Mall Ninja?


PDA






crawdaddy
June 21, 2009, 04:56 PM
Alright, I need some help...What is a mall ninja?

If you enjoyed reading about "Mall Ninja?" here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!
gripper
June 21, 2009, 05:13 PM
The ultimate wannabe;replete with a truckload of tacticool-bubba'd gear.
Usually seen in malls(BAD NINJA!-I SAW YOU!)...
Think of a 25 year ol dguy in 1989....wearing old jungle cammies....and talking about is service ...in 'Nam.

cyclopsshooter
June 21, 2009, 05:22 PM
so that guy they caught pretending to be a survivor of 911 and a war hero can be classified as a mall ninja?

GZOh_Jr
June 21, 2009, 05:31 PM
Pretending to be a war hero and/or survivor makes you scum, but not necessarily a mall ninja.

I take them to be anyone without any military or law enforcement connection who feels the need to have tactical/spec ops/special forces gear/accessories/attachments.

A few gadgets here and there are admittedly cool, but too much makes you kind of a .... wannabe.

2RCO
June 21, 2009, 05:38 PM
It all started with Gecko_45 and his epic story!

Here's a link to the best archived copy of the craziness.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

gunlaw
June 21, 2009, 06:09 PM
gecko 45 cannot be real. whoever made up this clown should write fiction for a living. if this guy is real he is the biggest a**wipe i have ever heard of.what a waste of flesh

John Parker
June 21, 2009, 06:12 PM
Gecko_45 was a satirist poking fun at the absurdity of what was to become the Mall-Ninja.

2RCO
June 21, 2009, 06:14 PM
John after a few years of contemplation I tend to agree with your assessment.

cyclopsshooter
June 21, 2009, 06:21 PM
so having never served but still owning a stock S&W M&P15 does not make me a mall ninja?

2RCO
June 21, 2009, 06:24 PM
No cyclops --to be a real mall ninja you have to have at least one duct taped on trauma plate and a tactical Golf Cart.

John Parker
June 21, 2009, 06:24 PM
No...but tricking it completely out and making up stories about that time you took out some Hajis in 'the Box' would. Mall Ninjas are the guys who think that gear makes up for a lack of training, training, training.

crawdaddy
June 21, 2009, 06:51 PM
I'm almost sorry I asked...I could have gone the rest of my life and not "known" about the "swat mall cops". I have met people like that but Gecko_45 takes the cake. Thanks for the education.

cchris
June 21, 2009, 09:34 PM
Just make sure you know ninjitsu, in case you encounter the guy.

ljnowell
June 22, 2009, 01:02 AM
Just make sure you know ninjitsu,

You never know when you will need to climb up walls.

JAV8000
June 22, 2009, 01:08 AM
Mall Ninja= a (out of shape) guy with a 5.56 AR15 that weighs over nine pounds.

Rockwell1
June 22, 2009, 03:24 AM
You never know when you will need to climb up walls

Only if you have the special wall climbing boots. .

rondog
June 22, 2009, 03:27 AM
Ninja, Mall, M1.

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b150/rinselman/funnies/InternetCommando.jpg

yongxingfreesty
June 22, 2009, 03:36 AM
^^ the above is a mall ninja.

ar15s with all the tactical accessories too.

JAV8000
June 22, 2009, 04:47 AM
yup, that's a mall ninja. Good god, is that real?

bikerdoc
June 22, 2009, 05:04 AM
Think Dufus.

A mall ninja hasnt got the paperwork or skills to back up his claims.
He needs to be challanged, embarassed, and in most cases given a wedgy, swirly, and have his swat pants run up a flag pole

Prion
June 22, 2009, 10:06 AM
A mall ninja hasnt got the paperwork or skills to back up his claims.
He needs to be challanged, embarassed, and in most cases given a wedgy, swirly, and have his swat pants run up a flag pole


No, that's what turned the poor sap into a mall ninja.

A mall ninja is anyone with tacticool gear they will never be close to needing but believe they do. Accompanied by lies to justify this belief.

Just because someone has cool tactical gear or firearms doesn't make them a mall ninja just a collector. As long as they understand the difference between want and need.

Crashola
June 22, 2009, 01:23 PM
I always think of the "Mall Ninja" when I see Dog the Bounty Hunter and his crew. They're like a Delta Force wannabe team with all of the crazy crap they carry. Dog's gunslinger pepper spray rig looks like he's sporting two fire extinguishers on his hips.

mcdonl
June 22, 2009, 03:40 PM
A mall ninja is anyone with tacticool gear they will never be close to needing but believe they do. Accompanied by lies to justify this belief.

Or the A-hole who buys every round off the shelf at Wally World because he thinks the world is coming to an end and he wants to be prepared, or that ammo will become non-existant....

Seems like there are more mall ninjas around then care to out themselves.....

Or are these the Zombie hunters? Either way, please show up at the next IDPA shoot in my area... I need ammo.

daorhgih
June 22, 2009, 04:51 PM
" Dog the Bounty Hunter and his crew. They're like a Delta Force
wannabe team with all of the crazy crap they carry. Dog's gunslinger
pepper spray rig looks like he's sporting two fire extinguishers on his hips."
Because every Mall-Ninja I've ever seen has, deep in its heart, wanted to be "made." I've heard that since Cur Bounty-man is a very convicted felon, he cannot even TOUCH a weapon -- not even handcuffs. So it MAY JUST REALLY BE fire extinguishers in his jodphurs. He is not even allowed to drive legally, but is more than happy that his M-Ninja status has been revealed. And how about the airsoft "machine" guns his troopers carry? Here is my description of one local Mall Ninja (but he also haunts the public library teen-room "looking to bust up drug deals.") He is just out of high school, heavily bearded all over his exposed skin, wears 'Nam jungle-boots with laced-in zippers, well shined, O.D. wool-sox, always pulled up high and then rolled down, all-black clothes, usually "great white hunter" shorts and "tactical" shirt with at least 8 pockets in each, all stuffed with hard, small unidentifiable objects, and a PLO/Arafat shmagh either around his neck, or sometimes wrapped on top of his head. No goggles tho'. Completes it with a 2-water-bladder backpack in desert-sand camo. packed full of (I think) MRES and books and manuals on how to E&E any invading forces. Takes the longest strides possible when walking, and hits the heels real hard. Has a scabbard without knIfe strapped on the INSIDE OF EACH CALF. And wears HUGE watch-type contraptions on each wrist. If I'm quick I'll get a shot of him from the back and post it.

jdub102003
June 22, 2009, 05:00 PM
I was going to post a sweet pic of my bullet proof 98 ranger that I equipped with 2 .50 cals in the bed this weekend but now I'm pissed so I'm going to do 1 arm pushups wearing a weight vest while watching reruns of resident evil!

Quilbilly
June 22, 2009, 07:51 PM
jdub nailed it.

rellascout
June 22, 2009, 07:53 PM
http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k73/JohnWagnerIII/tacticoolAR15.jpg

cchris
June 22, 2009, 07:56 PM
Someone mentioned Delta Force.

I'd say Mall Ninjas are a farce to be reckoned with. And no, that's no misspelling.

-edit- that thing above me wasn't posted before, but it's definitely something they'd carry...in a red wagon as they patrol the mall and watch out for skateboarders...erm, "threats".

Stormshotty
June 22, 2009, 07:58 PM
I always fear crossing the line between avid accessory collector and mall ninja....

DammitBoy
June 22, 2009, 08:04 PM
I always think of the "Mall Ninja" when I see Dog the Bounty Hunter and his crew.

Exactly! Everytime I see that stupid show while clicking channels, I think to myself - what a bunch of wannabe dweebs.

I'd love to see an episode where they get their asses kicked by a serious badguy.

Duelist
June 22, 2009, 08:22 PM
Chances are, if you are concerned about looking like a Mall Ninja, you are not a mall ninja.

eusebius rex
June 22, 2009, 09:15 PM
I dunno, we are probably all Mall Ninjas in somebody's view.

Case in point, a few years back I took my CAR4 into a gunshow to sell it (I wanted 2x AKs, but that is a different story). I am not into all the uber accessories and other klink that just makes a gun heavier and less lethal as a club when you need it to be. I was wearing shorts, sandals and a Tshirt. But I guess cause my plain jane AR was body slung low behind my back someone thought I was trying to look cool - it was a comfort choice. So then I hear someone say something like, "now there's a real gun, wonder when he'll use it" or some such BS. Forget that my CAR4 got plenty of varminting use in the mesquite thickets of Central Texas - its a great bush rifle. To him, I was the Mall Ninja.

And when I went to a gunshow this weekend and saw this kid walking around with a tricked out AR - lights, lasers, scope + mini dot, bipod - all matching tan and black - but otherwise a perfectly respectable individual minding his own manners, I thought he was a mall ninja - gun did look cool tho :)

Blakenzy
June 23, 2009, 01:25 AM
There is this guy on youtube.com that does reviews on guns and knives... and films "tactical" training videos of him and his buddies running around shooting stuff all dressed in camouflage. I think he fits the bill too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVjHNSXNLXQ&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asAfsY7fQHo&feature=channel

cyclopsshooter
June 23, 2009, 01:50 AM
Blakenzy

wow... i dont know what to say

Mags
June 23, 2009, 03:07 AM
Abosultely loved how the guy in post 33 handled the loaded firearm and dwelled on the quickness of the sig. Most semi auto firearms i'm accustomed too will fire as fast as you can pull the trigger. In video 2 how the hell do you shoot low and left by jerking the trigger? My advanced pistol instructor noticed I was shooting to the left and mentioned I should increase my weak hand grip and it greatly Improved my accuracy. Of course the fact I take lessons must make me a MALL NINJA LOL.

ScareyH22A
June 23, 2009, 03:22 AM
Mall Ninja = civilian AR owners. :p

GLOOB
June 23, 2009, 03:43 AM
In this video he apologizes for displaying his "war wound."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVjHNSXNLXQ&feature=channel


Check time 1:30 to see how a mall ninja receives a war wound. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59Q1nlBRhbM

DrLaw
June 23, 2009, 08:20 AM
Speaking of the Non-Geico Gecko makes me think of a poster on FIREHOUSE.com forums from the past. He had two classic send-ups of super volunteer firefighters.

One was equipping his Ford Pinto with a AWACS rotating antenna so he could get all scanner frequencies and managed to take off from the ground while he was en route to a call. He was reported as a UFO.

The other was for putting such a huge number of lights and sirens on his vehicle that he had to have a dozen batteries as a power supply and when he turned things on, it blinded people, or something like that.

Gecko was strictly a joke. It had to be. Nobody, nowhere, was running around like a mall ninja like that.

The Doc is out now. :cool:

Mad Magyar
June 23, 2009, 08:55 AM
No, it's the many contributors, aka "pimply-faced kids", no CHL, that claim they carry 2 or more pistols, multiple mags, and a boot-knife when they go to the mall or dinner...:uhoh: It reminds me of Bennett in Commando talking about "piss-ant soldiers acting tough....". :)



http://i44.tinypic.com/2ld8w9y.jpg

daorhgih
June 23, 2009, 04:00 PM
"...I was going to post a sweet pic of my bullet proof 98 ranger that I equipped with twin.50 cals in the bed..." makes me think of all the gear I see in some pick-ups 'round here. Most definitely men I want on MY side when the scratchin' at my doors at night ain't raccoons. Diesel, dual-ies, crew-cab, year-old mud, on a $50,000 truck, unwashed cuz there's not enough time between full-moons to git-er-done, amazing setups for weekend survival, mega-gun-carriers, smoothies and 30-06 and prob more. These aren't Ninjas! They are the epitome of "A Country-boy Will Survive!" The FREE Country, that is!! Where do I enlist?

burningsquirrels
June 23, 2009, 06:21 PM
mall ninja: stutters the talk and flops the walk. also likes to wear the cheapest kmart gear.

i recently met someone trying to show off his taurus. he bought a $6 airsoft holster from walmart. what a pos. thought it was the best tactical holster for the money. um, no.

earlthegoat2
June 23, 2009, 08:00 PM
Here's a link to the best archived copy of the craziness.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

This one may be better as it has all the other peoples posts in it as well. Still it all the same story.

http://www.geocities.com/suketh.geo/gun/mall_ninja.html

TheWarhammer
June 23, 2009, 08:16 PM
Mall ninja defined:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kckLMufuObQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jgz5rlTInaQ&feature=related

cchris
June 23, 2009, 08:17 PM
Thanks for that earlthegoat, I've never been able to find the original preserved thread. Those reactions are priceless.

You know, that thread kind of inspired me to ditch all my guns and get better "tacticle" (spelling definitely included) weapons.

-edit- Warhammer, you made my day.

Rockwell1
June 23, 2009, 08:29 PM
Mall ninja defined:

There was some speculation that elite team posted here under the name EOTechrules or something close to that

John Parker
June 23, 2009, 08:30 PM
Rella,
Where's the can opener and condom dispenser?

Phydeaux642
June 23, 2009, 08:38 PM
" I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas."

Priceless. That line always makes me smile.

TheWarhammer
June 23, 2009, 08:43 PM
I love the Elite Team kid's advice that you should always stick your finger in the chamber to make sure your gun is unloaded! :scrutiny:

Rockwell1
June 23, 2009, 08:47 PM
In the interest of historical accuracy here is the first post to use the term "Mall Ninja"
Infantry556
Member

Posts: 1
Registered: Mar 2001
posted 03-25-2001 16:24 Click Here to See the Profile for infantry556 Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Hello Gecko45, or should I say MALL NINJA!!!
just some real quick advice: Stay away from Special Weapons, to call them s#@t would be too nice. Also, saved the mayors nephew? is that some kind of f#@king joke?

For everyone who doesn't know the whole mall ninja story check out this link: www.geocities.com/suketh.geo/gun/mall_ninja.html

infantry556 out.

[This message has been edited by infantry556 (edited 03-25-2001).]

Raptorq7r13
June 23, 2009, 08:52 PM
I've known what a mall ninja is for a while, but I never knew it was this bad. I just read the whole gecko thing. A small part of me died...

Isher
June 23, 2009, 09:04 PM
Alright -

Even though I participated in this post,

Enough is enough.

Those kids are pathetic, in more ways than one.

And speak volumes in terms of how badly

We have ****ed up as a society.

So how do we move this all on

To the High Road?

Open question, I don't have

Any easy answers.


isher

burningsquirrels
June 23, 2009, 10:09 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwhLpvyXO1M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g26UjOrc6mg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDHThM_G23Q&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-QOTLHXL90

Rockwell1
June 23, 2009, 11:34 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3sq-GyDlIc&feature=related

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=429816&highlight=call+bs

mljdeckard
June 23, 2009, 11:54 PM
I hunt with friends of friends in the fall, one kid I always wind up with is a guy who is 20, works fast food, spends every dime he has on gear, and worships marines. Boots, clothes, gear. Spends the night before each hunt disassembling his CKRT knife, cleaning all the parts, and using a clamp-on knife sharpening system to get the edges on his knives 'perfect'. Like, if he uses a steel or a stone like the rest of us, it may cost him his life.

This year, I asked him when he was going to do more putting up and shutting up, talk to the recruiter and make a plan, he wasn't sure he was ready. I told him it doesn't get any better than now. I told him to think hard and weigh his options, and also told him that when he does it for real he will learn a couple of things. Real-world guys don't spend nearly as much time obsessing about gear as he does. They are too busy doing their jobs to detail strip everything once a week. The guys training you will NOT be impressed by how much stuff you knew BEFORE you went in. They want to see how well you implement it. And as you get into the field and actually do stuff, you will start to make real-world decisions like; if you carry it every and you don't use it, it's weight you don't need to carry. Find one tool that does everything, not a different tool for everything. Your gear will get hammered in the field. Break THEIR stuff, NOT YOURS. They will replace theirs.

He's not a bad kid, and he'll do good if he actually goes out there, I see a lot of the same attitudes that I had before I went in, like reading the U.S. Cavalry Store catalog cover to cover, memorizing specs, and then being disappointed that they don't actually issue you everything that's marked 'G.I. issue'. We all learn eventually that it's about the work, not the toys.

LancerMW
June 24, 2009, 12:45 AM
dude the elite team fighting thing was soooooooooo brutal to watch

DammitBoy
June 24, 2009, 01:07 AM
If this is the gene pool of our future - we're screwed.

amkus
June 24, 2009, 01:23 AM
I see warhammer beat me. :(

burningsquirrels
June 24, 2009, 08:05 AM
If this is the gene pool of our future - we're screwed.

thankfully the majority will manage to kill themselves before they're able to pass it on.

Blakenzy
June 24, 2009, 08:39 AM
Wow... burningsquirrels, that last video you posted isn't a mall ninja, he's a Darwin Award runner up! 2nd place, lost by a hair... maybe next time they'll use a .357 and take the trophy

Crashola
June 24, 2009, 12:50 PM
Those whacked wannabes are a strange lot. I was Navy, but my Marine friends always told me that the Mall Ninjas who showed up at boot camp with their camo pants and black "Death From Above" t-shirts usually ended up being weird loners who either DOR'd within the first couple of weeks or ended up getting kicked out for mental issues.

cchris
June 24, 2009, 08:22 PM
If this is the gene pool of our future - we're screwed.

Nah, there's a few bright ones out there. The ones who stick videos of themselves on youtube....eh, not so much.

2RCO
June 24, 2009, 08:42 PM
After rewatching Loki's sniper dance which always cracks me up I came upon this one from some guys in the Sandbox with too much time on their hands.

Davionmaximus
June 25, 2009, 10:22 AM
That was another Gecko45 type run. Funny as could be. Mods jumped on that one after a day and erased all traces of him. Still the best... Good One Gecko!!:evil:

If you enjoyed reading about "Mall Ninja?" here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!