Sir Galahad
September 13, 2003, 04:29 PM
We've all heard the lame whining----Why do you NEED an AR-AK-MAC-HK and so forth. Why do you NEED a .50BMG rifle? Why do you NEED those weapons? They don't have a "sporting" purpose. What about "common sense" gun laws? What about "safety"? And "the children"? Well let's just apply that to some other things here, just for fun.
1.) ORGANIC FOODS---Why do you NEED organic food? I mean, really, if regular old vegetables and fruit are just fine, why do you NEED organic produce that wastes farmland and increases the abundance of insect pests as well as pest grasses and smuts? Why does society NEED organic vegan food, laden with who-knows-what kinds of crap and tofu (oops, same word) and swimming with minced insect matter? We should have food a little higher on the food chain from various species of ants, flies, and midges. We haven't even talked about rodent feces yet, too! And why do you feel a NEED to foist these questionable products on the rest of us under the aegis of "health"? How healthy is insect-ridden fruit overall? I mean, we're not out there insisting everyone buy an AR-15. So why are out there insisting we buy organic? Why do we NEED organic produce? It's not efficient. I don't think you NEED organic produce. I believe in common sense produce buying where what you get is dictated by NEED and not what you WANT. You NEED some of the 4 food groups (you know, tobacco, steak, just kidding!). It doesn't say it has to be organic. I don't think the right to pursuit of happiness means organic foods. Not to mention the questionable safety of organic produce laden with God-knows-what insect pests being carried across state lines to infect other crops. And what of the children? Do we really want our kids ingesting various fruit fly larvae with every bite of apple and unknown species' pupae with bites of leafy greens? Is ergotized grain really good for the children? And is wheat that various rodents have scampered and defected upon really healthy? No, you don't NEED organic produce. It is too dangerous a practice to the food supply of the people at large to be overly concerned with individual rights and/or choice in this matter. The streets are already flooded with mass-produced tofu-laden vegan microwave meals and we really don't need more
2.) HEMP CLOTHING----When cotton is a good, sturdy fabric, why do you NEED hemp clothing? What, just to be "different" and avant-garde? Why is that a NEED? That is not a NEED. We spent 200 years perfecting the growing of cotton and phasing out of hemp for you throwbacks to try and use a textile most of society does not NEED. Plus, the children might goout to those hemp crops and ingest that hemp to try and get high and get sick. We have to think of the children. And look at the good farmland being wasted by hemp-growing. We could probably feed Ethiopia ten times over if we grew wheat there instead. So why does your WANT trump those peoples' NEEDS? You don't NEED hemp clothing. It's a WANT.
3.) LIVING WAGES----So, you think you NEED $10 and hour to work at Mickey Ds? No, you don't. You'd LIKE and WANT that, but you don't NEED that. Think of the children! How can we make our children pay attention in school if we cannot threaten them with a lifetime of working at Burger King for dropping out of school? Not to mention that a $10 per hour burger flipper will cause the price of burgers to escalate to $15 per hamburger, plain, no cheese. That hurts society at large. You cannot trump society's NEEDS with your WANTS. Plus, the children might be attracted by McDonald's lucrative wages and work there and accidently ingest too many burgers and become dangerously overweight according to United Nations weight standards (based on the height-weight belwether of Somali refugees) and then we'd have to ban hamburgers and there go more jobs! (We can pin that on a Republican president if one's in office for not addressing the "secret sauce loophole" and the "double-patty loophole" that led to the horrific epidemic of obesity.) Then, without those high-paid fast food jobs, we'll ave to pack even more kids into the already overcrowded collective communes where everyone gets to sing wonderful and heartwarming ballads like "M-M-M-My Stalinona" and the theme song for the hit TV show "I Love Lenin". So tell me more about your NEEDS, thou dangerous living wager!
4.) FREE-TRADE COFFEE----How are the wages of some coffeebean picker in Ecuador directly related to your NEEDS? Hmm? Care to answer that between slack-jawed nods of your scruffy, lice-ridden dreadlocked head? Why do you NEED to worry about coffee that costs $30 a pound? Oh, I see! So you can sit outside coffeehouses with names like "The Daily Worker" where folk bands with names like "Peoples' Revolutionary Acoustic Band" and street poets with names like "SkyPurple" perform to the absent-minded swaying of perpetually stoned art students, sipping your free-trade coffee as people drive by in their beat-up VW vans saying, "Whoaaaa....those dudes are sooooo-hhoooo coooollllll...." Well, Mr. Shaggy-Headed Lice Colony and Ms. Tie-Dyed Billowy Skirt, that is NOT a NEED! In fact, drinking coffee is not a NEED. Plus, think of the children. Coffee drinking may deprive them of the sleep necessary according to the United Nations Childrens' Sleep Index.
1.) ORGANIC FOODS---Why do you NEED organic food? I mean, really, if regular old vegetables and fruit are just fine, why do you NEED organic produce that wastes farmland and increases the abundance of insect pests as well as pest grasses and smuts? Why does society NEED organic vegan food, laden with who-knows-what kinds of crap and tofu (oops, same word) and swimming with minced insect matter? We should have food a little higher on the food chain from various species of ants, flies, and midges. We haven't even talked about rodent feces yet, too! And why do you feel a NEED to foist these questionable products on the rest of us under the aegis of "health"? How healthy is insect-ridden fruit overall? I mean, we're not out there insisting everyone buy an AR-15. So why are out there insisting we buy organic? Why do we NEED organic produce? It's not efficient. I don't think you NEED organic produce. I believe in common sense produce buying where what you get is dictated by NEED and not what you WANT. You NEED some of the 4 food groups (you know, tobacco, steak, just kidding!). It doesn't say it has to be organic. I don't think the right to pursuit of happiness means organic foods. Not to mention the questionable safety of organic produce laden with God-knows-what insect pests being carried across state lines to infect other crops. And what of the children? Do we really want our kids ingesting various fruit fly larvae with every bite of apple and unknown species' pupae with bites of leafy greens? Is ergotized grain really good for the children? And is wheat that various rodents have scampered and defected upon really healthy? No, you don't NEED organic produce. It is too dangerous a practice to the food supply of the people at large to be overly concerned with individual rights and/or choice in this matter. The streets are already flooded with mass-produced tofu-laden vegan microwave meals and we really don't need more
2.) HEMP CLOTHING----When cotton is a good, sturdy fabric, why do you NEED hemp clothing? What, just to be "different" and avant-garde? Why is that a NEED? That is not a NEED. We spent 200 years perfecting the growing of cotton and phasing out of hemp for you throwbacks to try and use a textile most of society does not NEED. Plus, the children might goout to those hemp crops and ingest that hemp to try and get high and get sick. We have to think of the children. And look at the good farmland being wasted by hemp-growing. We could probably feed Ethiopia ten times over if we grew wheat there instead. So why does your WANT trump those peoples' NEEDS? You don't NEED hemp clothing. It's a WANT.
3.) LIVING WAGES----So, you think you NEED $10 and hour to work at Mickey Ds? No, you don't. You'd LIKE and WANT that, but you don't NEED that. Think of the children! How can we make our children pay attention in school if we cannot threaten them with a lifetime of working at Burger King for dropping out of school? Not to mention that a $10 per hour burger flipper will cause the price of burgers to escalate to $15 per hamburger, plain, no cheese. That hurts society at large. You cannot trump society's NEEDS with your WANTS. Plus, the children might be attracted by McDonald's lucrative wages and work there and accidently ingest too many burgers and become dangerously overweight according to United Nations weight standards (based on the height-weight belwether of Somali refugees) and then we'd have to ban hamburgers and there go more jobs! (We can pin that on a Republican president if one's in office for not addressing the "secret sauce loophole" and the "double-patty loophole" that led to the horrific epidemic of obesity.) Then, without those high-paid fast food jobs, we'll ave to pack even more kids into the already overcrowded collective communes where everyone gets to sing wonderful and heartwarming ballads like "M-M-M-My Stalinona" and the theme song for the hit TV show "I Love Lenin". So tell me more about your NEEDS, thou dangerous living wager!
4.) FREE-TRADE COFFEE----How are the wages of some coffeebean picker in Ecuador directly related to your NEEDS? Hmm? Care to answer that between slack-jawed nods of your scruffy, lice-ridden dreadlocked head? Why do you NEED to worry about coffee that costs $30 a pound? Oh, I see! So you can sit outside coffeehouses with names like "The Daily Worker" where folk bands with names like "Peoples' Revolutionary Acoustic Band" and street poets with names like "SkyPurple" perform to the absent-minded swaying of perpetually stoned art students, sipping your free-trade coffee as people drive by in their beat-up VW vans saying, "Whoaaaa....those dudes are sooooo-hhoooo coooollllll...." Well, Mr. Shaggy-Headed Lice Colony and Ms. Tie-Dyed Billowy Skirt, that is NOT a NEED! In fact, drinking coffee is not a NEED. Plus, think of the children. Coffee drinking may deprive them of the sleep necessary according to the United Nations Childrens' Sleep Index.