Firearm Law Adds Danger to Workplace:Happiness Is a Warm Gun


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Winchester 73
April 13, 2008, 11:53 PM
Carl Hiassen is real hoot.You won't know whether to laugh or cry after reading his gibberish.
And we thought his bosses at the Miami Herald, with their anti-gun editorial about the parking lot bill were full lies and half truths.Carl's got 'em beat by a mile.A paronoid romp!


http://www.miamiherald.com/418/story/492387.html

This "cartoon" was linked to Carl's article although a year old:
http://www.cartoons.nytimages.com/portal/wieck_preview_page_109127

Firearm law adds danger to workplace
Posted on Sun, Apr. 13, 2008
By CARL HIAASEN
Happiness is a warm gun in a steaming hot car.

After years of wimping around, Florida lawmakers finally passed a law that will allow you to bring your favorite firearm to work, providing you leave it locked in your vehicle.

Last week, the Legislature approved the Preservation & Protection of the Right to Keep & Bear Arms in Motor Vehicles Act, otherwise known as the Disgruntled Workers' Speedy Revenge & Retaliation Law.

In the past, deranged employees who wanted to mow down their boss and colleagues had to drive all the way home to fetch their guns. It was the waste of a perfectly good lunch hour, not to mention the gasoline.

Soon, however, any simmering paranoid with a concealed-weapons permit will legally be able to take his firearms to work. If a supervisor rebukes him for surfing porn sites, or a co-worker makes fun of his mismatched socks, he can simply stroll out to the parking lot and retrieve his Glock or AK-47 (or both) to settle the grievance.

There will be no long ride home during which he might reconsider what he's about to do, no time lost rummaging through closets in search of ammunition and clean camo fatigues. Everything he needs for instant revenge will be waiting right there in his car, whenever the urge might arise.

Sissy liberals and even conservative business leaders say the new law is a recipe for mayhem, but they have no faith in the competence or judgment of Florida's gun owners.

Concealed-weapons permits have been issued to about 490,000 residents, not one of whom could possibly be volatile, schizoid or even slightly unreliable. The standards are too exclusive, requiring a gun-safety course, a pulse and a rap sheet free of nasty felonies.

The business lobby and state chamber of commerce had successfully fought the new gun bill for three years, citing many violent workplace shootings committed by unhinged employees around the country.

At last, though, the Republican-led Legislature and Gov. Charlie Crist have bowed to the wisdom of the National Rifle Association. While there was no public demand for bringing firearms to office buildings, malls and other workplaces, the gun lobby recognized the urgent need -- not to mention the obvious convenience -- of having loaded weapons in the parking lot.

The bill was sponsored in the Senate by Durell Peaden, a Republican from the Panhandle town of Crestview, located on Route 90 between DeFuniak Springs and Milton. This must be a perilous stretch of highway, with robbers and thugs lurking behind every billboard -- why else would Sen. Peaden have taken up the cause for putting more guns on the road?

It's true that, statewide, crime statistics show that few motorists are randomly assaulted on the way to or from their jobs. And it's also true that you're far more likely to be accosted by someone who disapproves of the way you change lanes than by someone who wants to steal your Blackberry.

But don't be confused by facts, and don't be afraid to be afraid.

Millions of Floridians innocently drive to work unarmed every day. If there's terror in their eyes, it's only because our highways are crawling with maniacs who don't know how to drive.

Fortunately, the Legislature and the NRA are here to remind us of a larger, unseen menace. Without a firearm in the vehicle, commuters are easy prey for marauding dope fiends, muggers and carjackers.

The new law isn't perfect because of the aforementioned requirement that you can't take your gun to work unless you have a concealed-weapons permit.

Not to worry.

The law prohibits your employer from inquiring about your gun permit -- and the list of Floridians who have one is secret. In other words, feel free to lie to your boss, because there's no way he or she can check it out. The NRA thinks of everything.

Business lobbyists are threatening to go to court and challenge the law, which they say will make the workplace atmosphere more dangerous. They might be right, but danger cuts both ways.

Say a discontented employee runs out to his truck and gets a pistol. Once he stalks back into the stock room and begins shooting, what do you think is going to happen next?

His co-workers will dash out to their own vehicles, grab their own guns and start firing, too. Somebody's bound to hit the crazy bastard eventually -- and, then, problem solved!

So, the new gun law was written with built-in checks and balances. It fiercely protects the Second Amendment rights of potential snipers, and also of those unlucky souls who work side-by-side with them.

May the best shot win.

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The Unknown User
April 14, 2008, 12:14 AM
I honestly don't know what to think. I can't tell if it's satire, sincere, or just random drivel.

Coyote Blue
April 14, 2008, 02:06 AM
Carl Hiassen can be a very clever satirist.
But when he starts talking about guns, which he despises ,or the environment where he is a tree hugging zeolot, he goes off the rails.
So we end up with a column like this full of vitriol and bile, and that is so distorted ,the satiric edge is lost and only the hatred of firearms comes through.

Guitargod1985
April 14, 2008, 02:21 AM
I couldn't bear to read the whole thing. This part caught my eye and I decided it wasn't worth my time: In the past, deranged employees who wanted to mow down their boss and colleagues had to drive all the way home to fetch their guns. It was the waste of a perfectly good lunch hour, not to mention the gasoline.

Is he freaking kindding? So a guy who's going to murder his coworkers would worry whether he was breaking company policy by having a gun in his car? What's to stop him from coming back the next day?

This guy, and it seems most at the Herald, are morons.

I can't even fathom how someone could manage to make it that far in life being so hopelessly ignorant.


ETA: After reading the entire article, I found this gem: But don't be confused by facts, and don't be afraid to be afraid. It's funny he says that, because he does a great job of describing himself.

hunterSthompson
April 14, 2008, 02:22 AM
wow just WOW

XDKingslayer
April 14, 2008, 09:17 AM
Miami can't crack off of Florida soon enough. It's the albatross around our neck, much like Philadelphia is to Pa.

chris in va
April 14, 2008, 09:26 AM
Someone really needs to email the guy and set a few things straight. If it was referring to an individual, I'd consider it slander.

divemedic
April 14, 2008, 09:31 AM
Millions of Floridians innocently drive to work unarmed every day. If there's terror in their eyes, it's only because our highways are crawling with maniacs who don't know how to drive.


and of the 1,328,991 CCW's issued in Florida since 1989, only 3,468 have been revoked for a crime committed after the CCW was issued. Of those, 165 were for crimes involving the use of a firearm. (http://licgweb.doacs.state.fl.us/stats/cw_monthly.html)

Of the remaining 3,303 revocations, 505 of them were like me: the CCW was revoked when the holder was charged with/accused of a crime and the CCW was reissued when the holder was exonerated and filed an administrative appeal. So 2,798 CCW holders' permits were revoked for committing a crime after issuance.

That means roughly two permit holders out of every thousand has committed a crime serious enough to warrant permit revocation, and one CCW holder in 12,000 has used his weapon to commit a crime.

What other demographic in the US can claim lower numbers? AFAIK, there is only one other- private machine gun owners

El Tejon
April 14, 2008, 09:34 AM
Mr. Hiassen seems very confused. Firearms need to be on your person, not in your vehicle.

If you have to run to get it, your weapon is useless.

mike724
April 14, 2008, 09:46 AM
Divemedic, I admire your zeal, but I had to check your math. Your ratios should be 3/1000 have committed crimes of note, and 4/10,000 have committed weapon crimes.

6_gunner
April 14, 2008, 09:50 AM
Say a discontented employee runs out to his truck and gets a pistol. Once he stalks back into the stock room and begins shooting, what do you think is going to happen next?

His co-workers will dash out to their own vehicles, grab their own guns and start firing, too. Somebody's bound to hit the crazy bastard eventually -- and, then, problem solved!

Well, at least he's almost got something right. :neener: If they were drawing their concealed handguns to stop the psycho, he'd be right on!


Honestly, what's the big deal about this!?! People still aren't allowed to actually carry their guns! How could having a gun in one's vehicle POSSIBLY contribute to workplace violence!?! :banghead:

I know, I know; I keep expecting people to think rationally. My mistake.

divemedic
April 14, 2008, 10:57 AM
My math is correct. 2,798 CCW's revoked out of 1,328,991. That is 2,798 divided by 1,328,991 equals 0.002105. So, to be exact, the number of CCW revoked for crimes is 2.105 per 1,000. Remember that although 3,303 were revoked for non-firearms related crimes, 505 were reinstated after appeal, so that leaves 2,798 revocations.

Firearm related crimes is 165 out of 1,328,991. So, 165 divided by 1,328,991 equals 0.0001241, which yields 1.489 per 12,000, or 1 per 8,054. Rounding allows you to pick either.

In order for your figure of 4/10,000 to be correct, there would have to be 532 weapons crimes. (There are 132.8991 groups of 10,000 in a population of 1,328,991. So, 132.8991 times 4 is equal to 531.59)

If you want to go further into the stats, of the 165 firearms related crimes that resulted in revocation, the majority of them were for carrying a weapon into a prohibited location, which is more of a procedural crime than a true crime of violence.

brokencowboy
April 14, 2008, 11:14 AM
Carl Hiassen has been with the Miami Herald for a lot of years writing editorials that attack the insanity of Florida politics, corruption & other items concerning South Florida. He has published many of his columns in several books, one called "Kick Ass". He has also written many works of fiction some of which have been made into movies. )Striptease, Hoot) He is a close friend of Jimmy Buffett & took time off from work to be with Warren Zevon when he was dying from cancer.

I enjoy his work & list him as one of my favorite authors & have several signed copies of his books. However, he is definitely anti-gun though in many of his books his "heros" use firearms. I think a lot of his opinions about guns were formed when he was writing about the drug wars in Miami during the 80's when drug related shooting were common place.

I don't agree with a lot of his opinons, but I find him to be a funny, thoughtful writer who has brought me a lot of pleasure.:)

zxcvbob
April 14, 2008, 11:19 AM
Quote:
In the past, deranged employees who wanted to mow down their boss and colleagues had to drive all the way home to fetch their guns. It was the waste of a perfectly good lunch hour, not to mention the gasoline.

Is he freaking kindding? So a guy who's going to murder his coworkers would worry whether he was breaking company policy by having a gun in his car? What's to stop him from coming back the next day?

He's being sarcastic. He is making fun of the new law (ineffective and unnecessary), but he can't seem to make up his mind what he actually thinks. Not very well written or thought-out. But not as paranoid as some of y'all think it is. JMHO.

Winchester 73
April 14, 2008, 01:46 PM
Someone really needs to email the guy and set a few things straight. If it was referring to an individual, I'd consider it slander.

Chris,I've wanted to email Carl several times in the past on other issues.
Unfortunately his column doesn't come with an email address.Even Leonard Pitts,Pulitzer Prize winner, whose column appears directly below Carl's, has an email address.In fact, Hiassen is the only Herald regular columnist whose byline doesn't include an email contact.
I wonder why?It most be in his contract.
He is by far the richest,most famous Herald writer as pointed out by brokencowboy(love that handle!ex-rodeo rider?)And as cowboy points out,Carl has a very generous heart and sticks by his friends through thick and thin.
But somewhere along the line, perhaps as zxcvbob speculates ,guns became an enormous force for evil with no socially redeeming qualities.
So we end up with this column.And it will be far from his last gun hating diatribe.Stay tuned.

brokencowboy
April 14, 2008, 02:34 PM
*He is by far the richest,most famous Herald writer as pointed out by brokencowboy(love that handle!ex-rodeo rider?)*

Winchester 73

I was born & raised in Ft. Worths TX. I had an uncle who was a working cowboy his entire life & I spent a lot of time with him. When I was retired due to an accident, (a broken back) I recalled my uncle's term for a cowboy who had rode one too many bulls, drank one too many drinks, messed with one too many women, etc. Thus I selected that term for my screen name.

Hiassen has written many series of articles in the past about CC & gun violence. I'm sure he'll have plenty more to say on this subject.

Winchester 73
April 14, 2008, 03:09 PM
I was born & raised in Ft. Worths TX. I had an uncle who was a working cowboy his entire life & I spent a lot of time with him. When I was retired due to an accident, (a broken back) I recalled my uncle's term for a cowboy who had rode one too many bulls, drank one too many drinks, messed with one too many women, etc. Thus I selected that term for my screen name.

Thank you for the explanation.There are a lot of fine Texans on THR.:)
And a belated,"Welcome to the forum".

If you enjoyed reading about "Firearm Law Adds Danger to Workplace:Happiness Is a Warm Gun" here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!