Yo Mama So Tactical 2: Tactical Reload


September 17, 2003, 12:16 AM
Yo Mama So Tactical:
she didn't know Mozambique was a country.
her vehicle lights are taped over to maintain light discipline.
she think Burt Gummer ain't tryin' hard enough.
when someone on TV said 'African-American' she ask 'Is that muzzle up or muzzle down'
she rewrap her kitchen knives with paracord.
when she park her car on the drive, she cover it with camo netting.

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September 17, 2003, 12:22 AM
Yo Mama So Tactical,

She don't smoke nothin' out on patrol,
she switched to Beech-Nut.

She taped her jewerly down so it don't be jingle-janglin'.

She gots Light Green and Loam fer eyeliner.

September 17, 2003, 12:30 AM
Yo Mama So Tactical,

She got a sound suppressor and a trigger job done on her vaccume cleaner.

She got a second pistol grip on her hand mixer.

She got a "zipline" to her mail box.

She got a wormcam for a peep hole on her front door.

September 17, 2003, 03:25 AM
She soaks her dentures in Butch's Boreshine and keeps them in place with red Loctite.

She put an ACOG on her dashboard, just so she can park the car!

She wears Agrip pasties, so her husband can get a grip!

And finally... *drumroll*

Her bladder control products are rated +P+!

September 17, 2003, 03:27 AM
Her minivan's a Hummer H2.

She got carbon-fiber Kiddie-seats.

Her seatbelts are "Kevlar webbing restraint systems".

She got a bathrobe made-a aramid fibre with a trauma plate.

She calls the Bridge club speed-dialer her "Squad-automatic."

She calls washing-up before dinner the "Decontam Protocol".

She gotta credit-line at Spyderco.

She cuts birthday cake with Cold Steel.

She gotta laser sight on the garden-hose nozzle.

September 17, 2003, 09:59 AM
Her nightgown is a ghillie suit.

She makes your dad sleep in shifts, so they can maintain 50% security.

Her idea of dinner out is an MRE, eaten in the backyard.

Instead of taking you to Disney World, she took you to GunSite.

When you scraped your knee as a kid, she wrapped it in a field dressing.

She was asked to stop teaching your Boy Scout Troop how to lay an ambush.

When you came home late as a teenager, she had booby-trapped the front door.

She issues an OPORDER, Warning Orders, and FRAGOS whenever you leave the house.

She has a terrain model of your neighborhood in the basement.

At bedtime, instead of saying your prayers, she makes you recite the Ranger Creed.

September 17, 2003, 10:07 AM
yo momma so tactical

she had her tweezers and nailfile parkerized

she calls the kitchen the 'chow hall'

she keeps her tampons in a speed loader

she cleans the dishes with CLP

September 17, 2003, 10:42 AM
she got a dual retention screw Kydex diaphram

she shops in a zig zag pattern

September 17, 2003, 11:06 AM
...she shaves her legs with a k-bar.

...she keeps her toll change on a stripper clip.

...her driver's license picture is distorted for 'security reasons'.

...when she goes out drinkin', she takes her camelback.

...she knows all of the words of the theme music to 'SWAT'.

...when she buys meat at the grocer, she
tells him to 'tag it and bag it'.

September 17, 2003, 11:06 AM
Your momma so tactical,

There's no talking at the dinner table, only hand and arm signals are allowed.

Black Snowman
September 17, 2003, 01:45 PM
Yo mama's so tactical
she has formation lights on her hummer.
she likes to keep her M2HB "cocked and locked"
SWAT comes to her for pointers.
SWAT asks if they can train in the back yard.
California tried to ban her.

September 17, 2003, 01:56 PM
Yo momma's so tactical that she makes you "slice the pie" when go into the kitchen for a midnight snack.


September 17, 2003, 02:22 PM
Before you dad married her he had to wait three days for the permit.
During labor her she bit down on a stick instead of getting pain reliever.
The family has sick call at 0530. Issues a motrin and a slap for being weak!
The family dalmation has an urban camo coat scheme


...Her favorite set of sexy panties have "Molon Labe" written across the back! :D

(you know..that might not be a bad idea...hmmm)

Good Shooting

September 17, 2003, 03:04 PM
...she wakes you up for school with a flash-bang.

...she yells "all clear!" whenever she leaves a room.

September 17, 2003, 03:16 PM
Yo mommas sooooo tactical...

She ain't the 'da bomb'.....

She's the Theater Nuclear Delivery System!!!!!:what:

4v50 Gary
September 17, 2003, 03:22 PM
You mama so tactical she:

daubs camouflage paint on for makeup;
uses a 50 cal ammo can for a purse;
thinks a ghillie suit is an evening gown;
has nothing but Cold steel for cutlery in her kitchen;
uses a baton for a meat tenderizer;
uses a RCBS 10-10 scale to measure when she bakes or cooks;
use a powder trickler to spread sugar over the cookies;
serves stew from a bullet casting ladle;
wears 30 caliber bullets on a chain for a necklace;
serves MREs for fast food;
allows other drivers to speed ahead so they can "de-mine" the road for her;
thinks the garden is a perfect place for the air raid shelter.

September 17, 2003, 03:31 PM
California tried to ban her.


September 17, 2003, 03:46 PM
Yo Mama so tactical...

... When dad wants to "get lucky", he dabs on some Hoppe's #9 and describes a sucking chest wound he read about.

... Her and dad dance back-to-back so they can "cover" the room.

... She once shot the babysitter for making a furtive movement.

... Went bankrupt trying to start a lingerie business called; "Fredericks of Gunsite".

... Gave up knitting because it was so difficult to find Kevlar yarn.

... Has her white "Wedding Gun" displayed on the mantle, cocked and locked.

... Once pistol-whipped dad for quoting Mas Ayoob.

... Once pistol-whipped a clown at Chucky Cheese for making her quarter disappear.

... Uses Tetra Gun-Lube for sensual massages.

... Has a chrome plated gun-on-a-rope just for baths and showers.

El Tejon
September 17, 2003, 04:00 PM
. . . the bingo prizes at her church group are all firearms.

. . . her front license plate reads, "let me tell you about my gun collection" instead of "let me tell you about my grandchildren."

. . . when you complain that you are cold, she has you do push ups and sit ups for 30 minutes to warm up.

. . . she won't let you go outside without the "colour of the day."

. . . she directs your playing of "cops and robbers" with your friends.

. . . her travel club lists Blackwater and Thunder Ranch on their schedule.

. . . she shows you how to break the arm of the schoolyard bully who is shaking you down for your lunch money.

. . . the school makes her walk through the metal detectors three times before she can come to parent-teacher night.

. . . you hydrate before bed, not ask for a glass of water.

. . . she refers to sending you off to school in the morning as "getting you trained up."

. . . she makes references to "one time in the 'stan" when re-living her girlhood.

September 17, 2003, 04:21 PM
...her little black book has phone numbers for Col. Cooper, Dick Marcinko, and R. Lee Ermey.

...she uses Nomex potholders.

...she uses Thermite in her slow cooker.

...she uses Outers Gun Wipes instead of Wet Ones.

...the cookie jar has a 1917A1 w/ motion detector.

...her Grandmama taught her how to field strip a BAR.

...soccer moms fear her.

...instead of a dozen roses, she wants hubby to bring her a dozen MRE's.

...and the number one indicator...

...she arranges a blind date for her daughter with Skunkabilly because he's "a good, tactical boy." :D

September 17, 2003, 04:54 PM

September 17, 2003, 06:23 PM
Keep it clean, folks. Art's Grammaw is watching...


Home is where you hang your head. -- Groucho Marx

Dave Markowitz
September 17, 2003, 06:35 PM
Yo momma so tactical ...

... she don't have a handbag, she got a bug out bag.

... she use FP-10 instead of cinnamon when cooking.

... she don't use plastic-ware, she use polymer-ware.

... her nightie is made out of ballistic nylon.

... she use Hoppes #9 for perfume.

... she gargle with Shooter's Choice.

... she use a Dewey cleaning rod to spank you.

El Tejon
September 17, 2003, 10:12 PM
. . . she's a Moderator on THR. (That's for you, pax).:D

Navy joe
September 17, 2003, 10:53 PM
Yo mama soo tactical her make-up mirror is a lensatic compass.

September 17, 2003, 11:41 PM
Yo mama so tactical

She had the phone number changed to 223 3006

September 18, 2003, 01:13 AM
She thinks DD-214 is a bathroom cleanser.

She thinks that 'Ranger T' is made by Celestial Seasonings.

She taught her bridge club to hold their cards in Position Sul.

She thinks that Pat Rogers is Fred Roger's little brother.

September 19, 2003, 04:55 AM
Yo Mama So Tactical,

She doesn't lock up the house at night, she secures the perimeter.

She "tactically reloads" the TP rolls.


September 19, 2003, 08:32 AM
Yo Momma So Tactical...

Skunkabilly's jealous of her.

Zach S
September 19, 2003, 11:43 AM
...she could do a speed reload and change your diper at the same time.

...she taught you how to field strip and AR15 before you could read.

...you got off the school bus at a local range.

...the ATF calls her to find out what's legal her area.

...she got mad when her high-school love in Blackhawk Down stole her line ("This is my safety").

...she taught you the "Rifle Creed" before the ABC's.

...she taught you the four rules, before you could count to four.

...local police have her on speedial.

...she doesnt wear a necklace, because it gets tied up with her dog tags.

...you have a panic room.

...Sarah Connor called her for tips.

Futo Inu
September 19, 2003, 12:08 PM
Rdlg155 - LMAO - but Molon Labe should be on her bra, since it's "come and get THEM". :) Yeah, and Zach, unlike Jodie Foster's, the panic room won't be missing the most important thing, an arsenal.

Yo mama so tactical, she dress you in BDUs for school, and SBA with trauma plates and balaclava's for your football game.

September 19, 2003, 12:21 PM
Her nylons are 1000 denier.

September 19, 2003, 01:20 PM
Yo Mama so tactical she....

Wear a kevlar shroud when she load
the oven with Thanksgivin' turkey
and yell "fire in the hole"
when she turn on the gas.


Nathaniel Firethorn
September 19, 2003, 06:31 PM
...when she wave to the neighbors, she use a Emerson Commander to do it.

...when she walk the dog, she follow him with a pooper cooper.

...she keep the number of the Million Mom March on speed dial in case she need directed fire.

...she got a .50BMG lipstick and a Claymore compact.

...stead of whole-wheat, her bread dough is C4.

...she carve the Easter ham with a smatchet.

...when she swat a bug, she aim for the brainstem...

...and then spydie-drop him into the wastebasket.

- pdmoderator

September 20, 2003, 12:41 AM
...when she wave to the neighbors, she use a Emerson Commander to do it.

:D :D :D :p
*groaaaaan!!!!!* :D

September 20, 2003, 03:29 AM
.......she use J-B Bore Paste for diaper rash
.......she use bonded core tampons
.......her curling iron has a light rail
.......her thongs are made by Milt Sparks

September 20, 2003, 12:39 PM
...she uses the text of the AWB as a shopping list.

September 20, 2003, 01:42 PM
Yo Mama so tactical, her hot flash clear a city block!

September 20, 2003, 02:48 PM
she taught you to field strip, clean & fire the most widely used assault rifles, subguns and pistols before you were allowed to go to kindergarden.
She gave you an M1 carbine for your fifth birthday.saying..'its a good little starter gun, son'
she has reinforced cement flower pots at the perimeter of her 'command post' to deter suicide truck bomber's.
she has camoflagued sand bag bunkers in strategic locations in the yard.
She works out with an aerobics video that uses a M1 Garand as it central weight for arm strength and as a stretching tool.
she built a reinforced platform in the roof of the house(permit said sunbathing) for a camera platform and to house the remote control MK19.
She painted claymores to match the exterior decor of the 'command post', pointed outboard and wired into the panic room(she calls it OpsHQ)...next to the bank of video monitors and joy stick for the autoloading grenade launcher.
She calls the lawn the 'freefire zone'.
Langley, SpecOps Command, SAS and the Pentagon have her number on speeddial.
On your birthday cake, the candles had a strange resemblance to sticks of TNT, she said...'blow out the fuses....FAST!!'
She is outlawed in 6 countries(well eight, but the other two no longer exist...perhaps because OF her visit).
She has a mini- mine dispenser and smoke screen on the aft end of her personal hummer. And two rocket tubes on the roof for 'traffic jams'.
She holds 'morning briefing' and 'threat assesment' everyday before the family departs.
She has downloaded photos of all her 'favorite' personalities from global news, hollywood and certain political figures to be printed up for target practice.
Instead of UPS and FedEx, her deliveries come in dark armored vans with tinted windows and no identifying features.
She has a chopper pad in the backyard...that gets used!
Her satalite dishes have little to do with televised entertainment.
She has a sign at the front gate, saying 'stick to the sidewalk, I am getting older and forgot where I put all the mines!'
When the Neighbors stray poodle 'found' one of the mines last summer, she administer the coup de grace with an MP5SD! And said something about having a nice stew for dinner.

I have only one question? Does she have a single younger sister?

September 20, 2003, 03:06 PM
Yo mama so tactical

She made the hallway to your bedroom into a bayonet course.

She flosses her teeth with det cord.

All the kids on the block call her sir.


October 30, 2003, 04:40 PM
Yo Mama So Tactical, she think 'stock options' mean getting either a Magpul M93 or VLTOR fo' her pre-ban AR-15.

October 30, 2003, 07:09 PM
She think "Roe vs. Wade" is alternate methods of crossing a water obstacle.

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