What do you see in your mind's eye when you read "Mall Ninja?


August 28, 2008, 08:09 PM
I have recently expanded a home based bullet dealing business. I am now in the process of deciding on a name and a logo for the business cards. All I can seem to think of are the funny nicknames on these forums all the time. Lets see we have tacticool, mall ninja, bubba'd guns, internet commando, etc. Why? Because these words put funny images in my head. I want to know what kind of stuff you guys see in your head when you read these words. Pictures are always great but if you don't have them then just try and describe what you see in your mind's eye. Thanks!

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August 28, 2008, 08:17 PM

August 28, 2008, 08:19 PM

August 28, 2008, 08:47 PM







August 28, 2008, 08:55 PM
From a recent post..."Scoot and Shoot" :p

August 28, 2008, 09:07 PM
There can be only one (credit Lights Out Films):


August 28, 2008, 09:20 PM
"Criminals are the vomit of society and we are the sawdust"

August 28, 2008, 09:39 PM
I see someone with a Cold Steal , Dork Ops or Mantis knife , wearing swap meet tactical clothing , eating a hot dog on a stick and trying to look tuff drinking their slurpee thru a neon blue straw.

August 28, 2008, 10:08 PM
Saturday afternoon at the public range, the one over "there" with the full camo, including tactical vest and thigh rigs, and an AR-clone with every accessory available via mail order -- squeezing off a 12" group at the 25 yard line.

Duke Junior
August 28, 2008, 10:11 PM

August 28, 2008, 10:13 PM
A dork in black garb, marine haircut, top gun sunglasses...carrying a large maglite. Maybe even a handheld police scanner.

August 28, 2008, 10:14 PM
Don't go with any of those as the name. Just go with a cool geographical feature of wherever you live, or your favorite game animal, or your last name, or any-goshdarn-thing-else...please...

August 28, 2008, 10:33 PM

August 28, 2008, 10:41 PM
Straight up Ninja, Black Head Gator, Black clothes top to bottom, black mid knee soft boots, with a black shoulder to opposite hip vest, big 'ole mag lite, whistle, and a little white "Security" tag. Not very original I guess...but that's what I see.

Josh Aston
August 28, 2008, 11:05 PM
The "I'm from the Internet" guy. He would have to be the ultimate mall ninja.

Big Boomer
August 29, 2008, 01:33 AM

August 29, 2008, 01:59 AM

Eric F
August 29, 2008, 06:03 AM
What do you see in your mind's eye when you read "Mall Ninja?
thread lock

Mr White
August 29, 2008, 02:21 PM
I see a guy using ceramic plates strapped to his back to shield his partner while she assembles a .300 Winmag NEF Handi-Rifle to deal with the active threat.

August 29, 2008, 03:00 PM

I always think of this kid when someone says mallninja. I may be able to find another that fits the picture in my mind. But this one certainly has the spirit down pat.

I wanted to add that the Extreme Shock advertisement is certainly an accurate depiction of the term also.

August 29, 2008, 03:21 PM

August 29, 2008, 03:29 PM

August 29, 2008, 03:32 PM

I believe this to be an original photo of the poster known as gecko45(the original mall ninja).

Phil DeGraves
August 29, 2008, 04:24 PM
If the pics don't flow in, send me a PM reminder to post some.

Why does this not surprise me?

August 29, 2008, 04:31 PM

August 29, 2008, 06:41 PM
Chuck Norris outside J C Penny.

August 30, 2008, 01:24 AM
Yeah the Extreme Shock (extreme to the max!!!) one.

August 30, 2008, 03:21 AM
Damn, I hate dial up.

And yes, I waited for the whole damn thing to load.

Keyboard repair bills sent out to appropriate parties.


August 30, 2008, 10:11 AM

August 30, 2008, 10:19 AM
LOL. Fletch, you always were a funny guy!

August 30, 2008, 01:21 PM

What image appear when I read" MALL NINJA?

It is someone who thinks a firearm gives them power over others.

To distinguish, a GUN OWNER is someone who is self assured concerning notions of personal "power" whether they have a firearm in their possession or not.

About a year ago I saw some video on YOUTUBE showing a young man...18-20 in age maybe, waving around a Desert Eagle while he sat in front of his computer video camera...talking about his "Bad Boy" gun. Then the weapon accidentally discharged.

That is a MALL NINJA. :eek:


August 30, 2008, 01:52 PM
On The Other Hand . . .


And a piece of advice about business names, slogans on T-shirts, bumper stickers, "clever" yard signs . . . "Funny" wears out really fast, and what you're left with is "stupid."

Choose a business name that demonstrates that you're "in business" and serious about it.

August 30, 2008, 02:31 PM
"Jake's Pretty Good Bullets" has a friendly and homey ring to it.

I'd buy from "Jake's" before I'd buy from "Tackticool Mall Ninja Bullet Company".

August 30, 2008, 08:50 PM
Hey do airsoft mall ninjas count?

August 30, 2008, 09:02 PM
What image appear when I read" MALL NINJA?

Some dork in a security outfit scamming on the prostitots.

August 30, 2008, 09:23 PM
Lurking in the darkest corners of oblivion (or in this case an unused store front), waits a shadow. Mystery is his cloak, stealth his shield, an Aunt Annie's pretzel...well, his lunch.

Hours of running the MKIV machine (10 year olds don't stand a chance) in the game room and chugging Mountain Dew have produced a human, compressed spring, ready to bounce into the face of evil.

August 30, 2008, 09:57 PM
Hey do airsoft mall ninjas count?

Oh, most definitely!

August 30, 2008, 10:03 PM
When I think of a mall ninja, I usually think of some moron who uses Second Chance body armor (level IIa to be exact). You know, because it stops the most rounds. Plus, said mall ninja wears a Trauma Plate on the front. But he is scared that although he can fit an extra trauma plate in the front, he cannot fit a second one in back. So he decides to duct-taping a second trauma plate to the area of his back where the heart and vital organs are located. Then, he puts a vest on top of that. But what he really wants is to go to the single-plate solution in back, because he is worried about repeated hits to that area with .308 ammunition. Afterall, he has a high-risk security job and fears that he would be the target for repeated long-distance shots to his back from a .338 Lapua or something like that.


August 30, 2008, 10:11 PM



August 30, 2008, 10:12 PM
Chuck Norris outside J C Penny

Steven Segall as a Wallyworld Greeter.

or Bruce Lee Guarding Panda Express in the mall Food Court.

August 30, 2008, 10:30 PM
The image that appears in my mind's eye when you say you are considering placing mall Ninja or some other silly term on your business cards as your business name is an image of a lot of zeroes in your bank book - zeroes with nothing in front of them, and a big word stamped in tiny holes through the book - 'CANCELLED'.

Dr. Tad Hussein Winslow
August 30, 2008, 10:42 PM
JakeMcCoy wins - LOL, great thread. :D

Don Gwinn
August 31, 2008, 12:24 PM

September 1, 2008, 07:09 PM

Yeah Jad0110...that's Mall Ninjas all right. You've got this concept pegged man!

("Mother! Where'd I leave my Slinky Black Ninja of Death outfit?"):what::what::what::what:


Savage Shooter
September 1, 2008, 11:09 PM
This was shamelessly copied for everyones enjoyment it is funny. mall ninja at its best folks.:D
Tactical mall Ninja
by Keith on Sun Aug 03, 2008 7:30 pm

Some of ya'll will get this, some of ya'll won't...


As I was leaving my house I stuffed my Glock 10mm "man gun" Mexican-
style in my pants. My backup is a fully customized 1911 with all the
IPSC add-on options in my $500.00 leather pancake holster.
These are the ones used by SEAL Team 6, which I used to be
a part of but all records of my activities were destroyed in a fire "accident".

I put on my Royal Robbins photographer vest to match my pants while
wearing a T-Shirt underneath reading "from my cold dead hands." That
way, nobody can see what I'm packing. I had my Centennial .38 Special
in my ankle holster. Lastly I had my "Covert Sniper" I.D. Card in my wallet
with my "Concealed Weapons Permit Badge". I was ready for anything.

I drove my "bug-out truck" to the 7-11 for some beer, 'cause you
never know. It is a performance-styled Subaru BRAT with 4 cylinders
of ground pounding fury.

I pull up to the 7-11 store and notice a nefarious looking girl scout
eyeballing me from the back of her mother's SUV. A likely cover.

The mother returned to the truck and went for the keys in her purse,
but I knew from my years of combat-honed instincts that she was
actually making a furtive movement for an offensive weapon.

I attempted a tactical shoulder roll, but fell flat on my face, kind
of flopping on the pavement to avoid any incoming rounds and to make
it look like I meant to do that. The store owner called 911 which is
good, because I then did a roll and attempted to draw my Glock.

Unfortunately, since I did not have a holster, the gun "went off" and
the bullet creased my weener. But I was prepared for that and bit
down on a 9mm casing to take my mind off the pain as I dove for the
garbage barrel. That's when I noticed the girl scout shouting
something to her mother who began to take cover. I knew they were
closing on me so I drew my trusty custom 1911 Wilson COMBAT....I knew
that they would be impressed with that. I then duck walked to the
front of her SUV but my gut kinda got in the way and I fell on my
ass, which caused me to swallow my 9mm casing.

I then tried to roll to my right, but didn't want to scuff my
holster, so I just threw myself into a telephone pole, but I landed
on my right side anyway. So I fired one shot towards the woman's SUV
to pin them down as I recovered my wind.

Before the mother knew what was happening, I charged her and I threw
my groin into her knee. I knew that as I vomited on the ground in
front of her that I had interrupted her OODA loop, and I had the
advantage now. As she ran screaming for the girl scout (I knew she
was going for backup) I made for my super-charged BRAT tactical
truck. I jumped into the driver seat, forgetting that I had left my
rare Israeli contract AR 15 Bayonet on the seat (honed to a razors
edge). I could handle it though, half my ass is an implant from war
wounds. As I attempted to start my truck, police and paramedics
arrived on the scene. My truck would not start and instead backfired
once and caused the police to taze me. At this point, I tactically
soiled myself while in convulsions. My custom 1911 then fell out the
window, but I still had my Centennial .38. I knew then that I had to
take out the woman with the purse.

So I aimed my revolver at her, at which point the first police
officer fired once striking me in the chest. Fortunately, I was
wearing my level 3A body armor. I didn't want to hurt the cops, they
had obviously been duped by the evil temptress who was now embracing
her partner in crime and crying to the police in the background - I
knew it was a ruse.

I pulled out my concealed weapons permit badge and showed it to the
officer who shot me and yelled out "I'm one of you guys!!!" He
continued to cover me, and ordered me to drop my .38 so I laid it
down. After all, I still had my bayonet attached to my ass. The cop
walked toward me, and upon reading the badge maced me right in the
eyes. Fortunately, my Oakley shooting glasses stopped most of the
spray and I was able to rip free of the Taser cords easily. It only
cost me one nipple...easily replaced. I dove for the passenger side
of my truck and began to run zig zag for a ditch. Unfortunately, the
bayonet sticking out of my ass slowed me down. I knew it would have
to be hand-to-hand now. I knew the cop couldn't take me when I saw he
merely carried a Glock 17, not a man's gun. So I immediately threw my
eye into his right hook, followed by a knee into his mag light. As I
lay thrashing on the ground, I took the heel of my Bates enforcer
boot and kicked at the cops ankle. I knew from my classified
experiences in Tajikistan that once I broke his ankle, the cop would
fall down and I could "stun kick" him in the head, knocking him out
but not hurting him.

Apparently the cop had also been to Tajikistan, because he side
stepped me and struck me in the back with his ASP baton, but my
trauma plate absorbed it. I then drew my Benchmade auto knife and was
promptly tased again, but I was ready for it this time and only wet
myself a little bit.

Next thing those cops knew, I was unconscious. That'll teach 'em.
1. Be polite
2. Be courteous
3. Plan to kill everyone you meet, if need be.


September 2, 2008, 12:18 AM
Straight up, I want one of these!! :D


September 2, 2008, 12:43 AM

September 2, 2008, 12:47 AM

September 2, 2008, 01:08 AM
I think of the movie "Hackers". Just like the movie, the mall ninjas are big dweeby nerds who don't have guns because they're only 16... just like the movie...

January 15, 2009, 10:21 AM
A dork in black garb, marine haircut, top gun sunglasses...carrying a large maglite. Maybe even a handheld police scanner

i find that insulting.:) you forgot wearing leather gloves

January 15, 2009, 10:38 AM
The guy behind the gun counter at my local WallyWorld wearing his combat boots and black SWAT pants, arms crossed, talking down to everyone, and generally taking himself way to seriously. Probably couldn't get a job at the local gun shop. Thanks for the pics, too funny.

January 15, 2009, 10:42 AM
There is this one tool at my local gun shop......he's not in fatigues at the shop, but I bet he is on his off hours. He is very condescending to the customers, I hardly ever buy from there unless I just have to. I'll bet he is a mall security guard on weekends.

Claude Clay
January 15, 2009, 10:54 AM
....bullets to go

i pour over them so you don't have to

January 15, 2009, 11:05 AM
this is too funny!!

January 15, 2009, 11:25 AM
Lets see we have:

Tacticool - someone who effectively doubles the weight of their weapon with useless items.

Mall ninja - 20 something "bad ass" security guard who couldn't pass the tests/requirements to be a real cop, so loads up on everything he sees in the movies, and talks down to people, usually still lives with his parents.

Bubba'd guns - I took shop in high school, I can fix this!

Internet commando - usually a 12-17 year old kid who claims he's the best shooter on the face of the planet and owns 100 guns when he really couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, and has never shot anything besides in counterstrike. The Internet commando usually "locks up" when confronted with anything "IRL", and proceeds to curl into a ball and weep while rocking gently back and forth.

January 15, 2009, 11:30 AM
The upcoming movie starring Kevin James:

Paul Blart, Mall Cop

winston smith
January 15, 2009, 12:44 PM
One of my employees- 21 years young, tall, thin, and Airsoft Enabled. God help us.

The Swede
January 15, 2009, 01:36 PM
"Scoot and Shoot"
Scoot and shoot at 4:05

January 15, 2009, 01:37 PM
Extreme Shock's exploding pants ad.

January 15, 2009, 01:45 PM

January 15, 2009, 10:42 PM
Internet commando - usually a 12-17 year old kid who claims he's the best shooter on the face of the planet and owns 100 guns when he really couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, and has never shot anything besides in counterstrike. The Internet commando usually "locks up" when confronted with anything "IRL", and proceeds to curl into a ball and weep while rocking gently back and forth.

i almost fit there, im 19.

January 15, 2009, 10:55 PM
wow what a revival! I posted this forever ago!

March 14, 2009, 09:32 AM
Hear we go.......

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