Jerry Springer / WSJ - Dennis Miller - enjoy


July 16, 2003, 05:02 PM
Got this commentary by Dennis Miller from today'S WSJ. Priceless....

July 16, 2003


Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!


Well, Jerry Springer is mulling over a run for the Senate and John Adams is no doubt spinning in his grave so furiously that if we could just hook up a turbine power cable to his headstone we would probably solve all our energy woes.

It's no secret that the gene pool, in addition to being a tad brackish as of late, is also so shallow now there doesn't even need to be a lifeguard on duty. Springer has stood astride that pool like a latter day Colossus Ignoramus of Rhodes for well over a decade now.

Now that's not to say I don't periodically find the "The Jerry Springer Show" intellectually stimulating. Indeed, how many times have I been walking through the parking lot of a laundromat and seen two obese women in halter tops slap fighting and thought, "Wow . . . I wonder what the back story is on that?"

But at this point, Springer would have to hire a team of sherpas to assist him on the long trek back up to the lowest common denominator. As a matter of fact, the last time I was channel surfing and stopped on the Springer show my channel flicker filed a restraining order against me.

The Pied Piper of Bottom Feeders, Ringmaster of the Cirque de Salieri and now he's set his sights on Congress. Just think of it as Mr. Registers-At-Hourly-Rates-Hotels-Under-The-Name Smith Goes To Washington.

Well, one thing's for sure. Capitol Hill hasn't seen bouncers this big since the members of the House were kiting all that bad paper during the banking scandal of '92.

But is Jerry's pluck at the Grail really that aberrant a notion? His talk-show experience will at least allow him to co-mingle easily with his fellow Senators, yet another studio audience of preening narcissists voracious for their 15 minutes but in truth needing an intermission to fill the time.

It's not like I think the Senate is a hallowed chamber where you have to be particularly smart to get in. To me, Congress is just a place where we send ofttimes mediocre men and women to be Earl Scheibed into looking kinda, sorta, vaguely consequential.

There's also a geographical track record to consider here. The good citizens of Ohio in the past have seen fit to elect Jim Traficant to Congress and trust me, Traficant makes Springer look like Hammurabi.

So I'm torn. I can't decide if Springer is underqualified or overqualified. But here's My Final Thought. One thing I do like about Springer is that he always manages to convey that he's a wee bit sheepish about it all. Not sheepish enough to resist cashing the checks mind you, but just enough to let you know that he'd like to settle up his societal karma deficit as he heads into the denouement of what has heretofore been a reasonably idiotic life.

Additionally, maybe if we one day glimpse C-Span and see Jerry Springer actually being sworn into the United States Senate it will shock us -- like Charlton Heston in "Planet of the Apes" looking up and seeing the chimp on top of the pony -- and trigger some much needed electoral reform. Say, an IQ Quizometer on the door of the voting booth where you have to get seven out of 10 current-events questions right before you're allowed in to cast your ballot. All right, settle down liberals. Make that 4 out of 10.

Well, I have to go now. I'm cutting the ribbon this afternoon at the newly erected Morton Downey Jr. Memorial and Secretary of the Interior Wally George is picking me up in 15 minutes. "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

Mr. Miller is a comedian/comedian.

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July 16, 2003, 05:53 PM
:D :D :D

July 16, 2003, 06:38 PM
He paid a hooker w/ a city check...

That may qualify him as a Kennedy...:what:

July 16, 2003, 10:52 PM
Congress looks and acts like the Jerry Springer Show already. Should it not have the proper host as a member?
:D :D :D

July 17, 2003, 10:32 AM
I'm not a fan of Jerry Springer, however , there is this elitist attitude on part of both political parties. Only half of the eligible voters turn out in a national election, and the ruling elite prefer it that way. Even though the parties differ in philosphical ways, and have a polarized constituancy(sp), they are guilty of pandering to these groups in order to keep their positions. They don't care if one half the country does not vote, the disinfranchised folks("riff-raff") may elect a commoner. If he wins, then more power to him. Only my opinion, not trying to make any enemies. Peace,

July 17, 2003, 04:03 PM
Springer is low-rent, but he doesn't qualify as a commoner. IIRC, he attended a top-25 university and law school, not that that means a great deal. Still, he doesn't drive a truck or clean johns for a living, though his job does require him to deal with human garbage.

July 17, 2003, 04:35 PM
Bringing out Monica as a secret admirer while Hitlery is making a speech could be interesting.:evil:

July 17, 2003, 04:54 PM
Dinosaur, you have a sick mind, and I'm ashamed to be associated with you...


... on this board... (snort! chortle! wheeze!)

(Now, where's that tongue-in-cheek smiley when I need it??? :D )

July 17, 2003, 06:07 PM
Bringing out Monica as a secret admirer while Hitlery is making a speech could be interesting. That would be fun to watch!:D

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