My wife hates guns


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Lone_Sheep_Dog
July 16, 2009, 11:07 PM
I have always enjoyed shooting. I grew up with a BB gun at my disposal at a very young age. I also got to shoot .22's and shotguns a lot. I now have a nice gun collection and still enjoy shooting.
My wife never shot a gun until she met me. My in-laws have never owned a gun and subscribe to the sheep mentality. My wife is so afraid of guns that she thinks they will accidentally "go off" just from looking at them wrong. I feel like I have to hide when I clean my guns. She also gets really angry when I buy accessories and ammo even though we are debt free and doing well financially. She cringes in fear when she sees any of my guns. I think I'm going to have to hide any future gun and ammo purchases from her.
I tried to get her into it but she staunchly refuses. Does anybody else have this problem?:banghead:

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cslinger
July 16, 2009, 11:11 PM
I am sure you will get lots of responses, some serious some joking but IMHO, hiding purchases from your wife does not a solid marriage make.

Compromise and talk things out. Figure out what is more important to you.

I think the best way to "sell" it is as a hobby, no different then golf or cars or computers etc. Only this hobby is currently better then the average 401K.

Good luck,
Chris

Prion
July 16, 2009, 11:19 PM
You are not alone my friend. My wife is not a fan at all. She does not like them, understand them, or in any way see anything redeeming about them.

We have worked out a monthly budget of money I do not have to account for. She doesn't want to know where it's going or what it's being spent on. I do spend it on other stuff as well, like a new motorcycle, so she knows its' not all spent on guns and ammo.

Guns are my thing not hers and we've worked it out. I keep it low profile and she is ok with that arrangement as am I.

sjohn26
July 16, 2009, 11:22 PM
Too bad - guess you're gonna miss her cooking huh?

xsquidgator
July 16, 2009, 11:22 PM
I used to. Happily, after several years my wife's attitude changed and she now has her own handgun and can use it. I had several pistols when we met over 15 years ago, but I didn't shoot them much and it just wasn't much of a topic of discussion. Several years ago I got back into shooting, CCW, IDPA, reloading, all kinds of stuff. There was some resistance at first, I distinctly remember her trying to veto my first purchase in years with "no, you already have plenty of guns". I bought anyway.

If you're ok financially, I would suggest starting your attitude-modification by pointing out that you're spending a LOT less than if you were golfing or boating. At first my wife rolled her eyes and figured I was going through a midlife crisis. I didn't try to push on her, but I didn't back off of what I wanted to buy and do, either. She didn't like it when I started actually using the CWP I'd had for years (but hadn't used up to that point) and carrying concealed. More eye rolling, remarks about me being paranoid, etc. I didn't argue, but I didn't stop what I was doing either.

After what seemed like a long time, maybe 2 years, she started to reconsider her opinions about self-defense, being more self-reliant instead of just calling 911 and hoping the police arrived fast, that kind of thing. Eventually her attitudes changed enough that she went and took the CWP class herself and sometimes carries. I would rather she do it all the time and be a little more "into it", but I think it's best to just let her get to where she wants to be in her own way. Kind of like I wanted her to let me do when I was getting into guns, CCW, and shooting again.

No guarantees of course how your wife's attitudes will change, or even if they will. I would suggest not arguing about it, but keep doing the gun and shooting activities you think you need to do, covertly if need be. Keep up what you're doing, emphasize how you're observing safe gunhandling and shooting practices. If you are genuinely interested and keep doing this over a long haul, she may change her attitude when she sees you're not just going through a phase.

Best of luck!

Mags
July 16, 2009, 11:37 PM
Leave her

VegasOPM
July 16, 2009, 11:40 PM
The truth is, she will probably get used to them, even if she nevers learns to love them. If not, can you live without guns?

conw
July 16, 2009, 11:43 PM
Hey, you can't change people. Seriously. You can't change people

You can't change people.
You can't change people.
You can't change people.

That said, you can reason with them. Show her how safe YOU can be with guns, refrain from offending her by saying "If that guy on the news had a gun, he coulda....", and hope for the best.

I also agree that you should not deceive your wife. Honestly, is her reaction so bad you think she'd leave you for liking guns? If not, how are you justified in deceiving her??

There isn't much more to be said. Ignore anyone who tells you "how to change her" or whatever.

jad0110
July 16, 2009, 11:44 PM
Guns are my thing not hers and we've worked it out. I keep it low profile and she is ok with that arrangement as am I.

Same for us. My wife is pro 2nd amendent, but not exactly pro me having them, though she tolerates it. kinda like I tolerate her reality shows :barf: . As you said, I don't talk about guns around her and I keep them out of her sight as much as possible. As a result, she hasn't gone on a "guns are so stupid" tyraid in a couple of years. As I said, I think she has finally accepted that this is my hobby, though granted she doesn't have to like it.

Her biggest thing with guns is that she strongly believes that if she were to shoot an intruder in the house, that they would lock her up and throw away the key. Yes, I've tried to explain to her that their is no duty to retreat when in your home in our state, but to no avail.

Jim Watson
July 16, 2009, 11:44 PM
I just wonder about these cases, did you know her attitude when you proposed?

I recall the letter to the editor of Rifle Magazine years ago, "My dear bride of these 17 years says the guns go or she goes. Please note change of address." That is not to say you should make it a homewrecker, but if not, you are going to have to decide who will go forward with the resentment, you or her.

Avtomat Kalashnikova
July 16, 2009, 11:51 PM
Too bad - guess you're gonna miss her cooking huh?

epic win

gondorian
July 16, 2009, 11:52 PM
If reason even has a small chance of working maybe you should take a gun apart in front of her and show her all the little pieces. Show her that it is just a really cool tool, and is not a magic death wand or anything like that.

springmom
July 16, 2009, 11:58 PM
Oh, lovely; another wife thread.

If you feel you must hide when you clean your guns or when you buy ammo or other accessories, then you have a problem much, much bigger than firearms. You need to get to where you can accept each other, interests, warts, and all, as you are. If you are able to sit down and have a civil, pleasant, informative conversation with her in which you do as much listening as you do talking, then you should be able to work past this with the communication skills you already have.

If not, then it's the communication skills, not the guns, that are at issue here.

You can "stand your ground" and hold on to your hobby and your interests. Maybe she will eventually get interested too, maybe not. But mutual interest in firearms isn't why you married (I assume, anyway) so continue to build her up...build each other up....in the other areas and keep working on communication on this.

Jan

chuckusaret
July 16, 2009, 11:59 PM
My wife hates guns
Your wife must have a hobby or something she likes to do, whatever it is give her as much of your support/help that you can. My wife hates any type of racing, but she loves to sew and eat out, my son and I race any thing that has two or more wheels. I just make sure she has enough sewing needs to cover the time while my son and I are racing and when we are not racing I make sure I take her out to dinner as often as possible. This seems to have worked well for the past 30 or so years.

BMF500
July 17, 2009, 12:02 AM
This is a real bummer man. You know anyone that would let you keep a safe at their house?

Five of Clubs
July 17, 2009, 12:04 AM
I hate to be the party-pooper, but my wife totally insists that I CCW all the time that we are out and about. She started out as indifferent/tolerant about guns but has ended up as pro-gun (still a democrat though). We plan vacations around states that recognize my CCW license as a rule. I think for her the change came when we had a child, along with years of knowing that if something horrible were to happen then at least we had a chance. Eventually, I think that the fear of guns will be replaced by a comfort from them even if your wife doesn't want to make weekly trips to the range. Don't worry, I bet she'll get used to them.

CoRoMo
July 17, 2009, 12:06 AM
My wife didn't love guns, but she didn't hate them either. Sort of in between, but eventually she came around. I pushed her into it, but that certainly didn't help. I think the more she went shooting with me and handled guns, the easier she felt about/around them. Of course, now she's a nutjob.:evil:

She wasn't all too interested in hunting either. But after a few hundred pounds of processed elk filled the freezers, she got on board with it. Have patients and give her the space. She doesn't have to have your hobbies and you don't have to have hers.

fatelk
July 17, 2009, 12:17 AM
People are often afraid of things they don't understand. My advice would be to not try to force her to like them, keep it low-key while emphasizing safety, and over time she might come around.

My wife is very tolerant and understanding. If she weren't, however; my marriage is far more important to me than my gun collection.

Added: Springmom's advice is second-to-none. Had I read it before posting, I wouldn't have bothered posting!:)

conw
July 17, 2009, 12:22 AM
+1 springmom.


BMF500 wrote:
This is a real bummer man.

This will not stand man, it will not stand.

Martyk
July 17, 2009, 12:25 AM
Yea .. I know someone the same way and I just don't get that UNNATURAL fear of guns. It's like the "Guns are Bad" message has been drilled so deepy into someone's head that it's created almost like a panic !

Right, they don't understand anything about a gun so their fear is unjustified (at least in our opinions) but they don't even want to learn anything about them either.

MikkOwl
July 17, 2009, 12:33 AM
conwict and springmom raised some of the most important considerations.

It is pretty damned rude and inconsiderate to try to be so disrespectful and critical of a loved one's hobby/interests (as long as no one gets hurt in this hobby). Especially in a relationship. I would be rightfully angry if the girlfriend tried to impose and dictate like that.

A bit of advice: Do not argue or talk in a tone that is defensive and submissive, as if she might actually be right. Be confident and don't be afraid to show irritation if she's being unreasonable and imposing. Use sound logic, great analogies (to cars, kitchen knives and so forth). Say that without any rational reasons to her behaviour (and "I don't like guns" is not enough) you find it a pain to suffer her negative behaviour towards you. Make comparisons to you being all pissy about something she likes or cares about. Even wearing heels on the shoes is more harmful than having firearms as a hobby.

christcorp
July 17, 2009, 12:36 AM
I can't remember every line in the thread, so if this was mentioned, please disregard. But, have you ever thought of buying her "HER OWN GUN". I know it might sound weird to some, but if you buy her a nice small, unobtrusive gun that is inexpensive to practice with and to shoot; (Maybe a 32acp like a Walther or FEG clone or a inexpensive revolver in 38spl); and you explain that it's HERS, she might go for it. Explain that with your collection, that it's important that she know how to handle and of your guns in case of a situation. Explain that most guns operate basically the same so it's best if she has her own gun to get familiar with. Obviously, you show her the basics of loading, safety, clearing, and basic shooting. Except for SAFETY you DO NOT CORRECT HER ON ANYTHING!!!!!! Yes, you heard me right. There is a time to every purpose unto heaven. And the first purpose is for her to get use to HOLDING a gun. If you can get her to shoot, you can ask her if she'd like you to clean HER GUN or if she'd like to learn how to.

This may require baby steps. But I would start with a basic neutral hand gun that she can call her own. NO, SHE DOESN"T have to go and pick it out. Many people think it's something that is personal and she needs to choose. Not in this situation. You want to buy her a gun that is very easy to hold and easy to shoot. Most people might even consider your choice (TOO SMALL). That's ok. I'd have recommended a 22lr, except it's hard to convince her that a 22lr is acceptable as a self defense gun if she needs it. But a 32acp or similar in revolver would suffice. And if she winds up coming around to somewhat liking or even tolerating guns, she may even want to "Upgrade". Then you can let her pick one out. Anyway, buy her an inexpensive 32acp semi or similar revolver. Don't make it a holiday present; just a regular present. Explain that you think it's important that she have a gun if SHE ever needs it, and that SHE should have HER OWN gun. And after giving it to her, if she says she doesn't want it, tell her SHE is free to take it back or trade it in. "SHE WON'T". She may not want to talk about it or touch it initially, but you can always invite her when you go. And it will sound nice if you ask: "Would you like to bring YOUR GUN and do some shooting". Baby steps..... You can do it.

MikkOwl
July 17, 2009, 12:38 AM
The guns are bad thing and the irrational fear of them is interesting.. It might just be simple associations, beliefs and values displayed by society and others over and over again until it seems true - the item is seen to suddenly posses qualities such as: dangerous because it's evil, not dependable, unpredictable, brings death, accidents, carnage - cannot trust it. A mind of it's own. A bit like a stick of non-stable explosive. Jolt it too hard and it may blow.

wrs840
July 17, 2009, 12:38 AM
I like you springmom.


Don't worry, my admiration is genuine but innocuous. I've been married to one woman for 25 years, ...and my wife is a better shot (with a handgun) than I am.

Les

Big Bill
July 17, 2009, 12:42 AM
My wife knew from the start that I was a gun loving guy. She never objected. If she had objected, we would never have married. It's as simple as that.

LRaccuracy
July 17, 2009, 12:49 AM
I know more women that used to hate guns than women that do hate guns.

Sometimes an education changes people. An example of this is:

I know people that used to like Obama but now that they know about him, they can't stand him. Obame creates Conservatives.

People do change
People do change
People do change

There's hope for you wife.

David E
July 17, 2009, 01:01 AM
People fear what they don't understand, or what they've been "Trained" to fear thru years of anti-gun propaganda.

Your goal: Make her understand.

Keep it light. Don't talk about how this gun with that bullet can "cut a man in half." Instead, say how fun it is to bounce a tin can downrange with a .22 rifle, or being able to hit a dime-size target with it at 50 yds.

When the time is right, bring up the fact that, since you have guns in the house, that she should take a basic gun safety class with you. Bribe her with dinner at her favorite restaurant once the class is completed.

Later, bribe her with a shooting date. Check out http://www.firstshots.org/ to find a range near you.

If you do get her to go shooting with you (bribes allowed) remember: keep it short, keep it light and keep it fun.

Lone_Sheep_Dog
July 17, 2009, 01:13 AM
Thanks everyone for chiming in. I do keep my guns locked in a safe, and I try to keep them out of sight as much as possible.
I only owned a .22LR and a shotgun when we got married. At that time I was not the enthusiast that I am now. I started getting into guns heavily about 2 years ago. I did buy her a gun when I bought my first handgun. It was a .22 magnum mini revolver. That was a mistake. Those little things are extremely hard to shoot accurately. She hated it. I hate it too. I tried to get her to shoot my other guns and she flat out refuses.
I don't think it will destroy our marriage, but I have to keep the guns out of sight. I realize that I don't need to talk about them either, but that's difficult when you take pride in your collection. I'll just keep hoping that she sees the light one day. I guess this is what happens when you grow up with sheep for a family. Some people expect the police to magically appear when there is a threat.
There is one positive thing; she and I are both libertarians, so there must be some hope.

flrfh213
July 17, 2009, 01:18 AM
my son and i love our guns (he is 9) and my wife loves her 38 but cant see using my 1911 or any auto for that matter in a hd situation, she wants the point and shoot of a revolver, this might help your wife as well... no buttons, levers, clips ect.... just blow and go...

wrs840
July 17, 2009, 01:25 AM
David E makes a real good point. Granted, my wife didn't start out anti-gun, but I introduced her to shooting with a 20 ga shotgun and empty gallon paint-cans 30 or 40 feet away to shoot at. She could "hit" immediately, and liked it...

Les

Wyo_F-A
July 17, 2009, 01:36 AM
wow. my in-laws were of the mentality that a gun was only safe when it was unloaded and locked away in the attic/basement where it was of no use in a HD situation. It has taken many years to acclimate my wife to a firearms. She now has no problem taking her 9mm out and practicing in the back pasture without me. Shooting has grown from something that was a 'me only' activity into an 'us' activity. I used the hobby aspect to introduce it to her, and gradually went from there.

My one piece of advice-
DO NOT HAVE HER SHOOT YOUR .44M AS HER FIRST EXPERIENCE. IT MAY BE FUNNY AT THE TIME, BUT IT WAS ENTIRELY UNPRODUCTIVE AND SET THE PROCESS BACK A GOOD 2 YEARS -- IN MY OPINION.

federalfarmer
July 17, 2009, 01:39 AM
I am sorry for your situation. BUT without being there I beleive this is an issue that must be resolved. She MUST see your side and agree/participate with you. The second amendment is the biggie.
Good luck, I wish you a long happy marriage.

jackdanson
July 17, 2009, 02:19 AM
Get divorced. Seriously.

taprackbang
July 17, 2009, 02:26 AM
Leave her

Hey now, be nice!
Give it time, my friend. She will come around.

archigos
July 17, 2009, 02:27 AM
In a sense I'm lucky - my fiancee likes guns (though she refuses to go shooting). She was jealous when I stopped in a sheriff's office in PA to apply for my non-resident CCW permit - she wanted to apply too, but can't because she doesn't yet have a permit in NY, where we live. That being said, for me, an anti-gun mentality is a dealbreaker for a relationship.
I can offer a bit of advice to you though. You're right to bring her shooting. Don't hide your guns. In fact, expose her to them as much as is appropriate. Don't be obnoxious about it, but show her that you are safe with guns.
I've turned multiple anti-gun friends into firearms enthusiasts just by showing them, through my attitude and exposure, that guns are like cars. Respect them because they do have the ability to kill, but don't fear them. They have legitimate purposes and it is people that are dangerous, not inanimate objects. I give my friends a good half hour range safety talk before letting them step foot on a range for the first time.

big wolf
July 17, 2009, 02:32 AM
If you cannot be a man and stand your ground with your wife and she gets all winged out with the sight of them, my suggestion is to start looking elsewhere, people hurt people, not guns...

MovedWest
July 17, 2009, 02:34 AM
I set that expectation with my wife before a ring came into play. Not exactly first date material, but it came up in the first few months. It went something like:

"I'm 4th generation marksman in my family on both sides. My kids will be 5th generation. I will have of firearms handed down to me that were handed down once already. If you're not okay with that let me know now before we get serious."

Her father is very anti-gun and was brought up like that. We've been married for 4 years and her aim is developing nicely. :)

I can't wait for her dad's next visit (from overseas) when I introduce him to "our" hobby. :evil:

-MW

Jefferson Herb
July 17, 2009, 02:51 AM
My Wife also knew I was a firearms collector,She just did'nt know to what extent,or the why of it;could be a trust issue.She has since claimed a few of mine She's comfortable with,has hunted birds but not really into it.
We have respect for each other,we waited till our 40's,have dogs and horses.I would hate to think what would happen to anyone who hurt me.She hates violence but would be worse than alaskan brown bear when it comes to her pets or me.

conw
July 17, 2009, 03:55 AM
LRaccuracy, sure they do. But they don't change because you have your buddy from work pretend to threaten her in a parking lot to scare her, because you buy her a gun (no offense christcorp), or because you bribe her, or because you psychologically bludgeon her with statistics, or other things that usually come up in threads like this.

Rationally, and I didn't type all this initially because usually people skim posts, a husband can ask his wife to change her mind, can prevent compelling evidence, and can even leave her if she doesn't suit him. All of those are options. But he can not make her change or insist that she change, pure and simple. That kind of thinking is what causes most relationship problems. And if this gets to be a huge issue, it's a 50/50 problem, not a wife-only problem because his wife is being unreasonable in our opinion.

It's unreasonable for the wife to insist her husband not own or carry guns, but not for her to feel uncomfortable for it. It's reasonable for the husband to rationally present his case and even to create an ultimatum, but it's not reasonable for him to deceive, harass, or make his wife more uncomfortable than absolutely necessary.

Your mileage may vary, but there are dozens of these threads that all give terrible advice.

The absolute worst attitude you could have in a relationship like this is the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, o-so-enlightened attitude we all put on when we talk about "those antis." (I am guilty as charged, but the OP will be committing relationship suicide if he starts quoting the founding fathers to his wife).

bootless
July 17, 2009, 05:17 AM
I'll be the nice guy and save everyone's marriage. Just give your guns to me and there won't be any problems. No hassle of changing anyone and I'll pay shipping too

glassman
July 17, 2009, 01:31 PM
My wife doesn't hate guns but she does fear them. We've talked about it calmly and rationally as to me wanting her to know how to protect herself in a bad situation such as a break in. I've tried to get her to the range but so far, that has been a no go. I don't push or make demands in that it would only make matters worse. I don't hide puchases from her as that would destroy the trust we have built up over the years nor do I make purchases when we need the money for something else. The one concession I've had to make to her is to clean my guns outside so it doesn't 'stink up the house'...a small price to pay. One of the things I have done is to enroll in a few classes which has been good for both of us. She feels more at ease knowing that I have some formal training and that I know how to handle the guns safely.
An ironic thing happened not too long ago when she was awakened by something that went bump in the night. She woke me saying, "get your gun. Someone is in the house". It turned out to be nothing and I successfully resisted the urge to say "I told you so".

hso
July 17, 2009, 01:47 PM
If the two of you don't share an interest then what fun is it in trying to talk about it. As individuals you will both have separate interests that you have to accept.

Better to listen to Jan and keep in mind that you don't have to share all the same interests even if you respect the other partner's interest in them. You've already made some mistakes that increase her dislike/mistrust for firearms so don't hide, but don't make an issue one way or the other about it.

PX15
July 17, 2009, 01:54 PM
Lone Sheep Dog:

Um.... Nope my wife doesn't hate guns at all... Guess I'm just lucky that way..

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/Laserlips/100_6901_01.jpg

Of course she and I resolved any concerns about firearms before we got married (over 41 years ago), but honestly I think if she had been totally "anti-gun" I believe the marriage would never taken place.

I'm certainly not suggesting a Tammy Wynette song for you (DIVORCE), but I know in our home a disagreement on this subject would constantly be an irritation..

My suggestion is to try, somehow, to work out a compromise where you don't flaunt guns in her face, but she knows you have them and doesn't constantly give you grief about them.

I'd equate giving up my guns with giving up my "mountain oysters" and that's not happening.. :barf:

Lots of luck to ya..

Best Wishes,

Jesse

Norinco982lover
July 17, 2009, 02:04 PM
My wife thinks guns are fun:) She used to dislike them...and she still doesn't like me to buy them too often... Curiously...one of her biggest complaints is that I do not go shooting enough...she says, "why do you have all of these guns if you don't even shoot them?" She is referring to the new rifles that I picked up...I can't find affordable ammo for them so I've been hoarding the small stash that I do have.

My wife picked up her CCL yesterday...I am so proud of her! Now to convince her that purse carry is NOT the only way to carry...

When we first got married I wasn't really into guns and neither was she...my hobby kind of took off and she came along...she doesn't mind it and sees its purpose but still doesn't like the monetary side of it. She also doesn't like how much time it takes up in my life (THR is to blame for that..too much time online in forums!).

I think that a great point is: investing in guns IS better than investing ANYWHERE else right now...except for perhaps real estate. Guns can be sold quickly...and ammo never drops in price...inflation comes and goes but ammo always has a set value. It is a great item for bartering.

I make sure to point out to my wife that if we ever did need money I could always sell a few of my guns and we would have the money quickly. It's NOT like I am investing in a motorcycle or a boat that would depreciate in value.

~Norinco

Lonestar49
July 17, 2009, 02:06 PM
...

+ 3, IIRC, lol

Jan is spot on, i.e. communications is key, and now that it's official, "the honeymoon is over", the real work of any marriage begins. Give and take, both sides, and knowing what, to give and not to give into, for both. It's an, ongoing, "work in progress" for many years to come.

Aprox 3 yrs ago (time flies) my wife was very anti gun, even though at the time and from the start, some 19yrs ago, I had 2 shotguns and 1 Ruger 22lr rifle.

When I decided to get my first (of 8 total) handgun she was terrified, not happy about it, and semi put her foot down. But, there are certain things this man must have and there are certain things she must have and that fundamental truth, we both agree on.

Basically, it took 6 months for her to even "start to believe" that guns just don't go off, and that I would not accidentally shoot one off in the house.

After the first year of 100% safety (still on-going) she became comfy in trust and, 3yrs later, she has her own gun/s, handles them, "in touch" mostly, and when I leave her alone with one.

It takes time, you must be patient, and not press the issue with her, and just be "the_proof" that guns just don't go off by themselves nor that you may accidentally have an AD or ND in that house, or elsewhere.

Time heals all wounds. Give it time, and you be the the surgeon, and leave no scare, from start to finish.


Ls

mcdonl
July 17, 2009, 02:11 PM
My wife has completly come around on guns and I have come around to some of the things she feels passionate about.

It just takes time. And as far as hiding purchases from her. I would never do that, I just sometimes use creative financing options to buy them.

Leroy

Cosmoline
July 17, 2009, 02:18 PM
She can feel what she wants. Don't let it change your behavior. If she's foisting her issues on you, dump her. I've learned a few things in my life, and one of them is that life is way too valuable and short to waste on bad relationships.

BMF500
July 17, 2009, 02:25 PM
OK, I'm fully prepared to be crucified by the ladies here but........


Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

# 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

# 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

# 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

# 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

# 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

# 4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

# 3. A gun doesn't ask , 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'

# 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

# 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

Deltaboy
July 17, 2009, 10:33 PM
Take it easy get her to a range and find some one she trusts that will tell her the truth about firearms. My wife likes to play the you have too many game with me sometimes so I counter with how many pair of shoes and purses she has and the FACT I never say a word about what she buys.

thorazine
July 17, 2009, 11:22 PM
Develop a phobia of shoes and handbags.

See how she reacts when the tables are turned. =)

springmom
July 17, 2009, 11:27 PM
I like you springmom.


Don't worry, my admiration is genuine but innocuous. I've been married to one woman for 25 years, ...and my wife is a better shot (with a handgun) than I am.

Les
LOL. After almost 28 years, we also have learned a thing or three about staying married and keeping a good relationship. Guns are a great hobby, a necessary tool for self defense and hunting, and most importantly a constitutional right. But it's not an either/or, marriage or guns. Sounds like the OP has a pretty good idea of how to proceed, actually.

Jan

jimbeam
July 17, 2009, 11:39 PM
I am amazed when someone coins the phrase "anti-gun" after watching the history hannel a few years, some of the early battles had like 65,000 men killed in eight hours with swords, spears and arrows. Seems like guns were hardly needed at the time. You think men change, our survival instincts are the same as thousands of years ago; this administration will learn that we will not be backed against the wall without repercussions. 30

gimlet1/21
July 18, 2009, 12:51 AM
When you're ready to throw down the gauntlet, place her shoe collection out at 25m; then post a ranger report for us.

Babbalanja
July 18, 2009, 01:05 AM
You get no sympathy from me pal. You should have known this about her BEFORE you married her.

frankiestoys
July 18, 2009, 01:07 AM
My ex hated them, my new wife bought me a black hawk for my birthday,and she owns a 642 smith, well she thinks its her's . Give her time maybe she'll come around.

Dumptruck
July 18, 2009, 01:18 AM
Be completely open and honest with anyone you get with. My fiancee was pretty clueless about guns but was not anti. However, I took her to the range with me enough that she caught on.

My younger brother on the other hand, he has to deal with a fiancee who is actually a part of the Brady bunch. She thinks that guns jump up and shoot people.

Jmackk
July 18, 2009, 01:37 AM
Well part of me agrees with Babb, you should have know that when you married her, but they say love is blind. And little things are offten overlooked when you fall in love and get married(even though guns are no small thing)

But, I grew up in a house were my mother does not like guns and my dad grew up with them. My mother never like the fact that I had a BB gun or even my first 22 but my dad put his foot down and said no son of mine will grow up without knowing how to use a gun, so he tought me and my brother. My mom still does not like guns but she has learned to live with them. My dad always said guns are for ever and once you buy one there is no reason to sell it. I think he would loose the house and like on the street befor he would sell his guns and I think I would to. But my dad is very, very passinet about his guns and he bestowedthat in use boys, so.

And I dont want to come off wrong but people who do not like guns are very "ignerent" I guess is the word. They are affraid of things they dont understand, so talk to her teacher thing, and sneak little things to conversation. Like "wow I love that white dress, remindes me of the pearl handles on my revolver":D or whatever.


I have always said this"my guns were her befor you and they will be hear after you" every girl I have ever dated knows I have guns and that I am strongly passion for them so if they dont like it they can find the door. In this case you should be able to work it out fine.

Ballistic Mule
July 18, 2009, 02:14 AM
.22 lr rifle, brick of ammo, sand bags, 50 ft. slow fire pistol targets at 25 yards,and last but not least, family. or at least good friends that she trusts. Make a compition out of it. keep it light, three shot groups,this way she can see others shooting and notice the world is not comming to an end. And just like a kid, she probably will pick up more instruction from watching and listening the others than "the old man". also, NO MAGNUMS! You can bust'em out after she comes around. Luckily, My gal is a fine shot w/ most calibers!

wvshooter
July 18, 2009, 09:46 AM
If she was able to read any of the accounts of women defending themselves or their children with a firearm she might begin to change her mind. Problem is getting her to read something she is anti about from the get go.

Pilot
July 18, 2009, 09:57 AM
It an irrational/emotional fear probably from her parents. Did you ever consider going to councelling together where a third party can try to get her reason for hating guns? You'll never do it but a councellor might. Maybe he/she can get to the root cause and display that her fear is irrational.

springmom
July 18, 2009, 06:57 PM
Did any of you who keep saying "you should have known" even pay attention to the fact that the OP increased his interest in guns AFTER they married? You know, he....oh good heavens....he.....

CHANGED.

So can she. And if he ignores some of you, maybe she will.

Jan

Jim Watson
July 18, 2009, 07:12 PM
the OP increased his interest in guns AFTER they married?

He didn't say that in the OP, but now it has come up, let's see... get married, get a new hobby. Hmm.

If he wants to keep her and his guns I think the only thing he can do is to keep them separate. He doesn't have to hide them, but he doesn't have to push them in front of her. He goes shooting, she does something else. Live and let live.

MikeKeyW
July 18, 2009, 07:37 PM
Before I launch into the MasterCard "Priceless" moment that occurred today some background is in order.

I had to give some "Big City"attorney a ride after the company I was with acquired a competitor down in Key West. Little did I know that she would end up my wife. When she asked if I'd be attending the "Western" themed acquisition party I said sure. Not one to miss an opportunity to walk around (on private property) open carrying I strapped on my tooled leather "Cowboy" rig and dropped in my unloaded 44-40 Colt SAA. So right off on our first "date" she saw what she was getting into, especially when asked "Is that real?" when it was discovered that the caterer had forgotten to bring mallets or nut crackers for the Stone Crab appetizer and I drew my Colt (the faint of heart may wish to skip this part) and for some unknown reason (testosterone probably) spun it, caught it by the barrel and used it to crack her stone crab claws :banghead:.

I mentioned during the small talk that I was excited about attending Mas Ayoob's LFI-II the following week and explained what that was all about. and how I had completed the NRA Security Firearms Instructor class the previous month. She mentioned that she had fired an Uzi when she was in Israel as a teenager but was basically a "New York City Liberal"...

I guess we both thought "I'll get them to change" somewhere in the back of our minds while in a state of emotional and hormonal overload.

We later married and it was on our first anniversary that I realized something was amiss. I was working for one of the major firearms distributors by then and I had bought her (in addition to the prerequisite jewelry, I'm not that dumb) a gold in layered & engraved Beretta 950 mouse gun. When she opened the box she recoiled like it had a live rattlesnake in it and I received the first "The Looks" of our marriage. At the time I had only brought up my 6" Colt Python to Miami with the others stored at my parents house. It seemed that she could not comprehend why anyone would ever need more than one gun in a household so I must be crazy to think she would want a 2nd in the apartment.

When married to a lawyer the marriage vow "Until Death Do You Part" takes on a whole new meaning (and somehow the "Obey" part got left out...)

Fast forward 24 years of marriage. I am allowed multiple firearms under the condition that they are stored in the gun safe located in my garage workshop. We still have a different definition as to the meaning of a gun being carelessly left about. Especially since I had thoroughly "Gunproofed" our children at around 5 years of age, they're now 17 and 18. It came up at a counseling session that the 1911 I have on top of the wall unit next to the front door, the 624 Velcroed to the back of the box spring in our bedroom and the shotgun in my meagerly allotted portion of "our" closet were left carelessly lying around the house. It was decided that we would ask the Rabbi what his views on guns in the house and CCW were.

We attend Chabad, a Hasidic sect (very orthodox, what I call the "Black Hats" who wear long black coat and black fedoras and very observant of the "rules" of Judaism). There are levels of observance, I wear regular clothes and some attend services very casually dressed. A few weeks I thought I saw one of the Black Hats "printing" and casually "bumped" into him at the end of services and with felt confirmation I said "Carrying?" and he winked and said "I'm a 1911 kinda guy and have a double mag carrier on the other side" and found out that several others also carried at services.

So today after services we "Asked the Rabbi" about firearms in the household. My wife grinned when he replied that he did not have a gun in his house but then he elaborated that it was only because they had so many small children that held him back. This was the start of about a half hour discussion which ended with me promising that I would bring the Rabbi to the range the next time we brought the NFA's for a day of rock & roll, He was grinning ear to ear while my wife had the "Other" look on her face and the only thing she would say on the matter was "You guy's are all alike..."

Priceless :neener:

Sorry about running at the mouth here but I just had to share that. Let's see if she brings it up at our next session, I'm not, discretion is the better part of valor :evil:

eckherl
July 18, 2009, 08:08 PM
For a home invasion a revolver would most likely be the best choice for defensive counter measures with someone who is not used to handguns, especially in a stressful situation.

My wife used to hate firearms also, she was at the opposing mind set that she did not want to even see a bullet. But after a few years I can at least get her now to go to the shooting range. Having her watch episodes of the first 48 hours may of changed my wifes way of thinking.

nody
July 18, 2009, 08:23 PM
Nobody mentioned having kids yet. My wife, who gave up her career to be home with our 3 y/o before he was born, has turned into a total control freak about EVERYTHING!

She was bitching that I was around the house too much on my few days off, so I started shooting skeet at a local public range, using rental guns.

Like all of us, I used to own numerous types, but due to career, moving, having to live in commie areas like NYC, and the flat guns prices back in the '90s making trading them not so much fun as the 70's-80's (wish I'd heald on to them until just before this Obamrecession), I'd sold them off by the time she showed up.

I had long ago told her all about my collection and fun times a-shootin' and reloadin', so I was pleasntly surprised when she encouraged me to get back into it recently.

She's a texas gal and her dad had a gun or two, but he was irresponsible, leaving loaded revolvers in the bottom dresser drawer, where her younger brother almost blew his own head off as a small child. Later an illegal-alien maid they had tipped off her buddies, and the guns were stolen.

So now my wife says shoot all you want, buy what you want, but you're not storing any guns in our house!

I'm hoping when my son gets old enough, he'll be interested and then she'll be too.

kda
July 18, 2009, 08:29 PM
I think you might benefit if you can show her that self defense (in all forms including situational awareness) is something your whole family needs to be practicing. More specifically, I think too many women think handguns are only for police and young thugs ... and not something honest people, especially women, could manage. So you may need to start working on those issues slowly and methodically ... giving her time between the steps.

My wife went from being ambivalent about handguns to a licensed CCW holder who now carries all the time, every time.

Several things helped me take her in that direction. In AZ, home invasions and assaults are becoming more common every day, often more than one a week in the city where I live. And they are not by some unarmed cat burglar that slips in an open window while you are away. These invasions are small groups (of young thugs) that kick in doors whether anyone is home or not. If that isn't the case where you live, just give it time. Our country is changing and changing rapidly.

Reading the newspaper accounts put my wife on edge even though we realize the odds were against any single home being invaded. Then we sat down together and watched the Crimson Trace CD (available free) together and she saw that self defense is not something impossibly scary but something very much worth considering ... and practicing.

Then we made a trip to the indoor range where she could see all sorts of shooters from young girls to white haired seniors firing their handguns. This convinced her that handguns were not just for young thugs, but for anyone who has made up their mind they don't want to be prey for those young thugs.

In AZ it was informative to give her the numbers of CCW holders ... broken down by age groups (available from DPS website). She began to realize that firearms and self-defense were "in" and that she was a little behind the curve on learning to look out for herself should the need arise.

She quickly became a very good shot and passed her CCW course with ease. I know I worry less about her when I am not with her. And now that she understands all this, she worries less about me too.

And we have a hobby we can enjoy together ... recreational shooting ... to keep our skills up. And women love things they can do with their husbands.

wrs840
July 18, 2009, 08:32 PM
Rethinking this thread... For those of you under 40-50 years old: The PC groupthink politics that came into vogue in the 1990's is probably something to be really aware of in choosing a spouse. I was born in Chicago, and still appreciate big-city amenities at times, for short visits. Having moved to NC in the 1960's, Dad saw firearms acceptance as one of the many attractions that convinced him to move the family.

I married a southern girl a long time ago, and her mom's basically a Tammy Wynette, her dad is a sports-freak, but not a hunter, and she had no predisposition for or against firearms. She started guns with me because I enjoyed them, and then became a real momma-bear when we had kids. Like I've said before, she's very proficient now. It's just that she started with no prejudices.

It's a different world out there politically now. A lot of young folks do start out steeped in brainwashing about guns. Choose your spouse and other relationships with that in mind.

Les

krs
July 18, 2009, 08:48 PM
Lone_Sheep_Dog,

No offense meant, but could it be that your wife is afraid of YOU, or of you with guns?

cambeul41
July 18, 2009, 10:18 PM
BMF500 -

And then she says, "What's good for the gander is good for the goose."

KenWP
July 18, 2009, 10:36 PM
My problem is worse. I changed a propane tank and the little bit that got loose when I took off the regulater caused me to have the cops and the firedepartment come visit. I haven't touched a gun around here in 4 years. I just keep them locked up and vist sites like this one and a couple others I belong to. She gets upset that i watch cops shows and the Unit as I am getting ideas about guns. Owell I get to use a chainsaw still.

Savage Shooter
July 18, 2009, 10:40 PM
Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

# 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

# 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

# 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

# 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

# 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

# 4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

# 3. A gun doesn't ask , 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'

# 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

# 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

:D that's good stuff right there

Develop a phobia of shoes and handbags.

See how she reacts when the tables are turned. =) 2nd that

Dogbite
July 18, 2009, 10:51 PM
My wife was not crazy about guns before we met. She had personally seen an accidental discharge kill someone. She knew that I had been shooting basically since birth, and I was seriously into guns. I taught her to handle a firearm safely, and basic shooting skills. Now she is fine with them. I did pick her though because she is a lot like me-conservative, no nonsense, etc...She is very feminine, but she could mop the floor with your basic peace sign carrying, granola eating liberal.

Dogbite
July 18, 2009, 10:58 PM
My problem is worse. I changed a propane tank and the little bit that got loose when I took off the regulater caused me to have the cops and the firedepartment come visit. I haven't touched a gun around here in 4 years. I just keep them locked up and vist sites like this one and a couple others I belong to. She gets upset that i watch cops shows and the Unit as I am getting ideas about guns. Owell I get to use a chainsaw still.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That is just flat out brutal man. My wife doesn't even look twice when I have a holster and gun on, and I'm practicing drawing 500 times from a surrender position, using a stop watch to see how fast I can change a magazine, etc...

SharpsDressedMan
July 18, 2009, 11:16 PM
Some people are telling you that it is good for your marriage to be up front, that hiding your hobby is bad. I say being like your wife is bad for your marriage, too. If I "accidentally" married a gun hater, I would politely tell her that my indulgence is part of my psyche, and I believe in self reliance, self protection, and gun ownership, and that she is free to have her opinion, but that she does not run my life. I would tell her that I will continue to keep and own guns, and that she can accept it or not, but the discussion is closed. If she persisted in badgering me about the guns, I would give he the silent treatment over that subject. Closed is closed. If she felt inclined to leave, well it would be like the Brad Paisley song, "I'm gonna Miss Her", but the issue is guns instead of fishing. It takes two, and when one is telling the other one what to do, then the marriage is alread under attack. You are not telling her how to be in her life, you are just telling her how it is in yours. You will not be happy if you "compromise" (really, this would be caving in to her wishes), as she is not giving up anything for you.

wrs840
July 18, 2009, 11:20 PM
My problem is worse. I changed a propane tank and the little bit that got loose when I took off the regulater caused me to have the cops and the firedepartment come visit.

Excuse me?

Are you saying you caused an incendiary/pyrotechnic incident or was this an "air-quality infraction" ??

Les

moooose102
July 19, 2009, 11:11 AM
one word, seven letters, next time, do better!

ChCx2744
July 19, 2009, 11:35 AM
Do what you want to do. Love is important, but with love must come understanding and acceptance...Without understanding and acceptance (both are EXTREMELY important) then your relationship will wither...I am sure you can already feel it...It is almost as if you can measure your relationship in distance once those 2 feelings are out the window...If guns are important to you, stick to what you prefer...Nobody should have to change who they are and nobody should try to change anyone else..

paul45
July 19, 2009, 02:47 PM
She also gets really angry when I buy accessories and ammo even though we are debt free and doing well financially. She cringes in fear when she sees any of my guns. I think I'm going to have to hide any future gun and ammo purchases from her.

Why do you let a woman make you afraid and want to hide??

This is not good for you, physically or emotionally.

If you allow her such power over you, you will only see her get worse and more controlling.

Why would you be in such a marriage? :confused:

Sorry to be harsh, but you need to man up.

Claude Clay
July 19, 2009, 03:10 PM
develop a fear of colorful shoes.....

when ever you see any outside of a securly locked closet have a mini-melt down----

"....but one of them could go and attack my instep, or.......i'm scared of even knowing they are here in our house. and all the accessories you are endlessly buying for them. don't you see how frightened i am of them. if you loved me you would stop having them in my house.

eJack
July 19, 2009, 04:17 PM
I didn't see anybody else suggest this (sorry if I missed it), but last month I went to Front Sight with my wife for my birthday. My wife has never had anything against guns, but a lot of other guys were there with wives who had never shot a gun before and were terrified of them. By the end of the course, all of them felt safe and competent with the gun they were using. Depending on what you have in your area, a course could run from a hundred or so to a couple thousand for a multi-day course. It's a lump of cash, but might be worth it. Made for a great vacation for me.

I have always enjoyed shooting. I grew up with a BB gun at my disposal at a very young age. I also got to shoot .22's and shotguns a lot. I now have a nice gun collection and still enjoy shooting.
My wife never shot a gun until she met me. My in-laws have never owned a gun and subscribe to the sheep mentality. My wife is so afraid of guns that she thinks they will accidentally "go off" just from looking at them wrong. I feel like I have to hide when I clean my guns. She also gets really angry when I buy accessories and ammo even though we are debt free and doing well financially. She cringes in fear when she sees any of my guns. I think I'm going to have to hide any future gun and ammo purchases from her.
I tried to get her into it but she staunchly refuses. Does anybody else have this problem?:banghead:

FHBrumb
July 19, 2009, 04:29 PM
Yes, my wife and her family are exactly the same. She once told me that our children would never know I owned guns. She was wrong. I often take the older two shooting. Both are daughters, and enjoy it as much as I do.

My wife fired a 22 pistol once, and could not get the pistol back to my hand fast enough. That was just before we were married. She has not touched one since.

kyo
July 19, 2009, 04:42 PM
how did you come to the wedding part without her freaking out? Or did you just "deal" with it cause you thought it would be different? I learned that when a girlfriend tries to change you, your job, your hobbies, the only thing that needs changing is her. but you are married, so now your stuck. Well, go to counseling. that is the best advice I can give you.
She is getting angry and making you feel like crap because you love a hobby. That is abuse at least. Passive aggressive abuse non the less. Take it from experience, go to counseling. If that don't work you got 2 choices. divorce, or give up guns.

Mikey- I wish I could carry on synagogue grounds. Not allowed in GA. Great story there.

Cactus Jack Arizona
July 20, 2009, 02:42 AM
My wife and I've been married for 19 years.......yes, to each other for that long. :D Over the past three years, our family has seen new additions. Both pistols and rifles have found a home with us. ;)

The only time my wife is uncomfortable around guns is when we go to the range and she tries to shoot with sinus pressure. Other than this, she loves her little P-22. :neener:

Try to get her to go to a CCW class. One can overcome fear through education. If she refuses, then it is time to seek counseling. Counseling may be needed anyway to break through the anti-gun brainwashing that we are constantly being pelted with from certain politicians and media. :cuss:

If this doesn't help, it might be time to pack up all your guns and ammo...........................and move them into the closet space where your wife used to keep her clothes and shoes. :evil: :eek: :neener:

Nematocyst
July 20, 2009, 03:09 AM
I've been following this thread for days.

I'm consistently sitting somewhere between bemused and annoyed.
NOT with the OP - I truly emphasize, sir - but with some of the advice.
(No, I'm not interested in discussing which advice; to each their own.)

But IMO, a big part of the problem can be summed up in one word: marriage.

You don't "marry" = legally bind yourself for life to friends, business colleagues,
professors, grocers, insurance sales(wo)men, mechanics and gardeners.

Why would you bind yourself for life to a lover?
That's insanity. People change. Love the one you're with (Stephen Stills),
then if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, say, it's been fun, have a good life, and leave.

"Oh, but what about the kids?"

Speaking only for myself - I truly hope your experience was different - I was subjected to an entire childhood in a dysfunctional family. Good people everyone; all meant well. Lot's of love on an individual basis. But put mom and dad together, along with in laws and select other relatives, and it was ... well, not pleasant. Scars still exist.

Looking back, I wish they'd have divorced. I'd have been much better off.

I tried marriage once. Only once. Never again.
I've had more love, erotic excitement and guns in my life than the average Joe.

Really, people. Marriage was set up by others to control your life.
We rail against gun control. Have you never considered "lover control"?

I mean, if some group told you that they were working on legislation that would restrict you to one gun for life, and that once you choose, you are legally bound to stay with it, regardless of how well it shoots, whether it's meeting your needs, etc, and that changing your mind later could cost you every thing you own, would you support it?

IMO, we need to quit being slaves to marriage. We need to explore other ways of being together.

If I were in a relationship with someone who "hates" guns,
I'd find another lover who loves them as much as I do.

Disclaimer: ymmv. If marriage works for you, then I say go for it. You have my best wishes.

But for the rest of us ... well, it's the 21st century. I'm ready for something different.

danbrew
July 20, 2009, 09:47 AM
Amen.

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