[Downr@nge]

I'm running into this problem. I have already studied and picked out handgun for myself (H&K HK45) for range use only but she is scared and apprehensive about me getting one. I think this is due to her lack of education about the safety issues of guns.

If anyone has had success with a similar situation, please, enlighten me.

[finz50]

I found most people,if they are open minded about firearms, are willing to be taught firearms safety, but more importantly are "afraid" of guns because they lack the knowledge of how they function, what happens when/if the trigger is pulled, etc.

Buy the gun for yourself and if she's open to it, leave all ammo in a differrent room (shows her, she won't be "accidentally killed") and show her the basic operation and principles of firearms use, etc. Hope this helps.

[scrat]

She dosent have a choice in the matter. Plain and simple. i have been shooting guns since i was 9 years old. When i made a decision to purchase a gun i do it. If she gets mad she gets mad. Not my problem. Next time she goes out and buys a dress or a pair of shoes i remind her of my gun. So thats that. So far i have bought 4 hand guns since december. If she wants to go out and buy something she knows where the car keys are.

[jlbraun]

See the comprehensive list of threads of this type here. There is much compiled advice for you.
http://thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=352217

Once you have finished reading, come back and ask any remaining questions.

[bowhuntr09]

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission.

[scrat]

hahahahaha agreed. then you can say i can take it back its in my name now

[Lonestar49]

...

It's no different than when you both were kids and got your first bicycle, the fear of the unknown, basically, starting off with trainer-wheels first but, "getting on the bike." And, like having a gun in the house, seeing it, and IF she joins you, up the road, and goes to the range, the fear of the unknown is basically the problem. Unlike once we learned how to ride a bicycle and never forgot, one cannot take the 4 rules of gun safety for granted, they must be etched in stone, each and every time..

If you do your job right, exhibit all the safety rules, and educate her, and yourself, on them, as you go, and do it right, she will take notice and learn, and in time, 1 month, 3 months, hard to pin point it, but she, like my wife, will "learn" in time thru safe actions and visual demonstrations by you, of how a gun is as safe as its owner and become comfy seeing it in the house loaded.

Which is another fear of the unknown many new handgun owners themselves have to go thru; the fear of an AD or ND, and again, using the 4 rules of gun safety will get one from having a full mag, but not one chambered, to, as time goes by with no AD/ND, the way it should be, IMO, mag full and one in the chamber, and no AD/ND. And both of you will become comfy thru knowing, and seeing, the 4 rules at work, and do work, and the *trainer-wheels come-off, and you (both) start the real journey, and will enjoy it, everything done the right way.. Thru *balance & safety as the fear dimishes, replaced by, education and respect.. thru trust of what you both learned and use every day with a gun, or guns.

It just takes both, time and education by you and for you and, of, her observations and of, her asking questions and learning herself..

It will work out if the 4 rules, along with, if you have kids, then ya need a gun safe of some sort.

Give it time and use of: "shown thru example" and it will become part of the daily routine of the household.


Ls

[HOLYROLLER]

#1 Dont take SCRAT's advice.
-Worst marriage advice I have heard in a long time.

#2 Have her watch the news or COPS.
-This is eye opening for my wife, it shows bad guys at their best.

#3 Push the safety aspect. (Home security / Self-defense)
-When my wife understood the need, she was converted.

#4 Let her shoot.
-My wife always has fun, helped solidify her acceptance.

#5 Buy her a gun.
-An inevidable result of #4.

Godspeed, HR.:)

[Henry Bowman]

You can find some insight and suggestions at http://www.corneredcat.com

[GEM]

Buy gun - buy purse
Buy gun - new drapes

Seriously, read Kathy's page. Mine regards reasonable purchases for self-defense of home and person as OK. Beyond that, it is sweet talk.

After 9/11 - she asked me if I have a good enough scope on the AR!

[Vern Humphrey]

On our first date, I took my wife-to-be to a parachute meet. She watched me come out of a CV-2 Caribou at 12,500 feet, free-fall for 60 seconds, and blow half the panels in my ParaCommander on opening. I came down on the reserve.

We have agreed that was fair warning what life with me would be like, and if I want to do something, she may take cover when I do it, but she doesn't comlain.

[Butter]

I guess I am lucky in that respect. My wife grew up with a girlfriend whose family owned a range and got to shoot sometimes for free with her. My wife, (we), also have a brother-in-law who was a cop and a hunter and worked for Customs aferward.

I told my wife I wanted to buy a few toys over time, took the requisite safety courses long ago and have taken 3 tactical pistol classes as well as two tactical shot gun classes after we were married.

My wife comes with me to the range (she has a year membership as well) and though somewhat initmidated, she's had the previous experience to attenuate the apprehension of actual gun ownership and noting people she respects as gun owners. This is important here, the people with whom I practice and have competed against (though I did not do very well in the IDPA comp I went to :) ) who are decent folk and not like the goofs you see regularly on TV. Don't let people who are uneducated about arms dictate their beliefs because of anecdotal information and TV coverage. Good things always get washed over while the big, awful stories sells more air time and newsprint.

That I think is the key, to know good and safe individuals for whom gun ownership is not only a right, but who practice safely and diligently with the arms they do own. So, if fact, it isn't and never was about the tools used, but the consideration of character for those who do shoot and own guns. Character and safety and the understanding that defensively this may be a last recourse in lieu of throwing a Cambell's soup can at someone trying to break through your bedroom door.

[jakeswensonmt]

How do you guys convince your spouses to be okay with you getting a handgun?
Have her help me pick it out, and let her shoot it first (and third, and fifth, ad infinitum.)

Disclaimer: Girlfriend, not spouse.

[Mad Magyar]

she is scared and apprehensive about me getting one.
Many of us have gone through that ordeal. I tried to be logical/rational about this; but to no avail. In my case, it wasn't a "marriage breaker" type of scenario, so I made the purchase. She now sees this as a hobby of mine and knows how safe I handle the weapons...
Good luck....:)

[md2lgyk]

My only problem is that usually she wants another one too.

[CJ]

Agree on reviewing Cornered Cat for ideas.

Also just talking about your reasons, and demonstrate a willingness to learn and stress safety (i.e. take a bunch of safety and handling classes...she might even join you for some).

Finally, some people just never accept it. I recall one anecdote on this forum of someone getting a female family member, terrified of guns, to actually shoot one. She broke down in tears and shaking and took a long time to settle down.

[Schofield3]

The wifey has her own handgun and is totally comfortable with firearms and shooting my only issue now is she says I have too many guns and doesn’t want me buying anymore- :(
Buy yourself the HK and eventually she’ll want to shoot and want one for herself-

[535]

Take her to the range and teach her to shoot, show her there is nothing to be afraid of, that usually works.

Kinda have a somewhat similar situation with a sibling..

I'm a city boy who was lucky enough to have a father who taught me to shoot at a very young age. As for my wife, she grew up on a farm in middle Ga so you know there isn't an issue there. Matter a fact I gave her my credit card one day to buy herself a Taurus .38 for self defense, she came home with a Walther P99 in .40 250 target rds, 100 rds of golden saber and 4 extra mags!!!! So there is no issue what so ever at home about guns, and no, I'm not thinking of divorcing her either. I also have a sister, she used to be fine with guns but moved to NYC 10 years ago and now is about as anti-gun as one can be. (Hell for a while I thought she was a lesbian too!) But last Christmas day, after getting a new gun from my father, a Weatherby MKV Ultramark in .300 Wby Mag, and a 260 rds of ammo. (yes, he knows his guns) Some of my sisters attitude changed. After mounting and boresighting the Weaver T scope he also bought me, we all went out to the range to shoot it on Christmas day, we figured the range would be empty, it wasn't. Myself, both parents, my wife and my sister headed to the range. Now both of my parents have handguns and numerous other guns, so there is no issue there (and my mother is even an immigrant from the UK!), Now my sister on the other hand has an incredibility irrational fear of any gun and about freaked when I took my AR-15 out of the trunk to shoot as well, I kinda figured I was getting a gun and we would go out and sight it in, this kinda happens about every 2 years and I hadn't shot the AR-15 in a while. She started into the "why do you need something like that? Thats only made to kill people" rant, in which I told her she could either come with us or find her own way home through the woods. Naturally being lost in the woods she followed. So to make a long story short, and after much whining she did shoot the AR-15 and still griped that "I still don't know why someone would need that." Next I showed her that all her previous assumptions were wrong about an AR-15 or an AK-47 being the baddest most powerful guns on earth, along with just about all the rest of the misguided crap spewed out by the left. After I fine tuned the Weaver T scope, I let her take a try. I'm 6'1 270lbs, shes 5'6 125 lbs. Needless to say, when she pulled the trigger the .300 wby mag, it destroyed her unfounded assumptions about "the all powerful assault rifles." After shooting the AR-15 then the .300 mag, it broke her fear of small guns. She spent the rest of the afternoon happily shooting up the rest of my .223 and .22 ammo and wouldn't touch the .300 again. Now, she'll even admit that everything she's been told about the "evil assault rifles" is bogus, guns aren;t bad and she even admitted that she had fun. She just wasn't going to shoot the .300 mag ever again...

[glockman19]

Our house was broken in to and she said OK. My first three firearms were Glock 19, Remington 870, and a S&W 686+.

Since then I've accumulated 17 more. My wife doesn't pay enough attention and couldn't tell the difference betewen a Glock 26 or 19 so as long as only one gun is out it's the Black one.

Also I keep them in the safe so they are out of sight and out of mind. Except for the one I keep in my pocket and the one I keep in the nightstand.

Once your woman acknoweledges that the poice won't protect her it will be Ok.

Good Luck.

[Quoheleth]

My advice as one married to a gun disliker is this:

If you love your wife, listen to her fears and concerns. Without being defensive, try to answer the questions/fears/concerns with real, concrete plans, examples, and first-hand reports. There will be many generalities she will probably present (because that's what is reported), so be gentle and understanding.

For example:
Her: I'm afraid guns will go off by themselves.
You: Show the process: gun must be loaded and charged. Safety must be disengaged. Trigger must be pulled. Gun does not go off by itself.

Her: I'm afraid someone will get hurt.
You: Show her the gunsafe you will also purchase.

Her: Guns are expensive.
You: Hide the receipt. Just kidding. Be honest...and gently compare it as a hobby (scrapbooking stuff adds up fast!) to her hobby or habit of shopping. My wife wanted and bought a new laptop after doing her homework. I showed her a new-to-me pistol that I want and is 1/4 the price. She needs the computer for school, so we got it. I showed her what I want and with the understanding that there is disposable income, I have carte blance to buy it when I can. It's give and take.

I'm a pastor. I tell you that so you'll understand why I say this next part. I really enjoy my guns and gun-related hobbies (shooting, reloading, and talking guns). I'll do all I can to support the RTKABA. However, if push came to shove and it was either my marriage or my guns, the guns will go. Why? Because 12 years ago I made a vow to love, honor and cherish. I will love my wife, being willing to give up anything that is "mine" for her; I will honor her, and while I will try to compromise or pursuade, out of honor to her and us, I will not allow things to come between us; I cherish her enough to know when I can push a bit and when I have to back off.

Late last summer, she agreed I could buy a new gun. Found a SP101 I wanted. Made the deal. Went back to pick it up and someone sold it out from under my salesman. Told my wife about it, and she was sorry for my lost deal, but wanted to see what it was. Showed her a pic from the Ruger website. She wanted to know what it was going to be for. I told her I hoped to get a CCL in the future. She absolutely blew up at me that no way in God's green earth would I ever carry a loaded weapon around "her" children. A few weeks later, the Sunday morning shootings in CO took place. As we watched the news together those evenings after the shootings, I calmly told her that's why I wanted to get a CCL - JUST IN CASE. The conversation went on a little bit, but she finally understood. I now also have her blessing to pursue a CCL.

Take it slow. Don't push all at once for gun, CCL, etc. Work on getting her to accept the gun. Then work on her to come shooting with you. Buy a nice .22 auto like the Browning Buckmark or Ruger 22/45. Offer to take her to a handgun class with you - (again, I offered this to my wife with the promise that she doesn't have to like them or even have fun in the class...mostly so she at least gets to hear from a trained teacher about firearms).

Good luck...and for goodness sake, don't let this become an issue between you. There's enough crap out there to ruin relationships. Trust me...I see it almost weekly.

Q

[todd128]

I just tell her its an investment

[1911NM]

One gun for her, two for me, one gun for her, two for me, ad infinitum.

[skinewmexico]

Maybe she just knows the HK motto...

[The Bushmaster]

If I need (want) a new firearm I buy a new firearm. If she needs (wants) a new dress she buys a new dress. What's the problem?...I have no problem...

[hill billy]

I never really knew my wifes feeling about guns until I started getting more and more of them. I knew she was generally ok with it but when the answer was "ok, as long as a get one,too" to handguns and a ccw, I knew I had a winner.

[CountGlockula]

Take an NRA basic handgun course and schedule a Basic II-Intermediate-Advanced self-defense course also.

Once she realizes that you're working on advanced proficiency of handling a firearm adding real life experiences, she'll be able to know how serious you are with the hobby.

I took every class out there, currently my girl knows that I'm better now than before in my gun knowledge.

[BAT1]

Take her the site where the woman is calling 911 and her conversation is cut short by shots from the perp. Start her with of those new Tasers, but get her used to some thing to defend herself. Self defense classes is also a good idea. It fuels the strategies. Make it fun, go camping or hunting or plinking.

[usp9]

How do you guys convince your spouses to be okay with you getting a handgun?


I don't ask her. She doesn't ask me what style or color her hair will be either. My wife has no interest in my guns. I do not let gun purchases interfere in any way with our finances. I have a seperate gun fund that I save up instead of blow on frivilous junk. If I have dollars in hand I buy, if not I don't. She usually finds out about a new gun when I show it to a friend or other family member.

[FranklyTodd]

I like to look at the bright side, I get to practice CONCEALED carry even at home.

Seriously though, a little at a time. My wife of almost 15yrs is to the point she knows I carry (but not when), and knows basically what guns I own. She's also fine with teaching my three boys to shoot and handle a gun safely.

We've just eased into this routine whereby I carry up until about 1/2 hour before bed when I put it in the GunVault under the bed, and then in the morning I find 5 seconds to myself to re-arm.

Again, she knows as much as she wants to know, which isn't much. I'd love for her to get more "into" it, but that's not going to happen anytime soon - I can accept that.

For those acting all bravado - shut up and go do the dishes and take out the trash like you were told! ;)

[esol]

my girlfriend had her own handgun before she knew me... not much work to do there i guess ;)... actually she has owned handguns longer than i have :)

my friends wife was very apprehensive about him getting a gun, at first.
it was mostly due to not having any knowledge or exposure to them. we started her off handing an unloaded handgun, then i got her to start shooting my pellet gun, then we took her out shooting small .22s and such with us. once she shot the .22 she fell in love with it. she owns a 9mm now :)
we never pushed it on her... we just offered her exposure whenever she thought she could handle it. id say it worked out for the best :)

[Zoomer]

Her express approval was required from the Police Dept. PRIOR to me getting my pistol permit approved.

While not on my hip, ALL my guns are placed and locked into my nice, new gun safe (Another condition for her approval).

I have had rifles and shotguns since before we met (I'm a hunting nut..) so it wasn't to big a stretch when I wanted to persue my gun obsession into the handheld variety.

Go slowly she will come around as long as she knows it's important to you.

[Feud]

That's why I'm buying some now while I'm single. When the right woman comes along it's a package deal (not to mention I"m going into LE).

[Downr@nge]

Everyone, thanks for your replies! I'll say more when I get home.

[Essex County]

Met my wife back in '62 after a high school rifle club shoot. I can't imagine such a problem, it just seems like a foriegn concept to me. I'm not being cynical or sarcastic. I hope you can work it out. Essex

[John4me05]

Just tell my wife.. Im gonna get a new gun...
She dont say much

[Ala Dan]

My wife's dad and brother both had numerous firearms when we got
married in December of '68; so in keeping with tradition, I had too
have a handgun myself. The wifey never tried too sway me away
from the idea; as she knew all too well that we needed a firearm
for personal protection, as well as Home D'~! ;) :D

Guess whats the funny part~? 40 years later, firearms keep coming~!
I'm just a chip off of the old block, I reck'on.

[Im283]

Scrat did not give bad advice.

I don't ask my wife if I can buy something. She does not ask me if she can buy something. This arrangement works out pretty well.

I would tell my wife if I am buying a gun but she doesn't care. She is not into and really could care less if I buy a bazooka. She trusts that I am safe. And the bills are paid.

Her income is hers to do with as she pleases.

The above works for us.

In your case I think you need to educate your wife. Guns are not demonic and dangerous. People can act demonic and dangerous.

Does she trust you? Do you have a history of being unstable and unsafe? Assuming she trusts you, you are stable and safe why should she have veto power?

Sounds like you just need to get the liberal glitches out of her programming.

[jhansman]

My bride felt the same way (and still does, although less so) until she saw that:


A) I kept them out of sight, but safely stored
B) I took a handgun safety course at my local range
C) I did not try to change her mind about that which she chooses to remain blissfully ignorant
D) She is not married to a 'gun nut', just an avid shooter who like firearms.

She hates guns, but nothing I can say will change her view. All I can do is provide an example that one can own and use firearms safely and sanely. :)

[ArmedBear]

Send her to Oleg to do a photo shoot.

[XDKingslayer]

The problem isn't the fact that it's guns, it's the amount of money that's usually the problem. But I simply go into the closet, grab the 16,000 Dooney & Burke purses she no longer uses but look almost new and lay them out on the living room floor and grab the calculator.

Arguement stops...

We always consult each other when making big purchases. We're a team. We don't have seperate accounts. I don't have to smuggle in rifles in the middle of the night then blame new rifles in the gun safe on not having a light in there and who knows what they do in the dark. I don't keep it from her. Rarely does she ever give me a problem with buying a gun. If she does, she usually has a very good reason for doing so. If not, then out come the purses.

[Deanimator]

I don't have a spouse, but if I did and had your problem, I'd buy her a copy of "Dial 911 and Die". Anybody who reads that book and still thinks you don't need to be able to protect yourself, probably needs psychiatric counseling.

[springmom]

It depends.

Is she afraid of guns?
Is she convinced by anti-gun activist rhetoric?
Is she just uninformed?
Is she concerned the children will get into it?

What you DO is communicate. Listen. Discuss. Educate. Don't push. A little patience may gain you a lifelong shooting companion rather than just a neutral acceptance. Introduce her to women who shoot. Take it easy. You didn't just put your foot down and demand when you wanted her to marry you; you can take your time and coax and lead her into learning about and appreciating firearms. It may never be her "thing" like it is yours...or she may appropriate your entire collection for her own. You never know. :D

Springmom

[Sato Ord]

Since my wife is the main bread winner and I am a stay at home dad we work things out. She knows that I love firearms and doesn't mind. However, I don't spend the mortgage money on handgun purchases either. I save and buy what I want.

She recently had some one try and get into her car at a traffic light five blocks from our house and has decided that not only am I getting my concealed weapons permit, she is too. We just bought her a Bersa Thunder .380. She loves it, and I get to pick my own carry gun once the "new" (as in used by someone else but new to me) car is paid for, so basically a few weeks.

I'm looking for a Colt Defender:D

[Northalius]

No one should ever look for permission to get a gun which can save their life (or multiple lives) one day!

With that said: Take her to the range and show her that guns don't walk off and fire themselves at people! lol! As long as one is prudent with the four basic firearms safety rules, they should be good. What if someone was scared about you getting a car? Hey, you can just "accidentally" jam on the gas and run over 10 people walking across the street! Don't get a car! ? LOL!

Don't get matches, you might light the house on fire? Don't step outside, you might get struck by lightning? LOL! ;)

Usually after the "antis" go to the range, they begin to see that guns don't shoot themselves! They're as safe as you want them to be, because it's up to the individual person, not the gun itself, to make it safe. As long as you're not an incompetent fool, you should be okay. :D

I've heard of plenty of guys saying their wives "hated guns" but after they took their wives to the range, and finally got their wives to shoot, their wives now either: love shooting and actually have their own for conceal carry protection, or are simply not uncomfortable about guns in general anymore.

Worry only sprouts from being ignorant of something.

Comfort comes from thorough education!

[DerbyDale]

My wife was very anti at one time, and didn’t even want a gun in the house. The key word there is WAS. She grew up in a home without guns around, and had been indoctrinated by the schools and media that guns are evil killing machines. I knew I had my work cut out for me, but I knew if I didn’t push it down her throat. I could gradually educate and change her mind. I just had to do it one baby step and a time.

Get her used to even having a gun in the home:
When I brought my first pistol home. I promised to keep it unloaded and with a trigger lock on it at all times. I also promised not to even get it out, unless I was headed to the range. Let her know that with it unloaded and a trigger lock on, it was just a big hunk of steal and was not dangerous at all.

Once she felt at ease with this single hunk of steel in the home. I brought home my first 22 rifle that my Dad had given me when I was 7. Let her know that this would also be unloaded at all times and was safe. Also told her this was a little 22 I would shoot with my Dad when I was 7! Not exactly a machine-gun, and I let her know because there was no recoil it was very FUN to shoot. Even hinted she should go with me to the range for the first time. (she refused to go)

Give her a few weeks of getting used to now having two guns in the home. I was making weekly trips to the range and coming how telling her how nice the day was and how I wish she would go and see for herself. If she didn’t like it, I wouldn’t ask her to go again. Who knows if she liked it, that would be one more thing we could enjoy together! The key word there is TOGETHER since we are a team. Once at the range I went slow and let her watch me shoot the 22 a few times. Then I slowly explained all the safety rules and how to shoot it. Turn out she was a pretty good shot. I also brought some cans, as we all know shooting paper can get a little boring. The smile on her face every time she made those cans jump was priceless. We now had a sport that we BOTH enjoyed.

Now that she is at least a little comfortable with the guns in the house and shooting them. We can now have intelligent conversation about guns. We can talk about the idiocy of “Gun Free Zones” and that the only people who are going to obey that sign are the Good Guys. So now we have a place where only the bad guys are armed. Every time a shooting at a school, mall, or restaurant would come on the news. I would just comment that if someone other than the psycho had been armed, how many more people might have been saved. The police are always minutes away and how many times can you pull the trigger in 6-20minutes? I would email her videos like THIS (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7pGt_O1uM8). Soon she is the one making the comments and sending me videos. Next thing I know we are watching the news and a woman in a church saves hundreds of people because she was armed and stopped a mad man at the New Life Church. What do you know, a gun in the hands of the “Good Guys” is a Good thing! Now she enjoys reading "The Armed Citizen" every month in my American Rifleman magazines.

[crebralfix]

It was easy. I told her I was born with a gun in my hand and it's part of the deal. Take it or leave it.

[Northalius]

Good post Derby. Pretty much what I was hinting at in my first post. Only yours came across much "nicer." ;)

Maybe she'll start to carry concealed down the road! That'll be great! Baby steps is the way to go! You did good! Very good! :)

[Brian Williams]

Discussion and sharing, not hiding and lying.

[evan price]

Convince your spouse? Geeeeeze...you're the man. Buy whatever you dang well want to. If I want a gun, I go buy a gun. No way is she telling ME what to-


umm..

Yes dear, I am on the internet. Yes, I am talking to my "computer friends again"... yes dear... I know... new tires for the truck, yes dear... no more guns, right...OR reloading stuff, I understand...BUT if it's a good deal...Oh, OK, none means none... yes dear, I loooove you too... smoochiekins...

Sorry guys, I got to go.

[lax]

Buck up and get her over it now because when you have kids, they will have to be trained. Your going to teach your kids to swim right? Gun safety and the ability to use a gun are just more survival skills like swimming.

[eliphalet]

Buy the gun or whatever it is you want, she should be free to do the same, if not, maybe it is time to move along. As long as said purchases does not cause financial burdens, which is unfair to all involved. Being fair is very important, being controlled is no way to live. Life is far to short to live that way.

[neededausername]

I recently bought my first handgun. It was a Ruger Mark III, because my wife grew up shooting a Mark II and that's what she was comfortable with. I know it's just a 22 but the way she shoots it will be okay for home defense in her hands.

[Lonestar49]

Quote: Discussion and sharing, not hiding and lying.
---------------
...

Other key word (in another post-reply) mentioned, "my wife WAS afraid.." as in used to be.


In a nutshell..


Ls

[rainbowbob]

... yes dear, I loooove you too... smoochiekins...

"Price"- less! ;)

[RobertFBurnett]

Does anyone remember the comedian that talked about how when he was dating his girlfriend would sit on His lap, and light his cigar for him...and now that He's married she won't let him smoke. Same with guns, a girlfriend will go shooting with you, a wife (present company excluded, we are in the presence of open minded firearm enthusiasts) starts not liking guns. Makes me feel sorry for the guys I see at the range with their pretty lil girlfriends thinking that it will last forever....

My ex went shooting with me once, and then when we were engaged she didn't like guns in the house. Only reason I'm really shooting now is because we broke up, so now that I've played Captain Bringdown, I guess I have no answer for your question...but diamonds can help Anything.

Wish I has known about www.corneredcat.com earlier also.

RFB

[Downr@nge]

Wow, guys thanks for all the responses. Here is a little background info about me. My wife and I are both 29, we've been married for 5+ years and have two children ages 4.5 (Boy) and 1.5 (girl).

My wife has always known that someday I wanted to get a handgun, and that day is today. Now she wants to pull this nonsense on trying to give me a hard time but i'm not going for it. I feel that I already have a mom, I don't need a second. Also, i'm grown and I don't need anyone telling me what I can and can't do. I also feel that I don't try to control her life and I support her in everything she does even though I may disagree (who in the world needs 34 sweaters, 20 something white shirts, over 40 pairs of jeans (not cheap), numerous shoes, numerous bags, etc???) After reading all of you guys replies in this thread today, I sent her a very nice and easy text message letting her know how I feel about this situation. I worded everything in a non-argumentative, non-confrontational way. I "let" her think about it. So, we'll see what the outcome of this is.

But I will tell you, i'm willing to go all the way with this.

[Luis Leon]

I usually say honey, there's this gun I'm gonna buy... and the festivities begin. I usually get my way. Actually, my wife happens to be very tolerant when it comes to my shooting irons. I feel very lucky because of it.

regards,

Luis Leon

[Elm Creek Smith]

I don't understand the question. I always had guns. I fed us for a while with a .22 pistol and a 20 gauge shotgun when we were newlyweds. Rabbits, squirrels, quail, and dove. She thought that my concealed carry was kind of "silly" until we were attacked in a mall parking lot by a knife-wielding thug. When her store (a bad guy followed her in when she unlocked the front door) was robbed, I spent the next month in her store when the armed security guard (an old guy with an abused Model 10) wasn't. (Store policy prevented her from carrying a weapon but didn't mention armed customers (me)).

Recently when I told her I wanted to buy a rifle with part of my bonus, she asked how much it would cost. When I told her, she said, "That leaves enough for you to buy more guns, if you want." I love that lady!

ECS

[arflattop]

Your relationship with your spouse has to be one of compromise -- I'll go to art exhibits with her, she rides on the bike with me. No one dominates or dictates how the other thinks. We married late in life (50's), so we know you don't change a spouse. You can, however, be the catalyst to help the spouse change on their own. It's a slow process, and it has to be by suggestion, not dictate. My wife knew I rode bikes and shot firearms when we married. She knew I'd never change.

[one45auto]

I'm probably not the best person to ask.

My ex told me if I bought a gun and brought it into the house she'd divorce me, so I did it anyway and told her not to let the door hit her on the way out. Needless to say she didn't make good on her threat and a month later was rewriting history by claiming that she'd let me buy it. Three months later it got even better, because she told my family that she'd bought it for me as a birthday present. :rolleyes:

After that she never really said much about my purchases.

[CWL]

My wife has handbags and shoes that cost more than some of my guns... then there's the piano, recently there was the Zenith watch...

[Powderman]

If you want to start her on the road to actually appreciating the shooting sports, I can think of no better way than to introduce her to NRA Conventional Pistol, also known as Bullseye shooting.

Like the other shooting sports, it is extremely safety conscious. But, it is also VERY structured, and that structure appeals to a lot of people--especially women, and MOST especially when they see other women on the line shooting.

I'm willing to bet that once she sees the .22 match, she'll want to give it a try.

Downr@nge, do you by any small chance live in Washington State?

[FranklyTodd]

After reading all of you guys replies in this thread today, I sent her a very nice and easy text message letting her know how I feel about this situation.

A TEXT message... Are you serious? I wouldn't normally comment, but this thread did start by asking for opinions on how you should deal with your wife... IMHO, a text message wasn't the way, no matter what it said...

[Quoheleth]

Downrange, we're all different here in how we deal with our spouses (spice?), but I gotta say, you're headed down a very steep & slippery slope doing that. It's one thing if the wife is on-board to text/email and say, "I was on lunch today and found this great S&W 10-5; be OK if I swing by [or, "I plan to swing by"] and pick it up after work." It's a whole 'nuther ball of wax if she's opposed to it and send this via text.

I gotta tell ya, five years of marriage is nothing to sneeze at. Be careful who you're listening to, OK?

Q

[DerbyDale]

I sent her a very nice and easy text message letting her know how I feel about this situation.

Are you serious?!?! :eek:

Maybe I'm getting old, but I would NEVER text on something like that. Many things still require personal time to work though. Even then, there are things that cant be handled in one discussion. Going slow and not rushing is always the best policy, even if its not in the bedroom. :cool:

I text my wife all the time, but its for the simple often overlooked things... "I Love You PooPoo Head :p " "I miss you and cant wait to see you tonight." Stuff like that...

[Im283]

there is nothing wrong with an email or text about this.

[Downr@nge]

I sent her a text message because that is how we usually communicate during the day because of our work.

Also, to answer the person a few replies above, I live in New Jersey.

[2nd 41]

Reassure her that you are competent and the gun will be locked up while it's in the house. Have her take a safety course with you....just in case she needs to handle the pistol sometime. Having kids in the house gives your wife a say in the matter. Just keep reassuring her everything will be ok. But stress it's recreational and a hobby....and oh yeah ...that the world is a dangerous place and having a gun could save your lives someday.

If my wife told me she's taking my guns and leaving me...I'd miss those semi's badly (Just kidding)

[FranklyTodd]

there is nothing wrong with an email or text about this.

And you've been happily married how long now? :scrutiny:

Not passing judgment - but after 15yrs & 3 kids, in my house,

wife's legitimate (if misguided) concern + TEXT message response would = :fire::cuss::fire:

I think I'd rather take on the BGs with a spoon... :neener:

I'm not saying you should capitulate and not arm yourself if you feel it necessary, but for me it's gentle persuasion, not Honeymooner's approach of some above (If she don't like it, she can lump it! One of these days, Alice....) or a seemingly impersonal text...

Maybe if the text said: "I totally understand your concern and I want you to be comfortable. Let's go to ________ (insert nice restaurant here) tonight and discuss it."

Ok, Dr. Phil mode off - good luck dude!

[XDKingslayer]

Text her all you want. Don't let the old farts here decide how you and your wife chose to communicate with each other.

[Flopsy]

I don't mean to crack wise, but honestly I don't need her to be okay with it. There are certain things that spouses can disagree on, certain things they don't like about one another, and they accept those differences and love each other just the same.

For the record, my fiance' is fine with it, but there are other things we'll never agree on so we just don't debate them anymore. We accept each other's positions.

But as a suggestion, I would recommend framing the issue for her as a desire to take personal responsibility for the protection of you, her and your family. I also email her a news article every few days about the latest home invasion, brutal assault, etc., most of which I can find to have taken place locally. That keeps her coming to the range.

Edit: That may have sounded wrong - I'm not emailing her those articles as a scare tactic to win any arguments over the issue or get her enthused in my hobby. I feel it's important to keep us both informed about the coverage of local crime problems.

[Conqueror]

Fear is almost always born of ignorance. Education is the answer.

Don't be overly pedantic, but a gentle offer to take her to a range and teach her the basics can go a long way. Even better would be to offer to enroll the both of you in a good pistol safety course (ie NRA courses). If she sees that you are willing to learn the best safety techniques, and that you wish to share them with her, her steely facade might melt a bit.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. My longtime girlfriend was a moderately staunch anti when we met. She has become fairly pro-gun and even advocates campus carry. I asked her what provoked the change, and she said that it was her lack of familiarity with guns that led her to fear them. After years of watching me use them safely and responsibly, she grew tolerant. Then I taught her to shoot with an air rifle. Then a .22 handgun. Then a .223 rifle. Start small and progress slowly. You will almost certainly succeed if you don't push too hard and remain gentle and calm at all times.

[Im283]

franklytodd says
And you've been happily married how long now?

20 years

Did you not see the OP's post a few before yours where he mentions that is how they communicate during the work day?

[jackstinson]

I didn't and don't need to convince anyone.
I let my wife know when I'm going to the gun shop to look around. She tells me, "You be sure to buy one if you find something you want". Most birthdays and Christmases she gets me a gun of some sort.
I've taught her to shoot, but she doesn't enjoy it. However, she completely understands my enjoyment of shooting/collecting and supports it. She also appreciates my CCW & home defense plan.
Oh yes, we've been married over 26 years now.
Jack

[browningguy]

Just cowboy up and tell her you're the man of the house! :what:

Let me know how that works out for you. Actually I've never had any problem so it's hard to suggest anything. My wife doesn't particularly like guns, but she has shot them and doesn't mind them. As long as she has plenty of money for the quilting gear/clothes/shoes/purses she wants there is no problem.

[Markbo]

He: "Honey... I want you to wear my jeans when we go out tonight"

She: "Oh silly, I can't wear your pants!"

He: "And don't you ever forget it"

[RPCVYemen]

He: "Honey... I want you to wear my jeans when we go out tonight"

She: "Oh silly, I can't wear your pants!"

He: "And don't you ever forget it"



She: [hands him her jeans]" Honey try these on!"

He: [mystified] " I can't get in those jeans."

She: [laughing] "And you aren't getting in those jeans until your attitude changes, buddy."

More seriously, I faced this situation, and convinced my wife by practicing extreme gun safety around the house. I bought the gun safe before I bought a gun.


When a gun is not under my direct control, it is locked in the safe (or if it's a rifle, its bolt is in the safe). No mistakes, no exceptions.

Likewise for ammo. If it is no under my direct control, it's locked up. I keep it padlocked in toolboxes.


After a couple years, my gun have become just another eccentricity to her. I have heard her comment to her anti friends about how safe I am with guns around the house.

YMMV. Or better yet: WKYMAMM ("Who knows? Your marriage ain't my marriage.")

Mike

[FranklyTodd]

Did you not see the OP's post a few before yours where he mentions that is how they communicate during the work day?

Yeah, what's your point? They work 24hrs per day? It's an important discussion, but not an urgent one - there's a difference.

I'll shut up after this, but let me make one more comment without pulling any punches :evil: this is just an opinion:

Many are focusing on the budget. If it's a money thing, then hammer it out - guns aren't really the issue at that point. :cool:

What I'm suggesting is that if one's significant other is genuinely afraid for her (+kids?) safety with a (loaded) gun in the house, and a guy completely trivializes her feelings and fears, or steamrolls her with "I wear the pants" bravado, then that guy is a jerk-off and a bad husband, and deserves to be armed to the teeth, alone in his one-bedroom apartment! :barf:

Just my opinion... Having said that, I totally appreciate misogynistic humor - keep that up, just don't mean it! :neener:

Those that talk about openly discussing it, education, etc. - EXACTLY the right advice. :D

[Markbo]

And in case anyone was wondering... it was meant 101% humor.


Sorry... I gotta go.... some 'dainties' need washing!

[DerbyDale]

Text her all you want. Don't let the old farts here decide how you and your wife chose to communicate with each other.

LOL :D I'm officially an Old Fart! I don't want to tell anyone what to do... I was just surprised because that would never fly with my wife...


She: [hands him her jeans]" Honey try these on!"

He: [mystified] " I can't get in those jeans."

She: [laughing] "And you aren't getting in those jeans until your attitude changes, buddy."

Now thats Funny!
(as long as its not happening to me)

[mossy141701]

:pSorry downrange I dont think I can help, never had that problem. My wife loves guns and has several of her own including a deer rifle which she picked out along with the scope. If I see one I want she always says go get it. I LOVE THAT WOMAN !!

[Jim101]

Hey, you are the MAN in the house, right? It's just like sex, I can have sex whenever she wants to.......

Just kidding......My wife approves of guns, hell, we do live in Texas........

I am one of the lucky ones....

Jim

[theotherwaldo]

It's easy - I'm not married!:D:D:D:D:D

[jaholder1971]

My wife's brother and father were gunowners, mainly Fudd's but both are coming around to my way of thinking:D

She was raised around guns for hunting game. She knew I was raised around guns for defense. I'm hunting more and her bro and Dad are keeping HD handguns JIC.

She had a real problem for awhile with me keeping a HD piece in a dresser drawer until she found out her brother keeps a Bersa .380 in his and her father has a Smith Model 10 loaded in his. It's a non isssue now.

[saxman29111]

LOLOL

I went to my wife (25yrs) and asked could I get a bike or a gun. She said she would rather me get the gun. HAHAHAHAHA
Mark

[CPshooter]

How do you guys convince your spouses to be okay with you getting a handgun? You don't..lol. If it's my money I'll buy what I want when I want it. I deal with anyone else's opinion later:) Try it, she won't leave you.. I swear!

But seriously, when I come home with a new toy my girlfriend always has something to say about it. I then remind her that the jewelry she's wearing is worth a couple guns. I also like to bring up occasions and other expensive habits of hers so she feels guilty. It usually all goes my way. She stays quiet, and I enjoy my new pistola!

[Craig_VA]

me: "Honey, we need a hobby to do together in the wintertime when we can't do our separate outdoor hobbies."
she: "I agree. What did you have in mind."
me: "How about indoor target shooting?"
she: "Great idea, and it will make my daddy very happy."
...
she: "Daddy, we've decided to start shooting together as a new hobby."
HE: "Hmmm, maybe I can help out with that."

He helped: Colt .45 acp, S&W .22lr semi; two Hi-Standard .22lr semi; S&W .357 K-frame.

And she kicks my tail with the S&W .22!

[Powderman]

Well, If I can offer an additional comment:

Just talk to her. People in general tend to be manipulative. Why? Because we like to get our way. That's human nature, nothing more or less.

Take your wife out. Do NOT text her--the fine art of conversation has been lost over the years. Besides, it's much easier to say no to a phone or a Blackberry.

Tell her EXACTLY how you feel. Not in a confrontational or abrasive manner. Be firm and resolute--but remember that this is the woman you love, the one who has borne your children and the one you want to remain with for the rest of your life.

Tell her that you ARE going to buy yourself a gun. Or two. Or three. Or however many strikes your fancy. Tell her that your guns WILL be coming home, SOON--as soon as you can get a GUN SAFE to put them in. Make that your VERY next purchase--to emphasize that you are investing in safe and secure storage.

Tell her that you love her, have NO plans to go ANYWHERE, and that she's stuck with you because you love her forever. And, bring up the fact that letting inanimate objects come in the way of marriage is not the best thing to do.

Ask her point blank--what is it that she is scared of? Not the guns in general, the SPECIFIC part about gun ownership that she is scared of. Be polite, be kind, be gentle when addressing the objections--but be FIRM. Do NOT back down, not even an inch. And make sure she understands that you will NOT back down.

Here's hoping that you will be able to get this thing resolved.

Yours,

Powderman

(married 28 years to my best friend this December!)

[chris in va]

Have her sit in on a safety class with you. Also point out various self defense articles, and highlight local crimes that could possibly be thwarted by firearm ownership (home invasions, muggings etc).

She needs to know you won't shoot her or one of the kids by accident (negligence?). Take her to the range, but not necessarily shoot.

Above all, appeal to her emotional side. Facts won't work.

[Lamb of Gun]

Maybe rent a gun and go to the range together. People seem to forget how evil and dangerous guns are when they finally go out and have a blast with them

No pun intended... OK it was.

[BFIBri]

I have 3 kids (5,10,15) and my wife hates guns, I bought AR because that was "OK" as long it wasnt a handgun.:eek:

I bought a good guns safe to keep my AR in since I have kids, after a while she saw that I was safe and responsible with my firearm, it wasnt any longer a threat.

I convinced her to let take a CCW class to safeguard the family in Dec. since then, I bought 5 handguns in 4 months. She even going to buy me a .40cal. on my 40th birthday in a couple months. :D

All in all, a little honey goes a longer way.

[OzarksMagic]

My wife strictly refused to have a gun in the house. I took a CCW course, I grew up with guns. I bought a gunvault. She still refused. I went to the gunstore and bought a 9mm, then a .38, than another 9mm, then a .22. I keep them in the safe under my desk. She threatened to get rid of them, i told her i would call the police. Now, she just pretends they don't exist. i don't take them out around her, or talk to her about them. i go to the range weekly, she goes tanning. works for me. Bottom line, i wear the pants. My families safety is MY responsibilty and i don't need HER permission to protect them.
You just have to decide how important a gun is to you.

[passintime]

My wife taught me to shoot :D

[GLOCK45GUY]

It's always been a financial issue with us, and she has no hobbies except getting new stuff for the house (counter tops, flooring, new bathroom, etc). Then I get to install it all.

She has a point when see says it will help when we sell, but some if this stuff I wouldn't touch.

She's just too thrifty most of the time, so I just ask for forgiveness, and buy when it's not going to hurt the bank.

As long as the bills are being paid all she does is roll her eyes.

I work for a living too!!!!!

[Geronimo45]

Safety issues can definitely be a factor. Was with my folks, on my first handgun... so I rattled off the safety features of the 1911 versus the shotgun that we already had, and it worked. Drop-safe (for practical purposes), has a manual safety, has a grip safety. Drive home the 'drop-safe' business. After a lifetime of getting gun information from movies, they expect every dropped gun (especially handguns) to go off, like in a Three Stooges episode. Edjimakate 'em, and do so while respecting their intelligence.

[jcramin]

My wife always gets what she wants, and she has always been involved with my gun purchases. as long as shes happy then im happy

[easyrider6042004@yahoo.ca]

So many scenarios/answers to your question.

In my case, all it took was a threat of bodily harm by some crazy employee/contractor. My wife convinced herself. I bought a .38 snubby.

It was smooth sailing after that, until she discovered I had more guns than all members of my family can use:) By then it was too late:D

Scare tactics are the most effective, depending on your neighborhood. Actually you can build a case using the old saying "it's better to have a gun and not need it, than to need a gun and not have it", just like property, medical or life insurance. Wait, life insurance doesn't belong... with life, it is not a question of "if" but "when".

Best of luck to you.

[Shawnee]

Tell her YOU are scared of her having that expensive diamond ring that could get lost or get her mugged. Then suggest that you'll do without the gun if she'll do without the ring.

:evil:

[Rustynuts]

She said if you buy a gun she'll kick me out.



Me buying gun, her finding out getting pissed, me saying tough ****e, get used to it.

9-mos later, her getting CCW.

[Brian Williams]

This has turned into how do you not communicate with your "soul" mate. No longer has anything to do with guns.