Do I owe my wife an apology?


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krmgator
July 9, 2009, 10:14 PM
OK, we're on vacation and the hotel we are staying in tonight does not have a safe.

I have a Taurus Model 85Ultralite with the lock on the hammer. Loaded with
+P. We are going to go swimming in the pool. I lock it (loaded) and put in the bottom of one of our bags.

We come back (there are kids also with us); she has to reach in the bag and effing freaks when she touches the pistol. I had not told her previously of my putting it in there or locking it. I didn't realize she needed to get into that bag.

I open myself up to the court of public opinion. Am I innocent or guilty of utter stupidity?

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smee781
July 9, 2009, 10:21 PM
If it was not your bag than you should of told here it was in there.

BHP FAN
July 9, 2009, 10:27 PM
Some folks react to guns about like others do to snakes.I'd have slipped it [locked] up in the top of the room's closet.

496 polara
July 9, 2009, 10:28 PM
If you have to ask the question you owe her an apology.It was in the marital fine print you did'nt read.
Seriously,while she may have overreacted that could'nt happen if she knew it was there.

danbrew
July 9, 2009, 10:32 PM
Yes, but only because there are kids with you. Your wife is old enough to know better than to touch it, your kids might not be. I would have locked it in the car if there were young children around and you couldn't maintain positive control over it at all times.

:)

lions
July 9, 2009, 10:52 PM
Why wouldn't you tell her it was there in the first place? There is always the chance that she might need it while you aren't in the room. I also wouldn't want a gun loose in the bottom of a bag, locked or otherwise. There is also the issue about the kids, as danbrew pointed out. I think an apology is in order, as well as re-thinking your methods for securing the gun.

mljdeckard
July 9, 2009, 11:08 PM
I didn't need to read the comment, the fact that you are asking means that you owe her an apology, and you are guilty of utter stupidity. Join the club. I read the title and I knew the answer was yes. :)

Um....does she really still freak out that you have a gun around? Could she not be...happy that you locked it somewhere instead of leaving it out where the kids, the maid, and the hotel thief could easily get to it?

Jim Watson
July 9, 2009, 11:11 PM
If you find yourself winning an argument with your wife; stop and apologize immediately.

L. Long

shiftyer1
July 9, 2009, 11:19 PM
Are you very recently married? I can't imagine my wife freaking out about finding a gun because they are all over and shes come to accept the fact that I like to have a little protection around.

And you stated you told her it was there. You did nothing wrong.

Bush Pilot
July 9, 2009, 11:31 PM
Apologize and tell her you won't be so insensitive in the future. If the kids are staying in another room it would be a good time for make-up sex. You can win and make her think she did.

Virginian
July 10, 2009, 12:37 AM
I cannot relate enough to comment. I admit I had to apologise to my wife when she laid down on one of mine. I had been messing with it and left it on the bed. She wasn't scared, but it did hurt her.... uh, feelings.

Eightball
July 10, 2009, 12:43 AM
Couldn't hurt, at the very least.

At least it was locked.....otherwise, bad things could have happened depending on her precise reaction when finding it @_@

Guillermo
July 10, 2009, 12:47 AM
Wow...I am pretty amazed by the responses.

Apparently you packed in the same bags so it was as much your stuff as hers. It is not as though you hid it in her purse.

Tell her that you would not be mad if you touched one of her panty shields. Then tell her to grow freakin up. Unless you lube your gun in phlegm it is a benign object.


If she gets mad tell her that you are not mad that she didn't wipe the fingerprints off or put the toilet seat up when she is done.

Geez...apologizing because she acts like a child is the EXACT wrong thing to do.

Remember, positive reinforcement for good behavior, negative reinforcement for bad.

Doug S
July 10, 2009, 12:56 AM
I think you should have told her it was in her bag, but otherwise I really don't understand marriages where the two participants can't come together on these things. Does she trust you or not? My wife and I may not agree on every point, but we have basically the same core values. If we didn't, I wouldn't have married her, nor she me. The belief in self-defense in one of those values. I'd probably be more likely to have to apologize to her if I didn't provide her with access to firearms. And that's coming form a mild-mannered women who had no experience with guns whatsoever before meeting me. When I decided to purchase a gun, we discussed it, and she understood my feelings on the topic. With a little further education, it wasn't long until her views were in sync mine.

DeepSouth
July 10, 2009, 12:58 AM
Do I owe my wife an apology?

I have found if I am having to ask the question, the answer is inevitably yes 99% of the time.
You most likely should have told her it was there.

Apart from that, other actions and such would be very situational depending on both peoples views and specific relationship.

jimmyraythomason
July 10, 2009, 01:04 AM
You answered that on your wedding day,when the preacher asked you "do you.....?"

bearmgc
July 10, 2009, 01:17 AM
No you do not owe her an apology. She needs to quit with the freakin squeemies. I am a woman who CCW's, and this "oh protect me crap but don't have that gun near me" is immature and overreacting.

Guillermo
July 10, 2009, 01:17 AM
I think you should have told her it was in her bag

it was not HER bag...it was in the bottom of one of our bags

The woman is his WIFE not his MOMMY. It was a locked revolver.

Why should he ask permission or inform her of what he puts in the bag that THEY were using?

My stomach is a little queasy reading this thread

bearmgc
July 10, 2009, 01:22 AM
My stomach turned. Her reaction is something I might expect from a 13yr old. Again, it was a LOCKED revolver.

dubious
July 10, 2009, 01:51 AM
Well, I'd apologize that she'd been frightened by the revolver, then try to make some headway on the topic of why you have the right to self defense.

My stomach turned. Her reaction is something I might expect from a 13yr old. Again, it was a LOCKED revolver.

The whole topic of a locked but loaded gun is food for thought. Considering that you should never trust a safety (mostly found on semi autos) to make a gun safe... can you really trust a lock to make a gun safe? I think you should've at least unloaded it if you left it "locked", loaded, and unattended in your hotel room and have kids. Nothing against the OP... that's just what I would've done. Another reason why built in locks are silly business. Next time bring a cable lock.

Doug S
July 10, 2009, 02:01 AM
Why should he ... inform her of what he puts in the bag that THEY were using?

So that she would know it was in there. Seriously, I think it's a good idea to be on the same page, and to know where the loaded firearms are located, especially when children are involved (locked or not). Informing her as to where the firearms are located would have been good for safety reasons, for legal reasons, and for being prepared for a defensive situation.

I surely wouldn't apologize because she was subjected to touching an inanimate object.

Why not tell her it was in the bag?

I guess I really don't understand this marriage is a "competition" thing.:confused:

Girodin
July 10, 2009, 02:06 AM
I don't know much about women but one thing I have learned is you should appologize even if you don't know why.

On a more serious note I dated a woman who was terrified by guns and had the type of reactions you have described. Through patience and education she became much more accepting of guns and even wanted to go shooting and get her own gun.

Dont force the issue but education goes a long ways.

Guillermo
July 10, 2009, 02:18 AM
Dubious

1st off the issue that his wife freaked because she touched a gun. She needs to grow up and he needs to tell her so in no uncertain terms.

As to the rest of your post, it was not a "safety" engaged, but a lock.

Second of all it was "unattended" in a locked hotel room. Just like the "unattended" gun back home on your nightstand in the locked house.

Third, how can you say that the Taurus lock is untrustable but some other lock is? Unlike the repugnant Smith IL, the Taurus lock is a good design (its locking motion is perpendicular to the recoil of the gun).

KRMGATOR did nothing wrong, used proper safety procedures and owes no apology. His wife needs to apologize for not acting like a grown up. And if she did her "freak out" job in front of the kids she owes them an apology too.

Parents have a responsibility to be a good example and silly emotional displays are bad for a child's development.

shappa
July 10, 2009, 02:31 AM
My wife would have said...




"Where's the speed-loader?"


:D

ArchAngelCD
July 10, 2009, 02:47 AM
Wow, I'm a little surprised there are so many non-men men in here. If you do something wrong you should apologize but don't apologize just to do it. I don't do it and I would want my wife to do it. (and we have been married for 32 years) You locked the gun so you made it safe. You put the gun in your bag so what's the big deal? It's only a gun for goodness sakes, I really don't get it... Why would anyone "freak out" just because they touched a gun? It's not like you stuck a severed horse's head in her bed! :rolleyes:

easyrider6042004@yahoo.ca
July 10, 2009, 03:11 AM
Apologize? For what?

bigfatdave
July 10, 2009, 03:20 AM
I agree that she should be aware of the location and status of firearms. However, freaking out about touching a firearm is just silly, perhaps you should apologize for laughing at her?

To prevent future occurrences, keep your gun in a holster and/or case, don't just dump it in a random bag. Also, either have it loaded ready to use, or unloaded ... don't use the silly Hillary Hole, make the thing non-functional, either locking the cylinder out or unloading and putting it in a locked case. I will never understand the desire of firearm owners to have a state between "loaded" and "clear" when storing a firearm.

RDak
July 10, 2009, 04:42 AM
No. She owes you an apology for "freaking out".

bikerdoc
July 10, 2009, 05:22 AM
Harsh, but here it is son, from an old man.

You should have told her.

SHE should not have freaked, You are protecting her and the kids

Sit down and talk to her and explain you do it out of love.

My first wife of 5 years of did not get it, the second - of 30- has one in her own bag.

Lots of communicating to be done here, get to it!

Best wishes for a positive outcome. And dont ever use that stupid lock again, essentially all you had was an impact weapon

Doc

EMC45
July 10, 2009, 06:05 AM
No apology needed. My wife has my Model 36 in her underwear drawer. Also she knows that if we are out in town there is a gun on me somewhere. She knows how to shoot and will give out lead if the need arises. Explain, like others have said, that you are just doing your duty as protector. Then get her in the defense mindset and break that squeamish reaction to guns.

krmgator
July 10, 2009, 07:35 AM
Thanks for the responses. Before going to bed last night, I leaned over and whispered where my gun was.
:what:

kludge
July 10, 2009, 09:00 AM
If I put a gun somewhere (like her purse or a bag), I always let my wife know where it is.

Then again, my wife wouldn't freak out of she touched it.

Dr. Tad Hussein Winslow
July 10, 2009, 09:18 AM
Depends on how badly you want s e x on this vacation. :D

But I'd say yes, probably, since the gun was loose in there, and there are kids with you. Wait, no you said it was locked with the IL, right? Then I'd say no, it was safe, between the lock and you keeping an eye on things. But I guess it depends upon the kids' age/maturity level, their knowledge of firearm safety, and their likelihood of getting inside that bag without you looking. Highly detail-dependent.

shameless
July 10, 2009, 09:23 AM
NO! Explain why it is there.

Why did she "Freak"? If she is really that scared of a gun, let her watch some of the movies depicting women being raped, and murdered.
Also, what these "Animals" are doing to our children.

Take her to the range and teach her to safely handle and fire the weapon.:D

Ed4032
July 10, 2009, 09:26 AM
My wife would have had to move her gun too, so I have not experience what you have. Still she should have known better. Perhaps you need to take her to the range more often.

jfdavis58
July 10, 2009, 09:28 AM
Man, how long have you been married?

This is the first rule: It's always the mans fault-apologize, beg forgiveness, make promises, look ashamed, buy flowers and a meaningful gift or better, give her a generous wad of cash and let her go shopping. Man-up, restore the peace and get on with things (like life and sex---oh wait married men don't get any of that. Well, at least it will be quiet.)

Unless you're a masochist and want no peace in your lifetime.

dirt_j00
July 10, 2009, 10:29 AM
"I think that gun just bite me..."

MCgunner
July 10, 2009, 11:08 AM
Some wives would say, "Oh, looky, I found a new gun!" My wife would probably gripe at me for locking the gun, thereby making it worthless. LOL

Quoheleth
July 10, 2009, 11:33 AM
Man, how long have you been married?

This is the first rule: It's always the mans fault-apologize, beg forgiveness, make promises, look ashamed, buy flowers and a meaningful gift or better, give her a generous wad of cash and let her go shopping. Man-up, restore the peace and get on with things (like life and sex---oh wait married men don't get any of that. Well, at least it will be quiet.)

Bingo.
Give the man a cigar.

Q

HB
July 10, 2009, 11:41 AM
Apparently you packed in the same bags so it was as much your stuff as hers
Yes, but they are married. It's theirs. I'm not married, but if I brought a dog home to my wife and told her it was my dog, that wouldn't fly. Compromise.

I would appologize for sure. You put something that makes your wife uneasy where she could find it. That being said, you need to work on that. I assume this isn't the first time she learned that you have a gun. Take her shooting and get her used to it.

I have to say I would be a little concerned if there was a random gun in my bag... but also pleasantly surprised :D

HB

Bush Pilot
July 10, 2009, 11:52 AM
You should have said your mistress never complains, it didn't seem like a big deal.

Guillermo
July 10, 2009, 11:52 AM
This is the first rule: It's always the mans fault-apologize, beg forgiveness, make promises, look ashamed, buy flowers and a meaningful gift or better, give her a generous wad of cash and let her go shopping.

guess we have a different definition for Man-up

bearmgc
July 10, 2009, 12:51 PM
Wow, its not always the man's fault. There's some weird marriages out there. I am not married anymore, but I have a man whose fair minded and not P***y whipped. I thought this was the 21 century. Yes, we women of reasonable brain function are out there. Communication is a 2 way street, and its just as much a woman's responsibility as the man's to start and maintain communication.

ArmedBear
July 10, 2009, 12:58 PM
It was locked, but only you knew that.

It was loaded.

I don't tell my wife that I'm carrying concealed. She assumes I am, anyway.

But if I'm going to leave a loaded firearm hidden somewhere that's not obvious, where someone else might find it, I'd feel obligated to let her know where it is.

If it's in a pistol bag, gun case, etc., that's obvious enough. In other luggage, I would let her know.

Whether "freaking out" is justified, ever, is another question. That is something you may have to work out with her -- and I doubt that it's just this time that it's happened.

But I would apologize for leaving a loaded gun where she'd stumble on it, without telling her. That's basic gun safety stuff.

"Owe" an apology? Hell, marriage isn't all about "owing" this or that.:)

jhco
July 10, 2009, 01:02 PM
no apology need, love means never having to say your sorry. Just assure her it won't happen again.

ArmedBear
July 10, 2009, 01:06 PM
Just assure her it won't happen again.

Assuming she's a sane human being, this is what she'd want, not some apology, BTW.:)

2nd 41
July 10, 2009, 01:13 PM
I think you owe her the courtesy of an having an understanding. They can't read our minds either.
You are "not guilty" of trying to protect your family. Use this as a harmless learning experience.

Just One Shot
July 10, 2009, 02:23 PM
You should just get up every morning, apologize go about your day then come home and apologize before you go to bed. This way you're covered for any mistakes that you may not have known you committed.
:neener:

But seriously,
Take your wife to the range and get her familiar with your gun(s) so that she doesn't freak out at the sight or feel of one.

There may come a day when you are not around or unable to come to her aid and she might have to defend herself.

How would you feel if this happened and she was injured (or worse) because of her unwillingness or lack of knowledge on how to handle a firearm?

BMF500
July 10, 2009, 02:34 PM
My wife could careless, infact she expects such behavior from me (the stashing of weapons). But if your ol' lady really fliped like that and you want some booty anytime in the near future I suggest an apology....even if you don't mean it...

ArmedBear
July 10, 2009, 02:38 PM
we women of reasonable brain function are out there.

LOL

True, but sometimes you're hard to find. That's one reason I didn't get married until I was 38.:D

lobo9er
July 10, 2009, 02:58 PM
right or wrong, buy some flowers, is it even worth being right?

OldWolf
July 10, 2009, 03:14 PM
"I'm sorry you are upset dear, where do you think is a better place to put the gun while we are out?"

win308
July 10, 2009, 04:37 PM
The law of most sucessful marriages is.....you always owe her an apology... even if you are 100% right.

Otherwise, you get to listen to the crap all day and all night.

Of course, if you don't love her, tell her to take a flying hike.....and if she take the hike, no problem.....

But don''t count on logic to save your bacon, cause you will never win.

smee781
July 10, 2009, 05:03 PM
Wow,
I am so impressed with all the big & bad I won't say I'm sorry when I screwed up men out there. Look everyone is seeing one side of the story, his version of freaking out may just be her yelling at him for a minute or two. As far as the gun in the bottom of the bag, that they were "both" using goes, you should know better than to put a gun half a$$ locked in the bottom of a bag and not tell her, as stated before you were the only one that knew the gun was locked and if she does not like guns well that is just how it is. As a responsible gun owner it is your job to secure your weapon at all times, not to let it float around in the bottom of a bag that your wife is carring. Marrige is about give and take. It is about not about never having to say your sorry. That is bullsh1t when you screw up say your sorry like a man and accept responsible for your actions. If she knows that you carry then she should also know safe handeling of the firearm and how to lock/unlock it. Did she overreact.....mabye/mabye not we dont know her like you should. If you knew she would react like that then you brought it on your self. Just think about what might happen and plan accordenly. Dont say your sorry if you are not. It will just make matters worst.

Lou McGopher
July 10, 2009, 05:13 PM
Love means never having to say you're sorry.


Although, John Lennon said, "Love means having to say you're sorry every fifteen minutes."

orionengnr
July 10, 2009, 09:50 PM
Do you have your CHL?

I do, and when we went on vacation recently, when I was in the pool (after dark, no kids around) my Kahr P45 was under my towel at pool side. My carry pistol is as close to my person as humanly possible, 24/7.

Rodentman
July 10, 2009, 10:12 PM
My wife knows I carry virtually all the time, unless we cross the border into WI. There are firearms in several rooms of the house. She knows to leave them alone. My standing offer is to have her get training and a carry permit if she so desires. There are no kids in the house. It works for us, but we've been married 33 years.

Logan5
July 10, 2009, 11:49 PM
Love means always having to say you're sorry. Even if you're not. Think of it as practice for next time.
Once you understand the relationship between winning an argument and being right, you'll get it. (they aren't related.)

ArchAngelCD
July 11, 2009, 12:55 AM
For all those who keep saying he should apologize for no reason just to do it please re-read my post, #25. Are there really guys out there that still believe they are wrong just because their wife is always right? If that's true in your relationship you really should move on and fine someone who will respect you as much as you respect them.

I would never ask my wife permission to do anything BUT, I would never expect her to ask my permission either. Mutual respect helps a marriage to last 32 years but without me having to act like a "wiped" little boy begging for forgiveness at every turn just to "get some."

Guillermo
July 11, 2009, 01:02 AM
Of course you are right Archangel.

The thing that disturbs me the most is if she freaked out in front of the kids. Children learn from example and this is not the behavior that I would want my offspring to observe.

Of course my daughter is 16. She has two revolvers including a Smith model 19 that I gave her for her 15th birthday. Needless to say that she would not freak out but rather ask for the key.

ArchAngelCD
July 11, 2009, 01:10 AM
My wife doesn't like shooting at all and won't go to the range ever BUT, she doesn't care how many guns I buy for myself as long as the bills are paid.

As for your daughter having a Model 19, I think that's a terrible revolver for a girl. I'll be a real pal and let you send it my way just to make things right.. :uhoh: All kidding aside, I think it's great when you can enjoy shooting with your children, especially the girls because IMO they are the future of the shooting sports. They are also a large voting block and if many girls/women enjoy shooting there's little chance they will vote for stupid gun bans if it ever gets on the ballot.

22-rimfire
July 11, 2009, 10:12 AM
I might have done exactly the same thing in your shoes. I would have chosen "my" bag however. Storing stuff in motel rooms is always a bit of a pain as folks that look for things to steal know exactly where to look. There is no hiding anything.

I'd apologize and move on.

Guillermo
July 11, 2009, 10:14 AM
I think that's a terrible revolver for a girl

YOU try and take it from her!!! She LOVES that gun!!!

(now she wants to help me build her an AR and I don't have all the gun that I want!:cuss:)

If she keeps her grades over 4.0 I might give her the parts for Christmas

Quilbilly
July 11, 2009, 04:28 PM
As my wife and I take weekend trips all the time I have to deal with this sort of thing quite a lot. I have found the best thing to do is unload the weapon and put in in a bag, or lock it in the car. Then you are pretty much covered. As for apologizing, it never hurts.

Guillermo
July 11, 2009, 04:45 PM
unload the weapon and put in in a bag, or lock it in the car. Then you are pretty much covered.

maybe you ought to get her loaded and/or bagged and lock her in the car. Keep her pretty much covered

All kidding aside, I would divorce her. No anti-gun women for me.

Your mileage may vary

goon
July 12, 2009, 08:34 PM
Normally, if I have to think about whether or not I owe a woman (or anyone else and apology), I generally figure that I do.

In your case, I'd say not really. But if I were you, I'd apologize anyway.

Clarence
July 12, 2009, 09:11 PM
Yup, you owe her an apology............should have warned her.

xstuntman
July 12, 2009, 10:08 PM
No, she's reacting badly. Maybe the kids and other people in the pool were just getting on her nerves. The way I see it your doing your job as hunter-gatherer. Keep up the good work;) X

sig228
July 12, 2009, 10:58 PM
Loaded with +P.

What does that have to do with the story?

Am I guilty of utter stupidity?

Probably, especially since you loaded +P's in a Taurus....

tipoc
July 13, 2009, 12:37 AM
I don't know if the man made a mistake or not on his vacation. I do know he made one by asking all the Dr. Phils' and Oprahs' about it here. :)


tipoc

OldWolf
July 13, 2009, 09:31 AM
You guys are totally whipped. I wouldn't have stored it with a round in the chamber though.

badbadtz560
July 13, 2009, 09:40 AM
It depends how well your wife "does" guns I think...A lot of the guys here probably have wives that can out shoot them... I'd say it depends completely on where your wife stands on guns. If she's anything like the girls around here... she probably doesn't care about anything with regards to the gun except if there are bullets in there or not.

there's no.. chambered or unchambered, locked or unlocked... if it has bullets anywhere in the gun, and it's sitting where someone can grab it, they're gonna freak.

If she knows guns pretty well.. she wouldn't freak out in the first place, right? If you don't know where she stands... then I'm starting to question other things ;)

texas bulldog
July 13, 2009, 05:38 PM
my wife has no problem with guns, so there certainly wouldn't have been a freak-out. however, i DO tell her where i'm stashing a gun, and i think things would've gone better for you had you done so as well. in my case, it's because i want her to know where to retrieve it in an emergency. or maybe she has a better idea of where to put it, and that's fine too.

i wouldn't apologize for putting the gun there, but i might apologize for not telling her. communication is key...let her in on the plan in the future. my wife would probably want me to apologize for locking it and therefore rendering it useless, but we're obviously dealing with women with very different feelings toward firearms.

also...something i've learned working in service for as long as i have is that an apology isn't the same as admitting fault. saying "i'm sorry i upset you" isn't the same as "i was wrong". you can genuinely be sorry they were upset without believing that your decision was the wrong one.



You guys are totally whipped. I wouldn't have stored it with a round in the chamber though.
please tell me that is a joke...

smee781
July 13, 2009, 07:14 PM
Texas bulldog,


A wise man, I hope all of you are paying attention.

Guillermo
July 13, 2009, 10:06 PM
Quote:
You guys are totally whipped. I wouldn't have stored it with a round in the chamber though.

please tell me that is a joke...

It HAS to be

OldWolf
July 13, 2009, 10:34 PM
Nope. I just screwed up. I COULD try to dig myself out of a hole by saying I was talking about the chamber over the hammer. :D

But no, I was just reading threads too fast...I'll try to slow down...:banghead:

Larry Ashcraft
July 13, 2009, 10:41 PM
Do I owe my wife an apology?
Probably. If not, it would still be a good idea.

Guillermo
July 13, 2009, 10:51 PM
A standing ovation for Old Wolf.

:)

So seldom do people admit mistakes.

(like the wife should do considering the OP)

John Wayne
July 14, 2009, 12:07 AM
The way I see it, it's not a marital issue. Nor is it an issue of someone being comfortable around guns. It is a SAFETY issue.

Even if the gun was unloaded, locked, whatever, anyone who might legitimately have access to that bag ought to know it was there. If you don't want them knowing, put it somewhere else.

You put her in a situation where she could have been rummaging around in a bag with a firearm that she did not know was there. During the course of normal actions, she could very well have had the muzzle pointing at her the whole time, and moving many objects which could have entered the trigger guard.

Reminds me of a situation where I was helping a friend look for something under his truck seat. Knocking all sorts of stuff around with my hand while my head is at floor level peering under there...couple quarters, fast food wrapper and, oh, hey, a .45 which is now pointed at my head! Different situation, but the same principal: even people who are comfortable and safe around guns might inadvertantly do something dangerous if they don't know the gun is there.

ArchAngelCD
July 14, 2009, 01:29 AM
During the course of normal actions, she could very well have had the muzzle pointing at her the whole time, and moving many objects which could have entered the trigger guard.
Didn't the OP say he applied the lock before he put the revolver in the bag?

lions
July 14, 2009, 11:53 AM
I think the everyone saying you wife should grow up and stop acting like a 13 year old got a different picture of "freaking out" than I did.

krmgator might need to clarify this for us.

Did she freak out just because she touched a gun and is terrified of them? Or did she freak out because she wasn't expecting to find one and obeyed rule #1 and assumed it was loaded and that means she thinks she almost could have killed one of the kids?

If she is afraid of guns you need to respect that and not leave them laying around where she will accidentaly find them. In this case you owe her an apology even if you think she shouldn't be afraid of guns.

If she tought she almost killed one of the kids (even for just a second) because you left a gun loose in the bottom of a bag (when she didn't know the condition of the gun), that is your fault and you should apologize to her for that. I would freak out too for this reason and I don't think an apology would be in order for freaking out.

Before you guys start telling me I'm a man without a spine because I think he should apologize, just know that my wife apologizes to me just like I apologize to her. You just need to sit down and have a real conversation about it. It will be very clear if you need to apologize, most times after talking my wife and I both have something to apologize for.

lions
July 14, 2009, 12:07 PM
During the course of normal actions, she could very well have had the muzzle pointing at her the whole time, and moving many objects which could have entered the trigger guard.

Didn't the OP say he applied the lock before he put the revolver in the bag?

Yes, let's handle the gun in an unsafe manner just because a safety is on!:scrutiny:

If you think a gun loose in the bottom af a bag is the best way to transport it then we have a serious difference of opinion.

Safties are nice but do you really want the gun pointed at your wife and kids even if a safety is on? I know it is a lock... not a safety, right? Not for me, if it is mechanical it can fail. On this board I hear about the only safety being in your head quite frequently, and I agree with that. Having the lock engaged is no excuse for unsafe gun handling. If you think otherwise I'm glad I don't go the same range as you.

sophijo
July 14, 2009, 03:04 PM
"If a husband is walking alone in the forest and a tree falls on him and kills him; is he still wrong?"

John Wayne
July 14, 2009, 03:41 PM
Didn't the OP say he applied the lock before he put the revolver in the bag?

Yes, but given the numerous people that don't trust internal locks one way or the other, it's surprising how many are pointing out the fact that he had it "locked" now. The lock is a mechanical device, and it can fail. Furthermore, the gun should never be stored LOADED and LOCKED. If it's locked, it needs to be unloaded. There is no good reason to lock a loaded gun, and several ways you could get yourself hurt by doing so.

Supposing the internal lock had failed or not been properly engaged, there are also many scenarios that could have resulted in someone getting killed. The OP's wife could have discharged a round while digging through the bag, or could have asked a child to retrieve something from the bag.

Gun safety is everyone's responsibility. It does not cease to become an issue when a gun is "locked," especially if it is loaded! Loaded guns should only be stored in a holster which blocks the trigger guard, and away from unauthorized access.

Is this approach excessive? Maybe to some. The gun probably wouldn't have gone off even if unlocked. There's a chance that it might not hit anyone even if it did. I could go park my car on a hill and sleep in front of it tonight, and probably be fine tomorrow. But when you're dealing with a tool designed to be as lethal as possible, there is no room for error. Why take the chance when you could have:

-unloaded the gun
-locked it
-informed your wife it was there or stored it somewhere else

all in about 15 seconds, and eliminated all possibility of an accident?

MagnumWill
July 15, 2009, 01:08 AM
I don't think you do. If you're going to own one at all, she needs to be somewhat educated in its use, purpose and safety (no matter how much she hates it). If you have to tell her anything, tell her this: It's only dangerous until you know how to use and respect it. My wife (bless her heart) was terrified of guns when I first got one, but we went to the range yesterday and was having a grand time blasting 12Ga slugs :eek:

rhoggman
July 15, 2009, 09:19 PM
You only need to apologize if you actually did something wrong.

Why is your wife afraid of or unfamiliar with guns? This is the real question. In my opinion someone in this frame of mind (fear) has boundaries when it comes to firearms. Did you know about these boundaries and knowingly violate them?

What are you doing to educate and inform her on the subject of guns? Does she know why you carry? Does she know your principles when it comes to self defense?

I have had friends that decide guns are a needed tool, and do not introduce them into the home properly.

As a man I would state my beliefs, state my intentions, compromise where reasonable, and carry out my plan. Once you establish a history of this almost anything is possible. Women like to be lead and they like a strong leader. It is the natural order of the world.

rhoggman
July 15, 2009, 09:29 PM
Also if you are constantly apologizing for nothing you are being dominated. I don't care what your gender is.

If you are constantly apologizing for actual infractions then you are filled with self pity and devoid of self control.

Apologize only when proper otherwise you are whittling away at strength. Have less to actually apologize for and you are like steel that self tempers.

By the away I'm a loud mouth jerk with a self righteous streak and a knack for pissing people off:)

telomerase
July 15, 2009, 09:33 PM
Women like to be lead and they like a strong leader.

They also like billionaires and those nice men on TV who tell them for whom they should vote. But they don't consider you to be in any of those categories, so get real and apologize constantly for your existence.

...then later, sneak a few movies into the Netflix queue that involve a woman defending her family with her shooting ability. TV is the ultimate authority.

pmeisel
July 18, 2009, 03:10 PM
You are the man. Therefore you are wrong. You didn't even need to tell us what it was about.

bruss01
July 19, 2009, 12:59 PM
Ok I see a lot of nonsense going on here, and to take "whipped" out of the equation I'm going to tell a hypothetical story involving almost identical circumstances but using myself and my brother as examples.

My brother and I are traveling together. To save expenses we have a single room with 2 beds, and are sharing some baggage as well. We return to the room after having been out. I decide to take a shower so I stick my big mitt in the bag to rummage around for a pair of clean briefs to take in the bathroom. I feel something hard and heavy down in the bottom of the bag. ***, did he pack his Wahl trimmer or some damn thing? As I sift through the deodorant, razor and assorted pairs of socks, I grab on to the whatever-it-is and yank it up out of the bag. As my hand comes clear of the bag I realize just what it is that I've got ahold of, and one of my fingers is inside the trigger guard! A quick peek and yup it's loaded! Seconds earlier I realize the barrel was pointed directly at my vital organs! I turn to my brother and yell, "Dude! ***! Is this yours?" "yeah" he says non-chalantly, "It's ok, it's locked" "Bro", I reply, still coming down from the adrenaline rush "Not cool. How was I supposed to know you had the lock-thingie engaged? For a second I thought I could have snagged the trigger and accidentally shot myself. You could do a guy a favor and let him know when you're gonna stash a loaded piece in a bit of luggage he might go rummaging around in." "Uh, yeah, sorry" he replies, "guess I coulda mentioned it. Didn't think it would be a big deal but I see how it coulda scared the bejezus out of you for a second". "S'allrigh, bro, just try not to give me a heart attack next time you stash a piece, a little head's-up goes a long way".

So, does anyone have a problem with the above? If not, then make my part played by the wife in the OP's story, and you can see why she might be upset for a second, and why a brief "hey, sorry I didn't give you the head's up, I'll be sure to do that next time" is all that's required. This is definitely a "hey, sorry, my bad" and not a roses and groveling occasion.

Whipped? Since when is it "whipped" to exercise a little common courtesy and acknowledge a brain-fart?

ETA: My wife is always informed about where my guns are, and their condition (loaded, etc) in case she needs to use them in the heat of the moment and also for general safety reasons. Whenever one of us needs to carry a gun through the house, let's say for cleaning, we always open the action or swing open the cylinder and hold the gun in a manner that makes it readily apparent that it is being transported, not used. This is just common courtesy so that one of us doesn't round a corner carrying a basket of laundry or some such, and see the other wielding a (loaded?) firearm unexpectedly. Is it necessary? No. Is it considerate? We think so. It's a little easier on the nerves.

Rollis R. Karvellis
July 19, 2009, 02:55 PM
No you don't.

Claude Clay
July 19, 2009, 03:13 PM
ETA: My wife is always informed about where my guns are, and their condition (loaded, etc) in case she needs to use them in the heat of the moment and also for general safety reasons. Whenever one of us needs to carry a gun through the house, let's say for cleaning, we always open the action or swing open the cylinder and hold the gun in a manner that makes it readily apparent that it is being transported, not used. This is just common courtesy so that one of us doesn't round a corner carrying a basket of laundry or some such, and see the other wielding a (loaded?) firearm unexpectedly. Is it necessary? No. Is it considerate? We think so. It's a little easier on the nerves.

common sense--amazing when both have it how easy it makes life.
2 thumbs up--one for each of ua.

spouses or SO's are encouraged to audit my CCW classes cause if there is going to be a gun in the house they should be knowledgeable about safety and how to ckeck if a gun is and how to make it so. if a gun finds its way to an odd place [ like this example] , the knowledgeable finder is a lot less likely to have a freak-out moment.

an apology, for sure and a basic safety course

FHBrumb
July 19, 2009, 03:32 PM
"Sorry Honey, I should have told you it was there."

meef
July 19, 2009, 03:50 PM
Thanks for the responses. Before going to bed last night, I leaned over and whispered where my gun was.:scrutiny:


This is my rifle, this is my gun......



:cool:

badpenny
July 19, 2009, 03:53 PM
If you have to ask the question,then yes, you must apologise.It's in the fine print of your marriage license.

captain awesome
July 19, 2009, 03:59 PM
wow,
My wife is scared of guns, despite a few attempts to educate her. Apologize because she is scared? no. Tell her that this a likely thing to happen, but you will make an attempt to notify her from here on out? a definite yes. I used to work security at night till recently, I wasn't around most nights when the bg's come out. I always kept/keep a loaded gun in the house For my wife's protection while I am not there. I made her fire a couple cylinders full despite multiple complaints and fighting me every step of the way and being scared of it. She knows where it is, I always tell her if I move it. She at least doesn't freak when she sees it now but still dreads firing it. She calls my .357 mag "the big gun":rolleyes:(that's the one I leave loaded) You should never apologize for attempting to keep your family safe. Mine doesn't get an apology unless I really do something wrong. Putting a gun in a bag is not something wrong. But it is a good idea to let her know so she can use it if she needs to. It is the courteous thing to do.

For the record I had my wife read this and she agrees with me and says no apology needed. She even says you didn't need to tell her. And that's coming from a woman scared of guns.

easyrider6042004@yahoo.ca
July 19, 2009, 09:27 PM
This thread is still alive so I'll chime in again.:banghead::cuss::fire:

The only time you need to apologize to her is, if she never knew that you carried guns. If so, finding the piece where and when she did would indeed startle her. In this incident, the gun was locked, no big deal.

You cannot tell her and explain everything you need to do, or you'll never find to the time to do anything.


Thanks for the responses. Before going to bed last night, I leaned over and whispered where my gun was.

My wife knows exactly where that gun is:D


In the safe, locked up as required by Canadian law. What were you thinking?

orionengnr
July 19, 2009, 09:51 PM
The way I see it your doing your job as hunter-gatherer. Keep up the good work
First mistake. A hunter/gatherer does not exist by definition. The male is (generally) the hunter, the female is (generally) the gatherer. They are two distinct societal parts.

If it's locked, it needs to be unloaded. There is no good reason to lock a loaded gun, and several ways you could get yourself hurt by doing so.
Idiocy. Unload it if you like, put a cable thru it if you like; either way it is useless as a defensive weapon.

tankgurl55
July 19, 2009, 10:00 PM
My vote is yes on apology. Should have warned her.

Aristides
July 24, 2009, 12:30 AM
Maybe the solution is a visit to GunBroker.Com.

They trade wives on GunBroker, don't they?

:p

sophijo
July 24, 2009, 09:30 AM
.......you think I could get a SW 29-2 for my wife? She can drive a tractor.

ezenbrowntown
July 24, 2009, 10:27 AM
I'd like to know why she "effing freaked". After the smoke clears, I'd like to know what she was exactly freaking about. Was it touching the gun? Was it she wasn't expecting to see the gun in there? Was she concerned about one of the kids getting it? There are a lot of different variables.

As for apologizing. If I'm in the wrong for something, or I've somehow harmed you, I'm going to do my best to clean it up. As a side note, I've also learned it's best to find out what I'm apologizing for rather than issue a "I'm tired of being in hot water apology".

With the situation you mentioned earlier, I think communication sounds like an answer for both. Did you have to tell her it was in there? No. Would it have hurt? No. Good can always be the enemy of the best. If it were me, at some point I'd want to sit down with my wife and find out where the rub is, so a future plan can be implemented so both parties walk away happy.

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