Your Funny Gun Quotes


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colorado_handgunner
April 3, 2009, 02:15 AM
All right, lets hear all your funny gun quotes and statements, the ones that are yours and the ones you have heard. :D Come on, lets laugh a little!

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PT1911
April 3, 2009, 02:22 AM
signature says it all...

SquirrelNuts
April 3, 2009, 02:23 AM
One of my favorites is "why do you carry a .45?" and the reply is "because they don't make a .46"

armoredman
April 3, 2009, 04:00 AM
Best were when I was doing armored work for 8.5 years...
"Is that thing loaded?"
"You're not allowed to carry REAL guns, are you?"
"Got any free samples?"

Deus Machina
April 3, 2009, 04:08 AM
Don't know if he thought of it, but it's in the sig line of a member of another, unrelated forum.

"Guns kill people, like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat."

Restorer
April 3, 2009, 04:14 AM
"...and it didn't kick as much as I thought it would." - my sister, after shooting a hole in my brother's beautiful hardwood floor with his Browning Citori 20 gauge. Long story.

"I'm the only one in this room professional enough..."

TAB
April 3, 2009, 04:21 AM
Gun shows are like strip clubs.
you get to see alot, touch a little, but nothing ever comes home with you.

Kind of Blued
April 3, 2009, 04:51 AM
"I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas."

KevinAbbeyTech
April 3, 2009, 04:59 AM
"I am the sergeant of a three-man rapid tactical force at one of america’s largest indoor retail shopping areas."

lol...
Never heard that one before.

armoredman
April 3, 2009, 07:04 AM
Gecko45 will never die...

Eric F
April 3, 2009, 07:19 AM
As a lock blows apart

"sorry guys its a weatherby"

TWeatherford
April 3, 2009, 09:37 AM
"Keep your booger hook off the bang switch until you want to destroy something."

Dr. Tad Hussein Winslow
April 3, 2009, 09:55 AM
"You're not allowed to carry REAL guns, are you?"

Naaaaah, of course not, this is a cap gun. Some people. :)

Killermonkey21
April 3, 2009, 10:48 AM
Read the sig. :)

3pairs12
April 3, 2009, 10:52 AM
"I think it is the shoulder thing that goes up." As said by one of our favorite antis referring to a barrel shroud.

Carl
April 3, 2009, 11:03 AM
"If guns cause crime then all of mine are defective." -Ted Nugent

Nugilum
April 3, 2009, 11:08 AM
Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my guns.

fireman 9731
April 3, 2009, 11:32 AM
Heres another thread on favorite movie gun quotes...

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=213785&highlight=qoutes

LightningCrash
April 3, 2009, 11:55 AM
How much ammunition is too much?
No such thing, unless your house is on fire.

ldyates
April 3, 2009, 11:57 AM
"No, no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad."

- Blazing Saddles

scndactive
April 3, 2009, 12:17 PM
Son, if I took a notch out of the stock for for every deer and hog I've shot with that rifle I'd be shootin' a barreled action.

DC300a
April 3, 2009, 12:18 PM
I know this one is old but I actually had a chance to use it recently. A friend and I were dicussing his new Concealed Weapons Permit when his girlfriend's roommate piped up and asked why we carried pistols everywhere we went. I quickly answered, "Because a cop is too heavy and won't fit in my pocket."

She didn't have a response for that.... :D

Hawk
April 3, 2009, 12:41 PM
All from Mark Twain:


Don't meddle with old unloaded firearms. They are the most deadly and unerring things that have ever been created by man. You don't have to take any pains at all with them; you don't have to have a rest, you don't have to have any sights on the gun, you don't have to take aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him. A youth who can't hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three-quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his mother every time at a hundred. Think what Waterloo would have been if one of the armies had been boys armed with old rusty muskets supposed not to be loaded, and the other army had been composed of their female relations. The very thought of it makes me shudder.
- Advice to Youth speech, 4/15/1882


I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault--you could not hit anything with it. One of our 'conductors' practiced awhile on a cow with it, and as long as she stood still and behaved herself she was safe; but as soon as she went to moving about, and he got to shooting at other things, she came to grief.
- Roughing It


George Bemis . . . wore in his belt an old original "Allen" revolver, such as irreverent people called a "pepper-box." Simply drawing the trigger back, cocked and fired the pistol. As the trigger came back, the hammer would begin to rise and the barrel to turn over, and presently down would drop the hammer, and away would speed the ball. To aim along the turning barrel and hit the thing aimed at was a feat which was probably never done with an "Allen" in the world. But George's was a reliable weapon, nevertheless, because, as one of the stage-drivers afterward said, "If she didn't get what she went after, she would fetch something else." And so she did. She went after a deuce of spades nailed against a tree, once, and fetched a mule standing about thirty yards to the left of it. Bemis did not want the mule; but the owner came out with a double-barreled shotgun and persuaded him to buy it, anyhow. It was a cheerful weapon--the "Allen." Sometimes all its six barrels would go off at once, and then there was no safe place in all the region round about, but behind it.
- Roughing It

.cheese.
April 3, 2009, 12:59 PM
Gun shows are like strip clubs.
you get to see alot, touch a little, but nothing ever comes home with you.

I like that one.

SomeDude
April 3, 2009, 01:26 PM
Seen on a bumper sticker.."I carry a small gun to compensate for my huge pecker."

Zach S
April 3, 2009, 01:28 PM
If I was compensating for anything, I wouldn't carry a gun with a 5" bbl.

22LRFan
April 3, 2009, 01:31 PM
"A bullet sounds the same in every language." -Family Guy

"Got change for a .38?" -Frisky Dingo

tank mechanic
April 3, 2009, 01:41 PM
Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous.

Drebin: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.

Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?

Drebin: I used to have that problem.

Jane: What did you do about it?

Drebin: I just think about baseball.

KarenTOC
April 3, 2009, 01:50 PM
My favorite TV line of all time happens to be gun-related. Peg Bundy to Al, upon returning home from several days away:

Peg: Did you miss me, Al?
Al: With every shot so far....

CoRoMo
April 3, 2009, 02:01 PM
And that there is an argument, in American, from Hillary Clinton, from Barbara boxer, Diane Fienst-, from a whole gaggle of numb-nuts, who would try to tell me, they will dictate where, how and if I can defend myself. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_QjEL0uUgo)

and...

The entire scene when Homer Simpson buys a handgun.
Replying to the notion of a waiting period...
"...but I'm mad now!"

snipe300
April 3, 2009, 02:40 PM
Sig line...

FireArmFan
April 3, 2009, 03:12 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM3j34i81Fk

This is pretty funny

Davionmaximus
April 3, 2009, 03:26 PM
A 9mm can spread to a .45 but a .45 can't shrink to a 9mm...

I know this one is old but I actually had a chance to use it recently. A friend and I were dicussing his new Concealed Weapons Permit when his girlfriend's roommate piped up and asked why we carried pistols everywhere we went. I quickly answered, "Because a cop is too heavy and won't fit in my pocket."

This one slayed me!!:D

Nugilum
April 3, 2009, 04:13 PM
FireArmFan quoted American Dad before I could.

Excellent quote:
"... Guns defend people against people with smaller guns."

highlander 5
April 3, 2009, 04:30 PM
"if we're gonna dance I'm bringing the band" is what I tell anyone who asks what would happen if I had my house broken into while home.

Quickill
April 3, 2009, 04:32 PM
Homer Simpson: If I didn't have this gun, the King of England could just walk right in here and start pushing you around. You want that?

Ken Titus standing at a mailbox reading his mail. (Gunshot) The mail box falls over. Ken looks off screen.
Ken:You would have hit me if you didn't have that lazy eye! HA HA!

Igloodude
April 3, 2009, 04:33 PM
"I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas."

If he can quote the mall ninja then I can quote the DEA class clown:

"I'm the only one in this room professional enough, that I know of, to carry this weapon."

dersequim
April 3, 2009, 04:55 PM
At my CCW class this guy shows up with an, FBI T-shirt! LOOK OUT:uhoh:

He had to have EVERY Q on TEST Explained:what:

Then when the Instructor did the TWO fingerprint cards:fire: Both times
he put up his LEFT hand for the Right:banghead:

HE WASN'T DOING IT TO BE FUNNY:cuss:

Finally at the range, with his 45, he had to have the range instructions repeated and he still fired TOO MANY times each round:eek:

I DO BELIEVE we should have shot the INSTUCTOR :scrutiny: When he PASSED HIM:cuss:

SciFiJim
April 3, 2009, 05:17 PM
Signature line on another forum.

WARNING..ALL load data is safe in MY gun...What is safe in mine might blow up yours, cause the planets to align, opening a portal to the 8th dimension. Dress accordingly.

Cougfan2
April 3, 2009, 05:25 PM
From my favorite movie of all time, Tombstone.

"Why Ed Bailey, are we cross?" Doc Holliday

"Go ahead boy. Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens!" Wyatt Earp

"Why Johnnie Ringo, you look like a shadow just walked across your grave." Doc Holliday

Duke of Doubt
April 3, 2009, 05:49 PM
"Well, God gave fat men guns so we wouldn't have to deal with that s***."

- The Last Dragon

SpecialKalltheway
April 3, 2009, 05:57 PM
From my favorite movie of all time, Tombstone.

"Why Ed Bailey, are we cross?" Doc Holliday

"Go ahead boy. Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens!" Wyatt Earp

"Why Johnnie Ringo, you look like a shadow just walked across your grave." Doc Holliday

also from Tombstone
bad guy says to Doc: "Your so drunk, you're probably seeing double!"
Doc Holiday: "Well I have two guns, one for each of you."

love that movie

USAFNoDAk
April 3, 2009, 06:24 PM
Oh they flew right by me while I wasn't ready,
15 big mallards it made me just sick.
I loaded my gun in a last minute effort,
When I pulled the trigger it only went click.

I bought me a shotgun I bought me some shells,
bought me some waders, went out with the boys.
Snuck up to some ducks, but when we opened fire,
they only sat there 'cause they were decoys.

We found us a pothole, me and 4 others,
shot us some snow's, we got one apiece.
We once were the hunters, but now we're the hunted,
'cause we shot five of the farmers tame geese.

Auburn1992
April 3, 2009, 06:43 PM
I remember one guy said on this site, "Hi point should make a shotgun, then they could complete the ugly-gun trifecta."

Gave me a pretty good laugh.

wagoneer1019
April 3, 2009, 06:53 PM
my brother in law and his friend where out in the desert shooting and this old desert-rat pulled up on a quad and said "been shootin'?" they said "yeah" the old man said "shouldn't be doin' that" asuming he was some crazy hippie they asked "why?" and the old man said blunty, "need to save thoes"

catspa
April 3, 2009, 09:37 PM
If you're not willing to defend your life while you're still alive, don't come crying on my shoulder when you end up dead.

Parker

ThrottleJockey
April 3, 2009, 10:46 PM
I love this one. One of my all time favorite characters.

When his daughter, Gloria, informed Archie that over 85% of all murders were committed with handguns his response was, "Would you feel better if they were pushed outta windows?"

jbkebert
April 3, 2009, 10:56 PM
Get your damn gun beaters off of my firearms.

Clifford
April 3, 2009, 11:33 PM
After shooting a phone book with a .45 cal swc in a redneck penitration test. My not so gun-informed freind says " if you shoot it with a hollowpoint it would probably go thru two phone books".

SundownRider
April 4, 2009, 12:59 AM
"But what did you feel when you shot that insurgent?" asked the reporter of the Marine Sniper.
"Mostly recoil." replied the Sergeant.

crazy-mp
April 4, 2009, 01:34 AM
"Stop moving around and ducking, your a harder target to hit!"

From someone on this web site about a gun show, "Did you just buy that beautiful firearm, or are you trying to sell that piece of crap?"

I did hear this at a hardware store the other day
Man 1: Yeah I have been putting .22 ammo back for a while now
Man 2: Yeah every time I see a box I buy it
Man 1: How much do you have?
Man 2: Around 2500 rounds I would say
Man 1: I have 4000
Man 2: That’s quite a bit!
Me thinking....I usually buy 5000 rounds at a time, 14 gun shows a year times.......:D hey it made me smile.

You might make it across the field in 15 seconds, but the buckshot WILL outrun you every time.

"Is that a machine gun?"
No I can just pull the trigger at a rate of 900 rounds per minute

"I am still waiting for someone to neck a .50 BMG down to .17 that will be the ultimate squirrel gun" -Crazy-mp (oh that’s me)

What did you learn in the war?
"Front sight, center mass"

sig line

metallic
April 4, 2009, 01:38 AM
Don't run from a sniper, you'll just die tired.

Buck Snort
April 4, 2009, 01:46 AM
I may go to hell for shooting you, you sonuvabitch, but if I do I'll meet you there!

notbubba
April 4, 2009, 02:13 AM
From the movie "The Survivors" as Donald (Robin Willams) & Jack (Jerry Reed) are having a running shootout in the woods.

Donald: Jack?
Jack: Yeah?

Donald: Time out, OK?
Jack: Time out?

Donald: Time out.
Jack: What do you mean, 'time out?'

Donald: You're not gonna believe this. I was in a hurry when I left the cabin this morning, and, well, silly me, I got the wrong bullets.

Not a very good movie but that silly line made me laugh.

Jubjub
April 4, 2009, 07:33 AM
The film Heist had a few good crime related bits of dialogue involving guns, as well as a pretty good shootout.


Joe Moore: Why doesn't he shoot me?
Fran Moore: That's the deal.
Joe Moore: He ain't gonna shoot me?
Fran Moore: No.
Joe Moore: Then he hadn't ought to point a gun at me. It's insincere.



Bobby Blane: There's nothing wrong with prayer. We knew this firefighter, this trooper, who always caried a bible next to his heart. We used to mock him, but that bible stopped a bullet.
Jimmy: No [expletive].
Bobby Blane: Hand of God, that bible stopped a bullet, would of ruined that ****er's heart. And had he had another bible in front of his face, that man would be alive today.

gun addict
April 4, 2009, 10:27 AM
My favorite line are from that old Steven Martin movie

bad guy sights in his AR " Die Gas pumper!!"

Steven: "Stay away from the can! They hate the can!!!!"

gimlet1/21
April 4, 2009, 11:28 AM
This isn't my post, just moving it to where more can enjoy the irony.

posted by Sseven on another thread

1. Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, Detroit & Chicago cops need guns.

2. Washington DC's low murder rate of 69 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Indianapolis' high murder rate of 9 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun control.

3. Statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control but statistics showing increasing murder rates after gun control are "just statistics."

4. The Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban, both of which went into effect in 1994 are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates, which have been declining since 1991.

5. We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.

6. The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.

7. An intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.

8. A woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.

9. When confronted by violent criminals, you should "put up no defense - give them what they want, or run" (Handgun Control Inc. Chairman Pete Shields, Guns Don't Die - People Do, 1981, p. 125).

10. The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about guns; just like Guns & Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.

11. One should consult an automotive engineer for safer seat belts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for internal medicine, a computer programmer for hard drive problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms expertise.

12. The 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, refers to the National Guard, which was created 130 years later, in 1917.

13. The National Guard, federally funded, with bases on federal land, using federally-owned weapons, vehicles, buildings and uniforms, punishing trespassers under federal law, is a "state" militia.

14. These phrases: "right of the people peaceably to assemble," "right of the people to be secure in their homes," "enumerations herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people," and "The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people" all refer to individuals, but "the right of the people to keep and bear arms" refers to the state.

15. "The Constitution is strong and will never change." But we should ban and seize all guns thereby violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th Amendments to that Constitution.

16. Rifles and handguns aren't necessary to national defense! Of course, the army has hundreds of thousands of them.

17. Private citizens shouldn't have handguns, because they aren't "military weapons'', but private citizens shouldn't have "assault rifles'', because they are military weapons.

18. In spite of waiting periods, background checks, fingerprinting, government forms, etc., guns today are too readily available, which is responsible for recent school shootings. In the 1940's, 1950's and 1960's, anyone could buy guns at hardware stores, army surplus stores, gas stations, variety stores, Sears mail order, no waiting, no background check, no fingerprints, no government forms and there were no school shootings.

19. The NRA's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign about kids handling guns is propaganda, but the anti-gun lobby's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign is responsible social activity.

20. Guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.

21. A handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.

22. Women are just as intelligent and capable as men but a woman with a gun is "an accident waiting to happen" and gun makers' advertisements aimed at women are "preying on their fears."

23. Ordinary people in the presence of guns turn into slaughtering butchers but revert to normal when the weapon is removed.

24. Guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows.

25. A majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority of the population supported owning slaves.

26. Any self-loading small arm can legitimately be considered to be a "weapon of mass destruction" or an "assault weapon."

27. Most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.

28. The right of Internet pornographers to exist cannot be questioned because it is constitutionally protected by the Bill of Rights, but the use of handguns for self defense is not really protected by the Bill of Rights.

29. Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self- defense only justifies bare hands.

30. The ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the Constitution.

31. Charlton Heston, a movie actor as president of the NRA is a cheap lunatic who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas, a movie actor as a representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN arms control summit.

32. Police operate with backup within groups, which is why they need larger capacity pistol magazines than do "civilians" who must face criminals alone and therefore need less ammunition.

33. We should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other inexpensive guns because it's not fair that poor people have access to guns too.

34. Police officers have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that private citizens can never hope to obtain.

35. Private citizens don't need a gun for self- protection because the police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the police are not responsible for their protection.

36. Citizens don't need to carry a gun for personal protection but police chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators who work in a building filled with cops, need a gun.

37. "Assault weapons" have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people. The police need assault weapons. You do not.

38. When Microsoft pressures its distributors to give Microsoft preferential promotion, that's bad; but when the Federal government pressures cities to buy guns only from Smith & Wesson, that's good.

39. Trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why you see police officers with one on their duty weapon.

40. Handgun Control, Inc., says they want to "keep guns out of the wrong hands." Guess what? You have the wrong hands.

__________________

HexHead
April 4, 2009, 11:39 AM
"We deal in lead, friend."

Steve McQueen in The Magnificent Seven

gimlet1/21
April 4, 2009, 11:40 AM
Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

Cannonball888
April 4, 2009, 11:53 AM
http://www.indiatime.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/tuco1.jpg

"When you have to shoot, shoot. Don’t talk!"

gimlet1/21
April 4, 2009, 11:57 AM
Top Ten Gun Safety Tips

10. Always keep your gun pointed in a safe direction, such as at a Hippy or a Communist.

9. Dumb children might get a hold of your guns and shoot each other. If your children are dumb, put them up for adoption to protect your guns.

8. No matter how responsible he seems, never give your gun to a monkey.

7. If guns make you nervous, drink a bottle of whiskey before heading to the range.

6. While unholstering your weapon, it’s customary to say “Excuse me while I whip this out.”

5. Don’t load your gun unless you are ready to shoot something or are just feeling generally angry.

4. If your gun misfires, never look down the barrel to inspect it.

3. Never us your gun to pistol whip someone. That could mar the finish.

2. No matter how excited you are about buying your first gun, do not run around yelling “I have a gun! I have a gun!”

1. And the most important rule of gun safety: Don’t piss me off.

Zach S
April 4, 2009, 04:40 PM
5. We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.
I got to use this one at work a while back.

"Weapons aren't allowed on the property, not even in the parking lot."
"Why?"
"Because someone might get mad and go postal or something."
"And the fact that, if allowed, I would carry, in case someone would go postal, makes me paranoid?"
"Yes."
"Thanks for clearing that up."

SpecialKalltheway
April 4, 2009, 04:54 PM
I laighed out loud on this one
8. No matter how responsible he seems, never give your gun to a monkey.

TeamPrecisionIT
April 4, 2009, 05:17 PM
I got to use this one at work a while back.

"Weapons aren't allowed on the property, not even in the parking lot."
"Why?"
"Because someone might get mad and go postal or something."
"And the fact that, if allowed, I would carry, in case someone would go postal, makes me paranoid?"
"Yes."
"Thanks for clearing that up."


I've had similar conversations amongst my peers.

"Be courteous, be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

BADSBSNF81
April 4, 2009, 11:32 PM
Heard this one many, many, many years ago - If you'r gonna carry it, be prepared to use it, if you're gonna use it, be prepared to kill with it, if you have to kill with it, keep your mouth shut until your lawyer arrives.

Clifford
April 5, 2009, 01:25 AM
From the movie Tropic Thunder.
"I'm a lead farmer m*********er!!!!"

Yo2slick
April 5, 2009, 01:50 AM
"I'm the only one in this room professional enough..."

Shortly after this statement the ATF agent shoots himself. LMAO!!! Good Stuff!

scottfrmga
April 5, 2009, 07:40 AM
Don't know where it came from but it's a good one
"worst case of suicide I ever saw......shot himself in the head three times"

gimlet1/21
April 5, 2009, 10:13 AM
A blond suspects that her husband is cheating on her, so she purchases a handgun and follows him.

upon finding him in the arms of another woman, she gets distaught and draws the gun and puts it to her own head.

The husband yells,"No honey don't do it."

The blond replies, " Shut up! Your next."

cactusgeorge
April 5, 2009, 11:50 AM
GUN AXIOM: Do unto others as they would do unto you....Only do it first..!!

230RN
April 5, 2009, 12:27 PM
Old Shaker / Quaker farmer, to young buck who's annoying his lovely daughter.

"Friend, I would not harm thee for the world. But thee are standing where I am about to shoot."

Terry, 230RN

searcher451
April 5, 2009, 10:57 PM
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word."

Seems like I've heard that one somewhere before. :)

tpaw
April 5, 2009, 11:15 PM
When the reporter asked the sniper " what do you feel after shooting someone?" the sniper replied " recoil ".

SomeDude
April 6, 2009, 12:13 AM
True story, my aunt said to my uncle...
"Anytime I want something for the house it's 'We don't have enough money'. But when you want a gun it's like we're the damn Rockerfellers."

cbrgator
April 6, 2009, 12:51 AM
FireArmFan quoted American Dad before I could.

Excellent quote:
"... Guns defend people against people with smaller guns."
I can never tell if Seth McFarlane (creator of family guy/american dad) is pro-gun or just using these characters to mock us. As a Hollywood celebrity, I'd assume the latter... but there are always exceptions.

Igloodude
April 6, 2009, 08:24 AM
"Y'all call me a paranoid gun-nut now, but we all know who you're going to be running to for help when the zombies show up."

cbrgator
April 6, 2009, 12:33 PM
"Y'all call me a paranoid gun-nut now, but we all know who you're going to be running to for help when the zombies show up."
Awesome! People tell me that all the time. I have a bunch of friends who tell me I'm crazy, but if SHTF, they are coming to my house. I'm in trouble because if S really does HTF, there's going to be a line outside my house a mile long.

foghornl
April 6, 2009, 03:43 PM
Got asked a couple of times while shooting my SKS:

'Is that an 'Assault Weapon'?

"Only if I butt-stroke you in the face with it!"

lamebums
April 6, 2009, 03:45 PM
(Why do you have all that?)

"The goddamn zombies aren't going to shoot themselves."

DRYHUMOR
April 6, 2009, 06:57 PM
8. No matter how responsible he seems, never give your gun to a monkey.

Sound advice. :D

ejfalvo
April 6, 2009, 07:23 PM
My son was watching my brother in law and I target shooting. He is slightly better than I. The dialogue:

son: Uncle Dave, you sure are a great shot
BIL: I practice alot. Ill always be able to beat your dad
son: If I go stand by the targets (100 yards) can you hit an apple in my hand
BIL: Nope, but I can make you drop it................

Funniest thing I heard in a long time.

Woodstock45678
April 6, 2009, 08:00 PM
OMG ejfalvo one of the funniest I've read.

True stories are always the funniest

crazy-mp
April 7, 2009, 01:27 AM
I'm in trouble because if S really does HTF, there's going to be a line outside my house a mile long.

I just hope your line does not get backed up into my line!



Did anyone else see that commercial for Brothers in arms hells highway?

There were a couple WWII soldiers in a bunker laughing at a sniper quite a ways away laughing at him for wasting his ammo and when the guy in front says something to one of the other guys he realizes that they are all dead.

I guess it was funnier on TV.....oh well :rolleyes:

alaskanativeson
April 7, 2009, 01:45 AM
Not so much funny as wonderful:

"You're right, there's no such thing as spending too much money on guns."
- My wife

A little background: we were living in Colorado as i was preparing to finish school before moving back to Alaska to teach. We had just driven to the grand opening of the huge new Cabelas in Sydney (the first one) when she saw the head and teeth size of the Brown Bear mount.

I love my wife.

mindwip
April 7, 2009, 03:37 AM
"My first plan of action is to ductape ceramic bullet proof plates to my back, that way when we are being shoot at i can soak up multiply 308 hits and provide cover for my other team members to fire back? Do you think i can impove on this plan."


Perhaps...


Gecko45 if you have not read the great words from this guy you are missing out.

KC0QGL
April 7, 2009, 04:59 AM
"Watch out for Kamron, he's a gun nut."

This came form the same guy who was fired for pointing his loaded Tazer at all of my co-workers BUT ME. The Tazer was one of many reasons he is no longer with the company.

My all time favorite:
"I'd like to shoot the bastard who...."
Heard that one form my Dad when I was a kid.

Zach S
April 7, 2009, 09:08 AM
"I'd like to shoot the bastard who...."
I use that one quite a bit. I'm the family mechanic.

Revolver Ocelot
April 7, 2009, 09:16 AM
"I think it is the shoulder thing that goes up." As said by one of our favorite antis referring to a barrel shroud.


3pairs12, does this look framiliar?

http://i42.tinypic.com/ipyt5z.jpg

Southern Rebel
April 7, 2009, 10:25 AM
Don't run from a sniper, you'll just die tired.

The following was a Rapid Wit Reply from my cousin when I mad fun of her .25 caliber defense gun:

"yeah, well just don't run from my .25 because you will die VERY tired from all the running plus the multiple superficial gun wounds!"

ErikS
April 7, 2009, 11:12 AM
Charlie Miller, Texas Ranger (http://www.shootingtimes.com/gunsmoke/miller_0730/) Charlie was after an outlaw and caught up with him in the vega of the river, in Val Verde County just south of the area where I used to serve as sheriff. In a flurry of action the Ranger and the outlaw wounded each other. As he lay in the brush, Miller called over to his assailant and told him that he knew they were both wounded. Miller suggested that they stand up and finish this fight like men so that one of them could get to a doctor. In later years Miller would just shake his head and state, "And you know what? That damned fool actually stood up!"

NCSUPackman
April 9, 2009, 12:45 AM
A good friend of mine who I have taken shooting and gave many lessons about guns was explaining a great deal he got on a high end guitar. He explained it as "It's like a I got a Kimber at a non-Kimber price."

22LRFan
April 9, 2009, 03:20 AM
Crazy-mp I remember that commercial! It was Call of Duty 5 and the "noob" got the M1A1 Carbine right away because he pre-ordered at GameStop...I know because I used to work at one. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5TQVSxQEPA

Sixtigers
April 9, 2009, 07:12 AM
"I believe so, son. Give it a shot!"
--My father, when my 12 year-old self asked if it would hurt less if I moved the shotgun away from my shoulder a couple of inches.:scrutiny:

one45auto
April 14, 2009, 10:56 AM
Haven't read all 92 replies so I don't know if this has been posted yet, but.....

"Emmett, this is Rooster....I got five more Marshals out here and we got a bucket a' coal oil."

"Drink it!"

"One more minute and you're gonna drink it! Chuck your guns out and follow em' with your hands high and nobody'll get hurt. If that coal oil goes down the chimney we're killin' everybody that comes out that door."

earlthegoat2
April 14, 2009, 03:23 PM
Customer at a gun counter: The 9mm is not that good of a round anymore is it?

Gun seller: What are you talking about? The 9mm has killed more people than cancer.



This could be part of the reason so many people are hard on gun salesman. That is why I always say: Maybe its not the salesman, maybe it is you.

SpecialKalltheway
April 14, 2009, 03:38 PM
Sixtigers:
Most memorable gun quote:
"I believe so, son. Give it a shot!"
--My father, when my 12 year-old self asked if it would hurt less if I moved the shotgun away from my shoulder a couple of inches.

hahahahahahahahaha sounds like something I would do. gotta love family.

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