[MicroBalrog]

How to be a good conservative republican

1. you have to believe that every other nation on earth is inferior and morally suspect.
2. you have to believe that blacks are given more advantages in life than whites.
3. you have to believe that women are given more advantages in life than man.
4. you have to believe that cripples are given more advantages in life than non-cripples.
5. you have to believe that the only reason primates came down from the trees and formed societies was for commerce.
6. you have to believe that the only role for government should be to build lots of roads and to grease the wheels of commerce. everything else is socialism.
7. you have to believe that when your safety is threatened, it's better to blow your enemy away than to engage in diplomacy.
8. you have to believe that getting a blowjob in the oval office is more morally repugnant than using the oval office to overthrow the elected governments of several small latin american countries.
9. you have to believe that taxes are a moral sin.
10. you have to believe that if little johnn y really wants to learn how to read and write, he should front the money for it himself.

[Lone_Gunman]

Very open minded thoughts there, Micro.

[Gray Peterson]

This thread is SOOOOO gonna get locked.

[MicroBalrog]

Very open minded thoughts there, Micro.

It's a joke, Gunman.

Just like this is:

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35955

[Lone_Gunman]

Oh, a joke.

Well, not very funny then.

[whoami]

...the smiley.......learn it, use it, love it!

[Mark Tyson]

"Only a weakling suffers no criticism."

This is fair enough. There is an active thread poking all kinds of fun at liberals right now. And it's very funny, too. If you dish it out you gotta be able to take it too.

[c_yeager]

it seems to me that the prime ingrediant to a joke be that it is funny. maybe next time you'll remember that part.

[MicroBalrog]

11. You gotta be unable to laugh at yourself.:neener: :neener: :D

[Tamara]

6. you have to believe that the only role for government should be to build lots of roads and to grease the wheels of commerce. everything else is socialism.

I think the government needs to stay out of the commerce part, too. ;)

[agricola]

11. you have to have an action figure of yourself in some crazy get-up

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_809585.html?menu=news.latestheadlines

:D

[JimP]

Micro - kinda sounds like the state of Israel don't it...???

(and yes - I've been there).

[MicroBalrog]

Israel is more like Sarah Brady's wet dream.:D

[telomerase]

>9. you have to believe that taxes are a moral sin.

Mortal sin, balrog, it's called a mortal sin. Not being a conservative Republican, I can still believe that one completely... unless you think that I can spend your money better than you? Then let me give you my Paypal number....

[seeker_two]

A few points to consider (using your list)...

1. Name a superior nation to the US... :D
2. If you're a reporter for the New York Times, it is true...
3. Ask Kobe Bryant, William Kennedy Smith, and their unidentified "accusers"...
4. Wasn't there an old story (@2 years ago) about a handicapped stripper who sued b/c her club wasn't ADA-compliant?
5. Only if you believe that you're a monkey's descendant (& I DON'T...:fire: )...
6. I believe that gov't shouldn't be involved in commerce PERIOD. And the Interstate Highway System was built more for national security than commerce (why is there a 1-mi. straight stretch every 3-4 miles? Aircraft landing strips)
7. And I thought Israel supported that policy, too...:evil:
8. No, but I believe that LYING UNDER OATH about said BJ is more repugnant than winning the Cold War (remember, those countries were supported by the USSR.)
9. Hey, if you believe that someone w/ a gun & a court order can take away the money that you've worked hard to earn, all power to you. Taxes are a necessary evil, but excessive taxation (esp. to pay for unConstitutional programs) have let to a few revolutions...
10. A person values that which they earn. I don't mind helping to fund Johnny's effort to read--IF HE'S WILLING TO PUT THE EFFORT OUT. But I'm against paying my money to schools w/ incompetent teachers, bloated administrations, and classrooms full of kids learing why the white man is evil & how to put condoms on cucumbers. I'm also not eager to fund schools who are forced to keep delinquents in the classroom who disrupt the learning process for the kids WHO WANT TO LEARN and the teachers can't discipline or expel those students.

Does this add clarity to your "joke"?... :scrutiny:

[Joe Demko]

Lying under oath about a blowjob is more repugnant than winning the cold war. Huh. You don't hear statements that asinine every day.
We supported, armed, trained, and funded murderers. Sub-human slime no different from the sub-human slime we hanged at Nuremburg in anything except bodycounts. Clinton was a fool. Lying under oath about the blowjob may have offended your moral sensibilities, but it in no way compares to supporting such sweethearts as the Talibn, the Shah of Iran, Saddam Hussein, and on and on and on...
Weren't we supposed to be better than the Soviets in a moral sense?

[MicroBalrog]

1. Name a superior nation to the US...

The Jews. Some notable names: Moses, Jesus, Einstein...:D

5. Only if you believe that you're a monkey's descendant (& I DON'T... )...

I do, and I don't believe this contradicts evolutionism. I take the first chapters of the Bible as symbolic only.


7. And I thought Israel supported that policy, too...
After trying negotiation n +1 times...


8. No, but I believe that LYING UNDER OATH about said BJ is more repugnant than winning the Cold War (remember, those countries were supported by the USSR.)

I think Clinton did some worse things...

Taxes are a necessary evil, but excessive taxation (esp. to pay for unConstitutional programs) have let to a few revolutions...

Define "excessive?


10. A person values that which they earn. I don't mind helping to fund Johnny's effort to read--IF HE'S WILLING TO PUT THE EFFORT OUT. But I'm against paying my money to schools w/ incompetent teachers, bloated administrations, and classrooms full of kids learing why the white man is evil & how to put condoms on cucumbers. I'm also not eager to fund schools who are forced to keep delinquents in the classroom who disrupt the learning process for the kids WHO WANT TO LEARN and the teachers can't discipline or expel those students.

Then reform the system, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[Keith]

To be a democrat you must:

1. believe all of the above is true.
2. believe all problems can be solved by hiring more bureaucrats to create and enforce regulations, distribute money to those who don't earn any, etc.
3. believe all earnings are the property of the government and are best used to solve social problems (see #2) rather than for "selfish" uses like paying off mortgages, expanding small businesses, etc.

Keith

[MicroBalrog]

12. Believe there's no constitutional authority for taxes.:D

[auschip]

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how
to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are
more of a threat, than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of
Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by
yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual
is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it?????

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of
the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts
of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E.Lee or
Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't?

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but
a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger
scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese
is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right wing
conspiracy.


Tit for Tat

[Keith]

13. believe that keeping the products of your own labor is a radical and dangerous concept...

[MicroBalrog]

auschip - this was posted here before. I'm a Dean supporter, and I don't believe in any of that stuff:D

[matis]

5. you have to believe that the only reason primates came down from the trees and formed societies was for commerce.
____________________________________________________


Microbalrog,

Humans cannot survive with goods and services.

There are two basic ways to get them.

Steal them from those who produce them = force and fraud = government.


or


Trade for them by mutual agreement and contract = commerce = Capitalism.


There are NO OTHER ways.


With business and COMMERCE come freedom, liberty and economic well-being.

Left-liberal, morally superior and enlightened and compassionate types look down on business and commerce. But they do so with full bellies, warm and comfortable while knocking Capitalism on their cell-phones in their fancy cars and nice homes -- all the result of crass commercial activity done in the pursuit of profit (Sorry, mods, for the dirty word).


"If you are not a socialist when you are twenty, you have no heart.

If you're still a socialist when you're forty, you have no brains."

(How old did you say you where, microbalrog?)




"When goods stop crossing borders, soldiers soon start."




matis

[auschip]

Are you talking about Howard Dean, the Gentleman who said:

"I believe the federal gun laws we have—like the Brady Bill—are important, and I would veto any attempt to repeal or gut them. The Assault Weapons Ban expires next year, and it should be renewed."

"Repeal the Bush tax cuts, and use those funds to pay for universal health care, homeland security, and investments in job creation that benefit all Americans. "

Then again, I understand that Howard Dean supports the $8 Billion in loans to Israel and the $4 Billion in grants, and is the only Democrat that supports the continued high level of support that we have provided your country. The only thing I wish, is that someone would explain to me how a country can be considered "Sovereign" if they couldn't survive without monetary support from another country.

[Keith]

I'm a Dean supporter, and I don't believe in any of that stuff

It's easy to be a liberal when you haven't any money. Wait a few years until you've built a life with your own sweat and labor. And then see if you are still eager to give your money to government rather than start a college fund for your children, buy a new home, expand your small business, etc.

Keith

[Iain]

I am disappointed by the apparent inability to take a joke.

Laughing at yourself is far better than not, when you don't laugh at yourself then there will be plenty of others willing to do it for you.

You give it - you gotta take it too.

[matis]

auschip,

My hats off to you.

And If I had two heads, I'd doff BOTH hats to you.





Beautifully said; well done!


(Oops, I mean your first post, not your second. That issue is not as simple as it seems at first glance.)


matis

[Kaylee]

Micro.... I don't get it. :confused:
You say all that stuff like those are bad things are something..... :)


*sniff* I feels so discriminated against, misunderstood, and unloved. I think I need Cuomo and HUD to bring me milk and cookies and a gov't grant.......


:D


-K

PS -- agricola --


11. you have to have an action figure of yourself in some crazy get-up

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/s...latestheadlines


Oh -- that is SO COOL!! does he come with a little M9 to? :D

[auschip]

Matis, I appreciate it, but I can't take credit for that list. It has been widely posted throughout the Internet. It can be found on many conservative sites.

[Jim March]

What Golgo-13 said about foreign policy (and point 8 in the initial post) has a lot of merit. A whole series of Presidents supported absolute scumbags in 3rd world countries...mostly GOP but some Dems too. People like the Shah of Iran, Saddam Hussein and to a certain degree, the House of Saud.

When it finally blows up, the US gets a major faceful of rotten egg.

[Schuey2002]

12. Dole out billions of our hard-earned tax dollars in "Foreign Aid" to help keep a small sliver of land safe 'n sound ... :uhoh: :p ;) :D

[seeker_two]

The Jews. Some notable names: Moses, Jesus, Einstein...

By nationality , Moses was an EGYPTIAN, Jesus was a NAZARENE, and Einstein was a GERMAN (later became an AMERICAN citizen)...:neener:

I take the first chapters of the Bible as symbolic only.

I bet the Palestinians take "The Promised Land" references as "symbolic only" too..:scrutiny:

After trying negotiation n +1 times...

After being forced by the international community (esp. the US) to do so (Don't take me wrong. I think y'all have negotiated enough & SHOULD start culling the enemies list a little...)

I think Clinton did some worse things...

Vince Foster, the Branch Davidians, and I agree... :fire:

Define "excessive?

Ask the Sons of Liberty...:cool:

Then reform the system, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Sometimes, competition & capitalism is the best reform. Let the public schools compete w/ the private sector (via vouchers). Monopoly breeds stagnation; competition breeds innovation (ask MaBell & the USPS--before & after their monopolies were ended).

It was a nice attempt at a "joke", but it just didn't work.... :neener:

[Mark Tyson]

A lot of countries have very good public school systems. Even some third world countries with little funding have very good education systems. The US schools can be fixed, if you ask me.

[Chris Rhines]

The US schools can be fixed, if you ask me. But should they be?

As for the inital post, I have a few (admitedly sarcastic and mean-spirted) comments up my sleeve...

1. you have to believe that every other nation on earth is inferior and morally suspect. Strike the 'other' and you'll have my full agreement. :D

5. you have to believe that the only reason primates came down from the trees and formed societies was for commerce. I thought that this was an established fact. I'd love to hear what y'all think that society was formed for. Fun?

Figure it out, folks: profit is the only thing that motivates human behaivor.

6. you have to believe that the only role for government should be to build lots of roads and to grease the wheels of commerce. everything else is socialism. No, the government building roads and managing the economy counts as socialism, too.

An ideal role of government would be to simply arbitrate and enforce contracts among individuals, but I doubt that it would be content to stop there. Government never does.

7. you have to believe that when your safety is threatened, it's better to blow your enemy away than to engage in diplomacy. Um, hello? Gun board?

9. you have to believe that taxes are a moral sin. I'm sure the author was expecting the, "Well, no, of course I don't think that..." reaction, but I still can't wrap my head around the fact that people still don't think that government theft is a mor(t)al sin. Sorry. :(

10. you have to believe that if little johnn y really wants to learn how to read and write, he should front the money for it himself. Another entry in the List of Similarities Between Elephants and Donkeys: They both want me to care about little Jhony more than myself.

- Chris

[Mike Irwin]

All 10 sound reasonable to me.

[MPFreeman]

First, there are no "public" schools. They are Government Schools. Or Government Education Facilities.

12. Believe there's no constitutional authority for taxes.

That describes me. The 16th amendment was never truely ratified. Oops. But though I believe this, I don't do things to bring the State Ninjas to my house.

Which takes me to a tangent, if anyone wants to protest the State, don't make a sign and wear beads in the street. Simply withhold your tax money. Money talks. And the state listens to that language.

Hello Federales, thank you for taking the time to read my post, I'll return to the Lair now.

[Orthonym]

C'mon guys, Micro's just a kid and he's joining (like it or not) the army tomorrow. Now THAT is a totalitarian collectivist organization, it has to be. I predict it will be very educational for him in all sorts of ways.;)

[Duncan Idaho]

auschip - this was posted here before. I'm a Dean supporter, and I don't believe in any of that stuffIf that is so (personaly, I don't believe you for a minute), then you obviously don't have even the slightest inkling of who Dr. Dean is, or what he believes in.

[faustulus]

I'm sorry could someone explain the difference between the parties again. From where I sit both of them seem to want desperatly to take care of me without ever once asking if I want to be taken care of.

[HBK]

When I see a list that says "how to be a good democrat" it looks like a list of things a democrat would actually do. When I see a list that says "how to be a good republican" it looks like a list of ridiculous crap that some POS democrat would make up to try to piss of a republican.:scrutiny: