[280PLUS]

from a friend... :D

"Aim Towards the Enemy"
-instructions printed on US Rocket launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend"
- US Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate.
the bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground"
- U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you"
-Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed"
- U. S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo"
-Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways"
- U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds"
- Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid"
-Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush"
Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection"
- Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper,,,once."
- Anon.

"Never tell the platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
-Unknown Army recruit

Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Your Buddies

'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
- U.S.A Ammo Troop

;)

[goalie]

Or the one I learned the hard way:

Friendly fire...........isn't.

[280PLUS]

hopefully youre doing better since then,,,

m

one i remember,

"see all that water? That's only the top."

[Ed]

Claymores say on them, "FRONT towards enemy"

In case you forget....

[Joe Demko]

"The bullet comes out the end with the hole in it and is moving very, very fast."
a Drill Sgt. at Ft. Leonard Wood

[Balog]

I've seen that list on another board. What is the source for it?

[Deep Blue]

There are two types of ships: Submarines, and targets.:evil:

[Lennyjoe]

A nice little saying by us in the A-10 community

"Dont run, Why die tired?"

A-10 Warthog "Ugly! but well hung":D

[KC]

A lot of general wierdness, but Skippy's List (http://skippyslist.com/) has some good ones.

[Keith]

"Yeah, I know it's stupid and pointless, now shut up and do it anyway!"


Keith

[bogie]

Know when to volunteer. It is better to be the poor guy driving the deuce and a half than the folks marching ahead of it. It is better to be on the "ambush team" than to be with the training unit that is supposed to march past it.

[MarkDido]

Spent some time in two Navy helo squadrons (HSL's) -

We referred to the SH-2F Kaman Sea Sprite as "10,000 pieces of FOD (foreign object damage) flying in close formation"

[striker3]

"Don't piss on the vehicle mounted radio antenna when someone has keyed the mic...ever." RO giving a radio familiarization class

"Do not step on the burning pieces of C4 as you run through the gap we make." Combat engineer giving us a safety brief before a live fire attack using a MIKLIK(spelling?) missle to clear the wire. The misslie drops C4 along the wire line that blows a large path, but not all of the C4 explodes...

[Nightcrawler]

MIKLIK(spelling?)

The MICLIC! The Mine Clearing Line Charge. We've launched those rockets several times now; I've never seen a live one set off, though; the live explosive version has like two thousand pounds of C4; there're only a few ranges in the country were they'll let you set off that kind of demo.

C4 can be burned without hazard. Just don't stomp on it. ;)

[striker3]

Yep thats the one! Thanks for the correction. Just for your info this wasn't in the country, it was in Australia. They may not let normal people carry knives or guns, but they let the military do whatever they darn well please!

[OEF_VET]

When in combat, you'll wish there were no buttons on your shirt, so you can get that much closer to the ground.

Friendly fire.....isn't.

If you can see them, they can see you.

No plan survives after the first shot is fired.

If it ain't raining, you ain't training.

If it is raining, you're probably in the field.

If a soldier ain't complaining, he ain't happy.

[Smokey Joe]

The ruse you're ignoring is the main attack.

The huge attack you're defending against is a feint.

and finally, never, NEVER forget the Murphy factor in any endeavor.

[LawDog]

Tracers work both ways.

If the enemy is in range, you are too.

Any position that is impossible to get into, is also impossible to get out of.

If you have two pieces of equipment that must be hooked together to work, one piece is always going to be God only knows where.

One of the most dangerous things on the battlefield is a Second Lieutenant with a jeep and a radio.

Wise NCOs know that it is time to unass the A.O. when they hear:

1) A Warrant Officer 3 saying, "Hey, watch this!"

2) A Light Colonel saying, "I learned this at Staff College."

3) The G-2 saying, "Light casualties, minimum."

4) A Captain saying, "No thank you, sir, we got it."

5) The First Sergeant saying anything that begins with: "Get over here!"

True story:

A class of candidates at OCS are standing in the middle of a field. In front of them are two poles, one of which is 20 feet in length and one of which is 25 feet in length; and 15 feet of rope. They are told that they are in command of a detachment of 10 E1's through E3's and one E6. They are further informed that they each have one (1) hour to erect a flagpole.

Despite the fact that each candidate has watched his predecessor, each time the instructors return each candidate has failed to get the required flagpole erected.

At the end of the exercise, one candidate opines that the task is impossible, and further demands to know the proper technique to erect a flagpole in this situation.

The senior instructor promptly does an about face manuever, says, "Sergeant! I'm going to battalion for a briefing. Should take about an hour. Have that flagpole up by the time I get back."

The flagpole was up in 43 minutes.

Good officers learn the lesson, and moral, of that story in a hurry.

LawDog

[SnWnMe]

15 Minute Rule: Always show up 15 minutes before you are supposed to be there. Which brings us to:

The Other 15 Minute Rule: As the schedule is passed down, the Chief will push "show time" back 15 minutes when he tells the PO1. The PO1 will push it back another 15 when he tells the PO2. The PO2 will push it back...

5 Minute Rule: I leave 5 minutes after you do Chief.

When a PO or CPO gets your attention by saying "Hey shipmate", you're in trouble.

I have never seen a ship that did not have a mystery shower pooper.

NAVY: Never Again Volunter Yourself

MARINE: My @$$ Rides In Navy Equipment or Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected

[Orthonym]

Is that similar to the "Phantom Sh*tter), in " Flight of the Intruder"? (The book, not the movie). I was SO disappointed that those brave Naval Aviators didn't always act like officers and gentlemen. [Snork!]

[280PLUS]

the MAD sh***er,,,and yes we had one, and he wasnt confining himself to the shower either...

:what: :barf:

[JohnBT]

The coffee always tastes better if you build the latrines downstream.

- IIRC this was said by the cook in a John Wayne movie. JW is a Union officer settling the dispute.

JT

[280PLUS]

i just remembered an old WWI saying i've heard,,,

"it takes a ton of lead to kill a man"

alluding to the average man's inability to shoot accurately when under fire...

[Orthonym]

that young male sailors locked up in steel ships for months at a time with no females tend to act kind of crazy.

Now that we have girl sailors as well as boy sailors, does anyone think that will make everybody more normal, or just "differently crazy"?


(An analogy; we can't say "handicapped" anymore, we have to say "differently normal")

[Browns Fan]

This post brings back some old memories, and some not so old. Last week I was watching Mail Call and the Gunny called his sleeping bag a fart sack. I haven't heard that one for a long time! :D :D

[280PLUS]

i know that a lot of the women seem to get pregnant even though noone is supposed to be having ,,,well you know...

i /we were in when they were just starting to put women on board, and it so happened that one of the first ships to take them on was right across the pier from us in long beach

we were of the opinion that it would lead to infighting amonst the men over the women, sailors were always fighting over women

so when we heard on the news on the messdecks tv that there had been a KNIFE fight on the ship across the pier we just knew we were right,

almost,,,

the WOMEN were fighting over the women

yup, thats right

one even had a skull and crossed bones tattooed on her cheek (saw pix)

mull THAT one over for a while...:what:
:rolleyes:

[Orthonym]

Yep, definitely differently crazy.

[280PLUS]

good one,,,

:D

[MarineTech]

As a Marine PFC, I once had a Corporal "Lay it down" for me while we were drinking heavily and attending a platoon barbecue.

PFC, don't ever volunteer. However, a time will come when you won't have a choice. If confronted with a choice, most details fall into 2 categories. Dangerous or dirty. You need to decide which one is right for you.

He was basically right. The dirty jobs were usually safe, but the dangerous jobs got you talked about.

[SnWnMe]

Sex on ships and pregnancy just before deployment. These things never make it on the news.

[Sean Smith]

An old joke:

In a swamp, you hear the following:

Infantry: This sucks.
Ranger: I like how this sucks.
Special Forces: I wish it would suck more.

Above the swamp, you hear:

Army Aviation: Must suck down there.

2,000 miles away, you hear:

Air Force: No cable? This sucks!

:evil:

[Delfine]

Hey, guys!!

New here and really enjoying the thread. I may be an old Vietnam Era Vet, but hearing you guys is a hoot. The more it changes the more it stays the same, eh?

Now, I have a problem and wonder if anyone can help. Several weeks ago the hubby was reading this thread and clicked on 'Skippy's List.' I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself, had to get the asthma inhaler just to get breathing again.

Now I wanted to share the list with a good friend who would really appreciate the humor and heck, I click on the URL and I get 'website not found.' What's the deal, was it TOO good, was it pulled, is it down for repairs and more good stuff? Did the psych squad decide it was too insightful of the military mind? Does anyone know? Will Ken come out of his coma and marry Lydia after she has finished her affair with her gynecologist? Ooops, sorry, wrong soap opera :p

Keep up the good funnies, the world needs a belly laugh every now and then. ;)

[BluesBear]

Welcome aboard Delfine.

:D

Looks like you'll fit in just fine.

[Detritus]

Looks like you'll fit in just fine.

I've been TELLING her that for close to 6 months now......

[yayarx7]

I too could not get to skippyslist.com. But Google has it cached for now. I copied it to my hard drive.

Just do a google search and instead of clicking on the url, click on the Grey Cached thing at the bottom of the desciption.

[HenryJ]

Personal favorite:

There are more airplanes at the bottom of the sea than there are submarines stuffed into the sides of mountains.

Henry
Fmr. MM1(ss)

[cslinger]

Old Navy training phrase.......

"Never worry because we are usually no more than a mile or so from land. Of course that land is straight down."

[Delfine]

:) Thanks, the cached worked. downloading Skippy even as I type.

The reason for wanting Skippy? The short version of the long story. My Vietnam Era overseas service was in South Korea and, of course, for years the VA had been working to get Korea declared (is still) an active combat area and get Korean service persons a Foriegn War designation.

Well that got done and now they have created a service medal just for us folks who served in the land of Kimchi and Honey Wagons. I get another MEDAL! Something to make my good conduct and National Defence not feel so bleeding lonely :rolleyes: .

When I found out about the medal I went down to the local recruiting office and asked the SSG there about information. He didn't have a clue, apparently the DOD doesn't talk to the recruiters very often or send them any updates and it turns out that EVERYONE in that recruiting office has done Korean service. So I told them that I would go on line and download everything I could find and put it on a floppy for him. And then I thought about Skippy's List. I thought who would appreciate the humor more than a bunch of recruiters who have to look strac, wear serious expressions, and spout bull???? with a straight face?

It will be good for their morale :D don't you think??

[OkieGentleman]

The one I always liked was the one about the old Chief trying to teach the recuit with lead in his feet to swim. He finally gave up and told the young man that if his ship ever sank to let himself settle to the bottom then run like hell !!!:banghead:

[Moparmike]

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

Why not?:confused: :D :D :D

:scrutiny:

103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.

104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.

[Detritus]

I am NOT allowed to ask LTC Steele to autograph my copy of "Blackhawk Down" :D :D

not THAT'S a "well YOU'RE no fun!!" :evil:

[26point2]

One for the Navy:

A good friend will come bail you out of jail...but a true shipmate will be sitting next to you saying - "Damn....we messed up"..

[280PLUS]

from the HMC or "Doc"

"remember,,,them bartenders can open 'em a lot longer than you can drink 'em"

as he handed me my B -12s and cotylenols,,,

:evil:

[SMLE]

"A hand grenade is always locked, loaded and aimed at YOU."

"Never throw a hand grenade up stairs."

Handbook for Marines, 7th Ed. 1940