Need advice about phone harrassment (long)


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t-money
July 21, 2003, 06:04 PM
Howdy,

Not sure if this is the right area to post this in, I’ll rely on the mod’s discretion. – Also – sorry for the long post.

I need some advice on how to handle a situation that my family is in. Because there are a number of LEO’s here and a bunch of very smart, sane people, I could really use your advice. Let me first give you some history. This whole situation started about Last October. Here is the scoop:

I was away on a week long backpacking trip last October and as I was coming home, I used my cell phone to call my wife and find out how the family was doing in my absence. She said something to the effect of “well, you know how something strange always happens when you are gone” and she proceeded to tell me that she had been receiving harassing phone calls. They started on Friday night about 11:00 pm, and the caller would call and then when my wife (Jen) picked up the phone, they would just sit there on the open line. After she would hang up, the person would call right back and then sit on the line. Jen said some times she could hear the television in the background. She used the *69 feature on the phone to get the number. So she could tell that it was the same number each time (no, it wasn’t blocked). Sometimes, the person would let the whole answering machine play, and then hang up. Then he would call right back. Well, even though we live in Golden, it scared her pretty good. (We also have a 3 year old little boy) .She isn’t real big on firearms, and doesn’t know much about them, but she said that if she had known what to do/where to find/how to load one of them/ she would have had one right by her. – as a side note, Jen is very practical (a structural engineer), and she isn’t prone to get overly excited about something, or too worked up. She finally ended up with one of my mountaineering ice axe’s by her bed.

Well, it didn’t sit too well with me, but by the time I got back, the calling stopped. So we kind of forgot about it, and just chalked it up to some high school kid prank or something. Then one night about 2 weeks later, I came home from work and went directly into the bathroom to work on a plumbing problem that we had and sure enough, we got the phone calls. I mention the bathroom because I was out of sight of any of the window in the kitchen/living room/dining room, etc. When I picked up the phone, I kind of lost it, and told the silent caller that in no uncertain terms that if he continued to harass us, he’d be suffering an acute case of lead poisoning. (I know, very bad, I shouldn’t have fanned the flames, but I’m very much the kind of person that when my family is threatened, I go into cornered animal mode)

That night we called the police. They came over, took a report, and said that they would call this ‘caller’ and tell them to stop. The police asked us if we had any enemies. I said no. I pretty much live peaceably with everyone. I teach Sunday School at Church, I don’t have any shady business practices, nothing like that. Jen is in school to get her masters in education and wants to work with lower income children. So for the most part, we do our best to be good members of society. We guessed that this person got our number from a ‘for rent’ flyer from the front of our house. Our home is a duplex, and we had the front unit for rent and the flyer included our home telephone number. I’m guessing that this person saw my wife outside, saw the flyer, and sort of put 2 and 2 together (just a guess).

All seemed fine until a couple of weeks later when I was out of town for a week long conference. Then the calls started again. We seemed to notice that when I was home, we never got a call. But when it was my wife at home, that’s when the calls were coming in. They eventually got more brazen, and they would happen if I wasn’t home by 5:30-6:00 at night. We called the police again, and they said that they had no record of the incident (even though I was given a case number). Well, with the entire run around, etc, it soon stretched out to February/March (and yes, the calls continued).

Finally, we were told to call the phone company. The phone company started ‘trapping’ this guys phone calls (to us), and they sent him a letter telling him to knock it off. The phone company along with the police gave us his name, and asked us if we had ever heard of the guy (nope). He apparently told the phone company that he thinks his computer is doing the calling and asked the phone company to release our name to him, so he could tell what is happening. I told the phone company that in no uncertain terms were they to release our name to him. It was his problem, not ours. Plus, I work in the computer field. I can tell you one thing for certain: That’s no modem that’s calling us. Even if it was a modem, why is it late at night, usually when I’m not home? He was told that if he called more than 3 times after receiving the letter, he would have his phone disconnected. Well, he called the magic three times, and that was the last we heard of it (this was approximately last April). . . . until last Friday night. 11:30pm. I answered the phone, *69’d it and sure enough. He’s baaaaack. The rule seems to be that when he calls, if I answer, we get one call. If Jen answers, he calls back, then he calls and calls and calls, etc. It’s like he’s trying to scare her. And for the most part, he’s doing a good job. I used to believe that he was watching the house, and maybe he was at the beginning, but now it seems as if he calls, and if he gets me, that’s where the calls end.



Why don’t we change our number? We both sort of think that is like turning up your radio when you have bad engine noise coming from your car. Our number is listed because we often have friends that live out of town and occasionally have to ‘look us up’ get back in touch with us. Plus, it doesn’t change the fact that this guy is out there, doing this sort of thing. I guess I’ll call the phone company and get this started again, but I’d like to hear your ideas. The police can’t really do much. Because my wife is expecting in November, I will be taking no backpacking trips at least until next spring, so I’m around. I just like to bounce this off you guys and see what you think of the situation. I’ll be bouncing back into this forum as much as I can.


Cheers!
Tracy

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Zedicus
July 21, 2003, 06:14 PM
Well, Having various Quallifications in Telecoms systems and Electronic Engeneering, as well as being a total Computer nut I can Say with 100% Certanty that "Computers Cannot Call People!" It is Impossable Unless you Use a Phone dialing Program that Requires the user to physicaly type in the number or select it from a list and click a dial button.

However on the Legal side of thing's I'm Unfortunitly Not the guy to ask...

spacemanspiff
July 21, 2003, 06:16 PM
if they were able to tell you his name, have you tried doing a lookup to get his number, and address? sometimes it is best to have as much information as possible about potential enemies, and as long as phone numbers remain listed and www.anywho.com is up and running, couldnt hurt to cover all your bases.

does your phone company allow that number to be blocked from calling you?

i hope by now your wife is proficient with the home defense weapons? does she carry?

Justin
July 21, 2003, 06:20 PM
You might use one of the reverse phonebooks on the internet to look up his home address and name (if you don't already have it.)
Then go find a lawyer.
The bigger and meaner the better. Have the lawyer send him some sort of official looking document saying you'll sue him for harrassment or some such.
Continue to report it to the cops.
Make a log of every time he calls.
You might also start using an answering machine to screen your calls.
Depending on how open she is to the idea, your wife might want to start carrying and practicing with a handgun.

Powderman
July 21, 2003, 06:26 PM
Don't know about CO State law, but in Washington.....(and it should not be too different there)

1. Since you have the guy's name, subpoena the phone company to get the address.

2. Contact the police for your jurisdiction, and file charges of harassment, and possibly malicious mischief. This is for starters.

3. File for an Order of Protection against the jerk. He contacts you after the Order has been served--bingo, instant felony.

4. If you have friends out of town, and you want to stay in contact with them, do so. BUT CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

5. When the ex parte restraining order expires, you will be required to appear in court to show cause why the temp order of protection should be made permanent. You need to go to court, because you have to talk to the judge. You also need to know what this guy looks like.

6. If you don't already, CCW. Ensure that your wife at least has access to a serviceable firearm with good commercial ammunition. If she does not like to shoot, fine--familiarize her with it. If she balks at it, remind her that you have a child on the way, and that while you are gone she is the last line of defense between whoever, her, and your child.

7. Stay alert, and keep your eyes peeled. If this guy shows his face again, let the police know IMMEDIATELY.

8. Take charge of your own life, and good health to your family. Stay safe.

capnrik
July 21, 2003, 06:26 PM
What's his number?

Baba Louie
July 21, 2003, 06:27 PM
There's the legal "High Road" method and then there's Plan B.

Restraining order. If you know who, phone number and have address, go see a legal beagle and a judge.

Then have Plan B standing by bedstead or one on you (and her???). Have your sweetheart know and be able to execute (poor choice of wording there) her part of Plan B. Specially if a baby is gonna be in the picture. Specially if you're not home sometimes.

Make sure all your goodies are locked safely away anyway.

Make sure that John Law has all this on a piece of paper/computer file down at the local station for proper paper trail...

Change your number please or add a second unlisted line... please. Hook your fax up to the old number, do something with that number.

You don't need the grief and neither does the caller.

Should you confront him again over phone or in person, do not threaten him. Explain the facts of life calmly and without mentioning any use of force.

Oh, yeah, the really good news is...
Congratulations! Dad.
Enjoy your new kid.

Adios

Kamicosmos
July 21, 2003, 06:28 PM
My parents went through this exact problem in the eighty's. My dad was working nights. He would leave work at 11pm. Precisicely at 11:05 the phone would ring, and it was either silence or really disturbing muttering and noises. My mom quit answering the phone, and I don't think she told my dad about it. Anyways, one time my dad got injured or had car trouble or something (i was ten, I don't remember) but he called and called all night, and mom was ignoring the phone since she thought it was the caller. Dad finally arrived along with several police cruisers.

We changed our number to a silent one for several years, while the phone company and police did the same thing about tracing calls to our main number, which the police and phone company held for us. I don't know what happened, but we eventually started using our original number (which my parents had for about 15 years before this, and still have it today, nearly 30 years!!) and have never had a problem since...

I'll ask my mom what all happened and post back.

spacemanspiff
July 21, 2003, 06:48 PM
his name, address and phone number are all free game, right? as long as he is listed? put his number in a personals ad.

:evil:

t-money
July 21, 2003, 06:49 PM
Thanks guys for the response. I do have his name and the street which he lives on and of course, his number. But the police really don't see why we are getting so worked up about this.

It's really tempting to go by his house or see what he is doing, but I'm worried that if he recognizes me (distinct possiblity), that this may escalate the situation. I already messed up by showing my cards when I told him I'll blow his head off if he comes near my family. On a side note, when I told the officer responding what I said, he was kind of like "Well, I sure don't blame you"

What kind of a loser harrasses a Mother with a 2 1/2 year old toddler? That's what blows my mind. The trick is that with a kid who is very energetic, that I can't just stash a loaded pistol on my nightstand. So even that situation gives me trouble. On the up side, we have 2 big labs who don't like people coming to the house late at night.

Thanks for the congrats with the new baby! You guys are the greatest!

BryanP
July 21, 2003, 06:51 PM
Assuming your local telco offers these services I would

a) Turn on the service that won't allow calls that block caller ID to come through.

b) Once you have the phone # have the telco block that # so that it cannot call your home.

Yes, he can go to the trouble of using pay phones & cell phones & such but if you can make it inconvenient for him he may give up.

No, these aren't what I would want to do, (what I'd want to do would land me in jail) but they're simple and practical.

45R
July 21, 2003, 06:52 PM
One of my family members had that problem several years back at there workplace. Some guy kept calling and calling and kept up the phone harassment.

A Police Report was filed with a report from the phone company. Charges were pressed against the guy for harrassment.

Wish that was the same for your case............find a supervisor at that PD station. The phone company has the name of the person. It shouldnt be rocket science for whoever is in charge of your case.

Psssniper
July 21, 2003, 08:31 PM
Keep it legal.

4v50 Gary
July 21, 2003, 08:38 PM
One thing about a restraining order, it tells the person who and where. So, in essence, the perpetrator knows who you and and where you are and your number. Heck, if he only calls when you're out, then he already knows where you are anyway. I'd get the restraining order like BabaLouie suggested. It's free and courtesy of your district attorney.

Now, if it continues and is proven to be the same jerk, then it's a violation of that order (he explains before the court) and grounds for a suit (intentional infliction of emotional distress perhaps besides an invasion of privacy). NB: legal rights, both in criminal & civil courts varies with your state. Check first.

HBK
July 21, 2003, 08:43 PM
You've already been given a lot of good advice on here, and mine would be similar to Powderman's. Especiallly the change your phone number part. I think your wife should DEFINATLEY be schooled in the art of self-defense with a firearm, a training class would be a good idea. As far as leaving a gun in the night stand, I know you can't because of the kids, but there are extremely small gun safes made to hold one pistol, you just work a code on top with your fingers to open it, (makes it easy to do in the dark). I would say get one of those and put it on the nightstand with your chosen weapon cocked and locked.
As far as paying him a visit, if that was happening to me and I had the information you have, if I lived where I grew up and had my buddies around, I would definately be tempted to pay him a visit and maybe give him a blanket party. Alone, I don't know. It seems like asking for trouble in a way. 100 years ago, you could probably have killed the guy for what he's doing, now it would just make you look bad in the eyes of the court. As my favorite principal used to say, "Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig likes it."
Good luck with the situation. The information you posted is quite concerning and you should definately take some of these suggestions to keep your family safe, especially the kids. And the wife. And yourself.

PS-It might be important to remember the role of the police. THey are more responders than preventers. They often arrive after the fact and collect evidence. It's your job to protect yourself and your loved ones, but you probably already know that.

digex
July 21, 2003, 09:00 PM
First of all, Congrats on the new arrival. I'm a lot like you I think, I'm VERY protective of my family. You should definitely follow the advice of Powderman to start with. I wouldn't necessarily confront him about it unless the situation became very serious. This can possible cause legal problems. If it does become so serious that you feel you need to confront him, make sure you don't get in over your head. Your family needs you and you can't help them if some freak smokes you. Be prepared, and always be watchful. I'm not a paranoid freak (although I may sound like one), but when it comes to my family, I'll go to DRASTIC measures to ensure their safety (that's already been proven).
Good luck, and take care.
Tommy

Sylvilagus Aquaticus
July 21, 2003, 09:14 PM
I had a similar problem back in the 80's when some loser kept calling my (now ex) wife when I was away from the house. I installed a recording device to capture the conversation (or sometimes lack of) because in Texas that's legal to do as long as one side of the conversation knows it is being recorded. I managed to intercept a few of his calls because of changes in my work schedule and have a little 'discussion' with the troll about it. The telephone company did get involved, his number was traced- he was calling from his parents' home- and I never did establish how he came to obtain my home phone number as it was both unlisted and unpublished. He seemed to have much more interest in getting my wife on the phone than me, of course. I had a long discussion with a couple of friends of mine who were detectives in our local PD, officially, of course. Got his parent's address, and both they and a good friend who is a Texas Ranger went out to the location and had a long heart to heart with the loser and his elderly parents. Now this Ranger is one who I've seen make grown, strong men cry during an interrogation and I'd have loved to been a fly on the wall during that little chat.

Long story short- it ended up resolving itself to my satisfaction. The troll ended up taking a long walk off a short pier one day during a drinking binge in Oklahoma and discovered he couldn't hold his breath for the 9 hours it took for the rescue squad to fish him out. No more phone calls, no more problems.

Maybe your problem will resolve itself soon.

Regards,
Rabbit.

Waitone
July 21, 2003, 09:21 PM
Sounds like stalking to me.

I'd be leaving a thick paper trail with local LE. I'd be consulting an attorney to see what the law really says, not what LE says it says.

You need to do it by the numbers because you and your family will catch the blowback if something should go wrong.

People who stalk others have deep seated issues that will not go away with a forthright and unambigious discussion.

You gotta nut on your hands. Deal with the situation on the basis of what it is, not what you wish it to be.

Abenaki
July 21, 2003, 09:30 PM
I don't know the laws of the state that you live in.

My wife is a Victims Advocate here in California.
She writes restraining orders and goes to court with victims and things like that.

In California, you can get a restraining order......and since your the victim,
you can have the courts make him pay for it. You can also have his guns taken away. You need to find out your rights in the state that you live in.

You need to get a restraining order
Keep alog book next to the phone and document every phone call.
Get a record from the Phone Company of every call he has made to your house. Document every thing! Even every time you call the law. Also get the name and badge number of the LEO that you deal with.
You need this in case the crap hits the fan.......and you have to use force to defend your family.

Also......stop the talk about doing.....or wanting to do this guy physical harm. You don't want it coming back to harm you incase things get ugly.

Abenaki

RunninBall

Devonai
July 21, 2003, 09:36 PM
I have caller ID, and I never answer the phone for a blocked or unknown caller. Only very occasionally does this cause me to miss a legitimate call, as all my friends and creditors ID's come up on the screen.

I would strongly advise against a personal visit to this guy's house. If something goes terribly wrong, the law won't look favorably on your actions.

Justin
July 21, 2003, 10:03 PM
Folks, let's keep this discussion constrained to the options available to T-money that are legal.:scrutiny:

Sven
July 21, 2003, 10:17 PM
Things that come to mind:

1) get serious about home security, overall
2) get serious about safe CCW around the house (or wife, esp.)
3) have phone company block calls from IT's number
4) have caller ID box block calls from it's number
5) begin journal documenting exact times and dates for everything going on. make sure this is shared, or at least keep a copy at work
6) share information with neighbors, if an appropriate forum is available (ie, homeowners association).

most importantly:

7) Always stay aware of what is going on around you, whenever possible. Condition 'white' is not a luxury you can afford.

Your ability to win a conflict is dependent on your ability to identify a potential situation and be prepared for it. Lt. Col. Jeff Cooper, a noted firearms trainer, modified the military's color code for civilian and law enforcement use. They are:

Condition WHITE: totally unprepared, not aware of surroundings.

If caught in condition WHITE, you will likely be overwhelmed before being able to counter-attack. The only time that an armed person should be in Condition WHITE is when they are asleep.

Condition YELLOW: relaxed awareness, aware of surroundings, but not concentrating on any specific threat. Any armed person should live in Condition YELLOW.

Condition ORANGE: attention is concentrated on a potential threat, based upon instincts and observation- think tactics.

Condition RED: aware of danger, prepare to respond or take evasive action immediately. Here you have a tendency to revert to conditioned response (read: TRAINING)

It has been noted that Condition YELLOW is not paranoia. A person can live their entire life in Condition YELLOW with no ill effects.
-From http://members.aol.com/braxton1/bookpreview.html

Majic
July 21, 2003, 10:25 PM
I can't speak for your state of residence, but here in Virginia you report the issue to the phone company. If it persists then the party will be charged with a misdermeanor. This action is done by the phone company.

BB93YJ
July 21, 2003, 10:39 PM
A good friend of mine is a Private Investigator that I've had a chance to ride with when he was doing surviellance on different people. Real interesting experience.

Why not hire a P.I. to stake out, and trail your tormentor, and have him do it in such a manner as to get noticed. Have him get a few pictures of the creep while he's at it.

Nothing illegal about that. Might spook the pervert, might not. Still, you'd get some pictures to see who/what you're up against. He might get the message and leave you alone.

Couldn't hurt, and might actually help. Like I said, you need to know what he looks like for you and your family's safety.

Congrats on the new addition.

444
July 21, 2003, 11:02 PM
I know this is simplistic and obvious, but I NEVER answer my phone unless the caller ID gives me a name of someone I know. No exceptions. I get a dozen phone calls a day, 10 of them are some useless jerk trying to sell me something. I have no interest in talking to them. My ex-wife was a total slave to the phone. When it rang, she would stop whatever she was doing instantly to answer it. This got on my nerves to no end. How many calls do you get that are truely important ? How many calls do you get that demand your immediate attention and a few seconds delay would make all the difference ?
If it wasn't for the internet (I have no option for any kind of broadband connection in Pahrump), I wouldn't have a landline phone. It is nothing but a source of aggrevation.

swingset
July 21, 2003, 11:33 PM
Edited by moderator; keep it legal folks.

4v50 Gary
July 22, 2003, 01:08 AM
P.I. cost bucks, and a lot of them.

Let the local law handle him first. BTW, it's amazing what you can find if you go to the County Recorder's Office. If you get the critter's name, try to find the high school of graduation and go grab the yearbook. You'll know everybody who knows him. Investigative leads and some may even have kept in touch with him.

larry_minn
July 22, 2003, 01:39 AM
Agree have his number blocked or ask if the phone company can automaticly forward his calls to Police station. :) I got some calls yrs ago so (with permission) set up my phone to forward to non emerg number at local PD. :) I would set it up at night when calls would come.
Push it legally. Encourage your WIFE to complain about the calls. Get the nut job into treatment.

Devonai
July 22, 2003, 03:06 AM
Why not hire a P.I. to stake out, and trail your tormentor, and have him do it in such a manner as to get noticed. Have him get a few pictures of the creep while he's at it.

No serious P.I. would agree to this. It's way too risky and at the very least, you won't make any new friends when the cops show up.

When I worked as a P.I., we would always check in with the local PD. Even though this sicko is breaking the law, he won't hesistate to call the cops on the P.I. In his mind he risks nothing because so far, you haven't been able to get him in much trouble. Besides, if you're being that obvious, the neighbors WILL call the cops. The P.I. ends up in the unenviable position of trying to explain to the local PD why he was intentionally causing trouble in their town. P.I.'s want and need cops as their friends.

Continue to work with law enforcement, as frustrating as it is.

sm
July 22, 2003, 04:44 AM
Don't know about CO. I do know about AR and what I did to stop this very thing happening to a friend of mine.

Contact the Prosecuting Attorney's office. Explain to them the problem. Here you agree to prosecute-no other choice, they are prosecuted. Then a tap is put on phone, also Caller ID is used as evidence. I t doesn't take long to find out whom the caller(s) is/are.

This person I helped was being stalked and her home set up to be robbed. These people that do this are not wired right. Many times its a stranger that has just figured with the looks, money or car-and your followed. Other times its a jilted girl /boyfriend, or ex spouse. Sometimes these people hire people to do this because they themselve have a restraining order against them. RA sometimes just fuel the problem.

She was given a drive by often by LEO's, some marked, some not, Until this guy was caught...took about 4or 5 days. She was then given an Unlisted # at no charge by the phone co. The guy whom was caught didn't fair too well.

He had noticed her jewelry,her mode of dress and car. She is attractive. He became interested in her house and neighborhood --basically greed got in the way of original intent. PA told me "guy wanted to have her , kidnap her in her own house for bit, then steal what he could". Meaning he didn't want a witness afterwards.

How did he find her home-easy. At the car wash, he made a note of her address from vehicle registration. Thankfully she didn't leave house keys on same key ring as vehicle keys. I'd already had that little 'chat' earlier with her.

Be assertive, be polite, see the PA. Didn't cost my friend a dime.

Kharn
July 22, 2003, 06:12 AM
I suggest getting CallerID, telling the phone company to block the number he's always been calling from (it will never ring your phone anymore, he'll just get a busy signal, IIRC; or have it forwarded to the cops) and set your answering machine to pick up after 2 rings with *your voice* (not your wife's) saying 'We're busy chasing the toddler around the house again, we'll call you back ASAP' or something like that. Never put 'We're not home' or such on the answering machine.

If he wanted info about you from the phone company, he's probably not smart enough to use reverse phone directory to find out your name. You might be able to get away with just changing your number and not getting an unlisted one (dont put your home phone number on the rent flyers, put your work phone number or your cellphone and then you deal with the renters), since he might not already know your name.

Kharn

Labinnac
July 22, 2003, 08:37 AM
Considering everything else it sounds like a great time to head to the animal shelter and pick up a cute little puppy. Not something vicious, just something with better hearing than people have.

I know you have one kid and another on the way so maybe a big docile yet protective dog would be a great idea. A golden retriever, lab, etc. Something that would be good around kids.

themic
July 22, 2003, 10:02 AM
advice is simple:

get a pit bull. preferably one with a nice tie, a J.D., and good references.

Bacchus
July 22, 2003, 10:17 AM
I'm with 444. I have caller ID and do not answer the phone if the number doesn't come up on the display or if I don't recognize the name.

Some companies have an anonymous call rejection service which allows you to refuse calls that normally would show up as "anonymous" or "private" on the Caller ID. You might want to check up on that to prevent someone from blocking his/her number.

I assume that you're varying your routine, right?

bogie
July 22, 2003, 10:59 AM
1. Caller ID

2. LOG EVERYTHING

3. Call the cops every time the guy calls. Yeah, you'll be a pain in the ???. So?

4. Call the local prosecutor, and hassle them.

5. If the above authorities don't do anything, call the local newspaper/TV/radio stations - you'll be amazed at how fast folks move then.

6. I sincerely doubt that it'd be illegal to post the loser's phone number all over the internet, where people could dial it at random times using untraceable calling cards...

t-money
July 22, 2003, 11:28 AM
thanks for all of the great advice. I do have two big labs. Of course, their bark is much worse than their bite. My wife tried to talk to those goofballs at Qwest, and they said that unless we release our name/number to the caller (he still insists that it's his computer - yeah, right, telemarketing at 1:30 am, sure) that they can't do anything else. So I called Qwest yesterday, and they said that they would 'trap' the calls, and they also see the phone records where his line was disconnected last April for harrassing us. They said they would kill his line if he called three more times. My response was that we have already been through all of this. So what? Do I just have to plan on going through it every 3-4 months?

Anyhow, I guess wishing this away won't work. Some other things on my mind are:
- I can't take Jen to the firing range to learn how to use a pistol because she is 5 months pregnant. Won't that noise harm the baby? Maybe just dry fire exercises or something. Any advice here is appreciated.
- I guess I will go ahead and change the number. Then if he finds us, I will really know that this is a serious whack job on my hands.
- I'm really trying to stay alert. Yesterday as I left for work, we live right next to a park and I see this kind of nasty looking dude just sitting in his car. So I get to thinking that this my be the guy, and he's waiting for me to leave. So I circle the car aroung the block and just watch him for a few minutes. It was nothing, but I guess you can't blame me for being paranoid.
- My schedule is pretty consistent. Which is a bummer. I go to work at 7:00 and come home at 5:30. I've told Jen to leave all of the doors locked while at home, but it still doen't do much for my peace of mind.
- I will get more diligent and log this stuff when it happens. I've been relying on the police/phone company to cover me (more laziness than naitivity), but as one of you guys put it, the police are mostly there to react.
- I really like the idea of that little pistol safe. I'll look into that. Right now, the pistol (Glock 27) is in the closet, magazine separated from the pistol. This is mostly due to my wife's fear of Caleb (my 3 year old) getting his hands on it. I stated my concerns to her. - For one, what if she is being chased through the house, and has to insert the mag, chamber a round, etc. My second concern is that if there is a break in at night, the sound of a round being chambered just gave away my position. Oh well, I think the safe is the best idea. It seems to solve most of those problems.
- I will certianly keep it legal. As HBK put it, "Never wrestle with a pig" - My big temtpation was just to go see who this guy is - more out of morbid curiosity than 'shoving a pistol in his throat' -


thanks again for all of the great advice, and the concern on your part!

cheers,
Tracy

veloce851
July 22, 2003, 11:49 AM
I think the suggestions to acquire a P.I. are good.
I would consider hiring one for one reason. To have a picture of the perp. You want to know who he is and what he looks like should the situation ever progress to him deciding to make personal contact.

Lots of good advice here, especially the logging of everything and maintaining a consistant communication with your LEOs

I'm a little concerned about you sharing the name of your 3yo on here.
You never know just how much research this nut has done on you.
Of course he is 3 so I doubt he would ever be alone in the yard.

Many of us will be praying for this to come to a peaceful and just end.

BTW congrats on the new addition to the family.

ScottsGT
July 22, 2003, 11:56 AM
We had a similar situation YEARS back. About 20 or 25 years back. We got the number from the operator (before caller ID), looked up the address and found out where they lived. They got our phone number off a for sale by owner sign on a property my parents had for sale, and they lived nearby. Come to find out it was their kid pulling the prank. A short talk to their parents stopped everything.
Have you tried reverse roll on this guy? Call him back the same way and make his life miserable. Nothing threatning, just the same as he does to you.

45R
July 22, 2003, 12:05 PM
- I can't take Jen to the firing range to learn how to use a pistol because she is 5 months pregnant. Won't that noise harm the baby? Maybe just dry fire exercises or something. Any advice here is appreciated.

I am not sure if the noise will hurt the baby...but the airborne lead from shooting will harm the baby. Lead will harm the babies developing nervous system. I would not advise on taking her to the range.

When you are gone maybe have her invite some friends over....

Call in everyonce in a while to check in on her.........


HTHs

bogie
July 22, 2003, 12:42 PM
And if she doesn't have a cell phone, give her one. And have her carry it, to the point where it gets clipped to a towel when she's in the shower.

Work on "insert mag, pull slide" at least 100 times...

t-money
July 22, 2003, 01:05 PM
I called him a few times from my cell phone. Out of the 4 or 5 times I called, it just kept ringing and ringing. But one time he answered, he picked up the phone and it went somthing like this:

him - Hello
me - Who am I speaking to please?
him - Who the &*%$ is this?!!!!!!!!!

hangup. The guy went into rage mode in about 1.2 seconds.

Glockster35
July 22, 2003, 01:29 PM
T-Money,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I have been the victim of prank calls and harassing calls before. I solved it by buying a very loud whistle, and blowing it into the phone everytime they called. I kept one by each of the phones. Worked wonders for me!

Other than that I would probably take a day or two off, and go near his house and see what he's all about. Don't make contact, simply watch and see what you can. If you haven't done so already, get your CCW and carry at all times just in case. Base any further actions off what you see...

I would also try to make contact with the Chief of Police or County Sherrif, and see if they might be able to resolve the departments in-ability to help you out. I think it is bogus.

I do know that shooting while pregnant is not advisable, I have trained many females on both rifle and handgun firing and one question I always ask is if they are or believe they may be pregnant. The noise and the lead can have detrimental results on the un-born child. Stay away from it.

Mike Irwin
July 22, 2003, 01:45 PM
Isn't there a feature offered by the phone company that lets you block calls originating from a specific number?

Try that.


There are also new types of ammo out that are lead free. Take her to an outdoor range, and use something like WinClean ammo.

Hoploholic
July 22, 2003, 02:19 PM
Personally, I would get call forwarding activated on my land line and purchase a cell phone. I would then park near the fruit loop's AO and wait for him to call. As the cell was ringing, I would beat the holy heck out of his front door. It does not matter if he answers or not. He will get the picture. If he does answer, more the better. Let him know personally that you will not tolerate this any longer and the next time it happens you are getting a restraining order and filing a civil case for mental anguish. Tell him it will be no problem to do so as you need to make a trip down to the court house to renew your CCW anyways. It might be a good idea to have someone video the transaction for your protection. Make sure you turn off the mic though as you can't record someone's voice without their consent in many juristictions.

RandyB
July 22, 2003, 03:42 PM
My wife and I both work as mental health therapist and while she works with children, I work with mainly durgs and alcohol cases. We both have had several times when former clients thought it would be fun to harass one/both of us. 1st make a paper trail. Document everything, inculding police reports, get the officers names/ ID everything. This will help back you up in court if needs be.

Change your number. It show you are taking this seriously and making 'his task harder'

Get a restraining order. Again showing concern for your family safety

practice with your self-defense weapons. Hopefully your wife will get raining. If she is willing to use an ice axe on someone, she should be willing to use a gun.

Do a run through of your house. Have a trusted friend come over and ask them "If you were going to break in how would you do it? How would you ambush someone coming into/out of the house?

Check your locks on the windows and doors.

Make a family escape/ hide plan. Who call 911? Use the cell phone, How to get the kids protected also. (I'm fortunate that my room is less than 5 feet away from my childs)

Get a dog. A big ulgy mean looking goblin chaser.

Don't make threats. One guy quit calling our house after my wife said "Jesus loves you." She then began to preach the gospel to him until he hung up. A few call later and the say story, he quit. He did not get the emotional thrill he was looking for and it wasn't "fun".

Get cans of OC spray to keep by the doors. This gives you quick access to something and hopefully gives you time to get to your gun (I regularly carry my .32 in my pocket even at home, so it is usaully not a problem, but I have answered the door after getting out of the shower, etc.)

Intune
July 22, 2003, 04:20 PM
I'm with Waitone on this one. I think you may have a serious problem with someone who is fixated on your wife. Take away his ability to hear her voice on the phone & he may seek other methods. I would DEFINITELY want to know what he looks like. You may start seeing him in crowds at the mall, grocery shopping, etc. Not trying to be an alarmist here just concerned for you and yours. Prepare for the worst and if anything or nothing happens you'll be ready.

bogie
July 22, 2003, 04:31 PM
Had another thought.

Buy a holster for your wife. The kid can't mess with the gun if it isn't left lying around. Have her carry it with a mag, no round chambered, after slide rack practice, and it'll be just as safe, if not safer than having it sit on a shelf.

and it'll be THERE.

JohnK
July 22, 2003, 05:20 PM
You have his name, address and phone number correct? When he calls read it back to him letting him know you know exactly who he is and the police know who he is. Once he realizes he's no longer anonymous he might move on to another victem.

Just something else that might help along with the other sound suggestions that have been made here.

Anyone see a problem or flaw with doing that? It's not threatening (directly) it's not giving away any more information about you, maybe he's a completely over the top nutcase and it won't help, but in that case I wonder if anything short of locking him up will.

Roadkill Coyote
July 22, 2003, 06:10 PM
[1]. Call the agency that took the report back and keep calling them as long as the problem occurs. Phone harassment is a class three misdemeanor in Colorado. Sometimes officers often don't like to try and make a phone harrasment case, because its annoying and time consuming. Keep calling until they do it.
18-9-111. Harassment - stalking.(1) A person commits harassment if, with intent to harass, annoy, or alarm another person, he or she:
(f) Makes a telephone call or causes a telephone to ring repeatedly, whether or not a conversation ensues, with no purpose of legitimate conversation; or
(g) Makes repeated communications at inconvenient hours that invade the privacy of another and interfere in the use and enjoyment of another's home or private residence or other private property; or
(2) Harassment pursuant to subsection (1) of this section is a class 3 misdemeanor

[2]. Don't call or contact the suspect under any circumstances. If it gets to trial do you want him to claim that it was a two way dispute, and that he was returning some contact on your part?

[3]. Get a notebook to put beside the phone and record the date and time of EVERYTHING, it may be useful down the road.

Psssniper
July 22, 2003, 11:27 PM
.

Pendragon
July 23, 2003, 02:01 AM
It seems that when the topic gets very serious, the tolerance for humor and wit goes down proportionally.

I think this is unfortunate. Gun owners are constantly having to make nice and placate the lowest common denominator.

I did not read any of the edited posts so I dont know how heavy handed the edits are, but I personally think its just find when every 10th post is something a little funny or edgy or over the top. As long as you are not advocating violence or something like that.

Stalkers give me the willies. My cousins wife picked up one at the tech school she went to a couple years ago. We were all getting pretty concerned as it seemed to be escalating. We had a meeting and literally all options were on the table (some were quickly put back under the table). Fortunately, he found another subject to bother and we did not have to do anything.

pax
July 23, 2003, 02:38 AM
Folks,

On The High Road, we do not discuss nor do we condone specific illegal activity.

Some of the "jokes" have been well over the line into the illegal.

ONE more of those, and the thread will be closed -- with our apologies to the original thread-starter, who certainly deserves better than that!

If you have a problem with moderator activity, take it to the moderator via PM. It is not for discussion in the open forum.

pax
Moderator

When in a hole, stop digging. -- Dennis Healy

duckfoot
July 23, 2003, 05:05 AM
RoadKill has the right idea. Work the system. From the conversation you "sorta" had with him T this guy sounds like a fruit loop. Watch your six. Good luck to you and god's speed.

ScottsGT
July 23, 2003, 08:06 AM
OK, All jokes aside, have you tried to contact the States Attoney General? Explain that local PD has not taken this matter serious and it could get worse. This maggot is nothing more than a stalker probably getting his kicks just hearing your wifes voice. Maybe a court order to have his computer removed? since this is his excuse.

RandyB
July 23, 2003, 02:33 PM
Agree with the above post. If the locals will not do anything about it, show them your documentation and explain "if anything happens to my wife and family, I have enough documentation to really get your butts in a sling form not taking any action." Go to the state level. Explain the seriousness of the problem and the very real risk to you wife and child. I also agree with the idea of a safe room and having friend 'keep an eye on the place." I am fortunate to have enough family near by that if I get a 'funny feeling' about a client, or my wife does, we generally have folks checking on the place, even when we are not at home. Of course I live next door to the local sheriff and have a city cop on the other side of the house.......Back to your situation though. If you know of any local officers that live nearby, talking to them about "could you make a swing by and just do a look over" can be reassuring. If the guy is watching the place and sees increased L.E. watching, he may cool things off.

bogie
July 23, 2003, 02:36 PM
Oh yeah - talk to your neighbors, and get to know 'em. Let 'em know to keep an eye out.

illuminatus99
July 23, 2003, 04:53 PM
I had a similar problem once, after complete inaction by both the police and phone company I used reverse lookup to grab his name and address. called up his apartment manager and explained everything, they said they would post a note on his door basically saying that if he keeps it up he'll be evicted.

t-money
July 23, 2003, 06:05 PM
Hey guys,
these are some really great ideas. I just even had a member PM me and offer to hook me up with an electronic safe. If only 'Antis' were so decent. These are great ideas. I'd like to have my wife read them over as well. I know that the jokes are tongue in cheek. It's just hard when something like this is happening. I, too, myself have these John Wayne visions of the way I think that Justice ought to work.

Per your advice, my plan is to:

- keep a log, both of the qwest discussions, police, and this nutcase.
- At least have Jen learn effectively how to load a mag, rack the slide.
- Come up with a better, more effective way to store the firearms.
- Revisit home security. No open windows at night, etc.
- Keep it all Legal.

thanks for all of the help!
Tracy

Mute
July 24, 2003, 12:11 PM
If your wife can't do live fire practice with a gun right now due to pregnancy, have her dry fire practice. You might also get her an airsoft pistol matching the real gun you have as another tool for practice.

Lord Grey Boots
July 24, 2003, 01:22 PM
I second Mute's suggestions above. Those are VERY good ones.

mjydrafter
July 24, 2003, 04:20 PM
Hey I'm not sure I read wether you actually have his phone number. If you do and they won't give you his name, just give the number a google. It'll tell you his name and adress if it's a listed land line.

capnrik
August 9, 2003, 05:07 PM
So, update us.

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