Behind the counter "working in a knife shop"


pale horse
September 10, 2003, 06:03 PM
Last week I was working at the local knife shop and a kid came in with an "interesting" idea. Be forewarned to get your hip waiters and a tin foil hat on its about to get deep.

He first asked me about custom swords, which we do not carry, so I told him that we would have to sit on them too long and as it is. Then things started turning from a decent conversation into a world wide conspiricy about the USA getting invaded. He said he wanted to design a sword with a rifle in/on it so that he could cut through body armor, lets not forget the plate, and fire a round into some unsuspecting enemy solider. I laughed at him and asked if he had ever been in the service and to which he said "No. They wont take me." Hmmmmm I wonder why. Well after I donned my tin hat I started to talk to the youngster.

MY points of the discussion;
1. IF the bad guys got through our military and technology they would have to deal with the thousands upon thousands of former military men and women. Thats not including the Burts, from tremors, of socitey.

2. Very rarely do soliders travel by their lonesome in a country they are invading. He was refering to a scout.

3. If you were to happen upon said solider, without military training and he did not shoot you the guys in his squad would be near by to get to you.

4. A good .22 or an sks would better serve your particular needs rather that a sword in a situation like this.

5. We both agreed on the Home turf advantage, though.

6. A battle field pick up would be more pratical than a sword.

In each case I had to explain that he would be going up against guys that took out our military, thousands of gun owners, technology, police, gubberment and anything else. He being the youth that he is, maybe 18, said that he was training himself in the deadly arts of "backwoods ninja." I took some liberty taken on that one, since mall ninja would not fit this kid.

He has watched too much of the movie Conspiricy Theroy SP??? Since he had the idea of living in a house that could burn the contence with out burning down the rest of the buildings near by. I tried not to laugh but I could not help it. So I explained that the movies are a far cry from "real life." Further more that he should spend some time training on what ever he has in relation to firearms. He has a bb gun which is good, someone cant do too much harm with a bb gun.

He then started talking about cross bows and regular bows so having some experience in my youth I educated him there as well. Knowing what I know now in life I know that if you are good with a bow or a cross bow it would be a great weapon, I would tend to favor the cross bow due to optics capability. He said that cross bows were slow and inaccurate. Hmmm? Then proceeded to ask what first hand knowledge he had on them and I think he said the TeeVee told him so. We did not need to get into bows becuase we both agreed that they were good weapons.

Much of this kids problem was based around the Idiot box Liberal instructional study at home program or TV. Since I dont own one and really have no desire to own one it got me thinking that those kids need guidence more than anything. The other scary thought is this kid and the kids that were raised by the TV are going to be the future if they dont Darwinize themselves for us.

Well this went on for about an hour and a half before I just stopped talking to him. I did not want to be rude, but I have/had a job to do.

Let me know what you think.

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September 10, 2003, 06:15 PM
It sounds to me like this kid has some level of mental retardation. Even if he didn't look or sound like what you might think of as "retarded." Those are just not the kinds of things that mentally healthy people say or think up.

brad cook

September 10, 2003, 06:18 PM
Jeez I would not have spent so much time on it,Id have to get back to building my realy cool, super neat, can't be beat kinda thing that will save us from the marshanns.

:D :neener: :what: :barf:


September 10, 2003, 06:40 PM
Somone has been playing a bit to much Final Fantasy 8 & watching a bit to much X-Files if you ask me...

pale horse
September 10, 2003, 06:41 PM
This guy is not the worst. I mean that there are 30 or 35 year olds that come in and look at the air soft guns/pistols. One guy we call him Wolverine, because he has the side burns, looks at the beretta 92fs and gives the whole spheel that Riggs gave to Murtah on Leathal weapon one. Being kind of smart I said "nope thats just plastic."

Other briliant comments;

Do you have any swords that have killed somebody? To which I said "Nope...Not yet, now gimme that!"

Pretty much anything that starts with " I saw on TeeVee once........."

Is this thing sharp? "Yup now gimme that!"

Dude you could really ...... somebody with this thing. " No you cant now gimme that!"

Do you have anything that could ____ up a 15 year old car thief? "No and you cant either, now go take your pills."

All of these statements you could tack on "Hey Billy, hold mu' beer." at the begining of and it would fit like a glove.

September 10, 2003, 07:54 PM
Ummm, Uh, Yep :uhoh:

Seen 'em, Talked t' 'em, Tried to get away from 'em when they hang around the table at shows or catch me when I'm at one of the shops.:rolleyes:

These folks lead "rich" fantasy lives and I'm not inclined to disrupt their very delicate world view (as long as they might buy a knife from me;) )

Keep in mind that the Rambozo, Concrete Commando, Mall Ninja sorts have more money than the "real deal" guys who are mostly working on gubment salaries to spend on things they don't truely understand or know how to use. God luvem, cause they do spent that money they get from .. wherever...they....get..... Oh, hell now I'm all depressed!:scrutiny:

September 10, 2003, 08:17 PM
:p Dang and to think they even pay you, too! Wish I had an interesting job! :o :D

September 10, 2003, 08:18 PM
"Nope...Not yet, now gimme that!"

Pale Horse, How full are your arms in a day like this????:D


September 10, 2003, 10:32 PM
Show the kid a picture of a Japanese WWII Nambu-Katana. That will really send him into fits of ecstacy.

Sylvilagus Aquaticus
September 11, 2003, 01:37 AM
Either there's a school nurse not giving out the meds on time in your community or there's a lot of paint being shoplifted at S-Mart where you live.

I bet he won't drink fluoridated tap water, either.

I had folks like that who tried to hang out in my coffeehouse. I found that if you ignored them enough they'd resolve themselves and go elsewhere to be weird.


cracked butt
September 11, 2003, 02:44 AM
Maybe its late at night, but danged if this isn't one of the funniest threads I've read in a long time.:evil:

Pale Horse- it sounds like you have a really interesting job, with the ocassional interesting customer.:D

I found that if you ignored them enough they'd resolve themselves and go elsewhere to be weird.

That really does work. Many years ago, one of my college girlfriends and I went out to what could be called an 'eclectic' bar for a few drinks. This guy comes up to me and starts talking to me about UFO's and mind rays, I simply ignore him and he goes to someone else to bug. I tell my girlfriend he's harmless, but ignore him if he starts talking to you. I have to go to the men's room and when I get back, the guy had my girlfriend backed up into a corner talking to her about mind rays and yeti's and such. She gives me a look like I'm supposed to get rid of this guy. I simply shrug and smile at her. She finally gets the hint and turns her back to him and a moment later he latches onto someone else.

September 11, 2003, 05:38 AM
Now in the original story I find one little flaw. If you have a edged weapon sharp and strong enough to cut thru body armor and you suceed in doing this, why shoot? Why not just finish the job with the knife since it's so close to doing a fine job anyway? I quess this soldier is going to stand still long enough for you cut a hole thru his uniform big enough so you can shoot him. Maybe I'm just not ninja qualified.

September 11, 2003, 08:11 AM
This appears to be the direct result of somebody having spebt to much time hanging out in Games Workshop reading copies of Soldier of Fortune left from the 80s. GW makes a big deal of guys using swords in warfare on the 40000s. This guys reminds my why I quit playing GW games. Also reminds me why I quit working in that stupid knife store. Oh well at least I know my store wasn't the only one haunted by idiots.

September 11, 2003, 08:24 AM
my advise...
"quit watching Red Dawn and Highlander back to back".

September 11, 2003, 08:37 AM
This kid's big brother: he doesn't work at a mall & has trauma plates duct-taped to his body, did he?...:uhoh:

Sounds like a kid on my caseload who wants to blow up our "juvenile prison" with RC airplanes. When I told him how much EACH plane costs (not to mention batteries for the RC) & their limited payload, he quickly abandoned that plan...

Now he's fixated on wanting to attack a military base w/ a homemade mortar. I've suggested that he try this at the 105mm artillery range at Ft. Hood, TX....

(Hey, I'm doing something about the recidivism rate...:evil: )

pale horse
September 11, 2003, 11:16 AM
Majic there is one flaw in your "he needs killin" too. Why not go Highlander and chop of his head get his soul and kill all his buddies.

Attention everyone Majic's Ninja status has been revoked for the period of one month for not adhering to the strict tactics of the mall ninja. When you start acting like a ninja we will give you back your ninja merit badge! ;)

I have two hands unfortunatly. So when I am behind the counter I have one sword out at a time that way I am not acting like I am in a Jackie Chan movie trying not to get stabbed by 4 different swords.

Its my part time job, it allows me the cash to buy more ammo and guns.

Joe Demko
September 11, 2003, 02:21 PM
Somone has been playing a bit to much Final Fantasy 8

Shows how much you know. My neighbor, who is a Vietnam Green Beret and SEAL, has a gunblade. It's all made out of ceramic and composites and stuff so he can take it through airports andstuff 'cause he still sometimes does wet work for the CIA. His gunblade was custom made for him by Glock, but they are thinking about marketing a production version which would be LEO only. The Sky Marshals are first in line to get them.

September 11, 2003, 02:58 PM
Golgo, now you stop that! I jes spewed coffee all over my keyboard (Again)! This has to be the funniest thread I've seen all week! :p :D :neener:

September 11, 2003, 03:09 PM
The Army woudn't take him????Sounds like officer material to me..:D
"Just because he's paranoid,doesn't mean they aren't after him."
I work in a menatal hospital,so this seems normal to me!:cool:

September 11, 2003, 03:29 PM
I bet this person thought they had a novel never before tried Idea. I remember seeing in a book once a picture of one from when it was a good idea. When black powder pistols were only one shot... Had to have worked great at the time... you have the one shot then the sword as opposed to a club...

September 11, 2003, 04:28 PM
Man I know a guy exactly like that, that lives down near DC. You don't happen to work in the DC/NoVA area do you pale horse? If so I have a good bet who it is ;)

September 11, 2003, 04:41 PM
He said he wanted to design a sword with a rifle in/on it so that he could cut through body armor, lets not forget the plate, and fire a round into some unsuspecting enemy solider.

Tell this Darwin-deadender that this has already been designed. It's called a Springfield rifle with 24" bayonet.

September 11, 2003, 05:17 PM
The kevlar uniform is why i bought my Poulon at the S-mart

"See this? this is my Boomstick!!!" (

pale horse
October 2, 2003, 01:18 PM
Behind the counter "Working in a knife shop" Round II

Now having been back from vacation of 2 weeks I had a real winner.

A taller guy about 6'5", skinny, older guy around 48-50ish comes in to look at the die cast cars. My best friend was visiting me whilst I talk with this ahem guy. Well he asks about some car that we didnt have. So I gave him the spheel "we can order thing....." He tells me that it has to be just right blah blah blah. So my buddy and I were talking about some recient shooting that were going on in Spokane, one kid shot in head for threating a cop, a bomb scare, a kid shooting in a HS, and a gang related shooting downtown. Well I said that that is why I carry my .45 to my buddy.

Well this, I am going to say idiot, Chimes in with thats too much. I said for what? He said "For anything." My buddy and I look at each other and laugh. So I says to this idiot "So what would you use." He says a Paintball gun." I said thats a little hard to conseal to which the idiot replied well not if you put a piece of surgical tubing and some CO2 at the end of the tube up your sleeve. Hmmmmmmmm. Well there Mr. Assassian looks like we got a winner here. Well my buddy and I laugh again while the guy tries to convince us as to the potential leathality of his desired round and means of carry. He says to my buddy and I if we have ever played paintball or even seen one, we said yes and went along with his crap. He tells Mike and me that one of those paintballs between the eyes at close range and you aint getting up. I did not ask as the the deployment of this apparatus or the ability to reload the thing but he told us of how many or much damage this thing did to a 2x4 so Mike and I laughed again, partly due to the fact that we have been shooting for a few years and know what even a marginal caliber will do to a 2x4. After about 10 minutes this guy walks out and Mike and I just start laughing. Shortly after that Mike had to go so my partner in crime got a dose of the ignorance that I get 3 times a week.

Ding ding ding round 2.

Well about an hour later a kid comes in with I guess his brother and mom. Kid looks like his is trying to be the next Nelly or bangster of some sort with a goofy tan and off white fuzzy outfit with the shoes to match no less. Well I do my standard greeting How are you.... If you have any questions.... They said that they were just looking aroung. He comes up to me and says "Hey can I look at that knife." I asked his age and of course he was too young. So I says "No." Then he and his buddy start talking and come to the collective conclusion that "That sword is dangerous." I figure between the two of them that they can add their brain cells together and maybe come up with something more intelligent than a piece of steel is dangerous. So I said "What makes you say/think that?" And Pimp daddy himself says "Well look at it." Great now I am thinking public educated and a prime example of the shallow end of the gene pool. So I grab the sword and set it on the counter and said "its a tool it takes someone who knows how to use it to do much or any harm." He kind of looks at me like I am crazy so I further elaborate as to the skill of the user and a hard heart. He is still not getting it so I liken swords to pistols and proceed to tell him that a pistol or any firearm is not capable of harming anyone by itself. Our rocket scientist says "Well if you drop it it will go off and shoot you in the head." So I explained that the trigger has to be pulled after all the safeties are disengaged. He still did not get it he must have be educated by teeeveee and democraps. Well he takes off as does his mom and brother and I laugh as they leave just because I could not hold it in any longer.

I dont mean to sound like a jerk, but when the ignorance of someone has been confronted by intelligent and logical thought process. You cant help but treat people like they act and make them feel like they acutally are. Most of the kids that come in are with their buddies and are looking to score some brownie points with them. Well I am not their buddy and have no desire to be because their act only works on the ignorant audience. Well I guess I had better get to work. Take care and enjoy.

October 2, 2003, 01:23 PM
Welcome to the wonderful world of retail. I am very glad I'm out.

My brain doesn't hurt so much as before.

October 2, 2003, 01:36 PM
"...The Army woudn't take him????Sounds like officer material to me..." Jarheads.

October 2, 2003, 01:50 PM
Many years ago I had a part time job as a want to hear some weird/strange tales, try tending bar.;)

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