[Preacherman]

From the Telegraph, London (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;$sessionid$XHQPJUGCD2CNZQFIQMGSFF4AVCBQWIV0?xml=/news/2003/10/08/whaiti08.xml&sSheet=/news/2003/10/08/ixworld.html):

You owe us $21,685,135,571.48

By Henry Samuel in Paris
(Filed: 08/10/2003)

Haiti has demanded that France hand over the staggering sum of $21,685,135,571.48 - today's equivalent of the 90 million francs that Haiti was forced to pay French landowners in 1825 in exchange for independence.

Jean-Bertrand Aristide, Haiti's president, said the sum did not take into account interest, penalties or the suffering and indignity inflicted by slavery and colonisation.

The French foreign minister, Dominique de Villepin, has rebuffed the demand, saying that the European Union had given Haiti more than $2 billion in aid in recent years. But with the bicentenary of Haiti's independence only months away, the government has refused to back down.

The country is awash in banners, bumper stickers, television adverts and radio broadcasts demanding a return of the money the fledgling state paid French landowners driven out by the slave uprising of 1804. "It's serious, and it's going to intensify," a spokesman for M Aristide said.

[Balog]

What are they gonna do, invade? Oh wait, this is France we're talking about. A wooden rowboat with a squad of elderly handicapped people [armed with WWII surplus bolt actions] could probably trigger their finely honed surrender instinct.

Balog: despising the Frogs since he was 12.

[capt_happypants]

I think the best summary of Franco-Haitian relations was written by NRO's Jonah Goldberg:

"Basically, a bunch of uneducated and ill-trained slaves gave France the shaft militarily, thus beginning the two centuries long saga of France getting shellacked every time they girded their man-panties enough to get into a fight in the first place."

I think Aristide and his goons would have better luck collecting on this unpaid debt by talking to Germany. After all, our Gallic friends would not like having angry Teutonic Overlords(tm) knocking on the door.

[George Hill]

The Complete Military History of France
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
-Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
-The Dutch War - Tied
-War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
-War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
-World War II - Lost. Twice. It’s important to note that during Operation Torch at the beginning of the US invasion of North Africa, US Forces battles French forces for 4 days… by the end of which, we had destroyed the French Navy and they of course surrendered to us. Later, conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.



"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." – Mark Twain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." – General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." – Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." – Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" –Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." – Rush Limbaugh,
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." – Regis Philbin
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." – P.J O'Rourke (1989)
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" – Jay Leno
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." – David Letterman
"The heaviest cross I had to bear was the Cross of Lorraine." – Winston Churchill
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France!
Why wasn't Jesus born in France? God couldn't find three wise men, much less a virgin.
Why are the streets of Paris Lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.

[Mike Irwin]

Where are Papa Doc and Baby Doc when you need them?

[chaim]

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. Hey, what's wrong with Baltimore?!!!:fire:


Note: In case you didn't know, Columbia is about a 20 min drive from Baltimore.

[jimpeel]

Jean d` Arc was the only Frenchy they ever had with guts; and they burned her at the stake for being more of a man than any Frenchman alive.

[agricola]

er... "we destroyed the French Navy"?

http://www.onwar.com/chrono/1940/jul40/f03jul40.htm

also, we (as in the UK) burned Jeanne d'Arc, not the French.

[telewinz]

Haiti doesn't have to invade France, just mine their harbors with banana peels and France will cave and ask for terms of surrender.:uhoh:

[rick newland]

http://politicalhumor.miningco.com/library/images/blpic-frenchmap.htm

[Mike Irwin]

"er... "we destroyed the French Navy"?"

You took a turn at it, and we took a turn at it during the invasion of North Africa...

Damage to the Jean Bart as inflicted by the 16" guns of the USS Massachusetts...

http://warships1.com/FREbb06_JeanBart_dmg_strbrd.jpg

[HankB]

Hey, what's wrong with Baltimore?!!! 1. It's in Maryland, a state well-known for hostility to the 2nd Amendment.
2. A couple of years ago, I read Baltimore had the highest infection rate for syphyllis among major U.S. cities.

Is there a connection? You tell me. :neener:

P.S. Don't be so down on the French - except for their courage, culture, language, food, and personal hygiene, they're not so bad.

[Carlos Cabeza]

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, I like to see accountants on my operating
table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.

The second responds, Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything
inside them is color-coded.

The third surgeon says, No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The fourth surgeon chimes in: You know, I like construction workers.
They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end
and when the job takes longer than you said it would.

But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes: The French
are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine.
Plus the head and rear end are interchangeable.

[Iain]

Just a quick post to say (and yes I am supposed to be away but microbalrog keeps linking me to threads, not this one, but it led me back to thehighroad): You wouldn't want to mess with the Foreign Legion, but then they ain't Frenchmen anyway.

I did read someone, can't remember who, who said that there are only four countries capable of dealing with plane hijacks by storming the plane, those countries being Britain (yay!), Israel (boo! - only kidding micro), Germany (5-1) and France (what, did he say France? why yes, yes he did)

Hope you are all well.

[keederdag]

You ever see what happens when someone rob's a bank in France; they Kill everyone, BUT the bad guy's! The reason they are so hard on internal terrorism, is because they have absolutly NO compunctions about killing their own people, inocent or guilty.:scrutiny:

[Balog]

I did read someone, can't remember who, who said that there are only four countries capable of dealing with plane hijacks by storming the plane, those countries being Britain (yay!), Israel (boo! - only kidding micro), Germany (5-1) and France (what, did he say France? why yes, yes he did)

The good people of Seal Team Six might take umbrage at that. And by "take umbrage" I mean stomp the person who said it:p

[BigG]

As a person of French descent many years removed I find the foregoing extremely... funny! Thanks for some good laughs! :D

[Futo Inu]

George Hill - LMBO!

[Waitone]

IIRC during the former administration the US Navy was planning some kind of presence // landing on Haiti. An unruly crowd formed and drove off the US Navy with a well-aimed barrage of rocks.

Let's don't be any tougher on the French than necessary.

[Moparmike]

You really dont have to worry about the french...

I even googled for it...:D French Military Victories (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html) :D :D :cool:

From what I hear, they dont have the money anyway. Their economy is in the sh...err...toilet.:o So, my advice to Haiti is to invade. Make sure you bring your Uber-Tactical Frog-intimidating Spork (http://cdevco.net/spork.jpg) :D .

[greyhound]

Hey, what's wrong with Baltimore?!!!

I agree, Chaim, I call cheap shot!

I live out in the sticks, but work downtown every day...

Haven't you people seen the park benches there?

Used to say "Baltimore - The City That Reads"

Now they say "Baltimore - Greatest City In America"

I dare any of you to refute that evidence!:D

[cordex]

Balog,
The good people of Seal Team Six might take umbrage at that. And by "take umbrage" I mean stomp the person who said it
I thought this was more the territory of HRT than the Development Group.

[Brian Dale]

Mopar, re:The "French Military Victories" Google result:

I just about fell out of my chair laughing. The dog's looking at me like I'm nuts right now (yeah, I know). Good one. :D

[Mike Irwin]

"Now they say "Baltimore - Greatest City In America"

I dare any of you to refute that evidence!"

Well, with the pretty substantial increase is syphilus (sp?) in Baltimore over the past several years you can definite say that Baltimore is a very loving city...