[CZSteve]

Wife just had our second little tax deduction yesterday.

LITTLE girl; a mere 10lbs 4oz & 22" long.
(ALREADY eating like there's no tomorrow)

Had to go w/ a C-Section because of the size of this one.
Hope to bring everyone home Friday.

Then again; momma is doped-up on morphine and I think the gun show is in town this weekend.
Little girl means I need a good Shot Gun to prepare for boyfriends, right? :rolleyes:

Take Care
Steve

[AZTOY]

Congratulations! http://www.yotatech.com/images/smilies/baby.gif http://www.yotatech.com/images/smilies/baby.gif http://www.yotatech.com/images/smilies/baby.gif

[Jake]

Congratulations !!!

[Preacherman]

And unto us is born this day... A FUTURE SHOOTER! :D

Congratulations! She weighed as much at birth as I did - hope that doesn't mean she'll turn out looking like me... that would be too ghastly to contemplate! :D

What's her name?

[CZSteve]

Thanks Preacher;)
First thing my wife asked in the OR was who's nose did she have?
Mine's a bit distinguished :D

Her name is Emma Kathryn ...
Wifey just liked Emma and Kathryn is after my 92 yr old grandmother who is still stong and stubborn.

Take Care

[VaughnT]

Congratulations on a healthy baby girl. I'm told that having a boy makes a man a father, but having a girl makes him a daddy. And there's a whole world of difference.;)

[Ian Sean]

Congrats!! Two boys and one girl myself, yes raising girls ARE different and I have found I am quite a softy anymore when it comes to my little girl.

[Apple a Day]

CONGRATULATIONS! Brace for PINK onslaught!
If a boy's color is blued then does that mean a girl gets stainless steel instead of pink?

I understand about the nose issue. My wife's is nice and straight, cute. I have a Spanish nose what's been busted a few times.

[Dave Markowitz]

Congratulations!!!

As the father of an eight month old daughter, I pass on the following:

Application To Date My Daughter

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________
DATE OF BIRTH________________

2. HEIGHT ______________
WEIGHT __________
I.Q _______
G.P.A.____________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP __________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?
___yes
___no

If No, EXPLAIN
_________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ____

8. Do you own a van? ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? _________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring,
or a tattoo? __________

(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________



10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
________________________________________________

12. Church/synagogue you attend _____________
How often do you attend _____________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and
priest/rabbi/minister? _________________________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone -ever- I promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is
______________________________________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
______________________________________

c) A woman's place is in the
______________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
______________________________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is
______________________________________
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
____________________________________



Please Review the Following Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door
with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter
safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts,
tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,
and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

I SWEAR THAT I HAVE READ ALL THE RULES AND THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

________________________________

Signature (That means sign your name)


Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).



This is your "last chance" to check your answers. Perhaps you should check your response to question #10. This guy didn't get it!

Do you still want to date my daughter?


_____ Yes, please accept my application

_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house.


:evil:

[Darrin]

Little girl means I need a good Shot Gun to prepare for boyfriends, right? Absolutely!! Pump would be preferred just in case you want the amusement of the boyfriend's soiled trousers.

You: cha-chink Where have you been?

Boyfriend: :what: *runs away*

Yeah, I think that would work. ;)

btw, congrats!!

[Norton]

Congrats!:)


To add on to Frodo's thoughts (which sound down right reasonable to me:evil: ) I heard of a true story where a father, in order to ensure the safe and timely return of his daughter from dates, would require that the boys leave something along the lines of $100.00 deposit.

If they weren't back to the house by the appointed hour, dad kept the money. Sounds like a good way to save up for a new gun to me!

[CZSteve]

Thanks to all.

Frodo,
Thanks for the post. Might have to save that one.

Take Care

[Preacherman]

Frodo, that was PRICELESS! :D :D :D :D :D

I'll have to keep that one handy... might make dandy sermon material!

[voilsb]

I am definitely going to need something of this sort should I become a "daddy" (as opposed to a "father").

Of course, becoming a "daddy" is also different from being a "Big Daddy," which I have already been named by a few people (who have the necessary security clearances to be in the know).

[Wanderer]

Don't look at your daughter as a lost firearm fund, look at her (in a few years) as another firearm fund ;) You'll need a couple of .22's, work her up to a .38, then a nice Brand New Wilson Combat .45, with all the bells and whistles!

[Brian Williams]

I have 3 ages 20 3/4, soon to be a pistol packer, 18 the reason I got my shotgun and 12 who wants all of my cute guns.
I have a son in there at 14 also


frodo527 I have had ALL of the guys who have dated my Daughters fill out that application just ask Gus Dddysgrl

Most of all remind Mom she is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!

[CZ-100]

Congratulations on the New Arrival :D

[Henry Bowman]

Congrats to your whole family! The joy has just begun and only gets better.

[El Tejon]

Congrats. Hope mother and child are doing well.:)

[Monkeyleg]

Congrats! You'd better be hanging onto that "extra firearm fund," or we'll see a "WTT firearms for Huggies" here. ;)

[BTR]

I'm very happy for you!

[4v50 Gary]

Cut out beer and at least you go ammo money.

[cool45auto]

:cool: Congratulations!