra
June 23, 2003, 07:36 PM
"BAN RACE CARS TO PROTECT THE PUBLIC"

A "high speed crime escape vehicle" is defined as any motor vehicle with any two of the following high speed features:

--spoiler that "protrudes conspicuously" above the rear deck lid
--air dam
--speedometer capable of registering over 85 mph
--engine with more than two valves per cylinder
--blackout paint job
--rear tires more than eight inches wide
--"Sport Compact Car" front license plate

Banned by name are any of the following vehicles:
BMW (all models)
Porsche (all models)
Ferrari (all models)
Lamborghin (all models)
Volvo (all turbo models)
Mitsubishi (all models using Lancer platform)
Any car that appeared in "The Fast and the Furious"
Any car that Charles Schumer thinks looks fast
Trabant

"I'm tired of nine-year-olds running down seven-year-olds with NASCAR stockers." --Bill Clinton

"Nobody needs a Ferrari or Lamborghini to go to the grocery store. No honest driver needs more horsepower than a Toyota Prius." --Charles Schumer

WingZero
June 23, 2003, 07:50 PM
Does this mean that the DMV is coming to confiscate my Lancer Evo VII?
Or can I keep it as a "pre-ban"?
:D

keyhole
June 23, 2003, 08:03 PM
:p

I can see this going off topic,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,getting locked........................great thought though.




:evil:

FPrice
June 23, 2003, 08:14 PM
"Due to the increase in vehicle related violent crimes in recent years, today Congress passed the "2004 Assault Vehicle Control Act""

This is NOT far from the truth. Many enviro-wackos already want to outlaw SUVs.

Jesse H
June 23, 2003, 08:19 PM
Cool, I'll be able to sell my preban cars for a pretty penny.

BallisticTip
June 23, 2003, 08:37 PM
Only preban, SUVs. non 4X4's will be allowed !

Combat-wombat
June 23, 2003, 08:44 PM
This is not off topic, just needs to get moved to L&P. Here's a funny thread from TFL. http://www.thefiringline.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=134588&highlight=Ban+Chevys Same idea.

TechBrute
June 23, 2003, 09:40 PM
They can take the keys to my twin-turbo RX-7 or my bulletproof suburban FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!

FPrice
June 24, 2003, 08:04 PM
As i see it, the relationship between this topic and firearms is that many of the same people seem to deprive us of BOTH. These people know more than anything else what is good for all of us and are willing to force their viewpoint upon us regardless of logic or freedom of choice or any other philosophy which this country was built upon.

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