ccw and dating question


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Ermac
August 7, 2007, 10:34 PM
I have a date this friday...I met this girl through and friend and we've been talking and finally decided to go out together. She knows that my primary hobby is guns, but she doesn't know that I CCW. Really, the only people know that I CCW are my parents and my best friend.

We are going country line dancing...I carry my P7 in a in-waist-band holster. I carry everywhere (where legal) and I am just a little worried her finding out.

How would any of you respond?
Any tips?

Only thing I know of her is that she has no problems with guns.

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Kacerdias
August 7, 2007, 10:42 PM
If you really like this girl then you owe it to her to be honest. You can breach the subject subtly in conversation to gauge her reaction. If you're going to be spending a lot of time with her, how long do you think it's going to be a secret? Who knows? She may end up being your next shooting buddy. :D

Oleg Volk
August 7, 2007, 10:45 PM
Better that she (and you) find out early. My policy has been to answer the questions directly and to treat the sidearm as normal part of the dress.

So far, none of my dates ever objected and only one showed much interest. At least one was also carrying a sidearm (a .40 to my 9x19).

NAK
August 7, 2007, 10:46 PM
I do not try to change others and I expect them to extend the same courtesy to me. That said, I am not a big fan of trying to be something you are not during a first/early dates. Be who you are...I believe that everyone wins that way. If it does not bother her, GREAT. If she cannot deal with it, isn't it better to find that out early instead of after things get way more complicated?

.cheese.
August 7, 2007, 10:49 PM
I've dealt with this.

On one hand, if she finds out later she'll realize she didn't know until then even though you were doing it - creates what feels to her like a trust problem.

On the other, concealed is concealed and she doesn't need to know from that standpoint.

The bottom line is that if she knows you well enough, if she finds out it shouldn't be a problem. It's who you are, and she isn't going to change that.

Carry. At some point if she finds out, be honest. If she's ok with it, then you know you have solid trust with her. If she doesn't like it, you'll have to make a decision unfortunately, unless you're willing to not carry with her around. If she doesn't figure it out on her own, you can at some point drop a hint - doesn't need to be, "HEY, DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A GUN!?" - just something subtle, so if nothing else, later on, she can never say you never told her.

She will eventually need to know. When to be sure she is aware of it is up to you. In my opinion, so long as you don't lie about it if she asks, and drop a hint so she can't claim you never told her, it can wait a while. Maybe 2nd or 3rd date before you outright make sure she's aware of it.

brighamr
August 7, 2007, 10:51 PM
On a first date, and dancing no less, I say carry but either:

a) leave it in the car
b) carry a pocket knife instead
c) ask her to carry it in her purse (read the note below about breaking the subject)

The concern here isn't that she'll find out, it's that the gun will fall out while you are dancing. That is never a good thing.

As for her knowing that you carry, the post by Kacerdias is a good idea. Another would be watching the news with her for a second sometime before the date. After watching the news, turn to her and say "all those rapes/murders/thefts gang violence/disasters we just saw make me want to be prepared at all times. that's why I personally carry a firearm. If a gang/murderer/etc confronts me, I want to make sure I can take care of myself and those I care for" then give her an embarressed look, letting the last phrase sink in.

This worked for me with the girl who is now my wife :-)

Ermac
August 7, 2007, 11:27 PM
thanks guys...I think I will carry like normal and just be normal about it. if she asks, I will just tell her. she seems like a reasonable girl (and verified by numerous people).

wish me luck with the date!

crew590
August 7, 2007, 11:34 PM
I'll agree with the others. Just act normal. She'll accept the fact that you carry or she won't.

Best of luck on the date. :)

Jay

Mortech
August 7, 2007, 11:39 PM
Also if your really lucky , you'll find a woman that shoots better than you .

JKimball
August 7, 2007, 11:55 PM
If you have a good time, you could invite her to go shooting with you on your next date. That'll make it easy to talk about it. Have fun!

RubenZ
August 8, 2007, 12:12 AM
c) ask her to carry it in her purse (read the note below about breaking the subject)

Not the best of ideas if she doesn't have a CHL.

Prince Yamato
August 8, 2007, 12:16 AM
Just think nothing of it and if it comes up, act very matter of fact. It's not a big deal and if she makes it one, act sad and say and go Beaver Cleaver: "Gosh, I really never thought that protecting myself or you was such a big deal. You know, I kinda worry what would happen if we were mugged by a group of guys." You'll get sympathy points.

b) carry a pocket knife instead
c) ask her to carry it in her purse (read the note below about breaking the subject)

Those two options are guaranteed to NOT get you a second date. I could also guarantee that most modern women would equate knife-carry on a first date with potential rapist.

jeepmor
August 8, 2007, 12:32 AM
Be who you are, if she can't handle that, well, be who you are anyway. A good match is out there. She already knows you like guns, CCW is not a real stretch from there for most folks. She may or may not agree with it, but it should not be a surprise to her none the less. Unless she's real liberal, which I doubt. You stated linedancing, IME, girls that line dance are country at heart, and country girls understand guns and RKBA better than liberal patchoulli packing hippie types. Although, both of them have their benefits. ;)

51Cards
August 8, 2007, 12:51 AM
Since I was a kid, carrying a pocket knife was "weird" to a lot of people. Not a MondoCombatSaber, but a 3-blade stockman, or maybe a little lockblade. Everyone got used to it, a few even picked up the habit: great to have in case you need it.

Now ... well, I guess it's the same thing. Great to have, in case you need it. The pocket knife is more versatile.

It shouldn't be a big deal. Relax. If it's an issue, take her to the range. I've never met anyone who didn't get into it once they had some experience.

But --- line dancing/CCW? How about IWB, with a belt about 2 inches short? :D

kd7nqb
August 8, 2007, 03:58 AM
YOUR MISSING AN OPPORTUNITY. Now you have a reason to buy a P3AT for pocket carry. As your "line dancing gun" Otherwise just be honest with her.

zoom6zoom
August 8, 2007, 05:37 AM
My last girlfriend didn't have any problem with my guns. It was the country music...

kellyj00
August 8, 2007, 09:06 AM
my experience....chicks don't dig guys who talk about guns, but they don't mind guys who know about guns. which translates into the CCW argument...
chicks don't dig guys who always talk about their RKBA, but they don't mind a guy who stands up for his rights.

make the conversation about her and she'll like you even if you're a total jerk. It worked for me for years. Unfortunately, I'm getting married in October so the thrill of dating is gone. I got my CCW the same day as I got her an engagement ring ($1500!) so we went out on the town with new jewelry for both of us that night....of course my XD 9 was less than a third of the cost of the ring.... she has since taken that pistol as her own (and i'm free to use it whenever as long as I ask), and I'm back to my trusty old 1911.

CajunBass
August 8, 2007, 10:09 AM
If you're carrying legally what's the worst that could happen if she finds out? She'll get mad and go home? So be it. Need cab fare?

tydephan
August 8, 2007, 10:19 AM
thanks guys...I think I will carry like normal and just be normal about it. if she asks, I will just tell her. she seems like a reasonable girl (and verified by numerous people).

wish me luck with the date!

Personally, I would be very upfront with her about it. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of, so why try to hide it.

Explain to her in a very reasonable tone why you carry. We all have our reasons. I carry because I want all reasonable means of defending not only myself, but also my family, if the need ever arises.

If you put her under the umbrella, she will be more understanding.

But more importantly, this is an issue of trust. If she finds out and you haven't told her, then the trust-o-meter drops. If you tell her upfront, whether she likes it or dislikes it, she will at least see that you are honest with her.

Whether she likes it or not, you have learned something else very important about her.

Oh...and good luck, my friend!

2400
August 8, 2007, 10:37 AM
On a first date, and dancing no less, I say carry but either:

a) leave it in the car
b) carry a pocket knife instead
c) ask her to carry it in her purse

Why would you ask someone that may or may not have a CWP to carry YOUR gun for you? If you're on the floor dancing, who's watching the purse with YOUR gun in it? On a first date not only does she not know you, you don't know her.

ArfinGreebly
August 8, 2007, 11:31 AM
She: "Do you carry that all the time?"

You: "Well, no. This one is for special occasions. Normally, I carry a Glock/1911/S&W . . . why? Does it make me look fat?"

Jorg Nysgerrig
August 8, 2007, 11:40 AM
You know, I'd not worry about it for now. While many here will disagree with me, a mutual enthusiasm for guns really isn't the be all and end all for a relationship. Keep it quiet, go on a few dates, and see if she is someone you are really interested in. If so, then bring it up later.

If you've managed to keep it your CCWness known to only few people, there's no reason to blab about it on the first date. Take it easy and see what happens. You might find she has an annoying laugh, a terrible sense of humor, cries rivers at the thought of ex-boyfriends, doesn't bathe, or is a furry. If this is the case, there's no need to even broach the subject.

tydephan
August 8, 2007, 12:04 PM
All around good points Jorg.

But it will be an issue at some point. IMO, it will be a bigger issue if she discovers that he has not told her. Again, just my opinion.

Btw...
You might find she has an annoying laugh, a terrible sense of humor, cries rivers at the thought of ex-boyfriends, doesn't bathe, or is a furry.

Is that supposed to be fury? Or are you saying if she's furry?

Either way...I suppose. :D:neener:

jlbraun
August 8, 2007, 12:12 PM
Furries defined:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furry_fandom

Gunbabe
August 8, 2007, 12:18 PM
I think if carrying a gun is that important to you you should be upfront and honest about it if you want her to be a serious part of your life too. If she can't accept it then at least you know right from the start. I've heard of ppl dancing and their gun coming off. Personally if they were holstered correctly I don't see how but that would sure be an ice breaker. Good luck!

tydephan
August 8, 2007, 12:29 PM
Furries defined:

Thanks JL.

I learn something new every day.

arthurcw
August 8, 2007, 12:32 PM
I don't think it’s first date conversation. If she notices, then you treat is a no big deal sort of thing.

"Is that a gun!?"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm usually a lot better at keeping it concealed. I guess you are having an affect on me. Can't seem concentrate on the little things right now."

Then if she keeps going with the “Why's” and “Where fore’s”, you can give all the standard answers:

"I want to be able to protect myself and people I care about."
"Been doing it for years."
"It's like car insurance."
blah blah blah.

But you have too much to try and get to know to make that a first date issue.

After a couple of dates, if it looks promising, and if she hasn't noticed then you can say, "You know, I'm really feeling something for you. I just realized you may freak if you she something out of context and I don’t want you to get startled. I just wanted to let you know I have a CCW permit. So if you see my gun I don't want you to think I'm some kind of weirdo or I'm going to try something."

If she’s asks, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner!” You can reply, “Well, it’s a private thing and I don’t just tell anyone. But I’m feeling an attraction to you so I wanted to let you a little further in.” If she bolts after that, you are better off. If she is not a hoplophobe, she should at least see your side. If she can’t see your side, you are better off and only lost a couple of dates. Just consider it range time well spent.

But what do I know. I'm married 7 years to a woman who has laid claim to over half the safe. My powers over the opposite sex have diminished over the years.

35Rem
August 8, 2007, 12:36 PM
No one has brought up the obvious...

When she asks, "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Answer: "Yes.":D

arthurcw
August 8, 2007, 12:39 PM
Furries defined:

And you thought bringing up CCW was a risk?

"Hi! Good to finally sit with you alone. Oh, BTW, you are probably wondering about "the tail"? Yeah. Well I'm a Furry. I usually keep it concealed but I wanted to be upfront about it. Where are you going?"

poor_richard
August 8, 2007, 03:38 PM
I agree with aurthercw that it isn’t a first date conversation. CCW is a very personal thing, and talking about it with a perspective mate is along the lines of discussing politics, religion, how many babies you want her to have, and marriage. Knowledge of all are important to a life long relationship, but are a little too intense for a first date. I find it interesting that a board that usually garners comments like “concealed is concealed”, is seeing advice that informing someone who is little more than a brief acquaintance about your carry habits is advisable.

I suspect this topic will fall along the lines of the question of whether you should tell someone you are CCW just because you are in their home. Some will agree, and some will disagree. I think it depends on the individuals involved. IOW, it’s your decision as you will be the one affected by the consequences of it.


I would say don’t bring it up, and don’t be too eager to “show your hand” so to speak. If the conversation somehow turns to the topic, don’t readily volunteer the info (probably best to keep the convo away from the topic), but if directly asked, treat it in a nonchalant manner, but not so much that you appear irresponsible. If she finds out later and feels betrayed, that is something you have to decide how you will handle. I personally don’t think the decision to CCW is something that warrants such emotion (I actually see it as a decision to take responsibility for one‘s own security), and have reservations about people who place such emotions on it. I believe that people who see it as a positive thing wouldn’t make such a big deal about it.

There are pros and cons to both sides of the argument of if you should tell someone you CCW. Both exhibit good points and bad points. Ultimately, you have to be confident with which side of the fence you sit upon.

Ala Dan
August 8, 2007, 03:44 PM
First, after making sure your weapon is VERY SECURE; be perfectly honest
with her, as she has the right to know. I believe that being honest will make
the date go very smoothly; and it might even present us with another hand
gunner, and possible THR member~! :scrutiny:;):D

jlbraun
August 8, 2007, 09:51 PM
@tydephan

Yeah, but there's some things that you don't want to know.

tydephan
August 8, 2007, 09:55 PM
@tydephan

Yeah, but there's some things that you don't want to know.

No doubt. Notice...I didn't ask any more questions. :D:p:neener:

czbegenner
August 9, 2007, 02:12 AM
We just got finished helping someone else , well you have better let her know
now (be honest) and see what she thinks about this situation.That way you
will know either she's a keeper or you keep looking and end this now.Dont want to fall for her and then have to choose girl or Guns??? (Hum we been down this road before,)

Autolycus
August 9, 2007, 02:53 AM
Wait a few dates and take her to a shooting range. See how she feels then.

armedandsafe
August 9, 2007, 12:31 PM
One of the reasons I enjoy this forum so much is that most of you agree with my opinions. :D

Do you care enough for this girl to be willing to come to her defense if necessary? Yes? Then carry.

Do you have enough self-respect to protect yourself in any and all venues? Yes? Then carry.

'Nuff said (IMO. :neener:)

Pops

tydephan
August 9, 2007, 12:33 PM
I have a date this friday

Keep us posted on how it goes. If you do breach the subject, I'm interested in her response and whether this turns into another "happily ever after."

:D

Good luck.

stevelyn
August 9, 2007, 12:38 PM
Be true to yourself first. If carrying and armed SD is part of who and what you are then you need to get it out in the open early......like the second date if she seems she can be trusted with the info. But don't forego carrying on the first date.

Don't change who or what you are in hopes trying to impress her now and deciding to visit the issue later.

Joey_the_Wolf
August 9, 2007, 01:16 PM
Well, personally, I'm only 21 so I don't have THAT many years of dealing with the fairer sex (I only started noticing girls when I was like 10-11 or so), but so far here's what I've learned. They seem to value honesty. So my advice is to be open and upfront about it. Think about it this way, you are dating someone because you like them, and potentially, that person may very well end up being the person you might spend the rest of your life with, so my theory is to be open and honest about things from the beginning, that way if it's not going to work out, it happens sooner rather than later before anyone gets too attached.

As far as girls and guns go, surprisingly, I've noticed that many females do in fact have an interest in guns, or can easily be "converted" to at least tolerating guns if you present them with logical facts in a clear, intelligent, non patronizing manner. A few examples. A few years ago, before I could even legally buy my own guns, or even had any guns, I was already very pro 2nd. I was about 16 and I my cousin who was 17 at the time was a card carrying NYU liberal. She still is, but thanks to talking to me alot, she sees why people own guns, and generally doesn't have a problem with them at all.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago. My ex fiancee (long story) was surprisingly VERY pro gun, and loved shooting. I was shy about talking to her about firearms at first, but after I learned that she was as big of a gunnie as I was, things went very well, at least in that area of our relationship...

And today, my good friend Kim (who is 20) is showing a very healthy interest in guns. The first time I took her out, was to a shooting range. Both her, AND her friend had a blast that day(pun intended), and she loves going shooting with me. I even talked her into getting a handgun of her own once she turns 21, and yesterday we were talking and one of the first things she asks me is "Hey Joe, when are we going shooting again?" :)

Even my own mom, who was VERY anti gun, now owns her own gun, and loves to go out shooting.
Yep. Truth be told, I've never really run into anyone who is a true anti and is closed minded. All of my friends have shown an interest in shooting when I bring it up, and this to me is encouraging, as most of my friends are in the 17 to 23 year old range (again, I'm just 21), and people of that age are tomorrow's voters/activists.

All one has to do is be open about it, present it as a normal, everyday thing (which it is), and not make a big deal out of it. If you present yourself as a sane, level headed, polite individual (which I am sure you are, just like most of THR members tend to be), then she shouldn't have a problem knowing that you are carrying, and will probably appreciate the fact that you are responsible enough to take charge of your own security, and the security of your loved ones. That's pretty admirable if you ask me.

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